These Moods, Moments and Memories

One of my favorite albums is Monifah's "Moods...Moments." It was one of the very few Rnb albums I could listen to back then. It held and holds a lot of meaning. And Monifah is one sexy motherfucker! Her songs provided context, connections and feelings as music that truly moves you always does.

red and I have had conversations about music and what it represents, how it makes you feel and the memories it represents. That is mostly because she is a music know it all *lol*.  But I seem to marry, date and associate with these types apparently. lol  I will warn you. Never do musical trivia with red or little one. You will lose.

So an awful lot has gone on lately. Especially this year.

Parental unit hospitalization. Health issues. The things going on with Ru, little one, red and everyone else.Add to that the transportation issues and other things. You can say there really has been a busy and continuous amount of stress.

red and I were discussing my current situation and the concept of support. It is believed that I don't, won't want or ask for support. I have asked for support. red and little one have given me support. And Ru has been the support plenty of times.  But I have made some changes about support, needs and everything concerning myself. So things are a bit different. red called it sad and I understand why she said that.  But the scale had to be used and balanced accordingly with this as well as other things.

Here is the twisted part to the paragraph above. On the other hand I will do whatever I can to support and be there for those I actually care about. Even when they just want to be alone to deal with whatever. Yeah, a double or triple standard, but hey I am a Caveman. Not going to lie and claim that it doesn't bother me that I cannot be there or support those I care about. I want to always be there but I realized that I can't and i shouldn't from being with red and little one. And I needed to learn that. It helped me with understanding and acceptance. The puzzle and the scale were made proper.

Being connected is a seriously important thing to me. Whether the person I am interested or whoever understands it or not. I have and will attempt to explain but it is a concept that seems to be only be grasped by those that it is important to. And it is not an issue. It is fine. It doesn't change the way I feel, the position i have given to the person that I am interested in or care about.

I didn't think about it until today when i realized the comment about a picture of Chocolate Doll and the discussion about support and comforts  But hell it has been 10 years since we first met and had great sex on our first date at her house in philly for five days.  Hard to believe that it has been that long.

So all these days, months and times have truly been...  moods, moments and memories


As I listen to this mix I smile, laugh and think about the past and present.


Big smile. Make the most and best of all that you do.

Poetic Moment: Pieces in a Puzzle

Pieces in a Puzzle

Bits and pieces

Each bringing parts of the whole

Fitting together

To create

What I need

Passion

Love

Freakiness

Each skill

Held in captivity

As I place each

Each lady

Giving what they are

Giving me

What I need

Unable to fit exactly

Needed for their individuality

Each uniquely qualified

Creating

Maintaining

The best of what I need

For the puzzle

Whole process is

Me

From the chocolatezeus collection  9/30/17  ©

Here Are the Things You Don't Know

Cue the kokoro drum beat...

So this week has been a fubar, clusterfuck of one of the utmost proportions. But we will get to that a bit further down.

There are those that consider or think they have grasped the understanding of me. From those in the circle to those outside of the realm of personable entities.

So here are some secrets. So pay attention:

Connection

This is something that is of extreme importance to me. It is the tie that binds more than your personal, logical application. It is what makes me be able to be with, want and see you as something of importance in my life.

It is a hard concept for most to understand because their logical thinking and anti-emotional aspects scream "Danger Will Robinson!" at every instance. But here is where intimacy can reside in a very deep mental and emotional state.

When I have told someone about my connection to them they think I am crazy and they put their defenses up higher and keep on running. But this deep acceptance is what makes the difference between your situationship and me having a real relationship.


Acceptance and Understanding

I am not, nor will I ever be your former boyfriend, husband, dominant or daddy. I am just me, myself and I! I say that because apparently there is always some need to use some comparison.

I actually care, want relationships, work on relationships and believe in them. Take time to support, nurture and maintain love, affection and interest.

My life works on the black and white scale. So yes, red and babygirl can tell you I am the extremes if you need to ask them. I am like either we are rolling or you are an enemy. No need to wait around for wishy washy ass shit. But I do realize that is the way that most work and I see that. So I applied the sliding scale for all those that I interact with and maintain some type of relation with.

With my sliding scale I understand and accept. But can you understand and accept me? Or does everything have to be an issue because it is not your way or understanding? The sign of true independence and intelligence is being able to be together, care and disagree and not have an issue.


I think that is enough secrets for now. Don't want your head to explode like scanners.

Well the week has been filled with attitudes, chaos, infighting, some personal attacks, realization that cold as ice is the best way to have a relation with some females.  It is just time to make everyone even more happy.

Plus waiting on the next hurricane. Hell, we haven't even gotten into november yet. So this is going to be an interesting year.

I truly see the reasons why I have become nice and cold, plus accepted and honored the distance that those I have relation with asked for.

Times have really come into play just like World War Hulk. And to be honest I relish it fully. There may be one bright light left. But, the flames of decimation and destruction have already arrived. Ultimate Hulk cometh!

My advice to you.
Don't fear life. Live and make things happen. Mistakes will happen. But if you can't live then you can't enjoy living your life.

Until the next episode. Be well.


As I submit to the kokoro drum beats...