2014 A Year In Another Universe

The last night of the year. I look back and even I have to really wonder about all the things that have happened this year. 

This summer I traveled and had a good time. Adventures Zeus style. Plenty of laughter and enjoyment. Met someone I didn't even get along with at first. Interestingly enough that is the opposite now. I also had the curtain lifted on the fog and parlor tricks to me.  Ultimate realization that I dearly miss my family.

I grew exponentially in my bdsm learning. Indulged and finally found some sadistic release. Found the relationship I would like to have and enjoy for eternity.  Went to Black Beat and saw first hand the different aspects of individuals in the lifestyle and how they can be. The good, bad and ugly.  It all helped me refine what I wanted and understand what I didn't need.

After having one of the worst years ever and horrid holiday memories. I realize that there had to be a quantum leap in being me. To not only regain the things that I have lost but to surge forward in a nuclear intensity. 

From relationships, lack there of, and the one wanted. Made me realize how am just like Halo's Master Chief. Duty bound even when I disagree. The one that leaps in and fights to the teeth.  Yet, vulnerable as I await my peace. 

Into the void I leap. 

Strapped to the teeth.

Declaration of War

Lost in a year that will live in

Infamy

Cauterized

Lycanthrope releases

Seething

I challenge the future

We will battle for eternity

My intensity increased to

Super Saiyan times ten

I take back and ascend

Into the darker side of me

Regaining and surpassing

What use to be

Never again will these memories

Be repeated

Giving all and everything from here on back

Their eulogy

Battle cry

2015

Opens with this

Determined ferocity

No weapon forged will stop me

For I am the ultimate weapon

Let the

Carnage

Chaos

My breathing

Begin and increase

Ready or not

The battle is coming

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/31/14  ©

The House of Havoc!!!!

This year solidified a lot of things. Open my eyes to things and people I thought were real. So let's let the Borg free shall we!

There use to be individuals that were constants in my life. Ones that I looked out for and gave up for.  Love and caring were second nature. Now, like the rest there is merely apathy. When you make our relationship a memory instead of a priority. Then I merely dismiss you and see you as something and some memories. And there was a surprise there for me. Because I never would have thought it until the discrepancies and all floated to the surface of our dead sea. Or when a friendship takes no relevance until you might remember that we were once friends and call out the blue again.

Relationships have always been mission impossible for me because females just can't seem to function, think and become a woman like they should be. With each encounter there was a diminished capacity for the probability of true relationships because of females and women being inept terribly. Step forward, explain what you want and are looking for. Slap them in the face with it. If I am feeling you tell you that and all. But that brutal honesty and truth are too much for them. Intensity and knowing what you want, while expressing it.  Causes the fright and flight tendencies.

Even with BDSM. The things I have seen and experienced this year got me to seriously considering and thinking. The want for poly family. Having a sub/slave and all. In a supposedly more open lifestyle it is harder to find one suitable to start a relationship with. The only thing that is prevalent is the attitude of "just come play with me." So, I will just entertain that until I get bored with them being nothing. I looked forward to growing and establishing something of meaning....a relationship. Looking at the messy people and their so called relationships. Maybe this is the ultimate mission impossible situation. Full of facades, lies and unnecessary things.

I am captain caveman. A modern day chauvinist in this day and age.  I lay it on the table if you are in my circle and you have all of me. Outside of my circle you will see and hear the tumbleweeds. So when I say just be yourself. Then that is what I mean. No need to fight for something that the other parts of the equation don't want to keep. Spouting words out of their mouth. While saying and showing nothing.

So looking back on 2014. I see two constants. Ru Ru and Munchkin for the year. HQ for allstar. It is what it is!

Messages heard.
Lessons learned
Assimilation occurred

Just have to sum up 2015 in the hook of Redman and Meth.....*Whatever Man!!!!

Today's Anarchy of Relations

I have read and listened to the way relations are today. And all I can do is look wide eyed and shake my head.

Females want to have all the love and everything like they are in a marriage but want it to be not a relationship but a condition when they are in the mood.

Males that have no idea what being man is about. Thinking that pussy rules everything. Standard issue to stupidity.

This whole unnecessary confusion because females can't be women and males can't be men. So much pretending and jockeying for position that it is all a quagmire of bullshit.

Yet, people wonder I have positioned myself where I don't take the nonsense and I am picky about it.

*shrug*

Let the apathy reign

Trustworthiness and Relationships

After listening to another dynamic discussion courtesy of Sir Mythos. I once again looked at the aspect of relationships and their applications to me.

One of the points Sir Mythos brought up was about each individual in a relationship or seeking one needing to be trustworthy and not looking for trust. It made so much sense. Because everyone has trust issues due to life experiences. But if you make it so or show that you are not trustworthy the relationship is dead regardless.

I applied this to those that I tell all things to and have become close to. My ride or die Ru Ru and I are the Road Warriors. Trust her with all things without a half a second thought. Munchkin and I can get our monkey slap and laugh on. The adventures solidified the love and trust that we have with each other. Shockingly I have come to deep trust with Lil Red. It is a shock because at this point in my life I am like the ivy league when it comes to those I choose to be bothered or involved with. And of course there is Auntie my only family left since my wife's death. She knows everything within reason. No need to give the christian lady a heart attack no matter how understanding she is. lol

Hell, I don't have trust or any relationships with the parental units or the ex best friend anymore. I don't ask for much but if you can't respect and ride with me. Then you are nothing to me.

My relationships evolved just like me. With emphasis on a two way relationship instead of a just me and you receive type of relationship. I had enough of those over my life and especially since my wife died. people tend to forget a relationship is work on both sides. Not just one or a do nothing and let things work itself out type of situation.

My desire for a bdsm relationship doesn't change of that. Wanting a slave or sub doesn't mean I am going to change the principles. So I have been evaluating things as usual. And I realize that findind someone for this type of relationship may not occur. I am fine with that. I will just do what others do and play and leave it at that.  For many that is all that bdsm is. *shrug*  I am a realist about situations. What I want is not necessarily anything else wants and I am fine with that.

As far as the love life. After almost cussing the parental units and the cousin out over that thanksgiving holiday mess. I realized just how far into the void I have gone from having a loving marriage and believing in love and relationships. To this point of absenteeism and isolation because of the meaning won't be the same for someone else like it is to me.  I have wondered if miracles can happen more than once and then I look at things now and laugh.  What I want is there but that is only my desire. No telling if there is anything there or reciprocation. It is all good things are assimilated as always.

People need to understand their relationships and either put forth effort or do nothing and face the results. The whining and complaining while you sit there stagnant and silly is comical. Make moves to betterment or shut the fuck up and enjoy your bereavement.

As for me I make my intention known. Show what relationship means to me. And leave the choice o what the other part of the relationship wants to do to them. I am not making anyone do anything or sway their thinking. I will merely mark them off as an associate.

Relationships
a lost dynamic
in this current climate

Weight of the Multiverse

Enduring and survival have always been who I have been. Holding the wait of worlds upon myself so many times. For periods I cannot remember. My nickname Zeus came from my overwatch, protective nature. One of the few things I held onto from college days.

Now things have changed. Invulnerability has lessened. Maturity, evolution and change has come. I am still on Overwatch. I am just not as young and foolhardy as I once was.

I have been husband, man, counselor, protector and so much more. I realized that was part of my life from an early age. From the moments where I was the boy with no girlfriend and all the girls talking to me. Loved and hated for just being myself.

