Sometimes I have to wonder what is the purpose of relationships. In this day and age it seems like it is a total waste. Females have no clue how to be a woman. Lost in past relationships. Damaged goods.Caught in a tornado of evil intent and distance. But screaming I want a relationship while killing anyone that genuinely approaches them.
Lately I have reflected. Thought about past, future and present. I have been happily married and I am so thankful for that. Hated coming back to dating. Realizing the dating scene is like being locked up and repeatedly murdered. Meeting females that are disconnected and crazy. The adventures and stories are of epic proportions. Females are confusing. And modern females are beyond confusing. They are contwisticated.
With that said I have adapted and learned to compartmentalize things. Regardless of being a loving, caring romantic I have to adjust to the times of females that want to be males. Trying to stay out of the quagmire of their confusion is like running from the Minotaur in the labyrinth. But it is the only way to stay semi sane.
Getting ready for Black Beat. My first time being around this many people in the bdsm lifestyle. This should be interesting and educational. The energy at the conference should be bananas. Plus it's time to let more of my sadistic side out. Especially since it seems that Red is for real about hurt and pain. I have always reigned in the amount of pain inflicted because of fear it will be too much. But it is time. And with everything going on and inside of me I need it.
I would rather be in a relationship. But it doesn't seem like that is a possibility. Plus wanting to have bdsm household and relationship has been a mythological reach in all this. Have I given up? Not completely. Just no longer actively trying.
I need to finish up this packing and get to moving.
Next stop the baltimore area. I am already strapped.
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