In Darkness I Silently Walk

 Deep sighs.

parental unit still fighting going to the doctor and everything.  Getting worst. I guess he is trying to die. Is what it is. I will just handle business as usual and do what needs to be done in the blackness.

Dealing with the clusterfuck of the new nazi party taking office next month. Job affected as well as everything else.. I  have no fucks  to give about the monkey bitches biden, harris, trump, pence and all politicians. As far as I am concerned they can all sit in the sun as it supernovas. Them and the past ones are all worthless.  And the ignorant people screaming democrat, repub anti trump shit instead of looking at the real problem. They all need to go!

This year really emphasized why I walk alone through this plane. Looking at the last 9 years and understanding the barometer level over this time. people can only do what they are capable of. Some couldn't cut it and others have been able to achieve to the highest level they can attain.

Hitting the War Room now for a bunch of drastic changes. 

And finished book six in the Nate Temple series on our ride back from asheville.  I didn't know if I was going to like it when I started but I have enjoyed it and little one has also.

In the mood to destroy pussy, mouth and ass in Beast Mode moment. 

As the last Titan. I am going to keep killing the hordes and moving until it's time for me. 

Wishing you a happy holiday or whatever you want to call it. 

My Compartmentalization: your Savior

 

My Compatmentalization: your Savior

as you scratch your head

thinking in the negative

it is for your safety

to protect your

sensitivities

feelings

interpretations

it is ok

I understand that you don’t know

your inability

to handle Me

at My most

directness

continue to play

all those scenarios

excuses

in your heart and head

when you are ready to step

into strength and reality

then you will understand

until then

I will just continue to

pat you on the head

bless your little heart

compartmentalization

your ally and friend

from the chocolatezeus collection 12/13/20

Poetry: So you Want to Know FlipMode

 

So you Want to Know FlipMode

anomoly

displaced your thoughts and actions

I am that catalyst

run a gangbang

control the pretty bitch

you want to fuck

destroying your inflated ego

smacking ass

keeping the pussy wet

as the ones that are scared

want to know for themselves

what the real deal is

a quet Beast Mode

controlling their magnetism

desires like

Magneto

from a super model

to the hottest bitch

that you want to know

under that flow

flogging

beating

fucking pussy and mouth

till their souls go

still a mystery

for they are too

sensitive and scared to

truly know

break your

mind, body and soul

that’s this

mode

just won’t conform

to what you want and desire

for me to be

no, no, no

just continue

thinking and listening to

the ass claps

slurps and sucks

and the cum

comes back to back

now you have a taste

of the mode that I

am

from the chocolatezeus collection 12/13/20 (c)

A Caveman Pre Terrordome

The weather has been nice this weekend. Wish circumstances would have allowed for Me to be elsewhere enjoying things. But life is what it is now. We have been imprisoned this year and the dumb ass they voted in as governor now thinks we are supposed to follow a fucking curfew. More stupidity.

Found out that the parental unit and sister didn't actually get a damn appointment for him. Wtf! So have to black ops this as well. 

Hard to believe my  Auntie is 79. The last family that I have. Sobering for sure. 

Being annoyed with humans is definitely at an all time high now. The mask shit. The hysteria and fear mongering going on. It only grows each minute it seems. The results attained that big pharma, business and the governments wanted. 

Evaluation and analysis revealed just how much of an issue it is for many to accept and understand the strength in being themselves emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  So much fear running rampant and only growing each day. Scared of love and emotions. Scared to step out of their fucked up comfort zones. Scared to explore and live.

Looking at where I have come from and how things have evolved has been humbling.  From understanding dynamic, relationship and needs more to realizing what I did wrong.  My inability to fully allow true assessment without My personal traits were missed a number of times. Helping distort and create falsely the formula of what I needed. Now rectified and worked on. Very unbiased analysis now the only application to use. If they are damaged and unable to evolve then so be it. If they choose to evolve then support. Still punch them in the mouth immediately with my position, feeling and all but let them do whatever it is that they are going to do and keep moving. 

I am in need of some Beast Mode fuckfest type of release. Wearing out pussy, throat and ass until I am beyond satisfied including plenty of sadistic play, objectification, humiliation and degradation.  Fuck! Kraken full release. Memories past, current and future type of fucking.

Almost time to end this year and deal with the continued clusterfuck. Yayyyy!!

Keep moving forward, living, loving and being yourself. Even when you are scared of yourself and everyone else tells you otherwise.