As we come to the here and now. The universe as well as myself has expounded. Things are not as simple as they use to be. The complications have grown and risen to all new heights.  My nice guy persona died. Evolution allowed me to grow and become the Havoc that I was supposed to be.

Now I am known for cold, concise, uncompromising intensity. I'll be dat!! All of that look at things from others points of view is irrelevant for me when it is my principles that are most important. Their feelings, thoughts and views do not define me. Like I tell females. My switch is either on or off. There is no in between. I know what I want and need. Nor am I afraid to speak it and be specific about picking properly.

But my strength remains most evident when you move past that view and concern about everyone else. With me I will love and care for you until the end of existence unless you decide to destroy that or walk away. My circle is small and tight but those within get every aspect of me. My love is just as potent as my disconnect.

So when I seem indifferent. Or merely observe and don't use fake phrases like family and friends where it is not appropriate. You can truly understand. I laugh constantly at the lies people say when you talk them or are in a group and they are hollering out the lie that we are all family. Especially when I know how you betray and turn on your so called friends and family.

No matter. I hold this weight of all things upon me. Because it is my destiny. The loss of my family. And dealing with the parental units. To the apparent end of a loving destiny.  Each day something else is added. It is part of my whole existence. Transmuted into my eternal damnation and endurance.

Me: The Bridge Too Far

I watch the mental informational analysis of me stroll through my mind every second.  The ultimate multi thought pile up. Constant crashes and all.

I was married and I miss that. I loved being married. Being with someone that understand and accepts me. And loved me. All the things females are incapable of. Add to that my sadistic and increasing high sex drive. Then I have come to the top of the realm of impossibility.

So I have attempted to find a miracle. To actually find a woman. It is a completely devastating and losing battle. The type of female I am attracted to is a matter of hodgepodge of aggressive, anti natures with male mentalities and combative nature when it comes to being a female. They fight being a female while being able to enjoy being a female and the rewards. It basically is like stabbing the bull in the shoot 300 times and then jumping on to try to hold on for a second.

I normally break the so called aggressive boss bitches. I take who they are and break it down to the point of them having emotions that they fight to not allow. They then do something to make sure they get their own monkey bitch name. They come to hate me and fear the fact that I made them feel. I merely don't care about them after they violate.

Lately it really seems that all that there is left is dealing with females. The day of woman is apparently completely dead! They are now only a tool apparently. Something to fuck and hang out with to keep down the boredom and anger. And the fact that I just can't find a woman or a female to truly keep up with me and my needs only further compounds things. I am super horny and my sadistic tendencies are in overlord watch.  It has been a long time of holding back. Wanting and needing full release.

That human style caring and feeling switch is off and might be permanent. My apathy has even shocked itself from the increased intensity. But with experience and life currently the only applicable way things could be is the OFF switch.  The cold flow of space is all that seems to tether myself to the humans. And it gets colder and colder.

Settle for what it is right now? Females to fuck and let some of me out?
Continue to attempt to find what I need? The mission impossible and miracle.

Is it possible to find one that can even handle me? Be able to provide half of what I need? Or will I forever use the build a bitch program and keep putting a couple together to make half a woman.

There And Never to Go Back Again...my journey

The ex best friend summed it up the best "I miss the old you."

Through the fire and brimstone I was forged to be better and stronger. That meant shedding the nice guy shell and evolving. Leaving behind the trappings that only kept me caught in simplistic, meaningless activity.

See, the romantic, Renaissance man died with hope and pipe dreams. The adventures of being the nice loving man led me to watch my funeral pyre burning. My transition from Luke Skywalker to a Super Darth Vader came at that moment. A ethereal and spiritual transference.

So, that person that the ex best friend said she misses. Grew up and became a man instead of a boy. Learning and applying the reality instead of dwelling in hope and what if equations.

Knowing what I want and not settling. My focus. Part of the things that have been seen as drastic changes. I am seen as combative and negatively endearing. But those that know me Ru Ru and Kay know that. I love just as hard as I am evil in all things. The things that humans cannot understand are simple living for me.  The on and off switch is a constant thing. Cold or hot. Dead is anything in between.

Understanding, acceptance and focus are the relevant things. Those things that define intimacy at the cellular level with me. just like the cali girl constantly saying "you need to be nice to me." Drums up memories of stupid females and displays a need to control and change me. That won't be happening. I don't make a bunch of demands but one of the basics is do not try to change me. Talking about if your nicer it would make me happier and nicer. Umm, hell, fucking no. We are nothing and have nothing together so you gets absolutely nothing! Females figuring they are supposed to get quality treatment when they are nothing to me but regular humans that are breathing. If you are of interest then I tell you and show you until you fuck it up.

Like Bilbo Baggins said and sang at the end of the Hobbit. The Greatest Adventure is what I have led.

The Plight of BDSM

I don't claim total knowledge and experience. But I do know what I have learned and want.

Yet females like this fake domme tell me I am submissive to her because I asked her a question. Or the so called switch chick that I couldn't trust not to lie to herself. Trying to instruct and tell me to do things or trying to get their way. I merely laugh at their asses. They are funny to me. Even in my vanilla life I didn't allow that to happen. So what makes you think that you can try that since I have embraced myself completely? Both light and dark mingled and strengthened!

Revelations and understanding have been the theme this year without a doubt. Especially in this lifestyle and all relations. From slaves and subs that are supposedly trained in the traditional ways but actions and words convey the opposite in every way.  All the lying and pretending. The use of the words love and family when they have no idea of the concept at all.

The unbridled desire transmuted into a reality check. That regardless of my gung ho attitude and need in this lifestyle. I have to force march through because I am dealing with humans in this equation.  That desire to have a poly family. Hell to even have a sub and slave. Gave way to the reality that finding one is just like all relationships. A pure miracle that you are seeking.

I realize that I need this. That it is a part of me. One that has not been fed at all until recently. And I don't want to go forward without that part fulfilled. Yet, I want it filled permanently instead of putting together a bunch of temps. Yet, that may be the only way to be since the mental stability seems to be fleeting now in society.

So I will merely continue the vetting and interviewing with hopes of something. But not holding my breath for anything.

BDSM like everything concerning individuals is a miracle needle in a haystack kind of thing.

Analyzed Projections

As always I analyze, scrutinize and attempt to summarize possibilities. NO, I am not a futurist or anything. It is just how I am made up.

Looking at things. I see the good possibility and know what I want and feel. But I know the reality when that forecast involves a human. Some good things happen and then evidence of this will probably lead to nothing shows up. Things are so tainted that there really is nothing to feel, hold onto or even consider working on.

This summer has brought out the microscope upon things. And everything has been cut down to the cellular structure. Unearthed things that I would never have known and truths behind the curtain.

Distance has become the ekg line of living. Disassociation a matter of autonomous living and growing rapidly in strength.

I look. See what I need and want. Staring back is a Noh Mask. Laughing, taunting and telling me that the goal cannot be obtained. Kishin forever there guarding, reminding and blocking.

Heart and blood have congealed. Leaving the nothingness of everything.

left in this outsider, other world apathy!

Dripped In Darkness

I walked into the darkness. The place that I feared. Not because I was scared of what it would do to me. But my fear of how deep past that darkness I can and will enjoy going.

The sadistic side of me has been held in check for so long. Caged on 10 truck chains is where that beast has been and even after this has to remain. Remain until it can be let out on someone appropriately again.

