I have always done things the way that others steered clear from and were against.
In the past year it has been monogamy vs poly. Newbie vs the more experienced. So many things.
I walk my own path. I think and act for myself.
Since I want both monogamy and poly. I am going to have them. And add to that some other things just for me.
It is clear there has to be more applicable adventures, times and more concerning me.
It's time!
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
Ground Support
This is a term used in battles and fighting conflicts. And it applies well here.
I have always been one to support, listen and be there for those I cared about, loved and was in love with. That means listening when they just need to vent or release. Or talking things through with them.
So yeah someone I care about is going through things. I want to be there for her but that is not going to happen. I was bothered by it at first. How would someone that I care about not want me to help them through everything that is going on with them? I asked if she needed me. If I could support or help her. The answers were a resounding no each time.
I was upset and bothered about it. I am supposed to be there for support. I am always the troops from hell to come eradicate, bolster and cull the enemy. Or just be the counselor to listen.
In my being pissed I had to realize that I do not let anyone in to support me unless they are in the inner sanctum really. Those outside can support in tiny ways but mostly that is temporary and slight. It is not their fault. I am closed off. Especially since I no longer have someone that I am in love with to be that part that I can always seek and recieve some form of comfort that I need. I sought that comfort once again. Seeing all the signs but the one important one. They weren't able to understand or give that willingly.
So in realization I backed up and dropped it all. Leaving my natural instincts and being in a coffer. As hard as it was it was accepted with everything else that was vaulted away.
As much as I want to support others. I can't when they fight it, don't want it and deny it. So instead I stand back at a distance. Ready by a miracle chance that they change their mind. But basically leaving it all alone.
The Havoc ground support is always ready!
I have always been one to support, listen and be there for those I cared about, loved and was in love with. That means listening when they just need to vent or release. Or talking things through with them.
So yeah someone I care about is going through things. I want to be there for her but that is not going to happen. I was bothered by it at first. How would someone that I care about not want me to help them through everything that is going on with them? I asked if she needed me. If I could support or help her. The answers were a resounding no each time.
I was upset and bothered about it. I am supposed to be there for support. I am always the troops from hell to come eradicate, bolster and cull the enemy. Or just be the counselor to listen.
In my being pissed I had to realize that I do not let anyone in to support me unless they are in the inner sanctum really. Those outside can support in tiny ways but mostly that is temporary and slight. It is not their fault. I am closed off. Especially since I no longer have someone that I am in love with to be that part that I can always seek and recieve some form of comfort that I need. I sought that comfort once again. Seeing all the signs but the one important one. They weren't able to understand or give that willingly.
So in realization I backed up and dropped it all. Leaving my natural instincts and being in a coffer. As hard as it was it was accepted with everything else that was vaulted away.
As much as I want to support others. I can't when they fight it, don't want it and deny it. So instead I stand back at a distance. Ready by a miracle chance that they change their mind. But basically leaving it all alone.
The Havoc ground support is always ready!
Thursday, May 12, 2016
It is Crowded Beneath Your Rug
lol I see you wondering what the hell is he talking about? (well, you probably think that most of the time.)
When negative, hurtful and harmful experiences happen to people, there are those that want to *sweep it under the rug*. Meaning they just want to forget about what happened and act like it never occurred.
This is dangerous for them and those involved because that doe not mean that a solution or learning experience was ever reached from the episode. And as the saying goes, "if you do not learn from the past, then history is doomed to repeat itself."
I noticed this on the call last night with a girl that has been victimized by a boy calling himself a dom. It is unfortunate that she wants to just drop it and get past it with all the grief and distraught feelings that are obviously weighing her down from the mistakes that she made and her being violated.
The same thing happened last year when red and I were talking to diva about what was going on with her and the past episodes. The inability to deal with making mistakes, jealousy and everything was prevalent with all the instances she kept saying "let's just move past this." The so called moving past things or forgetting about them doesn't address, solve or teach you about what happened.
Personally if I bring up what you did or said previously. It is for a learning or clarification experience. Because if i am saying something about it, then apparently something is still a foot from the original occurrence.
As they say though, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."
When negative, hurtful and harmful experiences happen to people, there are those that want to *sweep it under the rug*. Meaning they just want to forget about what happened and act like it never occurred.
This is dangerous for them and those involved because that doe not mean that a solution or learning experience was ever reached from the episode. And as the saying goes, "if you do not learn from the past, then history is doomed to repeat itself."