Living Poetry...Black Man: Welcome to the Terrordome

 

Black Man: Welcome to the Terrordome

hunted

haunted

by extraneous applications

apparitions of enemies

long gone

past

present

future

He remains

Public Enemy Number One

church going

employment maintaining

law abiding citizen

still gets the benefits of

shot and killed

fitting the description

unlawful accusation and incarceration

as you tell us

the next fad and cliché

that the dream can be attained

but wait

we are doing the correct things

backbones, pillars and lights

in society

still having to be wary of

each traffic stop

entering your home

going for a jog

It was just so much easier for them

when they just saw us

killing and robbing

for chicken sandwiches, trinkets and bobbles

they could openly continue to scream

see there

see what I mean

how they act

in order to administer

open hatred dipped in

orchestrated alleged equalities

their fear no longer remains

it now screams

black men

are no longer the enemy

but the end of their living

the cataclysm they fear

is already here

it is

We

from the chocolatezeus collection 12/9/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: With the Tip of My Chapeau

 

A Tip of my Chapeau

it is ok

I understand the fear

intrepedation

due to your past

stuck in concrete

mental, emotional, spiritual

imprisonment

from chino to kokomo

your demographic is

represented

no worries

you csn keep

maintain the cold

of that heart and soul

no consent violation

to your choice in actions

ability to maintain

your representative

keep on doing that

safety dance

so your defenses can last

be the best of the less

queen of the mess

hats off in respect

salute to strength in

sensitive deflections

amid the yells and screams of

relevance

silence of the lamb style

development

I give this slow clap

as I tip my cap

may your be

all that you have chosen

semi internally

from the chocolatezeus collection 12/9/20 (c)

A Travel Through Life, Living and History

 Back from Htown. The trip was very emotional, filling and edifying. 

It was and still sometimes is rough with the memories of pebbles. Being the house when she was supposed to be there hit hard at times. Was supposed to let her serve as she loved. Good hearted, caring and loving. I am honored to have watched and been a part of her journey. Will definitely have our memories.

Had a chance to spend more time than usual with sunshine. Memorial for pebbles. Black restaurant eating.  Time spent enjoying and being. A time to bond and grow.

Finally had a chance to get up and hang out with the cigar utopia group. Nice spot they were trying out. Met folks, drank, smoked cigars and chilled.

It has been heartbreaking to see and know how much my Ru is going through with pebbles death and the actions of pebble's worthless ass relatives. She was hurt and hurting. All I could do was be as supportive as possible..And the loss she has dealt with from family and friends these months.

i flew back to the qc and had a chance to attend the Leather, Love and Legacy of Black women event on zoom. It was definitely eductional and informative. I took some stuff away from that and learned some history. 

D/s, M/s and Dating

 My track record and noted position on dating has been well expressed. But with time, experience and reflection evolution has occurred. Well, somewhat. lol

I have and do date in and out of dynamics and vanilla. It has given me a number of different perspectives. 

When I dated Chocolate Doll it was based on attraction, connection and interests. Which is the way thtat things work best for me I found out. Brass tacks as the old skools would say.

Since then I have made the mistake of being too caring and loving to those that weren't interested in or able to understand, act or be that way. So, ended up overwhelming them and them using the word needy Instead of understanding that they just wanted to be dominated and have a relation on an interested sliding scale. I had no problem with that way. I was just too focused on what I saw as giving my full investment in who I was with. My fault then. Lesson learned after the fact. Instead I gave them Me fully.

Now, I merely see them for who, what and how they are and let them be. From the ones I have tried to date in the last few years to dating sunshine. I am grateful for the learning process because it allowed dating sunshine to work out and be ready. 

Dating in a dynamic comes with many different factors depending on if they are an stype or a vanilla. Being able to support, feed and be with them is an in motion adventure. Making sure not to detract from them being an stype or the uniqueness of their submission is a wonderous mindfield to navigate. This is part of sharpening and strengthening iron though and it is good.

Add poly to things and now there is more avenues to think about, handle and navigate. Depending on their position, thoughts and feelings on how they do their poly is what has to be addressed. The only thing that I don't do is poly with another Dominant with them. Otherwise I want them to be happy and fulfilled in their life. But there is also the issues of whoever else they date having their own issues and causing problems. I realized that the first time it was impromptu tried with me. I can't console, support someone that is hurt and or has chosen to continue to be hurt and dissapointed I found out personally. 

I have never been the one to chase a female or woman. That seems like a need to maintain their ego more than anything else. Just like I am not forcing anyone to be submissive, I am not coercing anyone to want to date or have a relationship. I know first hand that there are those that need to feel like they are made to be submissive or be in a relatioship. But these things are just not for me. There is no need to repeat watching someone I love cry and feel down because of they are not being controlled how they want by whom they want.

