From the discussions and episodes things have been redefined, influx and reset to default over the last year. There has been a number of things that have facilitated these things.
If you don't know I keep the information security decent. If you don't know that by now then you never have met me. lol I am not the person that goes all willy nilly and giving everyone access to me and my inner Hellfire club.
This doesn't mean that I do not interact and do the human thing with people. I go to coffee's and talk. (yeah me) I speak to the guys and customers at the cigar shop on all levels. So, my interactions may not be deep and full life disclosure but I do interact completely.
Conversations have come up concerning why don't Ru Ru and I get together. She is the one who knows all of me and I can be completely myself with. Because I can be myself, disclose all and she has been my savior on so many occasions we are super close. But we have not been interested in dating each other. Have we spoke on it? Yes, we did back in the day. We hang out and have had some good adventures and she is a sexual dynamo. But that is my fellow Road Warrior. The woman I would go all out for. And I am glad for her happiness and I am the terminator when she has been hurt. And that goes both ways for us. Her happiness for my marriage and few positive dating issues are a blessing just as I am so happy that she has her happiness going on.
Enter Mr Fix It. I have been told that I am that person. I can say that I was that person. I use to fix everything and shield everyone from things. But I had to bring that to a halt. Will I try to fix and protect my woman and Ru Ru? Hell Yes! And I know that it is against the I am Mighty Woman Code. But it remains that way regardless. Why would I not want them to be comforted, where and how they want to be. I am supposed to facilitate that to me. But there is a wall there that either I have to choose to breach or leave there for the female.
My knowledge has evolved, been gained and lost from living.
This dating thing has been confusing to me. Because I always felt that being straight forward was the best policy. Only to learn that it is not. And yes, I understand I am not with the tree huggers in the grey areas of existence. I have always gone after what I wanted. Now I realize this is something I cannot go after. I have to merely return to base instead of a carpet bombing run. But I learned and applied the knowledge, so that there is nothing left but a cloaked Defiance. The Prime Directive is now fully observed.
Knowledge has returned me to a slightly modified, previous version of me. Armed to the teeth and the ultimate destroyer released.
From episodes of I can't be open to you. To moments of how much I hate you. And the jealous attitude with the mix of mental disorders. The gauntlet has been ran.
Knowledge of me comes in levels. And honestly there is only one at the top of the mountain currently. Maybe the one will choose to take their rightful place. Maybe it will be too much for them to deal with. I can no longer make or will things to happen that are not within my universe of control. I can only make the choice available, with the understanding that I got you. Otherwise...who knows
Knowledge is knowing when to let them make whatever move. Plus keeping you and your information secure.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Friday, August 28, 2015
Crazy Episode at Davis and Son
ok so I went for therapy again. I am chilling at the shop.
Laughing at Merle and Russ. While Merle gives me the teachings and philosophies of the monks. I know I have my anger issues and so forth but believe me they are under control. Even though I cannot do what I would normally do to get relief and comfort from being in those modes.
Well today must have been irate customer day. Because it jumped off after I got there.
Customer comes in fussing about a cigarette rolling machine and having to pay to send it back. I cut my eyes at him and looked and that was about it. As long as he didn't do anything then we were all fine. I looked towards the back to see if Ed the magistrate was in view. He was, since I didn't know that the owners wife had called him up front. I had to laugh because everyone was looking at me to see if I was going to do anything. And teased me about it after it was over. I was dubbed the shop body guard. Like I said, I wasn't doing anything unless the guy went crazy. And even then I would have wanted Ed to do something or hope Don the officer came in at that time. Ed of course said if I did anything that he didn't see a thing. So the guy finally leaves the shop.
That started the trend. Because shortly there after a guy from new jersey came in and wanted to exchange cigars. Then another and then another.
We sat there looking at each other and laughing.
Well another Fantasy Football draft down on one of my nfl teams. And I didn't do too bad I think on this one either. I am still laughing that my best draft was the one I missed a couple of days ago.
Well, I have eaten dinner. Sat here and laughed at folks. I swear the things that I come in contact with are just crazy. And I am still laughing at the humans as I write and post to ABM.
Enjoy your evening and weekend if that is the case.