Being a Dom you have to be careful about your playmate. Only time will truly show how they truly respond to and can handle things. And there was no need to cut corners and end up with them injured. So I slow walked the process with HQ. And even with Em I brought the process to a stop because I knew she wasn't going to be able to handle me fully out of my cage like that.

So I finally danced with myself, the devil in the dark, velvet midnight.

It was a relief. I found myself emmersed so easily into it. The love of nipples and titties became my portal into the transition. Relishing in the pain that I caused. The reaction of pain that she gave me. I watched as I saw the tears begin to flow. Turning me on more and inciting my internal flames.  Nipples hard as I pinched, twisted and bit them. Squeezing and biting the titties all over.  She was writhing and I wouldn't let it go. Each moment I tasted fully. When I finally asked her if she wanted me to stop after the tears were flowing she said yes and I stopped. But things had already begun and my engine was at warp speed.

I had already had my scene planned out but with everything that had happened thursday night and friday I didn't have all my tools with me. But still I made the best out of it.

And I had to get happy since I had a chance to play with rope and gain a little of practice in. I need to get longer rope next that is for sure. It was just sexy to see her naked there tied with her hands up. But she would have pulled that shower rod down after a while of enjoying the flogging. *but now i know to use the shower head instead (smiling)*.

So the flogging was continued on the bed. And I got practice and my delight in. Enjoying each strike of the flogger on her ass, legs and back. I had to work on not hitting the same spots in the beginning but I got better. I watched the marks of the tails on her ass cheeks and just smiled.

But I have to say that what I enjoyed the most and was the most sadistic for me was fucking her mouth while I hit her with the cane. Hearing her say I might bite you didnt matter. I just kept shoving my dick in her mouth and hitting her with the cane. Gagging and choking on my dick just made me harder.

Woooo!!! I am so glad I had this chance to let loose some and let the beast breathe.

Prisoner To My Beast Mode

This horniness has me. I has kept me captive since I was around 8 or so overseas.

It took a long time for me to come to terms with just how strong and the steady increase of my sexual drive and need. Never would have thought my drive would increase the older I got. But it is off the charts and climbing.

From the first times that I went off into that sexual oblivion place in detroit years ago. Where I just couldn't get enough sex. Leaving my ex and the two other chicks passed out while I still paced with sexual energy engorged within me. I paced until I could lay down. Only to get back up and wake them up to fuck them senseless again.

Since that moment things have increased. It has made me widow out the females that don't have the fortitude to keep up or handle the forced orgasms. I don't stop because you want me to. I stop because I have chosen to give you a break. Even my times with HQ I find myself increasing in need and desires.

Add to that my sadistic side. The side that I haven't let completely out because of not having someone that could handle that. The fear of injuring someone beyond their ability. To release the one part that I keep behind double bonded cold hard steel. The beast that bites, beats, chokes and manhandles for his very own pleasure.

With that said I miss having sex multiple times daily. And that was when I was married. Not the single life that everyone says is the only time you have a lot of sex. And I need to put these toys that I have added to the toy bag to use. I look forward to getting that done. Because the applications have been running through my mind constantly.

I will continue to suffer in deep rooted horniness until I can find someone to eliminate and fix that.

Just need to Release the Kraken!!!

The SHAFT Effect

I love the original Shaft movies as well as the recent Samuel Jackson version.

The line that speaks to me: He is a complicated man that no one understands but his woman.  Because it fits me. My women and the few friends that I have close can say that they know and understand me.  Chocolate Doll, Munchkin and Ru Ru are the ones that understand me that most along with acceptance. Without a doubt I could be myself with them past and present.

Shaft is a standoffish but principled man that helps others. I help others when I choose to and if they fit my criteria and timing to allow me to do so. I know society and the humans say that you should help everyone in the universes. But I say to hell with that. I help who I choose to help or not.

Me the Standout

I don't and won't fit your molds or your ideology. Many have tried to put their drone mentality upon me. Does not apply here remains the constant.

Even with the hypochondriac chick trying to talk to me I have had to inform her again that I am not what she is use to nor do I conform to what she wants. The old commentary on compromise comes up and I laugh. In response: if we aren't together then there is no need for compromise at all from me. You cannot get the benefits when you are not even qualified.

Yes, I am weird. Very weird.
The black man that likes models, radio controlled models, comics and all. The one who watches and listens to sci fi or audio books. The Dominant that holds the keys to being a Daddy as well as your Doorway to Pain Keeper.

I refuse to be anyone other than myself. Learned that when I was younger. Just be me and everything will be just fine. The Big Angry Black Man get's the females, adventures and all. And still wonder why lol. But hey they are interested in me. And things don't stay dull for long. LoL

Amalgamous Anomaly

Tenuous moments

Teemed with Chaos

Rooted in Peace

At it’s core

Analogies

Representing reality

As I am the

Dark and light

As the cauldron boils

Dark energy encases me

Fuels the daily energies

Protects the light

Both increased to

Intensity

A Beast unleashed

As the Titan remains chained completely

The Angel remains

Protected and hidden

That battle of

Light and darkness

That you have fought so fiercely

It dwells within me

Like life support

Joined and fused

Throughout all of my being

For it is my Darkness

That allows you to

See

Be

Live

The Light

So prominently

From the chocolatezeus collection  10/21/14  ©

I am just going to just leave that there and let you understand that window into my darkness.

Death Stars, Napalm and Amore

Complex Simplicity, has been the words that have said and described it all. An example of the dual purpose that I hold within me. From the deeply loving to the mr freeze of apathy. My laid back nature couples with my unbridled rage.

Even HQ has mentioned about maybe needing a grey area with things and people. But I find that I am super hardwired to be "all engines full ahead" or "all stop."  I don't know if this is something that rubbed off being around military bases and people or what. But it is how I grew and solidified myself in adulthood. I do gave a little bit of grey area to those I love and care about. Well, that is until that grey area is violated, used improperly or taken for granted. Then things return back to the basic formula once again and I adjust my interactions with them.  This really came into play this year with friends, lovers and applicants. My existence works upon the premise of either we roll together as Seal Team Six or you are an Enemy of My State.  But for the few that have made it into my inner sanctum sanctorum  it reflects a deeper meaning because I let you in to the place that I show love, caring and support.  The things that I explain to those accepted that they hold a high honor and importance to me.

The Lifestyle

Even in bdsm my factors have come into play. Having started out with someone that had already been in the lifestyle for many years as a sub/slave I still was in my zone. The area where I remain a dichotomy of action and thoughts. Becoming a Dom and also realizing I have naturally been that through nonsexual and sexual aspects. There has always been an effect that I caused with others within my interactions. Both mentally and physically.

Even in play, the pleasure and the pain are two opposing forces but have the same intensity and need for me to create. It is natural for a man not to want to inflict pain upon a female because we are drilled by society to see that as wrong and therefore should never happen.  But there has always been a need there. And I have to say the "retarded houston monkey bitch" showed me the way with that. When I choked her and fucked her with the anger and rage that I created. It brought that barrier down and shook my mental lock until it opened.

The intensity of giving pleasure and pain are both at the same high level for me. I have been doing forced orgasms and over stimulation through sex while swinging and in personal relationships since the beginning. Because that need to make them lose control, pass out, tap out and submit to the pleasure that I make them have is my addiction.  I have wanted. Not wanted. Needed! to be able to let go and give the pain but that aspect was one I had to be careful about. Because female can say they want all of me and can handle it. But when I do an honest assessment I know they can't handle it at all.  So I understand that and never let it happen so they don't end up hurt and damaged.

