From the Recesses of Doomsday

I am the darkness, within the darkness that is the light. *let that marinate*

It is hard and frustrating to have purpose, direction and goal. Yet fight individuals that can share, journey with and are enemies of the goals. Yet, the war must continue.

Since I was young I have known what I wanted and required. Even though I had to learn and tweek things growing up. The base was already there.

There was no follow the blueprint of my family. There was only my blueprint. All that you want someone just like your mother was some damn nonsense to me. I wanted a woman that was sexy, strong, understanding and submissive. (a weird female type indeed)  I was not like my male parental unit at all. My concept of family was only my own. And my wife and others that I have loved have little similarity to the female parental unit besides cooking.

I have walked the darkness, while being the light for others since the beginning. To embrace my darkness fully once I got older and evolved into something even darker. Thoughts of having two subs/slaves, a wife that is a sub or any combination there of had not been in play then. Nor the strength of this need to give release to pain and pleasure that I have pent up inside of me.

Having been a late bloomer as they call it I saw things differently. And realized just how complicated a woman I needed. That sex appeal, intelligence, alpha female attitude combined with super freaky, kinkiness with a dark connection. The gates opened wide for me once I met my wife though. Because then it was a regular level of freakiness I could have and keep.  I wonder how much more intense would we have been if I was into bdsm fully back then.

Being a Dom has always been natural. Even before I took ownership of those actions. It brought me pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Like the times with Em when I would release her for play after denial sessions. The joy on her face and passion made me smile fully. Those moments solidified my joy, desire and dedication.

The thing that I have craved to find is that woman that can handle me fully. The one that can handle the forced orgasms and I can let the sadist I keep in check out in me. I have heard the comments about how they can take this and that. But I know what I keep in super max inside of me. So I flog, paddle and spank with attention to their safety as I should. But damn, a woman that I can let it all go would be Awesome!

Looking at the candidates, the interests and all. I just have to shake my head in wonder.

Will the only way I have the woman I need is to invoke

PROJECT BUILD A BITCH


Let me return to the fiery, congested storms of my mind