Laughing at Merle and Russ. While Merle gives me the teachings and philosophies of the monks. I know I have my anger issues and so forth but believe me they are under control. Even though I cannot do what I would normally do to get relief and comfort from being in those modes.
Well today must have been irate customer day. Because it jumped off after I got there.
Customer comes in fussing about a cigarette rolling machine and having to pay to send it back. I cut my eyes at him and looked and that was about it. As long as he didn't do anything then we were all fine. I looked towards the back to see if Ed the magistrate was in view. He was, since I didn't know that the owners wife had called him up front. I had to laugh because everyone was looking at me to see if I was going to do anything. And teased me about it after it was over. I was dubbed the shop body guard. Like I said, I wasn't doing anything unless the guy went crazy. And even then I would have wanted Ed to do something or hope Don the officer came in at that time. Ed of course said if I did anything that he didn't see a thing. So the guy finally leaves the shop.
That started the trend. Because shortly there after a guy from new jersey came in and wanted to exchange cigars. Then another and then another.
We sat there looking at each other and laughing.
Well another Fantasy Football draft down on one of my nfl teams. And I didn't do too bad I think on this one either. I am still laughing that my best draft was the one I missed a couple of days ago.
Well, I have eaten dinner. Sat here and laughed at folks. I swear the things that I come in contact with are just crazy. And I am still laughing at the humans as I write and post to ABM.
Enjoy your evening and weekend if that is the case.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Anonymity In Relations
In vanilla life as well as the lifestyles, we talk about being able to be seen, known and all to others. When it seems like your relation is in the dark the red flags and collision klaxons normally go off.
It is something that I have thought about as well as been in discussions about.
For vanilla people it is always the big issue of when can they meet family and friends. Like that validates them in their minds. For me, if I had been interested in keeping them around I wouldn't let them meet the parental units because that could be the end of everything if I did that. Once they interrogated whoever that would be dating over situation. But they kept begging for it to happen.
In the lifestyles it is a two edge sword at times. You don't want to out anyone and you don't want to be the unknown to them, the community and those that know about the lifestyle. So you walk a line of what is appropriate and what is not.
I am not saying for people to get involved with folk that no one knows about and or have never seen or heard of. There is a chance of your disappearance occurring then.
There is the opposing side of not wanting people in your business. This can be because they spark drama, they are trying to play you, they have a fear of others knowing....hell basically a bunch of reasons are possible. You just have to analyze and think it through for you.
Personally, I don't trust those that have the we can't be public in the community excuses. That tends to show me my trust will be very little with you. My mind goes into, what are you trying to hide or have going on the side for this type of action?
But, it is best to take each situation into account with as much information as possible. Then you make your decisions.
If everything has to be anonymous even when there are no reasons for it. Then you have you answer already then. Shields up and Battlestatioins!
It is something that I have thought about as well as been in discussions about.
For vanilla people it is always the big issue of when can they meet family and friends. Like that validates them in their minds. For me, if I had been interested in keeping them around I wouldn't let them meet the parental units because that could be the end of everything if I did that. Once they interrogated whoever that would be dating over situation. But they kept begging for it to happen.
In the lifestyles it is a two edge sword at times. You don't want to out anyone and you don't want to be the unknown to them, the community and those that know about the lifestyle. So you walk a line of what is appropriate and what is not.
I am not saying for people to get involved with folk that no one knows about and or have never seen or heard of. There is a chance of your disappearance occurring then.
There is the opposing side of not wanting people in your business. This can be because they spark drama, they are trying to play you, they have a fear of others knowing....hell basically a bunch of reasons are possible. You just have to analyze and think it through for you.
Personally, I don't trust those that have the we can't be public in the community excuses. That tends to show me my trust will be very little with you. My mind goes into, what are you trying to hide or have going on the side for this type of action?
But, it is best to take each situation into account with as much information as possible. Then you make your decisions.
If everything has to be anonymous even when there are no reasons for it. Then you have you answer already then. Shields up and Battlestatioins!
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Dating the Convoluted Frontier
After a discussion with the md chick. And hearing about that date until you feeling friends thing. It brought me back to the aspect of I dont want you as a friend if I want you to be my woman, my girlfriend or wife even. For me a friend is not at the station of those I just mentioned. But for the sake of females I have always said that they can feel that I am their friend. I will never claim to be though.