But now I have met someone that says and shows that she can handle it. And that is after slow walking painfully along (for her) to the point where I am comfortable with her being able to take and enjoy it. Because if I don't act responsibly then things won't be right at all. And there won't be repeat performances in pleasures. Thus, the super skepticism with those that claimed they can handle me or be my equal when they have limits on themselves.



Love and Apathy

My heart beats and glows like the sun on solar eclipse. While it also can be colder than the rings of saturn. What you see and experience all depends on where you choose to be.

I am the one who will walk with you into the bowels of your hell and safe guard you.  Sit quiet and listen or even just both of us quietly reflect upon you.  When I say I love you I mean it with the weight of a universe upon it. And when it is said to me I expect it to have the same meaning to you. Is that fair? Yes, it is. Because I explain that it is not something taken lightly with me and that if it is not true love by the definition I use then don't bother with it.

This is where HQ's mention about the in between areas comes to fruition. I remain open, available and actively providing love, support and passion for our relationship.  That is until you choose and show me that it is not wanted, appreciated or warranted. Then the Master of Apathy appears in place of the caring Zeus that you are use to.  I will address the change with you. Speak my mind and heart. Leave you to understand and resolve the issues. Then at appointed time when things have not changed. I will merely switch the light switch to the off position where it concerns you. That means leaving communication up to if you want to. Communication between us de-evolved to an associate level.

There are no dissillusions here. I know what love is. I get love from the rare ones that know what true love is. Munchkin and Ru Ru hold me down in this aspect no matter the situations our lives deal to us.  As I have watched lovers and friends unable to handle it.

My eyes are wide open! Anything less than required....I am not having it



So as I prime my Death Star and double check my clone troopers and napalm. I leave you with this to further and foster understanding.  Understanding the depths of this power and effect.


The Force of My Dark Side

Their Presence and Past: Through The Magnifying Glass

Yes, I observe and analyze. It is my design.

People change. Whether it is good or bad tends to be a matter of view and perspective. And especially their mental ability.

So when you establish relationships and they change drastically. The red flags, bells and whistles go off. That is if you have known them or at least thought you knew them for a while. At times the transition is obvious and other times it is totally chaotic and unforseen until it drops like an anvil on top of you.

Depending on the importance of relationships for you will be your response. You show concern and address it with them. Ask them what has changed. Reinforce that you are with them.

The hard part as a concerned member of a relationship is hoping they come to terms and grasp what is going on with them. Because you can slap them in the face with what is seen and going on. But free will is something else!

When you no longer present a presence. What can you expect those that have been in a relationship with you to do?

Looking at the score cards. These sub par episodes are not what the doctor ordered. 

Let the hounds loose. 

Let them receive what they seek.

The void

The emptiness

The detachment

Prevalence!!!

A Difficulty Called ME

I always thought that direct and to the point was the best thing possible. A way that everything was laid on the table. Upfront and slapped in the face honestly.  Apparently that was my misunderstanding from being around females as so called friends growing up. Watching them in their relationships and hearing them complain made me think about things. Adjust and apply myself.

I am direct and formidable in expressing exactly what I want and need. I never really considered it would be an issue with anyone that I wanted or had in my circle until recently. I have not tried to change or turn anyone. I merely remained myself. Even though most have said and wanted me to acquiesce to them and their thinking. I merely accept them and their differences and focus on the important things and goals.

Hell, I married the woman that was the feminist to my chauvinist. My direct and concise self doesn't take away from how deeply I love and care about you. I know I am hardcore. I don't think and do how other males do. But I will stand my ground, protect you with my last breath and do whatever I can.

It is true I have little tolerance for things. Because I ask you to be yourself and express what you feel and want without judgement. But most females find that impossible. I have definitely witnessed that first hand this year. Is there something wrong with allowing you to be an adult and exercise your free will? I just decided to be straight forward and direct. When I feel it I will say it and show it.

So this is why relationships don't work with females. I am leaving them and women in fear because I don't slow walk things along. I am the frontal assault individual when I don't have to use tactics. I want you to be mine and or with me. But the choice remains yours to accept or deny it.

Having listened to Sir Strange and others about their poly homes had me thinking about it and wanting to do it. Hell I have had poly relations before this with Em, that chick in gboro, Dizzle and the henderson chick. It just wasn't everyone under one rough and not as focused. But even in thinking about that. Even happy at the two that I wanted my poly house to be. Reality came crashing down. Showing me the need to really evaluate those individuals that I want to be my family. Because the strength of that family is extremely important.

There has always been a matter of wondering about if I was able to be happy with just one woman. And I know I can if I make sure that she has everything that can keep me satisfied. Even though I pieced together the different females to achieve the whole that I wanted for a long time before now. My sexual appetite kept increasing and my need for more and more took over to the point where I had to have more than one to keep from damaging them and not having a repeat. From drying them out completely from squirting to the pain of our sessions for days later.

From atlanta and cycling the nurse, raven and others I could fit in. To adventures here in NC of em, chan, gboro, henderson, archdale. I needed them to feed my carnal desires. To feed my need to make them provide forced orgasms for my pleasures. To leave box springs soaked and dehydration a constant.

That poly relationship I would love to have right now. I realize just how hard it is to find two that fit. Hell, I am going through the briar patch finding one. lol But it would be easier on the women to have each other to be able to deal and handle me and all of my intense, eccentric activities.

The door is Open. Stepping in is a choice. Not a coercion

Changing Of The Guard

From swinging to bdsm?

I have actually incorporated them both I realized for a long time now. From when I began letting my freaky side out on whoever I was seeing. I guess I would have to say that it started somewhere in the 90s. I never realized until recently that I was doing forced orgasms and Loving It! It was just natural to me. I have always enjoyed making them cum until I was satisfied. Past their point of tolerance. Where they are super sensitive. Well everyone except for HQ it seems for now.

I started swinging in chicago in the early 2000s. Probably around 2002 or 2003. Introduced into the lifestyle by a couple I met online somewhere. I went to my first party and found them friendly and inviting. Everyone had a good time and made me feel welcomed. Later on I found out this was the difference between mixed race parties and black folks. Black folks tend to not be friendly or inviting for the most part I have learned over the years.

Years have passed and I had gotten burned out on swinging parties. I rarely went anymore. They were mostly boring to me. And I learned that if I didn't bring my own playmate that I was bound to be bored. Oh, don't get me wrong. I have been to some great parties and had some great times. I had the best foursome ever at the diva's party in detroit courtesy of my gary ex.

Now, it seems that I have transitioned more into bdsm. Especially after attending my first bdsm conference. I got a piece and want more. It didn't hurt that HQ and I had some great sessions as well. I am looking forward to more bdsm events. And more adventures with HQ as well.

It has really hit home how different swinging is for me this year after the cabin trip and this beach trip. I am really not feeling it too much anymore unless I went with a hand picked bunch of people that I knew that we would all have a good time and enjoy each other without the issues or groupings. I have supported and went when someone wanted to go and needed me as a date. But my desire has been next to nothing these last few years.

Have I given up on swinging? No, I am just very, very selective about attending and who is going to be there now. Along with the main ingredient of who will I bring to be my personal slut while I am there.

With that said. Oh well, another learning experience. More reinforcement on why I have to be picky and vigilant.

That's right. The see saw is tipped to the bdsm side heavily now with a huge dose of slutism.