Dating is a wonderful thing when there is a connection that those involved have and can work on without issues, ego and defamation. 

A slight discussion about dating. What are your thoughts?

Loss of pebbles, Spanksgiving and Preparation for the next nazi party to be in office

 Life has hit hard this year. Even more towards this end. The loss of Sir Strange and then pebbles definitely has created emotional rifts internally.

As I sit here in the house remembering the interactions and times with pebbles here. Seeing how hard it hit my Ru to find her dead and the fake relatives drama has had me worried about her. Heart broken. I had just talked to pebbles the day before because she wanted to be of service while I was in texas. 

It is hard to know that I watched pebbles start her journey and culminate it to the point of having her Sir and being the slave that was. From supporting her in going to her first event with CTX while I couldn't go. To helping her with her service skills, ideas and her preparation to do her petition for her Sir. I am honored to have witnessed and been a part of her journey. Gone too soon. Just wen she had moved past so many things. Damn!

Spanksgiving 2020

Once again virtual but the classes were awesome as usual. And that is where I centered myself as I missed the in person energy and experience. Deep reflection and introspection about making sure to maintain D/s and M/s even when the property is going through things. Sympathy the destroyer of the power exchange.  Erotic barbering. Purposeful use of music in scening. Just a plethora of so many good things. And the cigar social was powerful, history and great camaraderie. 

So memories from the last one. sunshine and I scening. The girls doing the damn thing. 

Houston you got a Caveman problem

I have been here for a couple weeks and it has been an adventure in surviving the driving experience. lol Whew I see why people need anxiety meds. Finally had a chance to get up with the cigar utopia group. Met two young girls one night asking which way tyler, tx was. Only to have someone tell them it was 190 miles away with their intent to walk there. sheesh

Almost time for the two new horrible nazis to be in the white house

Time to prepare for the complete fallout because of these next two monkeys. Probably will lose contracts aka no work for me.  Everyone is already running around acting crazy and the two monkeys have not been even sworn in yet. 

Not sure why people think these two monkeys give a damn about anyone but themselves. This coup that is coming between them is going to be interesting. until people stop believing in this bullshit system and enforce  new one then shit will remain the same. 

The Rundown

parental unit is in kidney failure and has been for months come to find out. va doesn't have an appointment slot until next year they claim. So, I will have to fix that when I return.

I am tired, worn out, stressed out and more from everything. But at least I am designed to handle these things. Snake eaters unite!

Thankful and concerned about the girls

• little one
• babycakes
• sunshine
• miko

Concerned and worried about those that I care about as well.

Well, it is time to finish checking the meats for tomorrow now.

I bid you adieu 

Ballantyne, Nutella and What the Hella

 The year seems to have flown by. Even with all the mess it still has been a unique ride. 

One week to the end of this election bullshit. sheeple can stop assaulting people for not thinking, voting their way finally. one of the two nazi party teams will win next week. Either way nothing will change and shit will continue to get deep.

This is the time of year I would be getting ready to head to Spanksgiving. It is virtual this year due to the corona people. But there will be some surprises at least for this one. Hopefully the rich will stop this ignorance so we can live a life again.

The anniversary with little one was nice. We definitely changed up Ballantyne. The bbq spot was nice. I still don't know what the deal is with them  rich people and damn nutella everywhere we went other than the bbq spot. I had a good time conversing with the old guys that were there at the hotel selling lps and cds. So, again it was brought up that somehow white folks like me. smh It is still shocking that it has been 5 years with little one at this point. Who would have known. But here we are.

The parental unit is getting worst and worst. He seems to have given up on living since he refuses to do much or take care of himself at all. So dealing with that and preparing to do the behind the scenes responsibilities as usual. 

Almost time to end the year with those I love. So I will be seeing Ru, sunshine, little one, babycakes, miko and leave the year on memories. So a few more flights and trips and 2020 will be done. And I am still upset that can't see the gingerbread competition at the grove this year because of the corona people.

Time to get ready for another anniversary. Till the next time nanu nanu!!

Poetic Moment: Loving you: The Impossble

 Loving you: The Impossible Mission

My heart

My love

Given to you since day one

Lost in your dark chocolate

Happily

Wanton and craving

That love

Those feelings

The downfall

I never saw

Your issues fully

The disdain for

Love

Relationship

Connected

Saw the possibilities

The epic future we wuld be

Heart

Arms open wide

Ready and inviting

For us to be forever

I lost a fight that I never knew I was fighting

Stood by her side until she chose to 

fly instead of fight with Me

Like Monifah sang

I know you had to leave Me

It’s Alright

Came to terms

A painful decision

Heart and soul dead inside

Loving you so 

Fully

Deeply

Now having to be

Compartmentalized

Decision you made respected

No contact

Nothing left

A unique ride

Failed mission?