My relation are intimate and personal. That is why I am serious about them. It is the reason behind talking to them and the times when it was alright to tell them how I felt. And I always mention Ru but she is the evidence. She has been down with me through at least4 relationships and my marriage.
I just dont see a need for posturing and playing keep away both physically and emotionally. But there is this need for a very long drawn out episodic adventure. You either choose to go along or say fuck it and treat them like meat.
I scare the sheep because I told them what I wanted and what I felt. Well, that was before the Representative had to help. Now there is only the silence and look of attentive details. Like Pavlov I learned to keep my reaction, interest and feeling to nil double nil.
Everything is fine as long as you see, do and think their way. It makes them feel so comfortable and strong. When the real strength is in understanding the differences and being one.
Dating has led to a chessmaster bloodsport. uou fight for position and superiority. Winner takes all.
Instead of accepting and understanding how I am loving and feeling you and want you permanently in my life as who you are. You have filibuster and fight every inch. Unable to be vulnerable.
What can I say? Amid the secrecy, fraudulent importance, lack of focus and inability to effect change.
You are left with and left to
Deal with dating as a calamity or disease to whoever you attempt to date.
Well, have to spalsh amother chapter to this another time. I need to go write some more. The material is piling high.
Morning to you and you.
My relation are intimate and personal. That is why I am serious about them. It is the reason behind talking to them and the times when it was alright to tell them how I felt. And I always mention Ru but she is the evidence. She has been down with me through at least4 relationships and my marriage.
I just dont see a need for posturing and playing keep away both physically and emotionally. But there is this need for a very long drawn out episodic adventure. You either choose to go along or say fuck it and treat them like meat.
I scare the sheep because I told them what I wanted and what I felt. Well, that was before the Representative had to help. Now there is only the silence and look of attentive details. Like Pavlov I learned to keep my reaction, interest and feeling to nil double nil.
Everything is fine as long as you see, do and think their way. It makes them feel so comfortable and strong. When the real strength is in understanding the differences and being one.
Dating has led to a chessmaster bloodsport. uou fight for position and superiority. Winner takes all.
Instead of accepting and understanding how I am loving and feeling you and want you permanently in my life as who you are. You have filibuster and fight every inch. Unable to be vulnerable.
What can I say? Amid the secrecy, fraudulent importance, lack of focus and inability to effect change.
You are left with and left to
Deal with dating as a calamity or disease to whoever you attempt to date.
Well, have to spalsh amother chapter to this another time. I need to go write some more. The material is piling high.
Morning to you and you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Adventures at Davis and Son: The New Cheers
This is my cigar shop here. And I have been going there for probably at least 2 years by now. It is part of my therapy, networking and just entertainment package.
Now, there are some characters there. From the owner and his wife, to Myra the girl that works there and Monroe the older gentleman that works there. And there are customers that have been around for over 30 years. I interact with councilmen, jewelry store owners, truck drivers, walmart employees and those that cannot be explained at all. *lol*
For the younger folk, Cheers was a tv show about regulars at a neighborhood bar that use to come on. Yeah, I know I am old but I am damn good!
The cigar shop is like Cheers because there are plenty of regulars. And the owner tends to know everyone by name and or face. Plus what they smoke, or the tobacco they normally get when they come in. They have a bunch of other stuff in the store that sells well like the shaving stuff that I get there. Forge n Foundry is the best stuff there is! And I am saying that plug because it is true. Well, we sit in there smoke and talk about just about everything. From recipes, to politics to movies and more. It is an education and entertainment rolled up in one.
There are crazy people that come in there at times. Some crazy because we know they have documented mental issues and others that we don't. We still treat them all like they are acquaintances.
But last week a young looking guy came in and three of us were talking to him. He was looking for jobs and came in to get some tobacco for cigarettes. He argued with one of the other guys about politics and everything. The normal debate in there. So the guy he was talking to (we will call him the copy salesman) cracks a joke about the guy that has been missing for about 2 months now that use to come in the shop that claimed he was a colonel in the Vietnam war and got 12 purple hearts all this (obvious lies but oh well). Copier salesman says they haven't found his body in the river yet. The rest of us knew it was a joke about the fake colonel though. Anyway. The young guy seemed to be off but that is life. He was also real jittery. And it wasn't from the half a pot of coffee that he drank while he was there. He said that he turned down a job because it wasn't him but he needed to work. Anyway he was crazy off and that was last week.
