My journey in bdsm has been one of profound experiences and accounting.
I am still new. I will continue to learn. To look for a mentor and everything.
As it was said on the conference call tonight by Kore. The aspects of this lifestyle is not all that sexy when you are doing the relationship things. Not just the beat me and make me feel good episodes.
It is important to have that connection and binding that you need outside of playing with someone. But as it has been said what do you do with each other when there is no play. It is about being able to talk and do things that are basically considered vanilla.
My journey with Lil Red has been one filled with uniqueness an weirdness. But it has been a journey in fundamentals and a dynamic that holds a serious weight between us. We talk and are able to function in and out of the lifestyle. Defining being a Dom and a sub together on a journey into mystery.
This relationship and hierarchy is not easy. It isn't a simple turn the corner and be there. It is about the building of trust and communicating. The connection that is established and grows. Hell, I can tell you in this short amount of time I have learned from leaps and bounds on things. And I am still in the very first steps of this.
There were the question of whether Lil Red was the right one. How did I know and understand that she was the right one. And my answer was and is: Because I evaluated, analyzed and got to know her. It comes from teh times where we have agreed, disagreed and shown who we truly are. But the beginning was that vibe and connection that was undeniable to me.
Here we are in the here and now.
Everything is not krispy kreme sweet with Lil Red and I. Our journey is not complete or even fully defined. But it is what it is and where it needs to be.
This lifestyle. This choice. Is not for the faint of heart. Or even for those that can do it if it is easy. It is overcoming, the overwhelming things that won't come easy or make sense.
Minus the glamour and glitz. I enjoy Lil Red and the things that we do and share. Add to that the D/s and the destiny that I have planned. Then things are just Perfect!
The Journey...
Mr Wolf and Lil Red
I am ready, willing and committed.
Be Prepared.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Predestined Destination
Yesterday brought to mind a plethora of things at the cigar shop.
If you didn't know my wife died 4 years ago. Instantly from a seizure from orgasms and I couldn't save her.
I mention the above because there is an older white guy that is a retired teacher that had his wife die a few months back. And he was trying to resusitate her like I was until the emts showed up and it didn't work. His name is Rich.
Rich and I conversate and laugh. We have joined in a bond because of losing our wives. His after many years together and mine after over 2 years. So when I saw that down look on his face the first time and the confusion I understood fully. That time when you are at a loss. Dealing with a part of you dying that you weren't expecting or ready to happen. The chaos that ensues while you don't have a moment to think through the fog that surrounds you and you breathe in is outlandish. People say and do things that make you want to murder them immediately.
So yesterday Rich came in to the shop and he broke down at the counter. It was something about a picture that he found in a drawer of his wife. it was short but it was a break down. And I totally understand and have been there plenty of times. Times where I have been driving and something reminded me of Chocolate Doll. And as Rich mentioned, certain things happen like his wife was sending a message. I have had that with Lil Red and the whole conversation about finding someone to be happy with after Chocolate Doll was gone instead of me staying to myself. There will be moments where you cry, get angry and or don't understand why.
Two very different individuals. But it is like God set in place me to be at the shop at this point in time to give support and guidance in a time where Rich needs it. And I am one that can understand it more closely than anyone else. So the Evil One is glad to help and be supportive to someone that needs it in a specific way. Helping him as much as I can from knowing the type of pain that he is going through is something else.
In this thing called life. Things like this is what makes life acceptable at times. The ability to be helpful and supportive in a way that is specific quality.
And I understand the death of his wife very well. Even I have my moments of memory, reflection and things that spark it all, even this day. I miss a woman that made me very happy and wanted me to be happy, both when she was alive and when she died. And I know she is having a ball laughing at me now with the things that I am going through. *I feel like sticking my hands in the back of your jeans again* Even the similarities are eerie at times. But all of this is some Chocolate Doll fault anyway.
But regardless I will keep Rich in prayer and continue providing what support I can. Whether it is some laughter, one of my shared crazy experiences or simply picking at him.
What is needed will happen.
This was a moment into the caring and concerned part of me. We will return back to our regularly schedule Havoc after this.
If you didn't know my wife died 4 years ago. Instantly from a seizure from orgasms and I couldn't save her.
I mention the above because there is an older white guy that is a retired teacher that had his wife die a few months back. And he was trying to resusitate her like I was until the emts showed up and it didn't work. His name is Rich.
Rich and I conversate and laugh. We have joined in a bond because of losing our wives. His after many years together and mine after over 2 years. So when I saw that down look on his face the first time and the confusion I understood fully. That time when you are at a loss. Dealing with a part of you dying that you weren't expecting or ready to happen. The chaos that ensues while you don't have a moment to think through the fog that surrounds you and you breathe in is outlandish. People say and do things that make you want to murder them immediately.