The Culmination of Analysis and Observation

We strive to make things work. To exhaust what we see as endless possibilities. Sometimes it works and other times we are merely banging our heads against the wall.

I can't say that I didn't hit my head more than a few times. Because I did. Along with gotten hit in the head a few times this year definitely.

So I have stacked the funeral pyre and I am throwing the flame to it.

From the Recesses of Doomsday

I am the darkness, within the darkness that is the light. *let that marinate*

It is hard and frustrating to have purpose, direction and goal. Yet fight individuals that can share, journey with and are enemies of the goals. Yet, the war must continue.

Since I was young I have known what I wanted and required. Even though I had to learn and tweek things growing up. The base was already there.

There was no follow the blueprint of my family. There was only my blueprint. All that you want someone just like your mother was some damn nonsense to me. I wanted a woman that was sexy, strong, understanding and submissive. (a weird female type indeed)  I was not like my male parental unit at all. My concept of family was only my own. And my wife and others that I have loved have little similarity to the female parental unit besides cooking.

I have walked the darkness, while being the light for others since the beginning. To embrace my darkness fully once I got older and evolved into something even darker. Thoughts of having two subs/slaves, a wife that is a sub or any combination there of had not been in play then. Nor the strength of this need to give release to pain and pleasure that I have pent up inside of me.

Having been a late bloomer as they call it I saw things differently. And realized just how complicated a woman I needed. That sex appeal, intelligence, alpha female attitude combined with super freaky, kinkiness with a dark connection. The gates opened wide for me once I met my wife though. Because then it was a regular level of freakiness I could have and keep.  I wonder how much more intense would we have been if I was into bdsm fully back then.

Being a Dom has always been natural. Even before I took ownership of those actions. It brought me pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Like the times with Em when I would release her for play after denial sessions. The joy on her face and passion made me smile fully. Those moments solidified my joy, desire and dedication.

The thing that I have craved to find is that woman that can handle me fully. The one that can handle the forced orgasms and I can let the sadist I keep in check out in me. I have heard the comments about how they can take this and that. But I know what I keep in super max inside of me. So I flog, paddle and spank with attention to their safety as I should. But damn, a woman that I can let it all go would be Awesome!

Looking at the candidates, the interests and all. I just have to shake my head in wonder.

Will the only way I have the woman I need is to invoke

PROJECT BUILD A BITCH


Let me return to the fiery, congested storms of my mind

R & B Thinking

I have never been one to be deeply into the slow jams. To be honest if I wasn't with a woman then I don't normally listen to any R&B. lol

The use of lyrics and accompaniment to express the joy, pain, pleasure and hatred of love and relationships. So much to be said and yet so much of the same thing barely said in a different way.

I have to laugh now because my previous lack of social skills has led me to be extremely straight forward when it comes to relations. The same straight truth that scares and makes females wonder why is the same lie that they speak to themselves saying that they want to hear and know the truth. But they claim to want truth, honesty and straight forward. Yet, they cringe in the darkness. Hiding from themselves and the ability to live, love and be themselves.

So the labyrinth of love, their minds and actions remain.

So I say and show you I Love You. And you run away. Telling me that something has to be wrong. Trying to come up with any excuse to make it a pipe dream. No, I know what I want, need and decide on it. I am not afraid to give that love and caring effect to the ones I feel that for and with.

But still, I merely sit back and watch the death of relations and the epitaph of love.

Cue the eerie music and evil laughter.

I know how I feel

Analyzing and  application

Checked my list

It felt right

Common ground

Joined characteristics

Balanced so effectively

See

The sex is great

Conversation flows effortlessly

Twisted joviality

Checklist complete

Heart held open

My soul says

Soul mate found

Considering my affinity for music. *lol* This song is one I feel and definitely speaks volumes. 

Mind and Ink Lost in this Eastwood Flow

head bouncing

moving through the valley

nothing to grasp

whip in hand

needs calling

body craving

lost in this need for

ultimate sadistic release

slaps

chokes

restricted orgasmic tasks

beating with no mercy

the flow is

taken on it's own

as I am lost in it's undertow

just let me

let me 

let go

Video Thoughts of the Evening

This is the groove and move that I am in this moment. Feeling this song on so many levels right now. And always have loved it.

Me The Dom and Your Submission

I do not profess to be an expert or hold mass knowledge about being a dom or master. Being a dom came naturally for me. My eyes were opened to it by em and I had a better understanding to how I was.

Since then the journey has began in earnest. Becoming involved in the community. Attending Black Beat. Observation, analyzing and communication. Even through my search for a mentor I have learned many things.

The journey hasn't been easy. Even in my desire to start a poly house I realized the two subjects were not ready for that at all. So I took a step back and regrouped. Realized that I should start off with a sub or slave first and then see if there is someone else that will work out if I choose. But even finding one is a chore.

My dynamic goal is long term relationship. Not a fly by night, fuck buddy to be bothered with when I get bored. Someone that is ready to explore, be who they are plus experience as we grow together. I have seen and heard these examples in my interactions with established doms and masters. That is what I seek.

1. Be able to be submissive and have that passion about serving 
2. Understand, educate and grow
3. Focus on our relationship and each other

I understand that battle that alpha females have with their desire for submission. The need to find themselves comfortable enough to release their desire and have it met completely. So we interview. Get to know each other. Decide if we fit.

I am intense, passionate, principled and much more. Those factors are the ones that will secure you, look out for you, encourage and take care of your needs. 

I approach the lifestyle, life and existing like the gladiator's salute.

STRENGTH AND HONOR!!

Modern Day George S Patton

George Patton was a general with the army during World War 2.  Known for hard, straight forward thoughts and actions. While standing out as weird, eccentric and mean. George constantly got in trouble for comments and actions.

I just had that light bulb moment as I sit here and watch Patton for the nth time. I love this movie. I never truly understood why until now. Tonight it all slapped me in the face. The correlation so eerie and prominent. My reprimands and demerit list runs long. Just like George's slap of the enlisted soldier and the trouble that he recieved from that. I receive repeatedly because of my demeanor and principles.

The importance to me is the focus and total concern for those I love and care about. Their security, life and happiness are important to me. So important to me that apparently I have become ostracized because of my principles. So be it. I will remain that battle within the storm.

This walk of mine can be a lonely one. For to remain a constant in an ever changing time is a battle against the forces of nature.

I guess I got jaded by those that understood how I am. How my strict and purposeful design honored them and our relationship. My wife, Ru and Munchkin have understood fully. My fault for over thinking that it was an understandable concept. It is most apparently mutually exclusive.

The next part of this war is to attempt the Battle of the Bulge. Time to armor up and push the enemy clear back to where they belong.

Salute to the last bullet, last battle of the last war! As I take the final long walk...Alone

Today Was A Good Day

I have be so thankful for the select few that are in my circle. They stand proud and loud. Even when they have to argue with me about helping me with something. This is why I am so protective, critical and serious about the relationships I have. We ride together until we no longer ride together.

The problem that the parental units caused is finally almost fixed and over with. And I am so thankful for it coming to a close. Now I can get back to Warp factor 10 in my life. It will be back to pushing the envelope at 10G's once again shortly.

Oh and now the parental units won't be coming until next week so I have a break in the severe headaches until then now.

But I really am glad that Twin and I are the way we are. She is the only one I say I love you to that I do that with that is a non romantic situation. The adventures of the Road Warriors has become things of great legends. She has proven to me why close relationships with understanding, communication and everything are of high importance.

I am just supremely thankful!