So fast forward to today.
I was going to go to the shop earlier today. For some reason I fell asleep. (damn sleep).
So I get there this afternoon and the guy that was debating with the crazy guy last week tells me he has a story to tell me. He then tells me that the crazy guy came back today and that he called the police using the cigar shops phone to say that he was in fear of his life and that the copier salesman had something to do with the fake colonel having disappeared. I am looking at him like you got to be lying to me. I had to sit down and puff on my 770 for the rest of the story. But he said he did it and the owner had to get on the phone and say that the guy must have been crazy. But the crazy guy said he was in fear for his life and his family because of the copier salesman. And of course the police show up but the crazy guy has left already.
I am still sitting here at the house glad that I wasn't there at all. Because that is some insane shit. I do try to avoid the craziness.
But this is a day in the life of Zeus a Life Unscripted. What can I say?
Now, there are some characters there. From the owner and his wife, to Myra the girl that works there and Monroe the older gentleman that works there. And there are customers that have been around for over 30 years. I interact with councilmen, jewelry store owners, truck drivers, walmart employees and those that cannot be explained at all. *lol*
For the younger folk, Cheers was a tv show about regulars at a neighborhood bar that use to come on. Yeah, I know I am old but I am damn good!
The cigar shop is like Cheers because there are plenty of regulars. And the owner tends to know everyone by name and or face. Plus what they smoke, or the tobacco they normally get when they come in. They have a bunch of other stuff in the store that sells well like the shaving stuff that I get there. Forge n Foundry is the best stuff there is! And I am saying that plug because it is true. Well, we sit in there smoke and talk about just about everything. From recipes, to politics to movies and more. It is an education and entertainment rolled up in one.
There are crazy people that come in there at times. Some crazy because we know they have documented mental issues and others that we don't. We still treat them all like they are acquaintances.
But last week a young looking guy came in and three of us were talking to him. He was looking for jobs and came in to get some tobacco for cigarettes. He argued with one of the other guys about politics and everything. The normal debate in there. So the guy he was talking to (we will call him the copy salesman) cracks a joke about the guy that has been missing for about 2 months now that use to come in the shop that claimed he was a colonel in the Vietnam war and got 12 purple hearts all this (obvious lies but oh well). Copier salesman says they haven't found his body in the river yet. The rest of us knew it was a joke about the fake colonel though. Anyway. The young guy seemed to be off but that is life. He was also real jittery. And it wasn't from the half a pot of coffee that he drank while he was there. He said that he turned down a job because it wasn't him but he needed to work. Anyway he was crazy off and that was last week.
So fast forward to today.
I was going to go to the shop earlier today. For some reason I fell asleep. (damn sleep).
So I get there this afternoon and the guy that was debating with the crazy guy last week tells me he has a story to tell me. He then tells me that the crazy guy came back today and that he called the police using the cigar shops phone to say that he was in fear of his life and that the copier salesman had something to do with the fake colonel having disappeared. I am looking at him like you got to be lying to me. I had to sit down and puff on my 770 for the rest of the story. But he said he did it and the owner had to get on the phone and say that the guy must have been crazy. But the crazy guy said he was in fear for his life and his family because of the copier salesman. And of course the police show up but the crazy guy has left already.
I am still sitting here at the house glad that I wasn't there at all. Because that is some insane shit. I do try to avoid the craziness.
But this is a day in the life of Zeus a Life Unscripted. What can I say?
Monday, August 24, 2015
Poetry Moment
Breaker Reset
my heart turned
to the off position
feelings
I don't remember them
my soul
heart and feelings
sunk into the
andreas trench
as I look at you
I faintly see
the whispers of
something that once
filled me so explosively
now
the cold hard steel
shines brightly
feeding the apathy
trying to remember
what a heart beat is like
what warm blood coursing through veins
was like
reveling in
the use of nuclear control rods
to crush lost memories of feeling
I am the Juggernaut bitch
encased in carbonite
impervious
castrated emotion
circumvents human attributes
I am the scourge of
connection
disconnected
closed circuit
me the demon
is all that is left
impervious
titanic
the breaker is set
Thank you
from the chocolatezeus collection 8/24/15 (c)
Mandalorian Monday
Weekend was a mixture.
