These are the Moments

When  reality hits the road. Or things that were possibilities arise.

I try to protect those I care about from as much as possible. Even themselves or myself. I mean well but the negatives have made me rethink and demolish like everything else.

I avoid asking for help or anything because of how I am. I have to get things done. That comes from responses from help and asking as well as my rules.

In this moment I have released the last fail safe in preparation of the next move.

It is time to drop the nuke!

What is the Point?

After a weekend of straight drinking and smoking in VA. Dealing with my injury and sickness. And making necessary decisions. It brought me to this after one of the very few convos I have had over this holiday episode.


I was asked this question about a number of things on the subjects of love, dating and bdsm. As always my answers are my own. Not feminists, not the drones, not whoever else.

Love

I love and I am love. Loving in ways that the recipients have shown that they dont quite understand or anything. Even I do not understand their concept, vision or illusion of love they present most of the times.

But love is looking past how so mentally and emotionally you are fucked up, damaged and beyond repair to see what you hold inside. Those things that if you chose to be make you the dynamic woman that you are meant to be. It is why I can say what I want in someone when I have done my analysis and mean it. Like I could marry you or you are good for some long term part time shit and etc. Yeah, yeah the things that they run from immediately because no one should say anything until 15 years down the line. I am just direct and realize what I want.

Love is being there and supporting even when it means they don't want to communicate, express or interact at all. Giving a safety that they can have if they actually decided to. There are no thanks or acknowledgement. Merely knowing that is who and what you are regardless of all the drama they go throw and how far they push you away.

Dating

It is what it is. It can be something to do. It can be for the purpose to try to find a needle in a haystack and find an actual relationship.

I have dated to find someone to be with forever and ever. And it worked out just fine. But that didn't mean that there wasn't a clusterfuck before and after that.

You either adjust to whatever those you date can handle and available to, set parameters and have no expectations of them or just date because it passes the time. There are plenty of options out there for people. And dating doesn't even mean that you not single anymore either for folks. So there you go. Spin the wheel and make the deal.

Bdsm

There is no other way to say it but that it is hard. When you are doing more than just play and dealing with individuals life, attitudes, issues, relations with others and all it is like fighting the million year war most of the time.

Why do I do it? Because it has meaning to me. Because I enjoy the safe zone, help and guidance that I can provide. It doesn't mean that there are not brick walls, land mines and attacks from them. It means you walk in, set your goals and roll to them like the Battle of the Bulge.

It is the moments that they contact me and we discuss options on things that they have going on or are interested in. It is when we are laid together and things are silent and they are relaxed. The adventures that we endure together in far away and near places.



This walk that I am on is based on my choices. On those that are important to me and their stations in the circles of my life. Even the ones on the edge of the outside circle. Through it all I remain loving, caring and supportive. In the face of all the adverse reactions and adversity. Regardless of all things that go on with me I will stand my ground, defend and attack.

Me and These Old Skool Beats Thanks to DJ L3XX

From the beginning to the end it had me going from song to song.

Remembering dancing with Chocolate Doll as well as mvp doing her dancing.