my hatred for the parental units and others that annoy me and more is at a fevered pitch.
Yeah, I miss CD now and with LR was up to par.
but fuck it!
oh well.
*release the hell of hell*
Saturday, September 05, 2015
Thursday, September 03, 2015
Compartmentalization...All Me!!
I am compartmentalized.
My feelings and love remain compartmentalized at all times. Well, that is not true there was only two times that I haven't and don't compartmentalize and one is dead and the other is the rock.
I know others need to get this and that clear. They need someone to help them through it all to be back on the path of their happiness.
Well that is not me.
When you are available and pass the application then you can walk through all of me. Otherwise like a Battlestar everything is compartmentalized so that you won't destroy the whole ship without doing massive damage. And I am not going to allow that.
And hell you have to reserve the best of the best for the one or if a miracle occurs two people that pass muster for the elite position. But, they don't understand the value or importance of the position.
Water and damage tight.
But hey if you want to go to war. I am ready for you, and you and you. *clap your hands*
My feelings and love remain compartmentalized at all times. Well, that is not true there was only two times that I haven't and don't compartmentalize and one is dead and the other is the rock.
I know others need to get this and that clear. They need someone to help them through it all to be back on the path of their happiness.
Well that is not me.
When you are available and pass the application then you can walk through all of me. Otherwise like a Battlestar everything is compartmentalized so that you won't destroy the whole ship without doing massive damage. And I am not going to allow that.
And hell you have to reserve the best of the best for the one or if a miracle occurs two people that pass muster for the elite position. But, they don't understand the value or importance of the position.
Water and damage tight.
But hey if you want to go to war. I am ready for you, and you and you. *clap your hands*
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
Spoken Heart: My Peace
This is something that I tried to express. But I still don't think I captured it.
It is that feeling that I get because of my vibe and connection. That person that can calm me simply. Make things better without even trying.
This is something very dear to me. It isn't about the need. It isn't about them making me happy (even though they do). It is about how deep down the rabbit hole the connection is.
Enjoy.
It is that feeling that I get because of my vibe and connection. That person that can calm me simply. Make things better without even trying.
This is something very dear to me. It isn't about the need. It isn't about them making me happy (even though they do). It is about how deep down the rabbit hole the connection is.
Enjoy.
My Peace
The key
The solution to
calming
My savage
Beast
You
Physically or
mentally
You center me
Give me shelter from
Life’s storms
A shot of you
And once again
I can fend off the
darkness
Embrace your essence
At times it is
The pleasure of your
curves
The caresses of your
finger tips
The mere utterances
And kisses of those
lips
And then
There are the times
When you are not even
present
And just conversation
Or your thoughts
Soothe me
I grasp
Your laughter
And bathe in your
Signature smile
All the while
Thankful
For even the Beast
Needs that safe haven
Those moments
To float in
Soak in
You
The key to
A deep inner feeling
The peace of peace
You give me
What I need
Regardless of
location
I am affected
Infected with
Your Chocolate
presence
My Peace
From the
Chocolatezeus collection 9/1/15 ©
The Hellfire Club: Inner Sanctum
There is a reason why it is you and then me and my inner sanctum. And damn it always seems to get smaller when I let more than one person in. At least there is that one mainstay there.
Because even without a microscope it is obvious to see the reasons why the Hellfire club is a two member thing. Black King and White Queen. Appropriate analogies and similarities.
Word snd actions have meaning according to who it involves. And those involved have been frauds. From the fake gfs, lovers and so called friends.
I can and will love, care for and protect you to my last breath. That is the Hellfire creed. Obviously that doesn't apply to those outside.
The two that I thought were ride or die. Were countryside lies. I just refused to see it in their eyes. Holding onto a past that was either fraudulent or died from the conception.
Invites and acceptance are rare exclusivity. They come with a weight and meaning that is deep for eternity.
I had to wonder was my evaluation process and thought process failing though. Since these last two got in under the radar.
Either way the Hellfire Club remains. We are the Road Warriors!
*now I feel like doing the Doomsday Torture Device move*
Because even without a microscope it is obvious to see the reasons why the Hellfire club is a two member thing. Black King and White Queen. Appropriate analogies and similarities.
Word snd actions have meaning according to who it involves. And those involved have been frauds. From the fake gfs, lovers and so called friends.
I can and will love, care for and protect you to my last breath. That is the Hellfire creed. Obviously that doesn't apply to those outside.
The two that I thought were ride or die. Were countryside lies. I just refused to see it in their eyes. Holding onto a past that was either fraudulent or died from the conception.
Invites and acceptance are rare exclusivity. They come with a weight and meaning that is deep for eternity.
I had to wonder was my evaluation process and thought process failing though. Since these last two got in under the radar.
Either way the Hellfire Club remains. We are the Road Warriors!