I had some fun.
Got shown how females claim these differences but they remain the same constantly. Must be a chromosome level construct.
Went to uncles birthday party.
Made a new addition to the monkey registry.
Watched the new Hitman: Agent 47 movie. That is some hot garbage compared to the first one. No wonder it has made no money at all.
and most importantly I applied the FIX for all the bullshit with the humans. Much appreciated. It is good when you analyze, are shown what you saw and implement the necessary actions.
It's monday. time to make things happen and give them the Representative that they need. While I do my thing and give them the cold, death of space and unavailability.
Enjoy your monday and your opportunities
I had some fun.
Got shown how females claim these differences but they remain the same constantly. Must be a chromosome level construct.
Went to uncles birthday party.
Made a new addition to the monkey registry.
Watched the new Hitman: Agent 47 movie. That is some hot garbage compared to the first one. No wonder it has made no money at all.
and most importantly I applied the FIX for all the bullshit with the humans. Much appreciated. It is good when you analyze, are shown what you saw and implement the necessary actions.
It's monday. time to make things happen and give them the Representative that they need. While I do my thing and give them the cold, death of space and unavailability.
Enjoy your monday and your opportunities
Sit Rep: Operation NGAF
I am still tired and everything. But oh well. NGAF is in effect. Just do what it do and keep moving.
I am going to cook some mac n cheese and asian bbq ribs for dinner. I have been wanting some ribs for a long time. I hope that are pretty good. They have been marinating in the juices since I went to the store last and put all the food up in the freezer. all I would need with this now is potato salad to go with it.
Looking all I can do is shake my head and laugh at things currently. If I wasn't the evil monster that I am then I am sure I would break out into tears. It just is what it is on this minefield laden roller coaster of hell.
Enjoy your sunday dinner. Well at least I think it is sunday.
Damn I had to add another Addendum on to the update. Maybe I need to publish this when I finish.
In Operation NGAF this weekend we have seen it all. We have witnessed the coup de grace. And we understand. Completely understand. A Borg reaction and mentality is the plan.
Thank you for informing and educating e.
*singing*
You don't give a damn, we don't give a FUCK!! and that goes in multiples and plus with this one.
*throwing a fucking nuke on these bitches*
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Northwest and Back Again
I went to my uncles 70th birthday party. I knew it was going to be down to earth and colorful. Because unk is colorful himself.
Fried fish, tater salad, baked beans, crab legs, pasta salad and cake were on the menu. Everyone was eating and enjoying themselves.
I sat on the porch remembering when the house use to be Big Ma's house and coming there ever summer from overseas somewhere. The porch then was't screened in at all. We use to go outside on the porch to get some air since Big Ma was burning us out of the house with that wood burning stove she sat directly behind. All the times that I was there since it was one of the few places the parental units allowed me to be while I was in the states. many memories there.
Well this is the continuation from last night since I passed out. I think I had heat stroke yesterday with how I was feeling and then me falling asleep. Well then again my fatigue and lack of sleeping probably played into that as well. Who really knows.
At least there were ass and titties to look at while I was there. From skinny to thick and young to old. There were some curves.
Fried fish, tater salad, baked beans, crab legs, pasta salad and cake were on the menu. Everyone was eating and enjoying themselves.
I sat on the porch remembering when the house use to be Big Ma's house and coming there ever summer from overseas somewhere. The porch then was't screened in at all. We use to go outside on the porch to get some air since Big Ma was burning us out of the house with that wood burning stove she sat directly behind. All the times that I was there since it was one of the few places the parental units allowed me to be while I was in the states. many memories there.
Well this is the continuation from last night since I passed out. I think I had heat stroke yesterday with how I was feeling and then me falling asleep. Well then again my fatigue and lack of sleeping probably played into that as well. Who really knows.
At least there were ass and titties to look at while I was there. From skinny to thick and young to old. There were some curves.
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