What a Difference a Year Makes?

 It has been a while. I am not surprised with everything going on.

But at least this year for my birthday I did not almost die (lol). This year was spent just low key. Chexking on little one after her surgery and just mostly concern for her. I really didn't think too much about tuning another year older. We went out to eat and hang out a little bit so she didn't get worn out. And I had the added treat to have my sexy chef cook dinner for me that saturday as we talked and caught up. Still laughing at her ass saying, "I use to talk to your boy." My reply, "what boy?" Found out it was a guy I met at the pool swing party in Aiken. Apparently he has been talking to her from years from some time ago when he saw me talking to her online. she aked the question I don't think she was ready for the answer about if we fucked someone together. I don't have to lie so yeah. Hell, I would have fucked her thick, sexy, horny ass to death now if it was on the table. But that is just my horniness as usual.

All three girls are doing as fine as can be expected with the things each of them have going on in their lives. It can be hard to be supportive, encouraging and all with strong willed individuals.

Preparing for my first presentation at the Uprise conference. After getting on a podcast with other presenters it made me really analyze things. Where it all began to where it is now. The disasters of being rigid and not understanding red. Trying to figure things out and not absorbing things as I should have. To other decisions and choices. Never thinking that I would be Leather or know as much as I do now. Yet, still have so far to go. But in a week I will be online presenting a class on chaos, living this life and surviving basically.

The parental unit still is deteriorating slowly. But at least he hasn't burnt up anymore of the neighbors property again. And him and the sister are talking about where they are trying to move to. They want me to come as well but I have no interest in that. Si rhus us giubg to be interesting.

I miss the fuck fests. The sex anywhere anytime adventures. And playing.

I have been having crazy dreams as well. And I hate dreaming. Like I was with a chick I have never done anything with. I find her cute when she doesn't have all that damn make up on and attractive. But why the hell was she in my dream?

Welcome to the Cave

Time has given me the usual powers of extra thinking lol.

Looking back at things from the beginning to now has been eye opening and bothersome along with other adjecdtives.

Started out a dynamic with red. Being brand new I tried different things to make things work. Educational hodgepoge of things. It didn't work and it wasn't me. I appreciate the fact that through her being the first dynamic I had a chance to learn and make mistakes but it was costly. I was too attached, safe, caring and all so she suffered and I created the wrong path for myself.  Even when I was asked about the Mr Wolf and harley tattoo it reminded me that was the small piece that was relative to me when it came to her. Thus I have not had an issue with it being there like others would or think I should have. 

Some attempts at dynamics were just ill advised and not thought through appropriately. Thus why they were excommunicated and/or removed. Part of that coming into perspective part of this journey.

Then there is the dynamic with little one that has gone on for 5 years already. Not because it is perfect, but because I am different now and have moved further than I use to be. Still a bunch of issues, mistakes and the like have happened. But this has been one of the biggest aspects of trial by error uses i have used through out all of this. learning more about things that needed to be negotiated, said, done, enforced and all.

And babycakes presented even more challenges on top of the ones that I had already experienced. So, I still had to keep learning, analyzing and evolving.

Throw sunshine in the mix and the journey jambalya has a bunch of different flavors to manage and be involved in. Aspects of personality, living, existing and the future stay in flux. With the importance of doing the best of available possibilities to best of ability.

It can be difficult to understand why I am hard on myself about things. But it is important to do the best. This lifestyle can be rough and taxing with is not about playing or fucking. (I still need a lot more playing and fuckfest constantly.)

Just shocked at the changes from then to now. Never really looked at how much truly has changed and how long ago it was when this all began. From being ultra conservative to being anarchist.

I Am a Caveman, Not Burger King

 A bit of everything in the world has gone on in the last week. I have held my attitude together as best I could. Patience has been at negative 100 with no change in sight it seems.

Had to call 911 on my cigar buddy because he became unresponsive while we were all sitting on the balcony smoking and drinking. Regardless of him not wanting me to call. The hell with that. Not dealing with him dying after his wife just died last year. 

Dealing with the government and services has me really wanting to to tag all of them. So, I will just continue doing whatever I need to do to make things happen.

Ru, is alright even though I am worried about here and how she is doing. I know she got what it takes to survived but worry is still there. 

Talking to Ru about relations and people thinking they know you. We both will give all to others. That is our way. But in the same token if nothing is given back or it is not appreciated then there is a cut off. There is only one person that knows me well enough to give perspective on me and that is Ru. I found it funny that others have talked to others thinking they knew how I think, felt or anything. The thoughts and feelings of others is understood but they are not necessarily mine. I won't chase or beg anyone to be with, stay or any of that. I expect them to be able to communicate, handle a relation with me and make the efforts.  This is not have it your way burger king. But that comfort level is a serious thing for them. And I just don't casually fit in those boxes. 