All Hail the merry Road Warriors!

Sitting here. In my own world. Upon my throne. Needing to crush the world again and send it into the negative zone.

It is always interesting how the ying and yang of life makes the world change. Well most definitely your world personally. Do you suffer in silence or grab every weapon and make war against existence? The choice is yours.

The stand out. I can only say that I always go against the norm. The stream that everyone swims in with great conformity. Within my constant fortress of solitude I find myself disconnected and observant of others.

It is me against the world. And the war continues on.

Upon My Island

I have always been the stand out in the crowd while also being the ghost who walks. The combination can be baffling. But here it goes: My thoughts, actions and feelings tend to spark as mean, unyielding and cold.  While I am not an attention seeker or one that has to be in the spotlight at all.

I am simplicity among the intricacies of craziness that occur daily in the world. I am there for those I love and care about and feel nothing for the multitudes that are not in my circle. It is the fundamental of being me. All of me. It has come under scrutiny and conflict very often. And at times it has perplexed me because it has been by someone I let in my circle and have wanted to be with. They can't seem to understand and focus on the fact that they are already safe within my bubble of security. Seems like the only ones that understood fully were my wife and Munchkin.

No man is an island is what they say. But when you walk the life of darkness amid the super nova of life's light. I have always been the maverick. Tucked away in plain sight. When you buck against the norm of society you become this island in the middle of their river. As they try to wash me away and bury me in their stupidity.

This has yielded strength and honor among the battleground. And I am thankful for that. It has purified me through the fires of hell. The brimstone and flames have elevated me.

I know I enjoy those that are allowed on my island. Hell I even wanted the two this year to be on my island. But I leave the choices up to them two. I don't make effort on what you don't want.

Sipping my drink. Letting my mind sink deep into the ocean of thoughts. It is where I remain lost.

*Salud*

In the Beats

Sitting here listening to Eminem and UTP. Lost in my angry black man music. It is where I find myself writing page after page of the things that need to be said and expressed. Filleting page after page with blood and sweat stains of intense mental interrogations.

R&B doesn't relax me. It is the beat of some serious rap that makes me feel at home. So I can bob my head and  groove to the beat and lyrics.

As I sit here thinking about past and future. The beats are like salve to the wounds of thoughts that cascade through me. Unstoppable waves crashing against my core. My mind is like every interstate at rush hour at all times. Expect there is a constant amount of high speed, high volume pile ups of thoughts every moment of the day. So that is why there are so many sleepless nights.

Wondering if I had a crystal ball. Would I really want to know absolutely everything that would happen? Many thinks I would definitely want to know ahead of time. It would have kept me from the monkey bitch episodes. But then again as they say. You learned and grew from those experiences too.

I am at a serious crossroad. And I am not sure if there will be any further forward movement. It might be time to drop a pillbox and continue the fight on to Bastogne. With individuals and life I feel like Patton fighting his way across germany against every imaginable obstacle.

The Bright spot of the weekend

The bright spot was talking to my god daughter finally. She always makes me smile and feel good. Love her like my own daughter. Reminds me of when I was so gung ho about having children. Before the miscarriages and lies of females.

She is thankfully no longer in east chicago with her womb donor. She is in Ky with her father and his wife. A better place I would think and hope that e.c. most definitely. At least she has a better chance of living and growing than she did up there.

Her cute, smart little self does well for a child growing up in this day and age. Still on the honor roll. I am always proud of her. Hard to believe in 4 more years she will be graduating high school. I have to get some time with her before that happens.

Beats of the moment

Right now I feel like going somewhere and shooting off a lot of rounds to just let go of some stress. Decide whether or not to let go of what I want and transcend that desire to something else. Like more traveling. There wouldn't be nowhere as many issues that way.

Will there be another return to the Apocalypse Fortress of Solitude?
That is the question. No telling what the answer is.

Intensity and Imposition and the return from the Wilderness

As a Dom and man I employ a captain caveman mentality. Me and my club go for the frontal assault. The only difference is that I have way more advance communication skills. But As General George S Patton suggested when he made the statement "if they hate me then they are unified and it won't back fire". I use this with dating and interests with females. If I slap you in the face with what I want and require. Either you can bitch up and fold. Or you can step up to the plate and be acknowledged as a woman.

In any relationship I require strength and purpose. For as much as I give I require to be able to recieve as well. So these standards apply to girlfriend, wife, friends, best friend as well as sub/slave. Without these standards being kept I don't keep you around.

The Cabin Adventure

I went to the cabin trip to support my fellow Road Warrior. I didn't want anything happening to her or her flipping out on folks in the middle of nowhere. Arriving in atlanta was an adventure. From the over an hour long wait in the rental car line as they told everyone with reservations that they didn't have any more vehicles.  To going to tgif friday during a biker club party or something. Where candy decides to moleste the 20 year old young boy that was serving us. But damn there was some nice ass that me and the porn star were enjoying in there.

Upon reaching the cabin the silliness had already began. The mess with as my dawg called her the Tragedy was already in full swing. Calling herself mrs bones and wearing a shirt that said that. Later on finding out it was shirts that all said mrs bones instead of just one. lol At least my dawg wasn't goaded by this chicks commentary all weekend.

But what I don't understand at a swing party is the crazy notion that it's weird to walk around naked. Where is your open minded thinking? If you are unhappy with yourself and your image then keep it to yourself. But people's insecurities reign supreme as always. Between that and the amount of people you fuck at a SWING party coming into question is just Ultimately Stupid. You are a venue where you can have as much sex with as many as you choose but you want to be prudish about other's actions. Get the fuck out of here!

I took advantage of the time in the wilderness to relax, smoke cigars, eat and drink while being deep in thought. It was good to sit on the deck and look at nature during my meditations.

My meditations led me to streamlining things further. From the loss of friends, lovers and all becoming a necessary evil to have happen. It is time for more strength and quality relationships. No longer a party to the give the less qualified a chance. Either you are qualified or not to be in my world. And with that applied it has ended some long term relations recently. Couldn't be helped. Best friend and lover had to be placed in the distance until and if they decide to return to the fold properly.  The positive was that I strengthen what I got with my Dawg for the wonder twin powers that we share.

The trip showed me why I am selective about the groups and people I associate with or party with. It is the main reason why I don't attend or associate with individuals from NC and the past parties. Just no need for the drama and issues. Which made me remember the drama about the chick that had been to a number of cabin parties deciding to call the police. Only to get removed by the police and left somewhere in town hours away from the nearest airport. Kind of hard to get back to good ole nyc when you are stuck. And to top it off a man goes down to help her and offer to drive her to the airport and she acts nasty about it. Dumb monkey bitch in action.

all in all besides the pat monkey bitch and about cursing her ugly ass out things were entertaining. Using my favorite word all weekend long YAHTZEE!!! Courtesy of Batman: Arkham Assylum assualt lol. Dawg kept looking at me shaking her head and laughing because I kept yelling it over and over. Especially when she was in her hours and hours of play time.

Intensity

I have been told I should give chances and not be so strict in my design for those that are interested or may be interested. From the ex best friend on to HQ. Reality is that I don't want the weakness and inconsistency that brings about. The lack of quality.

So I speak my mind, desires and wants. Gone are the days of indecisive and unfocused actions. And most females run scared because of that. But that is part of the weeding out process. Only the strong survive in this. And strength is what you need to be with me.