No

Just a Mission Impossible

Realized ride

from the chocolatezeus collectiion  10/16/20  (c)

Anniversary, Shock and WTF

Celebrating the last 5 years with little one. Definitely made Me think about how things were, were supposed to be and how they are now.

A brat's child died while she was at the domestic violence eent. 

Sir Strange dying monday hit hard. I was in disbelief when I was told that by crumbcake. it had to be misinformation. But after checking and getting misinformation. I got confirmation.  No words!

Not that I was close to Him but he definitely helped with the spearheading, understanding and ideologies of this life. The reason I went to Black Beat with red and cyberdiva. A large part of My journey.

The run to braselton, ga wore me out a lot. The driving down with the trailer, loading the volvo and then driving back had me out of it for a while. Not as able as I use to be 67 years ago.

 I never would have thought that the person I saw the rest of my life together vs the person that I figured wouldn't last would end up with this outcome. But a nice quiet weekend to celebrate these years were definitely needed. So Ballantyne we were in you.

About time to see what is going on happen next. smh

The Exclusive Widowers Club

This is really not the club that one wants to join. But it is a support for men that is hard to find or fathom.

 My buddy from the cigar shop called last week and told me his wife died. I was and still am slightly in shock. No health issues other than some bone density problems. Next thing, she is gone 

Another cigar buddy went through the same thing like 4 years ago when his wife died. He still has the phone and facebook under her name. 

They both contacted me because I knew what having your wife die was like. Only difference was that they had been married for decades and I hadn't. I have been supportive as well as going through My things with losing Chocolate Doll again. But there is strength in being able to do this for the guys. 

Most have no clue or understanding about truly loving, caring and being with someone in a relationship or marriage. Too much past trauma, ego, fear and loathing for them to allow themselves these wonders. 

As I have spent the last two weeks helping the latest buddy deal with things. Looking at how young I am versus their age. They are at least 30 some years older. I am glad that I could help. 

Lessons being learned throughout all of this apparently

And the Hits Keep Coming

 Everything seems to be going on lately. 

About a week and a half ago the volvo broke down on my way back from ATL. After a weekend with babycakes and time with little one on my way back to the QC. Did stay at the only Hampton Inn and suites that I have ever seen on the property of a winery. Nice hotel. Will have to go back there and check out the winery maybe for anniversary. But the engine has to be replaced now after a clusterfuck of dealing with a towing company and a repair shop since I had to leave the car down there. 

My Ru lost her 2nd cousin in as many months in Boston. Plus one of her girlfriends she found out died as well. So, I feel for her and all that she is going through. 

Today my cigar buddy from the shop calls to tell me his wife died yesterday. I am stunned still about hearing this. I understand and know some of the feelings he is going through since I lost Chocolate Doll. 

My heart goes out to my people.

I have been seeing posts about issues going on in the community as well. But I have no knowledge about any of it because I stay in my cave, to myself. But the human condition means there will always be something. Definitely not a cake walk. 

Been laughing at reading the petty, whining bitching going on from females about their positions and being relieved of the relationships and dynamics that they really didn't want or make an effort to be a part of. 

Otherwise...

Just being Myself and doing Me. Getting ready for anniversaries and quality times coming up thankfully. Overdue for some more adventures and memories made. It is amazing when people actually want to live and do things.

The house in bama is sold. Just have to go down and get the paperwork done and that will be gone thank goodness. 

Missing going to conferences and enjoying the energy there. Spanksgiving would be coming up next soon. But probably won't be able to do any of that until next year still. At least we had SPLF early this year as the last conference attended. 

With all the difficult and rough times there are still the good things going on. Dealing with the parental unit with his health, issues, houses and all. Work and the ignorance of people, government and everything keeps things a fucking mess. 

But it is refreshing to have Ru and My girls to interact with as well as be supported. Even though it is difficult to support me since I tend to just do things Myself. But talking to Ru has definitely been the appreciated staple all these years. Through marriage, the pseudo relationshipsand dynamics as well as relationshps and dynamics.  Now, adding to that is the energy and discussions with sunshine as well as the interactions with the girls. As I enjoy the connection with miko to see how and where things go.

These are unique times

Till the next time

A Walk Through the Multiverse

 Seems like each moment brings more news of things that are really not wanted nor preferred. In the same token this time has revealed so much as well.