I noticed this on the call last night with a girl that has been victimized by a boy calling himself a dom. It is unfortunate that she wants to just drop it and get past it with all the grief and distraught feelings that are obviously weighing her down from the mistakes that she made and her being violated.
The same thing happened last year when red and I were talking to diva about what was going on with her and the past episodes. The inability to deal with making mistakes, jealousy and everything was prevalent with all the instances she kept saying "let's just move past this." The so called moving past things or forgetting about them doesn't address, solve or teach you about what happened.
Personally if I bring up what you did or said previously. It is for a learning or clarification experience. Because if i am saying something about it, then apparently something is still a foot from the original occurrence.
As they say though, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Poetic Answers: Exactly What You Need
Exactly What You Need
You asked me to
destroy you
To obliterate
All feeling,
connection and intimacy
That involves you
Let me rip out your
soul
Ground your heart
beneath my boot
Dismiss your
existence
At every turn
I know you haven’t
seen
The way your mind has
Warped and twisted
Battling jealousy
Heighten desires
Conflicting with your
need
To be a relationship
Apparition with me
That twist of each
knife
You feel and see
Creating that desire
Both
Fighting and binding
You slip
The rabbit hole
entrance
Is now a long gone remembrance
Right there
That aching
Thought
Feeling
Need
You have been brought
by me
To disembowel your
everything
As you fight for the
last vestiges
I will continue to
feast on you
Internally for
eternity
I am merely the Beast
Answering my needs
As you ceased to mean
anything to me
So long ago
I cannot remember a
thing
Come
Die for me again
So I may spill your
blood
That hardened cerebellum
Smashed to pulp
within my
Hands
This is what you
asked for
Sought
Congratulations
From the
chocolatezeus collection 5/10/16 ©
Just Poetry: Weightless
Weightless
There is nothing that
I wouldn’t do for you
Until
I realized the
emptiness
The impenetrable wall
Between us two
Left with a snapshot
of
The last time
I touched your face
Kissed your lips
Basked in your smile
Looked into your face
Left with
Memories
Thankful appreciation
Dissipated love and
electricity
Trips of adventure
and debauchery
My heart still beats
Love buried in hell
Deep, deep, deep
You
Me
Alternate universes
Different time and
different place
I am sure there would
be
The ultimate you and
me
You continue to
reside
Within me
Even as the chasm of
motes
Isolate me
I see
So clearly now
It blinds me
With all the ferocity
of
Love and destiny
Stained
The molten lava
caresses me
It’s void
Soothing the aches
and pains
Returning to my
mentality
Feasting on pictures
and video
Keepsakes that keep
me
Thank you
As I sink into the
Endless deep
My heart
Soul
Existence
Submerged
Weightless
Is what is left of me
From the chocolatezeus
collection 5/10/16 ©
I Walk Alone
Through this existence
There remains a
Constant
Singularity
I walk alone
Amid
Relationships and caring
The ending result
Remains
I walk alone
Family
Friends
Those things that others
Rejoice and get lost in
I walk alone
In the middle of a crowd
The centerpiece of
A party
I walk alone
Like a quantum singularity
Standing against eternity
My mission remains
Holding true to existence
All alone
Withon this comfort zone
I walk alone
There remains a
Constant
Singularity
I walk alone
Amid
Relationships and caring
The ending result
Remains
I walk alone
Family
Friends
Those things that others
Rejoice and get lost in
I walk alone
In the middle of a crowd
The centerpiece of
A party
I walk alone
Like a quantum singularity
Standing against eternity
My mission remains
Holding true to existence
All alone
Withon this comfort zone
I walk alone
Sunday, May 08, 2016
A Simple Sunday
oh it is mothers day. ok.
It has just been a peaceful day of music, writing and conversations plus more.
Ate fried shrimp, fries and steak and cheese sausage chili dogs. So I am good to go.
I think I am ready for tomorrow. But who knows until the time comes. lol
But I am ready for the flight to take off right now. But asap I will be back in my element. All hail the *ghost who walks* lol. It's adventure time again.
Next month is birthday time and unfortunately nothing is scheduled. So I will have to come up with something and do the Chocolatezeus thing.
I think it is time for another cigar and drink to keep the peace flowing as Redman's Tonight bumps in the background. Time for that rough shit!! lol
I am sure you had a good weekend. So no worries. Tomorrow is monday but you got it all under control.
cue the Imperial Death March...