So yesterday Rich came in to the shop and he broke down at the counter. It was something about a picture that he found in a drawer of his wife. it was short but it was a break down. And I totally understand and have been there plenty of times. Times where I have been driving and something reminded me of Chocolate Doll. And as Rich mentioned, certain things happen like his wife was sending a message. I have had that with Lil Red and the whole conversation about finding someone to be happy with after Chocolate Doll was gone instead of me staying to myself. There will be moments where you cry, get angry and or don't understand why.
Two very different individuals. But it is like God set in place me to be at the shop at this point in time to give support and guidance in a time where Rich needs it. And I am one that can understand it more closely than anyone else. So the Evil One is glad to help and be supportive to someone that needs it in a specific way. Helping him as much as I can from knowing the type of pain that he is going through is something else.
In this thing called life. Things like this is what makes life acceptable at times. The ability to be helpful and supportive in a way that is specific quality.
And I understand the death of his wife very well. Even I have my moments of memory, reflection and things that spark it all, even this day. I miss a woman that made me very happy and wanted me to be happy, both when she was alive and when she died. And I know she is having a ball laughing at me now with the things that I am going through. *I feel like sticking my hands in the back of your jeans again* Even the similarities are eerie at times. But all of this is some Chocolate Doll fault anyway.
But regardless I will keep Rich in prayer and continue providing what support I can. Whether it is some laughter, one of my shared crazy experiences or simply picking at him.
What is needed will happen.
This was a moment into the caring and concerned part of me. We will return back to our regularly schedule Havoc after this.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Combined Lifestyles and Lack of Fortitude
I am telling you up front. this is going to be long. Get your drink and snacks together now!
Well we are into another week. And as always my mind is in overdrive every second of the day and night. From my relationship, my relationships to everything that has to be accomplished and handled.
In 5 days I have traveled more than 2000 miles so I hear Ru Ru saying, "told your Road Warrior ass that you were not retired." So yeah this one time she was correct in that. But I am not going to say it unless she asks. lol
Rope class was cool. I watched because I was still worn out and I felt it while I was sitting there watching. Still wish I had someone to go there with me so I could practice on. But that is life. I found myself keeping myself awake.
Ok so this was the weekend I was going to the swing party in rdu. Even though the ex munchkin monkey is excommunicated before that point. I said I was going to go and so I did. I really wanted to go and show my fucking ass at them bitches. So I ended up going with the teenage dream to the party. With her as my slave. And I had no intention on sharing anything with anyone there. Plus I needed a playmate anyway so I can have some fun and release a little bit of energy.
Here is the thing about me and the swing lifestyle. I enjoyed it in the beginning because the people weren't fake ass, self serving monkeys. And unfortunately it is also linked to they were not just black folk. But in the beginning it was about meeting, socializing and not being cliquish and having a good time. After that point it was just about money and whoever was the stars and flavor of the moment. But I don't normally play at parties because I am just good ole me and nobody else. So I bring my sand to the beach so I get what I want and how I want. Fuck the rest.
So back to this weekends party. It was alright. A little cramped in the host room but oh well. The main host was flirtatious but i knew that from the first time I met her at that cookout and tattoo party last month or something. I finally saw what evil lyn (ex munchkin monkey's cousin) looked like outside of a car. She actually had a decent body and some titties and ass. I still think she is a transformer and is just part human, part car. lol I had nothing to say to the ex munchkin monkey taking the money at all. There were some of the regulars. One of the ninja turtle looking chicks. And that hershey chick that doesn't like me because of the red springs monkey bitch. So teenage dream and I were in the host room and it was time to dress down and the host came to get the females. I told her that teenage dream wouldnt' be playing. I know that she loves fresh, new pussy so I am sure that was a bit of a let down but she had plenty of other options.
There was a guy there that I had met at the cookout and tattoo party with his girlfriend who wanted to swap but something was nagging at me not to do that even though I didn't mind fucking his chick. And I remembered later why. He stayed on the phone that first time I met him arguing with his wife. And the girlfriend was pissed with him about it. Umm, no thanks to fucking drama that I didn't create.
This brought to life the whole conversations and issues with swinging and bdsm that has been happening. I mean they are two different lifestyles and people are trying to combine the two. Like the ex munchkin monkey and the host had to get permisson from some guy but they are not his sub or slave. Go ahead and play that way if you choose to. Now I was a swinger before I came into bdsm. And I do combine the two. I combine them like I did last weekend. I went to a party and went back to my room to play. But I also know in true swinging there are relationships that are built and worked on as there are in bdsm. There isn't necessarily a hierarchy of course. But as in and out of both lifestyles and life you have those that want to pretend, play or just defraud the lifestyles and themselves. Nothing will stop the differing opinions on this subject.