Today, Chadwick Boseman who played the Black Panther died. The police state, violence and fear increases daily. People have revealed their true selves throughout all of this or a lot more than they had previously. 

In the same token this has allowed true spectral analysis of all things. It has brought about pieces to fit the hole puzzle as well as reflect on the past. The light has been shown on the path for all it has been, is and can be. 

Growth has been hard at times. Hell, it has been painful many times. Especially in things that involve love, emotion and connection. 

But I had to turn my head to the side when I was asked about if I truly loved my ex. I did and part of me still does. And of course the follow up question of why can't I be friends with someone after we don't work out. I tried that with the ex and she chose against that. And I respected it all as she asked me to and moved on. In that I realized how far I had come in the love department. I wouldn't have ever considered being friends or trying again after we were done in the past. Now, I tried it and the rule remains in place again. But open to extreme circumstance only. 

This reminds me of Bilbo Baggins "there and back again." 

Because this living Life Unscripted is and has been one of legend. From the unbelievable adventures to the what the fuck was that? From learning to play at Black Beat basically to still learning but a ways further down the road. And this Leather life added to this in ways that I had no clue about. 

I miss the regular marathon sex and play sessions, the conferences, travel and getting out living. But, I can't say it is too bad because I have had a chance to do some of that still. And best of all is watching everything come together and fall into place Where I have who, what and things that I need to love, live and succeed 

And I still get to laugh at the attitudes, people that think they know me and those that think that since I am a Male Dominant I am fucking everything and trying to be a collector. So the entertainment remains still. The disdain for the Caveman will remain because I am just me and won't change to suit their ways. Yet, these people are so intelligent. With years of experience, doctorate degrees and all. Yet, truly clueless to living and actually being their own self. 

Parental units birthday today. And I guess he is tired since he was discussing with the sister about getting her moved before he is gone.  So I guess it won't be too long now.

As I remain vigilant and prepared for the things that are unfortunately coming next with those I love. I can only pray peace for them and continue My Thunderbolt type of close support. 

The multiverse really needs that gauntlet snap right about now lmao

The Puzzle is Comming Together Now

 Let's see...

Been kicked off a plane.

People still acting stupid about this corona shit.

Working on my travel and insurance company.

People still stuck on stupid about presidents, candidates and political party bullshit.

Things are definitely interesting.

This year has been Rolling Thunder for sure. The year is near it's end and seems like it just or never even started. 

Parental unit and sister apparently talking about moving since he apparently doesn't have too much longer it seems. I just need them two to have themselves covered with the legal stuff no matter what they are going to do. I can't continue saving them from things. He is getting worse and there is no telling what is going on with her falling apart.

Work is a clusterfuck with the democratic and republican fuck sticks making sure to show they give no fucks about anyone but themselves. Between the episodes with the CDC and changing guidelines daily along with each directive being countermanded or stalled. Nothing is getting done really. Well besides these dumb asses patting themselves on the backs, spending money on stupid things and giving themselves raises. 

As I listen to my theme song 'Blow the Whistle."

There have been plenty of good things through this time as well. 

The girls have excelled and came even more into their own. Proud of their strides and growth. Especially with how trying things are currently.  Still weird to believe being with little one will be 5 years shortly and babycakes 2. Damn

It is amazing when there is a deep connection and someone can truly accept you without all the issues and carrying on. And that has been found in sunshine since we started seeing each other. Definitely created a breath of fresh air. What I needed outside of the lifestyles.

Then enter miko. Shocked at this one but glad because she fits. Time works in weird ways. And letting time show itself with this thoroughly since this has happened now. 

So, the table is set....

Now I just need a massage, to fuck for a couple of days and beat ass for a while.

Till next time....

Don't need your Comparative Analytics in Love and Relations

 I need a love like my daddy/mommy gave me

You need to do like my ex boyfriend/girlfriend/dominant did.

These and many other scenarios are what people use to compare and tell others how and/or what to do concerning them. Reality is these people are stuck in the comparison situation because it is their defensive comfort zone.

If you are claiming that this old way works then why are you not with these individuals that did this or with someone that is just like it? That would be because it is unrealistic.

In the past I fell prey to trying to make these scenarios work. Until I stepped back and looked at it all objectively. These individuals didn't want a relation, relationship or dynamic to succeed. They were not ready for it or possibly never would be. 

It is okay. People are people and their lives are theirs to choose.

I listen now and give my advice and leave it where they choose to receive it or not. Unapologetically.