*now I feel like doing the Doomsday Torture Device move*
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Reactive Armor...A Deeper Understanding
This really applies to me and how I am and have been.
Definition: Reactive armor is a type of vehicle armour that reacts in some way to the impact of a weapon to reduce the damage done to the vehicle being protected
You thought when I said reactive that I meant that I was reacting to stimuli. Reality is the reactive armor is being prepared for things.
I always wanted family. Me, a wife and kids. Reality shook that to it's atoms. I finally found a wife. Yes, a miracle in and above itself. But there still were no kids as much as we both wanted them. And then there wasn't a wife anymore.
So I was thrust back into the horrid and ultra stupid world of dating. Basically, I knew I wanted a wife again. But this time with the understanding of even more depth. I want a wife that is submissive to me and even more connected than before. I fucked up now. I just went to impossible to infinity and beyond. I want a wife and her to be my submissive. No way!
I gave up and gave in. Still having that tiny spark of maybe I can hit the lottery twice in my life and get what I need. But I know that I am difficult and different. Even when they think they can connect me to their past men I show just how I am. it is the reason why I have kept more than one for majority of my life. Because they needed to be a woman by committee to me. (you like that NFL management don't you?) One or two couldn't handle me. Three or four had a better chance of surviving me.
Even though I know the odds are more than stacked against me. That it is hard to be with and understand me no matter how simple I try to explain it to be. That glimmer of hope was there. Hope...my enemy!
So lo and behold comes that distinct feeling. That vibe that I have only had once before. No, this is a fraud, It can't be happening. I fought it and then I realized that I wasn't wrong. It was that same impossible feeling and understanding. That vibe that said "this is that one of a kind thing." I evaluated and analyzed again and again. I couldn't deny it. So I did what I am supposed to do as the man. I put the reactive armor into the fray of things. Speaking my mind, what I sought and what I thought. I gave straight forward truth and knowledge about what it was I was thinking.
With everything that happens and goes into living. There is no telling what the future may bring.
In this year I have been:
Definition: Reactive armor is a type of vehicle armour that reacts in some way to the impact of a weapon to reduce the damage done to the vehicle being protected
You thought when I said reactive that I meant that I was reacting to stimuli. Reality is the reactive armor is being prepared for things.
I always wanted family. Me, a wife and kids. Reality shook that to it's atoms. I finally found a wife. Yes, a miracle in and above itself. But there still were no kids as much as we both wanted them. And then there wasn't a wife anymore.
So I was thrust back into the horrid and ultra stupid world of dating. Basically, I knew I wanted a wife again. But this time with the understanding of even more depth. I want a wife that is submissive to me and even more connected than before. I fucked up now. I just went to impossible to infinity and beyond. I want a wife and her to be my submissive. No way!
I gave up and gave in. Still having that tiny spark of maybe I can hit the lottery twice in my life and get what I need. But I know that I am difficult and different. Even when they think they can connect me to their past men I show just how I am. it is the reason why I have kept more than one for majority of my life. Because they needed to be a woman by committee to me. (you like that NFL management don't you?) One or two couldn't handle me. Three or four had a better chance of surviving me.
Even though I know the odds are more than stacked against me. That it is hard to be with and understand me no matter how simple I try to explain it to be. That glimmer of hope was there. Hope...my enemy!
So lo and behold comes that distinct feeling. That vibe that I have only had once before. No, this is a fraud, It can't be happening. I fought it and then I realized that I wasn't wrong. It was that same impossible feeling and understanding. That vibe that said "this is that one of a kind thing." I evaluated and analyzed again and again. I couldn't deny it. So I did what I am supposed to do as the man. I put the reactive armor into the fray of things. Speaking my mind, what I sought and what I thought. I gave straight forward truth and knowledge about what it was I was thinking.
With everything that happens and goes into living. There is no telling what the future may bring.
In this year I have been:
- betrayed
- envied
- the object of jealousy
- the scapegoat for not speaking up and speaking their mind
- the problem and anomaly
- the key to frustration
- overbearing and demanding
- aggressive and over confident
- despised for not wanting to be friendly
But in this year I learned even more. About life, me and living. The things and people that I have held important, evolving. The openness that I had allowed to grow and explode, met a black hole.
What reactive armor truly is?
Being prepared for things. Anticipating as much as you can but understanding that you will be blindsided anyway. It is making that effort even though you know they will not understand and feel some negative way about you. Standing your ground when all others flee. The moment that you show compassion even when they are lying to, trying to deceive and attack you.
Reactive armor is being battle ready and battle hardened.
And that is where I am. A bunker against the humans. The one that frustrates and pisses you off.
I am me, myself and I.
Whether in the fortress of solitude or in your heart.
I can only be those things.
No matter how much you disapprove and disbelieve.
*ass smacks and nipple pinches*
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.
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