I know exactly the things that I want and need. And I am not afraid or ashamed to speak up, say and demand those things. If that causes many to run the other way and wither into obscurity. Then that was what needed to happen.

Even More Thoughts

I originally thought about a poly dynamic. But in seeing the situation in indviduals this summer I really better try to find one sub or slave that is at least able and focused first and foremost. As with any relationship *cue mission impossible theme music* there are a lot of statistics against you.

To find two females that fit the requirements of the relationship is like congress, the house of reps and the president all voting the same way. I see that now after the evaluation and observations that I have done over this summer. And I am thankful for the idea of it as well as the things that led me to make decisions about it.  Learning has definitely occured.

I have listened to Sir Strange, Koree and others talking about their poly relationships and they work wonderfully. And that is what I had wanted. Even thought the pieces were correct. Upon further evaluation I think that will be put on the counter for and if then statement than it occuring any time soon.

As usual I walk the valley of death. I fear no evil. For I am that evil that resides there.

Life....Times....Moments

The day started off rough. Getting to the airport only to find out I never got my id card back from the female at bank of america. So I couldn't get on my plane. Definitely couldn't come here to atlanta with no identification. So I had to run all the way to the other side of town back to the house and grab my passport. 

A definite rough start to the day.

Arrive here in ATL and wait for my road warrior twin. Only to end up standing at the car rental ticket counter for an hour. While they are saying they have no cars for the people that have reserved them. They come up with a car finally and we on the go. Only to have to go pick up the porn star. So as always when we get together. We are running. 

Rough patch number two of the day.

My road warrior twin and I have not really had time to hang out in years. We keep each other's back. We have had a time and adventure already and it has only been day one. We haven't even left for the cabin yet.

My mind is constantly filled with billions of things on the information highway. Some collide into other things or others are thankfully out of reach and understanding.  Either way it makes it hard for me to rest, relax and just be most of the time.

It has been said that I am intense and I have to agree with that. It simply is who and what I am. My mind and mouth speak. Mostly not in the benefit of humans at all.  I am complex, evil, mean and simplistic. As well as the kind, loving, caring romanticist. 

I have no problem telling her that I love her because I do. I also know that she may or may not be ready or available for any of that with me. Just the reality of free will. Gladly will give, support and be with her to fill her wants and needs. Be together as us and we instead of he and she. I see her interest and know there is something there. I just don't act like it is a sure thing. Because, it honestly isn't.

Would I like to get married again? Most definitely. Do I expect it? No! Society has created a lack of women and that there is death to relationships and marriage today.

Nor, do I expect everything to be simple and easy. Because it truly is not. The polar opposite.

I have learned to let emotions and rationality play the parts as a whole. To make decisions about who is right for me and everything. That passion and direction is that intesity that they feel and see.

I find my patience being tested through wait and see. It is not what I have wanted but I understand her point of view. I honestly want her as my woman, sub and service oriented one.  I want to be her dom and provide what she needs. while seeing her side that serves, and pleases.

Dom, my woman, subbie. 

Dynamic that I want at full strength.

Dancing To the Pussy Pounding Beat

I sit here. Entertained by the porn star fucking my road dawg. It is funny how my gender twin has ridiculous\s stamina when she is in the zone and her headspace. I have watched her put guys to sleep and out.

So here is my entertainment. I hyped things up so the porn star would want to fuck her because she needed it. And I needed quality entertainment. So I am happy as hell. he has been fucking and eating her for hours.

I have been dancing to the beat of their fucking. It is like enlightened aerobics. lol

So I am not hearing all that bullshit about her not being in shape or having endurance. lol

And all of this after a day of traveling and dealing with so much. Without any sleeps you continues crushing forward.

Entertainment at it's finest. But damn I am missing my own beat with HQ.

DETACHMENT: The Eye of Agamoto

I grew up reading Dr Strange comic books. And I understood the plight of the sorceror of earth. Constantly holding a superior demon in check.

In his astral form he traveled through different planes of existence. That is where I try to remain most of the time. With human pissing me off at every turn. It just is best that way. While also allowing for analysis and reflection.

I am like an on and off switch when it comes to humans. Especially females.
On is where I actually care and think about you and your well being.
Off is where you range from an associate: someone that I know but that is about all. Down to nothing where I could care less about you living.

I have been a part of and watched these rolling rapids on the river of life lately. Through that journey I have found myself with more distance than anything lately. To become closer seems to have warranted more distance.

I have opened my eye to listen, observe and think on things.

with the way things are going currently.

The more twisted, disenchanted and detached I have become.
Either the current right now will sweep me away for I will arrive at the proper destination.


*Doomsday is...Out*

'

Tectonic Shift

Danger sense has gone off. Well, to be honest it has been on defcon 4 for a few months now. Very lately it seems like a credible, huge threat is immenent.

The knowledge that I have found out from both EA and HQ have made me analyze. The cost-benefit analysis of interactions. With EA there seems to have been a curtain in the way. All wasn't as transparent as it had seemed. From HQ I receive constant warnings. Comments to assault the intrigue and attraction.

And now the energy flow seems different. As if the chi has been divergent upon something that has happened over that way. And I have no idea about what or why it is. So I steal myself. Prepared  for the Long Kiss Goodnight.

Honestly, I have no clue what may or may not be in store. But after all I am an Eagle Scout and the boyscout motto is Be Prepared!


*Doomsday...Out*

Dance With Me...The Devil

My track record and experiences in dating. Have been interesting and colorful to say the least. And that is putting it really mildly.

From the mild mannered nice guy to the Devil incarnate. My journey has transcended understanding. Through the pain and flames. Growing and hardening. Solidifying my strength and unity in being me.

But damn, why does it have to be so difficult to meet, get to know each other and enjoy yourself without the psycho monkeys and drama.

Here and now. And I find myself comfortable. A rarity, but a welcomed one. I have found myself able to deal with dating currently. Through the vibe and communication I have found myself pleasantly content.  Amid the female deterrent. There is still a rare unicorn to be found and coveted.

Dating Harley Quinn

A dark connection

Filled with carnal and erotic sensations

While pain and debauchery

Reign in an

Exorbitant way

Complex Simplicity

Meets

Curvy, feminine audacity

Hard to fathom

Understand even

Standing out to me

While partially combative

Combined in crazy things

Insanity our DSM treat

Twisted heart beats

Like forbidden fruit to me

Oh she is that

Rare unicorn

Legendary, mythical treat

So sinfully delicious

Angelically magnificent

I am lost in her enchantment

Devil and demon

Ready to run rampant

How I have fallen

Became enthralled in

The original chaos

Out of this world thinking

Dating Harley Quinn

Brings

From the chocolatezeus collection 8/24/14  ©

So I will enjoy this rare air up here and ride it's waves until the adventure leads to wherever the rainbow ends. 

DOMINION!!!

I have naturally been a Dom. Embraced myself not that long ago. Understanding being a dominant more and more. An ongoing journey that is picking up speed.

In these last few months. I have been evaluating, experiencing and heavily thinking. Desiring a poly relationship but understanding just how difficult it is to even have a primary relationship. The twists and differences are surreal. I have known and been reinforced through Black Beat workshop the importance of starting off with a sturdy foundation. Making sure the primary and relationship as a whole is strong.

I thought I found the best possible poly relationship that could be created. Then there was clarity. As I realized the instability of one and the unknown of the other. I know the strengths of the union as a whole or even myself one on one with each of them.