Poetic Memories Through the Sands of Time
Through the Sands of Time
As I look through
pictures
Reminded of long gone
Time
Remembering
All the elicited smiles
Heart fluttering
Hearts full of fire
Among the background
Sobs and cries
Your beauty inspired
All I could do was
smile
The best present ever
Created and
maintained
The sparkle in my
eyes
Those moments
The hours
Captured for eternity
In film
So vivid still in my
mind
Even now I smile
Reliving the feelings
The moments that
marked
Happiness and
exuberance
Black and white
Standard bearers for
our
Union
Jamaica the mark of
the
Pivotal turning point
In our lives
Culmination
Of our future
Answers to our
Needs and desires
Even now
I can still
Smile
As the sands
Mark and preserve
The passing of time
You are
And will be
Forever
Mine
From the
chocolatezeus collection 5/8/18 ©
Destruction, Extortion and Trivialization of the American Citizen...My Rant
I am a black man that reads, pays attention to current events, thinks for myself, while believing in being well armed, smoking cigars, eating red meat and drinking alcohol. I AM PUBLIC ENEMY number one. Why? Because these things go against what society aka the government has told us that we are and should do.
Daily our rights are erroded more and destroyed. We have career politicians with life terms and benefits that couldn't tell you what the inside of a walmart looked like, let alone the plight of the middle class and poor people in this country. But these are the ones that claim and boast that they are the experts in everything.
Here in NC we have the big ass hoopla with the house bill that they passed concerning lgbtq (whatever). I do not give a damn about it. If the city of charlotte had an issue with this then let those citizens vote on it. But what do these idiots in state government do? They pass the bill at the state level. Thus creating a clusterfuck of more problems on top of the ones that they already created. Like sending the movie industry to other states and countries because they wanted to be greedy. I heard the comments about they don't want perverts in the bathroom with their kids. Ummm, why the hell are you not in the bathroom with the kids in the first place dumb ass? And the perverts that they should be concerned about are not even in this group of people.
Here is a good summary of house bill 2 NC House Bill 2 This breaks down things in the bill. But we see the true hidden agenda in the bill. The ability to not sue employers for wrongful termination and so forth. So that was snuck in on the bill and passed. Plus how does a bill show up in the morning and get passed in the evening? Add to that the state saying we control every city and county and veto what the citizens think and want there and you have a super hot mess.
But this is not just a NC thing or any other state thing.
This horrific presidential race (and I am super reluctant to use presidential in this.) We have the jerry springer show as the candidates for president. The name calling, bashing and attacking everyone a candidate knows is the only thing focused on. Not once have they attended to the issues that we face as a country. And the biggest subject for them to avoid is term limits and removing life time benefits. Because we can't lessen ourselves to the people we claim to represent. When it comes election time sadly there is no "vote for the best of the evils." It is simply decide who is going to completely screw and destroy us.
Which brings me to the trivilzation of the american citizen. Everywhere you turn everything is dumbed down for the citizens. Taking away the need and process of self evaluation and thinking. is this done on purpose? Yes! Because the docile can be easier controled. They do not want citizens to think about the laws they slap together and pass for the big money people. Or that they make sure there remains a cap in place to keep people at a sub par economic level. The pay of the working class of america is not going up while the politicians are going up every month and already way out of porportion. If you want the people that keep the country running to continue you have to fix it. It is not rocket science. Yet, they keep things the way they are so they can continue rolling in their own void.
On to gun control. There are so many new damn laws you can't keep up with them. And obama is at fault for them as much as everyone else. And the monkey hillary clinton vows to destroy us even more if she gets to be president. So, in a time where more and more violent crimes are being commited and the government is training to enslave it's citizens. You want me to get rid of my guns and have you monitor me like I am on cell block D. I say no to that. Hell No in fact!
The fda and regulating my cigars. SMFH
fda cigar regulation
So now we cannot get free samples. All cigars that were made after august 2007 the monkeys at the fda have to approve it. But they have not set any guidelines to what they are looking for. All of this under the fake guise of taking care of people's health. Come on now! If you were so concerned about health the damn health insurance industry wouldn't be rolling in fucking dough. So here comes even more taxation and crap on something that adult has the right to choose to do. Oh wait! it must not be that bad since they haven't it banned and outlawed it. That is right they want the taxes and kick backs from it.
NOW IS THE TIME!!
The time to voice ourselves and speak up against the rights they have taken from us. They have removed the constitution and bill of rights and replaced it with made up legal jargon to benefit them and their friends.
Do not sit there quiet and docile. You are an american citizen. Pay attention, read, disseminate and act to protect yourself.
ok the long blog is done now.