My comparison days ended a long time ago before meeting Chocolate Doll. And has remained in effet afterwards. .They will show me who, how and what they are. All I have to do is listen and observe. And there has been times where I didn't listen and ignored the actions.

Here's the PSA:

If you are going to love, have a relationship or dynamic with someone then let that past go and see what you can build from that moment with those involved. Put down the ball and chain. Be free to love and live. 

A Caveman in a Jetsons World

 

Life continues on and on in this fucked up world we live in currently. The corona mess still runs crazy creating more crazier humans than before. Hell, NC had an earthquake this morning during this early hurricane season. So the examples of craziness keep on ticking. 

The parental unit still is deteriorating. Not taking meds or checking his sugar level. But eating constantly and the wrong items. No telling if this is his way to go out the door or what. 

The girls are having a rough time with all this things they are dealing with in life. So support has been on deck along with prayer and peace energies.

Work is an ultimate clusterfuck with the way these idiot democrats and republicans screw up everything on and hourly basis. 

Getting the travel agency going among the many other things I am working on. This is going to be interesting indeed. 

Damn, I miss traveling. My trips out of the country had to be canceled this year because of all this. Hell, I had a hard damn time getting contractors back in the country with everything happening. Though I am still considering going to Jamaica since people are going there currently. But will have to see.

Been enjoying time with My sunshine. It has definitely helped and been a blessing. Still a bit shocked how this worked out. And the similarities to the history with Chocolate Doll are very weird. But connected, weird and different are what I am attracted to and what works. 

The trending talk seems to be getting back with exes, being friends and all the sensitive people views. As I explained before I tried that mutual ending to a relationship with the invitation to get back together if they wanted to do better than we had previously. That was a huge melt down. So back to the original rule I went. Love, great sex and some common interests are not enough to keep nobody.  But I leave that in the sheeple's capable hands. 

Watching things change into Hal 3000 joined with skynet these days has me extra concerned. But it doesn't seem that many of us are seeing this. Alledged coin shortage to force digital currency. Mandatory tracking and lockdown procedures in place. And so much more. Yet it is dismissed without a thought. The man behind the curtain is definitely winning. 

But then again...

I am just a Caveman

Poetic Moment: But I Am the Tin Man

But I Am the Tin Man

my heart

beats and flows strongly again

dead from barely beating for so many years

love was transmuted

into a formulatic equation

once again

but then

the fire got lit again

unexpectedly a connection

came into being

love took hold

and was even reciprocated

this time in

that peace

that comfort

joy and lust

gave way to pure love

the package

what I wanted and needed

received

a heart turned cold

forges steel again

burns the ether again

a cold inside

empty interior coffin

given a chance to

just be again

as I swim in it

free once again

I feel alive

invigorated

invibed

I accept this heart of mine

what was formally denied

now with gates opened wide

a tin man

put away again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine

utter betrayal

blitzkrieg from within’=

total Von Clause shit

unwanted

unexpected

unappreciated

no reason for these insane

emotional outbursts

invading

attacking me weirdly

at the strangest times

lke gorilla warfare

appearing out of nowhere

attacking serenity

still no rhyme or reason

seething hatred boils and festers

destroy, destroy, destroy

this is just not acceptable

further awakening

My inner Dalek

exterminate, exterminate

just exterminate this mess

these emotional betrayals

time to be whole again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Unleashed

Unleashed

mind fucks and mental foreplay

before we ever even touched

even though we had

fucked

sucked

and super fucked

over and over in our mental playground

but you didn’t want to lose control

after that first touch

the first brush of dick

the flames rushed forward

fuck that

pass that

don’t fight the feeling

time to get more than this sexual healing

you had reason to fear

this encounter of us

rope wrapped snug

pussy lips rope cupped

as the knife blade digs into your ass

eruptions

quivering

start up

but we have just begun

the mindfuck was just the pre nut

as dick invades your cunt

fuck my cunt you say

take this dick fucking and sucking

show me what you have tried to keep hidden away

supersize

that slut

that freak

be the ultimate pornstar that I need

UNLEASH!!!!!

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/2020 (c)

The Day I Watched Myself Dying

As I sat there. Mind muddled. Unsteady. Shaking. Trying to formulate a solution. Realizing I was helpless. I did not think about me dying. I wasn't panicking about myself. I was thinking about had I prepared Ru, the girls and sunshine properly? Would them and others that care and love me be alright after I am gone? Had I done enough to help them deal with it all?

I have been doing better in taking care of myself and repairing what I could. But in a moment it all meant nothing to me.