The parental unit is still deteriorating. But holding on. Memory is getting worse. Not sure about his hearing. Barely able to walk. Praying every time he takes the truck.

Being a black Dominant male these days is definitely not a cake walk. Hell, it is shocking to have survived this long.

Let Me Reintroduce Myself

 What can I say? I live Life Unscripted fully!

parental unit is still a fucking mess. Watching tv all day, eating everything that he shouldn't and just annoying. Since he got the second corona shot he has been even worst. Dizzy, more lethargic and sleepy.

I may not be back to Universe Killer Hulk mode but I am at least back to World War Hulk level. Back to fighting everyone, everything at the same time. The hospital and recovery was a slight break even though the fighting continued then.

The girls are dealing with a lot going on in their lives. All I can do is support them since there are no real solutions so far. Prayer and perserverance.

My health is better. bp and bs seem to be in control without pharma so that is a good thing. But this shit still sucks.

Further analysis and reflection continues to reveal so much. Just sitting back and watching has been educational as well. Attitude and rage even more. This whole cancel and sensitive culture is so far out of hand it is ridiculous.

It is interesting that individuals will think that they know me so well or that those I know no me so well that they make assumptions. The reality is if you wanted to talk to the person that knows me as close as possible that is my Ru. Love the fact that we are just ourselves. Accepted and understood. No pretense or anything.

The girls have so much going on. Seems like all of us are going from one crisis to another lately. But they will be fine and make it through their things. It can be hard to not try to fix things for them and how I see it sometimes. But learning and growth are necessary things.

I am just a Caveman that requires the simple things in life. Interest, Commitment. Adaptability. Self actualization. Love, Passion. Great sex and cooking often. And more lol

Till the next Deathstar firing...

Life Unscripted: Death and Alignment

 What a year! Already in the second month and all I can do is shake my head and be thankful that my loved ones didn't have to suffer permanently if I had died.

All the things that I have lived through, came back from, avoided and survived continues to grow. Auntie said I still have things to do and that is why I am still here. I have heard that a number of times over my life.

I do not have a fear of dying or death. Those things I have accepted. My fear and concern are for those that care about and love me. Them having to deal with something happening to me. Their stress, anguish, pain and despair. And this last month definitely shed light on all of that fully. To hear, see and feel it all in their voice, video and communication is heart wrenching.

I am thankful for the support, love, concern and Everything that happened during this. Even the surprised communication. 

This brought about alignment and re-alignment.  The girls banded together through this crisis and got things done. Proud of them doing that together. And I became re-aligned. Back to before 2014 and 2007. Foundations renewed.

With a thankful heart and soul I give my appreciation and thanks.

much luv

Life Unscripted: The Danger Zone

 

Welcome to 2021. 

i normally do a end of year wrap up but that went to hell in a hand basket since I had to about die for the second time in 2020.  Had to have them call the ambulance for me on the 30th. So not only had to cancel the Memphis trip but also a hospital adventure. Not a fan of how this went down but things happened because I am not what I use to be. 

This definitely showed a spotlight on the emergency broadcast had to be fixed and vamped since I didn't have my phone. The girls definitely were in a panic understandably. So better preparation had to be made. 

2020 brought me back to traveling a lot. Trips to sunshine and Ru. Getting that work in as well. Adventures in Htown definitely increased.  The girls have been going through it. I offered as much support, guidance and listening as I could with all that has jumped the hell off. But damn we went through it in our lives. 

Hard to believe the last event that we were physically at was SPLF almost a year ago now when alll this corona shit started ramping up. From then on everything was virtual. Missed the hell out of our CTX events in person. I did hit killeen for Spanksgiving to just be in the area and see some folk there even though it was online. That energy and journey watching is missed big time.

Reflection:

Apocalypse

Big Evil

The OG style

Had to roll things back. To what it was before the soft era began. Especially with the new nazi party coming into effect on the 20th. Just staying strapped and ready to clap.

Streamlined this walk of mine. Riders are going to ride or be left on the wayside. Not, going to continue to give out the nicities when there is no need. Especially when they can't communicate or are too soft to ride with me. 

The whole idea that folks can handle me being me is laughable. Repeatedly shown that this is not a skill of theirs. They still say and think they can handle it as they run and cry about being sensitive.  I understand that they think they can but reality repeatedly shows otherwise. It definitely makes me miss those days when I was accepted for being me and could be myself fully without someone having an issue or meltdown. 

Forward Into the Darkness:

As I walk into the unknown now I have strengthened my resolve. Love, passion and vibrancy live. Just in a very different way. Taken to the extremes and left to only be.

Lifestyles, the House, my girl. Life Unscripted has exploded even more than I thought possible.

The tears and fires still burn me. The memories that still hold me and make me move forward.