Freedom in Vulnerability

Most send and keep their representative in the forefront when they attempt to get to know or claim to date people. This is where they feel comfortable at. Nothing invested means there is less likely of hurt and feelings. The disposable faux relations that are the rage of this day and age.

But in talks with folks lately in what I have called the *Full Disclosure* discussions there has been a diverse response to say the least.

There are those that are glad to be standoffish and not invest anything. They don't want to be hurt. They don't feel that anyone can live up to standards like husbands, boyfriends, fathers etc. So there is this automatic insurmountable wall that will always be there unless a miracle changes their mind. Any type of intimacy, closeness or involvement of emotions and feelings creates a shut down, sabotage and attack/defense mode. It is their ptsd of the past, present and future that creates their position. So these are the ones that may want to be pursued to the ends of middle earth and still may not get past the ramparts of their cold dead heart.

The next set of individuals that spoke on this were those that were one foot in and one foot out. They have their defenses up and there is going to be a long journey to get past them. But their actually want  an intimate connection but they are wary because of many different reasons. They begin with their representative and then allows their true self to show up at some point. There will be plenty of starts and stops but patience can possibly when them to be themselves fully with you at some point.

Lastly, there are those of us that have no need for representatives. We know what we choose and want and make it known and make it happen.  It is blunt force trauma for those that are not in this situation. Believe me I have had deep experience with this since I am blunt force trauma and was told I should not be forthcoming at all about how I feel or what I want until others have reached their comfort zone. But for me it is informational. That is all. As Lipz and I were talking about it, we just find it as refreshing knowledge instead of playing the hinting, guessing and assumption game that so many want.  As we discussed though when we present ourselves, where and how we are it brings about a desire for many to put their defenses up higher and run for the border. lol I have definitely been privy to that first hand a couple of times.


As discussions have evolved from all sides. I still stick with the prevailing fact that vulnerability in achieving your goal is strength and knowledge. When I tell you exactly how I feel, what is going on and my position. It gives you information to understand and be connected to me in a more profound way. It is not some around about way or deceitful path to circumvent someone. Especially if you are honestly interested, investing, caring and loving them.

But vulnerability and the pursuit of love, happiness, connection and life are like kryptonite to most. The mere mention of it will send many into a panic attack or attempt to create the biggest defense ever seen by anyone. That fear of rejection or a return of negative things from the past are the shackles that you choose to keep. The burdens that you choose to make sure that you will not have any growth in this area.

I am no guru or expert. I am just me, myself and I. The lone entity that will always just be ME. Vulnerability is part of being able to lead. Those that have severe issues with vulnerability show it most evidently.

But like ms 82nd airborne and Black Sheep has said...

THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!

Ky-Mani Marley & Yanique Curvy Diva - Turn Your Lights Down Low - July 2017

Ok, I am totally loving and feeling this bad!

Spice, D' Angel - No Worries

Besides enjoying the sexiness in this and Spice's thick sexy ass and this amazon D'Angel the message is clear



No Worries!

Sprinkle Me...this Life Unscripted Thing

In the middle of turmoil and upheaval there can be a bright light. Or in my case a darker one for my being.

Lack of feeling, concern or emotion has led the charge fully. The aspects that I don't care about will do what they do. Things will all end up being as they should be.

The build a bitch came into place last year. And I had to laugh as the Life Unscripted members talked about the build a bitch 2 program.

The ebb and flow has succumbed to outright death apparently. And what I once would have fought for and cared about lay dormant at the bottom of an empty shell.  I have watched the transition. Gave the effort and the vulnerable extensions. In the end the High Plains drifter remains. The only constant that can be trusted in this thing.

But like Suga T sang in E 40s "Sprinkle Me."

I get off in your head like a neurologist 

Not many can handle even that part of it. Experience and lesson learned to this 2pacalypse.


Through the stagnation and non stop everything. There has been some showers of candy rain. Definite positives in conjunction what Doomsday is ready to bring.

So I look up and say, "Thanks CD for what you have brought me. You're an ASS regardless. You know you could have done better than this. But I know you look out for me. But I also know your ass is getting me and laughing at me through the shit they bring."


So I am going to keep riding this nuke down the throats of the unable with a smile until you choose to excommunicate or join the ranks of ritual suicide.


Life Unscripted! People, adventures, experiences and things that you never would have thought real or possible.

This last year has provided a dynamic chapter in the book for sure. lol


Get ready for the weekend folks. Let it all hang out

Moods and Moments in music: Hello

I am feeling this version a lot. It strikes home some things for sure.

Moments, Moods and Time Passing

Let's break it down or let it be broke.

*Prince's "Adore" plays in the background*

Last week was the anniversary of my Chocolate Doll's death. A moment that I celebrate as well as deal with. That is right I am not devoid of feelings and emotions. I just reserve those precious things for those worthy and able to accept those things. That was Chocolate Doll. So she gets what others are scared of and cannot handle. So when there is true love, respect, passion and commitment then you get the deepest, most compassionate, caring and loving part of me. Otherwise you get what you ask for and can handle.  

But it wasn't about tears and pain. It was about reflection, realizations and eye opening understanding. For I sought someone that could be open enough, loving enough and strong enough to step out of their little armored cubby hole and live! No comparisons to my marriage. Just the opportunity to be better than what you were previously. The challenge is not for the weak. And that is why the weak fall silent, run away or sit in their corner crying.  I support and welcome those that wish to step up and embrace womanhood. I relish in a woman that can stand out, be dynamic and maintain that while growing our relationship. 

My time was spent in thought as I worked through current events and realized my failure at my promise I made to Chocolate Doll. The effort has been made. Open arms and heart given. I did my part. But who you chose Chocolate Doll just unable to be their part. The countdown in place. You better help your girl out. Anyway, I am heading back to my solitary compound.

But anyway...

New twists, turns and additions have occurred. And the journey has been spiced up a bit. About to see how things go down the rest of the year. But it already proves to be another pinnacle in this Life Unscripted journey. We are about to see what pans out with everything this year for sure. Looking forward to some things most definitely though.

Things with my god daughter are extra damn crazy. So this graduation is really going to be fucked up so yeah we are going armed like a damn Gundam while down there for this fuckery. She is not telling me all or anything that is going on but she told me enough that I know this is going to be a clusterfuck event. But that is my little girl so I will support her even though she is making a mess of this stuff. 

the trips are going to be interesting this year. Some added ones now but it is all good. Still have to work on the Disney thing more but hell if not there is next year when all the Star Wars stuff opens up.

I am just going to laugh at health and everything else because that is all that can be done. But oh well just fuck it all. 

Mood is fuck it.

Feelings are fuck it.

Yeah, things are going really like fuck it all right now. lol

Have a great week