Since being married I have been an advocate for preparing for death and the end. The hard subject matter but necessary to have some preparation for the inevitable. It is not easy to do or hear this subject matter concerning your loved ones. But it is a must. And in those moments before the girls came and saved me I was wondering if even did enough at all.

So be prepared. Prepare those that you love and be prepared. No matter what it is hard and will be harder when it happens.

Live life to the fullest. Love to the extreme. And experience everything.

CTX BBQ Virtual edition

The weekend was filled with learning, missing being in Texas and doing it all in person and evolution.  I am glad that they came up with this work around since being in person couldn't be done. It still didn't take away the sting of seeing ass, titties, people and everything in person along with feeling that energy.  But this also allowed for more people to experience CTX that wouldn't be able to come normally. It also helped dispell the interpretations of what it is about.

When it comes to this social platform applications I am like a fish out of water. Hell, I had to have babycakes give a layman''s intro course to dealing with zoom. And still had some network issues anyway. lol

Friday the opening address, Dominant roundtable, submissive roundtable and then the cigar social. A damn lot of knowledge was dropped.

And with people presenting like
Lady D Harrison
TheGoddessIndigo and Dr Bob
Master Beast and slave echo
Wrath Daddy
Master David and slave brynn
and even my babycakes presented for her second time

The cup runneth over with information, reflections, self evaluation and much more. And it wasn't the fully feel good stuff. There was the punch you in the face and you saw it coming type of aspect.

Hell, I didn't know the 1763 place was original where Lady D's PEP was and she helped that.

Well needed discussion about Leather was had each day. Much needed.

As I sat there listening. I realized how things had come full circle for me there on the conference.  People that I had been in the same space with and met in passing at the last Black Beat were here on this conference. Never would have thought about this. Black Beat was my first conference experience. There with the ex, red and cyberdiva I observed and took in a lot.  Hell, that is where I met little one officially from her toy class presentation.

To now be around the people that were there back then, before and now is humbling. Knowing that the journey has grown from there to now.

Still processing
Still humbled
Still mass thinking

My Way Is Not Your Way and It Is GREAT!!!!

In My journey of Life Unscripted it has availed some serious undeniable adventures.

Man
Dominant
Caveman
aka Lord Havoc


All kinds of different aspects that make up the whole. All for One. All Me.

The issues come up with others when I am just Myself. Because I do not think, act or do what they say, think or interpret. I believe in individuality. Everyone has their own path, experiences, thoughts and feelings in life. I accept that Mine are different and that I may not understand, agree with or even want to understand other's.

But I have experienced and watched the tantrums, attempts to coerce, belittle, victimize and demonize those that do not act accordingly to some other persons thoughts, values, etc.

In my experience in dating and dynamics I have found that females have a need to defend themselves from their past like pretty much everyone. But from socialization they have developed a sense of entitlement in doing so. And they should make the correct choices for themselves and live their life. But not while trying to tell someone to be like someone else.  This dominant does this and it works on me so you should do it too. Or who you are dating gives ultimatums, are withholding and centered on mostly just themselves.  So many are into everything has to be this way for me so I can let You be with me. There is no togetherness or real connection. Just a catering to whatever they need to feel like they are in the right place, even though they obviously are not with this type of action.

These oppressive principles stay rooted and used in the lifestyles as well as vanilla settings constantly. For example in the lifestyle of poly people get in their feelings when poly people hve a OPP (one penis policy.) But if it is agreed upon by all involved and done ethnically then it no different than a non opp poly relationship. But I find most of these people that think this way have chosen to turn into the abusers that they apparently had at some point in their lives.

With everything going especially now it shows even more prevalent in daily existence because if you don't conform to trending thoughts, actions and feelings like supporting rioting and looting then you re not black or in support of black lives and all this other bullshit.


One of my favorite quotes from General George S. Patton really puts this plainly. And is the reason why this country, government and citizens are a clusterfuck!!!

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.-General George S. Patton-

From episode to episode I have learned and accepted that most are not going to be able to accept anything but their way and idea to be put upon others. But it does not mean that I will adhere to or allow that be My concern or way.

Be yourself. Live your life. And let others do the same.

And if you are trying to honestly be in relations or relationships with others then let them be themselves and accept them or stay to your damn self!

Landing Day Celebrations

I see it has been a minute but those that have been in the other spots have read the adventures and all.

Landing Day aka my birthday.

Last year I spent almost two months celebrating all over the place. This year was none of that due to the mess the governments have created.

But it wasn't about quantity this year and I enjoyed the quality a lot. I had to cancel my trips I had planned but that was just fine. I still have gotten some travel in this year for sure.

Started with time with sunshine in the ole stomping grounds. Cigars, conversation, connection, food and a wonderful time.