Which brings me to a final subject. The actions of those that I once cared about and loved. Because once again I had to really consider just going all out and completely decimating another one instead of keeping her in limbo. Because I can't keep giving chances to show the importance of the relationship. I normally excommunicate immediately. But in my old age I gave some chances unfortunately over this last year. My mistake. Out of nostalgia and a past I gave these two a chance this year. Yeah, that worked real well. They couldn't speak up, tell the truth or say what were on their mind. But they want to act like everything is ok. No, it is not but then again maybe it is for you. For me you have made your choice in your exit strategy. And how do I always attempt to communicate with you and you never get the messages no matter what form I use? That is rather suspicious to me. Especially when I spend my time traveling. But that is apparently the concensus for humans today. I dont' have time to play games with jealous, insecure females that want to show and be extra crazy. With that said...you get what you choose.
Alright so I told you it was long. As I sit here watching wwe's night of champions and still laughing at how the first episode of Gotham didn't hook my interest yesterday. I am going to eat me some wings now and chill. Thinking about some Mr Wolf and Lil Red Time!
Well we are into another week. And as always my mind is in overdrive every second of the day and night. From my relationship, my relationships to everything that has to be accomplished and handled.
In 5 days I have traveled more than 2000 miles so I hear Ru Ru saying, "told your Road Warrior ass that you were not retired." So yeah this one time she was correct in that. But I am not going to say it unless she asks. lol
Rope class was cool. I watched because I was still worn out and I felt it while I was sitting there watching. Still wish I had someone to go there with me so I could practice on. But that is life. I found myself keeping myself awake.
Ok so this was the weekend I was going to the swing party in rdu. Even though the ex munchkin monkey is excommunicated before that point. I said I was going to go and so I did. I really wanted to go and show my fucking ass at them bitches. So I ended up going with the teenage dream to the party. With her as my slave. And I had no intention on sharing anything with anyone there. Plus I needed a playmate anyway so I can have some fun and release a little bit of energy.
Here is the thing about me and the swing lifestyle. I enjoyed it in the beginning because the people weren't fake ass, self serving monkeys. And unfortunately it is also linked to they were not just black folk. But in the beginning it was about meeting, socializing and not being cliquish and having a good time. After that point it was just about money and whoever was the stars and flavor of the moment. But I don't normally play at parties because I am just good ole me and nobody else. So I bring my sand to the beach so I get what I want and how I want. Fuck the rest.
So back to this weekends party. It was alright. A little cramped in the host room but oh well. The main host was flirtatious but i knew that from the first time I met her at that cookout and tattoo party last month or something. I finally saw what evil lyn (ex munchkin monkey's cousin) looked like outside of a car. She actually had a decent body and some titties and ass. I still think she is a transformer and is just part human, part car. lol I had nothing to say to the ex munchkin monkey taking the money at all. There were some of the regulars. One of the ninja turtle looking chicks. And that hershey chick that doesn't like me because of the red springs monkey bitch. So teenage dream and I were in the host room and it was time to dress down and the host came to get the females. I told her that teenage dream wouldnt' be playing. I know that she loves fresh, new pussy so I am sure that was a bit of a let down but she had plenty of other options.
There was a guy there that I had met at the cookout and tattoo party with his girlfriend who wanted to swap but something was nagging at me not to do that even though I didn't mind fucking his chick. And I remembered later why. He stayed on the phone that first time I met him arguing with his wife. And the girlfriend was pissed with him about it. Umm, no thanks to fucking drama that I didn't create.
This brought to life the whole conversations and issues with swinging and bdsm that has been happening. I mean they are two different lifestyles and people are trying to combine the two. Like the ex munchkin monkey and the host had to get permisson from some guy but they are not his sub or slave. Go ahead and play that way if you choose to. Now I was a swinger before I came into bdsm. And I do combine the two. I combine them like I did last weekend. I went to a party and went back to my room to play. But I also know in true swinging there are relationships that are built and worked on as there are in bdsm. There isn't necessarily a hierarchy of course. But as in and out of both lifestyles and life you have those that want to pretend, play or just defraud the lifestyles and themselves. Nothing will stop the differing opinions on this subject.
Which brings me to a final subject. The actions of those that I once cared about and loved. Because once again I had to really consider just going all out and completely decimating another one instead of keeping her in limbo. Because I can't keep giving chances to show the importance of the relationship. I normally excommunicate immediately. But in my old age I gave some chances unfortunately over this last year. My mistake. Out of nostalgia and a past I gave these two a chance this year. Yeah, that worked real well. They couldn't speak up, tell the truth or say what were on their mind. But they want to act like everything is ok. No, it is not but then again maybe it is for you. For me you have made your choice in your exit strategy. And how do I always attempt to communicate with you and you never get the messages no matter what form I use? That is rather suspicious to me. Especially when I spend my time traveling. But that is apparently the concensus for humans today. I dont' have time to play games with jealous, insecure females that want to show and be extra crazy. With that said...you get what you choose.
Alright so I told you it was long. As I sit here watching wwe's night of champions and still laughing at how the first episode of Gotham didn't hook my interest yesterday. I am going to eat me some wings now and chill. Thinking about some Mr Wolf and Lil Red Time!
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