Dominant is the leader in the relationship. And that is what I seek to give. Yet, finding the proper one or ones to share that with is mission impossible. But I see the glimmer of hope because of the vibe and connection that I currently have is the holy grail that I hold onto. Still, there are no garauntees or sure things.

Vetting and consideration is where things lie right now. I understand that but it battles my desire for this journey to be completed.To begin a dynamic anew and with purpose and potency. I have seen the possibility and it has reinforced the desire and craving.

Ready for the dominion, security and stability of this strong dynamic that I seek.

Rope, Debauchery and Pain

Many years ago living in Japan I became intrigued with Shibari (japanese rope bondage). Between that and the rituals of pain and cleansing. It became part of my childhood and more. Never knowing then that it would add to my flames of intrigue.

So, when Black Beat came up from conversation with Emerald. I decided to take a leap. To nurture my desire and understanding for the sadistic, bondage and domination that I keep inside. Emerald said that it would be a good way to release the rage and anger that holds my cells together. Between that and the interactions with Lil Red lately have allowed me to let it out. It has been gradually so far but increasing in intensity. As Lil Red calls for more pain. I lick my lips and am thankful. For it will allow me to give into what lies beneath the caged armor.

Choking, slapping and ass smacking have been the tip of sadistic tendencies since the beginning. Here I am at the crossroads of unleashing the reigns and letting the full force of Zeus out.

I watched with contentment, pleasure and pure energy as everyone played in the dungeon. Wanting to strap Lil Red to a St Andrews cross or other apparatus. To flog her into an ultimate glee. But I did unleash more of my need to inflict pain on Emerald and Lil Red while I attended. Watching the reaction as I flogged, slapped ass and face made me relish every delicious moment. Feeling their energy and pleasure at my purposeful pain filled me.

Mr Mentl and Verity's rope work and demonstration helped fulfill and fuel me even further. Just watching them gave me a boost to my need to release more of this Dark Side held in check within.

Lil Red seeks more pain. It is time to let loose more of Zeus the All Father power upon her sexy body!!

To Feed or Not Feed My DarkSide

This journey in

• BDSM
• The Lifestyle
• Relationships

Just kicked up a few notches. It felt like a light came on upon the path of enlightenment. The energy was like I was Sho Nuff in the Last Dragon and I got that glow. Like minded people together socializing, learning and being a part of something bigger than self, made everything stand out. 

I wish people would understand and focus on the relationship aspect of what we do and seek. I enjoyed Mythos class on "Playing For Keeps". The relationship dynamic in bdsm. As was illustrated at the conference along with before the conference. Many Dom/Master and sub/slave relations are totally fucked up from the beginning. This is due to a lack of foundation. The ability to establish, solidify and manage the foundation is the only way that a relationship can be created and remain strong. And that is whether poly or not. 

Mr Mentl's rope class was crazy. I would never thought that it would turn me on so much. I have been fascinated from the aspect of seeing it done and romanticized in Japan. But I watched him tie up his sub and the next thing I knew my mind had gone into arousal. Literally getting hard while watching her suspended in the booty basket. I drank in of this intoxication and began my rope journey. That first day of class I couldn't even tie the introductory knot at all. But that second class I practiced and practiced until I actually could do it. Made me smile all proud as my diligence paid off. Even used it during a personally applied scene later. *still high*

I have been in play dungeons before. And I enjoyed the ambiance it created. I watched as each applied their personalized technique of play upon their bottoms. The sensory experience is one that cannot be quantified or explained. Whatever your kink you felt something there. And to watch Lady Lash dance and strike her subject on beat was exhilarating!! I was mesmerized by that. She would be a great casting for the Xmen villain Spiral. All she would need is 4 more arms to dance around and strike with.

All events have their hiccups and issues. But from my experience now there really needs to be better organization. To allow as much fluidity and access to information as possible while there. Because the mind and souls are open to absorb and obstacles can diminish and give that unfocused feeling.  For example avoiding having popular classes running at the same time. I know this was one of my dilemma. I was in the rope class and I wanted to attend the hand torture class as well. And yes I did get in my feelings about it. Even though I was told it was better off I wasn't armed with that information. *lol*

From beginning to end the experience was one of a kind. Leaving me in a nice high. Dom/Master round table to discuss needs, journey and future of our design led to thought provoking comments and revelations. While I am sure that the subs/slaves had their own in their round table respectively. I became fed and full off of knowledge, presence and relations. 

I came to a better understanding of Dom/sub relations. Strengthening my importance of properly establishing the relationship from the beginning. Making sure that the sub/slave is ready, not crazy and destructive. 

All I can say is this: 

Maintain your integrity to the relationship you choose to be in. Understand, act and support the relationship so that it may be all that it should be

Growing in the darkside of the force

LORD HAVOC

Within the Labyrinth

Sometimes I have to wonder what is the purpose of relationships. In this day and age it seems like it is a total waste. Females have no clue how to be a woman. Lost in past relationships. Damaged goods.Caught in a tornado of evil intent and distance. But screaming I want a relationship while killing anyone that genuinely approaches them.

Lately I have reflected. Thought about past, future and present. I have been happily married and I am so thankful for that. Hated coming back to dating. Realizing the dating scene is like being locked up and repeatedly murdered. Meeting females that are disconnected and crazy. The adventures and stories are of epic proportions. Females are confusing. And modern females are beyond confusing. They are contwisticated.

With that said I have adapted and learned to compartmentalize things. Regardless of being a loving, caring romantic I have to adjust to the times of females that want to be males. Trying to stay out of the quagmire of their confusion is like running from the Minotaur in the labyrinth. But it is the only way to stay semi sane.

Getting ready for Black Beat. My first time being around this many people in the bdsm lifestyle. This should be interesting and educational. The energy at the conference should be bananas. Plus it's time to let more of my sadistic side out. Especially since it seems that Red is for real about hurt and pain. I have always reigned in the amount of pain inflicted because of fear it will be too much. But it is time. And with everything going on and inside of me I need it.

I would rather be in a relationship. But it doesn't seem like that is a possibility. Plus wanting to have bdsm household and relationship has been a mythological reach in all this. Have I given up? Not completely. Just no longer actively trying.

I need to finish up this packing and get to moving.
Next stop the baltimore area. I am already strapped.

Quagmire of Intricacy

One of my favorite books is Eric Van Lustbader's Ninja. The story of an occidental gaijin in japan. The son of a prominent veteran of World War II. It shows his journey and submersion into Japanese culture. Specifically ninjitsu.

I grasp an understanding and kinship to this book because of the clash of cultures and experiences mentally.

Having grown up around the world. I have seen and experienced things that most citizens of this country could never truly understand. The thought that the world revolves around Americans is diminished drastically with travel abroad.

From Cinderfellow experiences to outcast relevance. My journey has brought me down a road where there are no roads. Disconnected from the normalcy that others went through. I have forged my way through the lava and brimstone to arrive at this point. Brandishing a badge of defiance and indifference.

Relationships hold important to me. Yet, their number remains very small for pure quality. That general aspect of look out for and help everyone and everything completely....died within me a long time ago. That is why the oldest friend has said she misses the old me. As I look at her distantly, now that she has fallen from the best friend mantle piece. This thing called relations has a different hierarchy to me. All of it makes me stand out because I haven't traveled the same path or hold the same thoughts as everyone else.

Understanding and accepting the difficulties and aspect of being me unflinching. It has strengthened me. To the point where I am contradictory to mass thoughts and beliefs.

Still all the things that makes them gawk in disbelief. Make me a stronger being.