And ended the weekend with little one and babycakes. More cigars, food, conversation and good times.


The reality is that regardless of whether it is girlfriends, submissives, slaves or whatever of mine. It has to be about the connection and all involved needing to be active participants in that. It took a while and trials to get the message but I did.

Thankful for those that love, care, be there and share in this journey with Me.


Lord Havoc the Caveman

Being a Black Man: The Enemy is Me

These days the attention has been focused and brought up because of social media and most everyone having a cell phone now about black men being  persecuted, shot and killed by cops, people and everything.

It is not that things have gotten worse. It is that it never stopped and is being done publicly now more. So, this outrage will burn bright for a moment and go cold once attention has been drawn somewhere else.

Being a Black Man.

Everyday. Every moment. May be my last for no other reason other than that I am a Black Man. Not because I am a criminal or even living a dangerous life. Just because I am a Black Man.

• In my suit and tie on the elevator and the lady clutches her purse when she gets on.
• At a traffic stop and the law enforcement run my plates and licenase. Then see that I am a registered gun owner with Lawshield.
• A child that want to feel like someone so has to do a gang initiation and I am the victim.
• I am the Black Man living in the house on the corner in your white neighborhood.

There are so many variations of this that it is just ridiculous.

But this is not just a black and white thing. Or just a race thing. Because black against Black Men is a daily activity as well. 

• According to their alleged criteria you are not black enough for them.
• Hanging around, having friends and associations with white people makes you an uncle tom.
• Living outside of the hood and urban cities

But wait there's more..

We have the female aspect in all of this to deal with as well. What is that you ask?

• they are not getting their way so they fabricate a charge against you of rape, etc.
• Using your children as weapons and pawns against you.
• Attacking physically and verbally then playing the helpless female card.

So I better watch them crazy females too. Otherwise they will have me locked up or dead.

And the list goes on.

So it is not only a fear of Me being the Black Man. It is a fear of...

• Intelligence
• Individualized thinking and action
• Life experience
• Interests

Fear is there because anything can happen to a Black Man. The only solution is to continue living as a Black Man for yourself and in your own way regardless. Be vigilant and prepared But continue on your journey in life is the only solution.

Poetry Moment: Caveman Deliverance

Caveman Deliverance

I exist

come in contact with me

the experience will

be unique

challenging

provoking

My being is not what you are use to

non predictive experience

unique

I am love

I am apathy

caring with unrelenting passion

even when it is not your way

or in your ability to understand yet

assassin

protector

advocate

speaking and acting in ways

that are uniquely only me

so come

let me make you

think

feel

explore

and live

walk with me

on the wild or mild side

open your heart, soul and mind

attacks against

your comfortzone

societal norms

Have you been

will you be

touched and delivered

Caveman style

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: To Baby Momma

To Baby Momma

seems like so long ago

those words came

I am pregnant

that moment filled me

pride and joy erupted

thoughts of a future unfolded

our love

a miracle created

for both of us

in dark days and nights

love fertilized

a beating heart

that united us forever

thoughts flooded

boy or girl

no matter love would be

unreserved

love flourished

further

Impatiently waiting

ready to see our love

in your arms for the first time

my cold melted heart

fully raw

linked

etched in history

then

the result

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: Mother's Day Reality

Mother’s Day Reality

it hits hard when they are gone

when those that held the title

are no longer available

from the beginning

all I knew was Big Ma

matriarch and patriarch

of the clan

held it down

held it together

for what seems like forever

never realized till she was gone

just how intregal she was

collards and dumplings

smoldering hot ass house

listening to her drop knowledge

respected

loved and beloved

then there was the other half of

Team Titan

My Chocolate Doll

Been mother without having her own child

years and years of taking care of

her womb donor, sister, neice and more

Ther perfect compliment

to my extremist

as we looked forward to

making a part of us

to live beyond us

to love to death

many talks and discussions

of how we would raise our own

making sure that they are better than

we ever would been

both of our dreams

of making a family

blazed so fiercely it burned the ether

perfecctly, imperfectly positioned

then fate intervened

like a brazen theif stole our dream

the day the doctor told us

we could do what we need to get pregnant

but it would be rough

and I high chance that

we would have to chose between

My love and our child in the end

disbelief

ripped into atoms

a pain that lasts forever

tears that still sometimes come

our only argument

get pregnant and save the baby

let the woman I loved with my being go

No!!

fuck fate

fuck destiny

they took from me

marked permanently

mother’s day will never be

what it should have been

lost in molten tears

and a hole in my soul

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)