Daily our rights are erroded more and destroyed. We have career politicians with life terms and benefits that couldn't tell you what the inside of a walmart looked like, let alone the plight of the middle class and poor people in this country. But these are the ones that claim and boast that they are the experts in everything.
Here in NC we have the big ass hoopla with the house bill that they passed concerning lgbtq (whatever). I do not give a damn about it. If the city of charlotte had an issue with this then let those citizens vote on it. But what do these idiots in state government do? They pass the bill at the state level. Thus creating a clusterfuck of more problems on top of the ones that they already created. Like sending the movie industry to other states and countries because they wanted to be greedy. I heard the comments about they don't want perverts in the bathroom with their kids. Ummm, why the hell are you not in the bathroom with the kids in the first place dumb ass? And the perverts that they should be concerned about are not even in this group of people.
Here is a good summary of house bill 2 NC House Bill 2 This breaks down things in the bill. But we see the true hidden agenda in the bill. The ability to not sue employers for wrongful termination and so forth. So that was snuck in on the bill and passed. Plus how does a bill show up in the morning and get passed in the evening? Add to that the state saying we control every city and county and veto what the citizens think and want there and you have a super hot mess.
But this is not just a NC thing or any other state thing.
This horrific presidential race (and I am super reluctant to use presidential in this.) We have the jerry springer show as the candidates for president. The name calling, bashing and attacking everyone a candidate knows is the only thing focused on. Not once have they attended to the issues that we face as a country. And the biggest subject for them to avoid is term limits and removing life time benefits. Because we can't lessen ourselves to the people we claim to represent. When it comes election time sadly there is no "vote for the best of the evils." It is simply decide who is going to completely screw and destroy us.
Which brings me to the trivilzation of the american citizen. Everywhere you turn everything is dumbed down for the citizens. Taking away the need and process of self evaluation and thinking. is this done on purpose? Yes! Because the docile can be easier controled. They do not want citizens to think about the laws they slap together and pass for the big money people. Or that they make sure there remains a cap in place to keep people at a sub par economic level. The pay of the working class of america is not going up while the politicians are going up every month and already way out of porportion. If you want the people that keep the country running to continue you have to fix it. It is not rocket science. Yet, they keep things the way they are so they can continue rolling in their own void.
On to gun control. There are so many new damn laws you can't keep up with them. And obama is at fault for them as much as everyone else. And the monkey hillary clinton vows to destroy us even more if she gets to be president. So, in a time where more and more violent crimes are being commited and the government is training to enslave it's citizens. You want me to get rid of my guns and have you monitor me like I am on cell block D. I say no to that. Hell No in fact!
The fda and regulating my cigars. SMFH
fda cigar regulation
So now we cannot get free samples. All cigars that were made after august 2007 the monkeys at the fda have to approve it. But they have not set any guidelines to what they are looking for. All of this under the fake guise of taking care of people's health. Come on now! If you were so concerned about health the damn health insurance industry wouldn't be rolling in fucking dough. So here comes even more taxation and crap on something that adult has the right to choose to do. Oh wait! it must not be that bad since they haven't it banned and outlawed it. That is right they want the taxes and kick backs from it.
NOW IS THE TIME!!
The time to voice ourselves and speak up against the rights they have taken from us. They have removed the constitution and bill of rights and replaced it with made up legal jargon to benefit them and their friends.
Do not sit there quiet and docile. You are an american citizen. Pay attention, read, disseminate and act to protect yourself.
ok the long blog is done now.
Poetic Moment: Rider of the Storms
Rider of the Storms
My thoughts
Ravaging and rampant
Tear through every
fiber
At once and all the
time
Tranquility
My feelings
Barren, nuclear
wasteland
The fallout choking
Life out of life’s
living
Peace
Angered rage
Putting Dante’s
Inferno
To shame
Release
Simplistic in nature
Yet incredibly
complex the
Same
Originality
Frozen in time
As the actions of
others
Cascade by
I am defined
Fully revealed
No fear
No apprehension
My vulnerabilities
Laid upon a platter
Openly clear
For what I want
What I need
Holds no fear
No contempt
In how badly
I want and need it
So I create change
Ride the chaos
Persevere
Waiting
Praying
Beholding
That you too will
Understand and see it
clear
Join me
Upon the storm clouds
of
Life and destiny
Unpredictable
Chaotic
Emulsified
Presence
We are the perfect
storm
Only if
You let go
And finally
Let it
From the
chocolatezeus collection 5/7/16 ©
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