Sitting here listening to Eminem and UTP. Lost in my angry black man music. It is where I find myself writing page after page of the things that need to be said and expressed. Filleting page after page with blood and sweat stains of intense mental interrogations.
R&B doesn't relax me. It is the beat of some serious rap that makes me feel at home. So I can bob my head and groove to the beat and lyrics.
As I sit here thinking about past and future. The beats are like salve to the wounds of thoughts that cascade through me. Unstoppable waves crashing against my core. My mind is like every interstate at rush hour at all times. Expect there is a constant amount of high speed, high volume pile ups of thoughts every moment of the day. So that is why there are so many sleepless nights.
Wondering if I had a crystal ball. Would I really want to know absolutely everything that would happen? Many thinks I would definitely want to know ahead of time. It would have kept me from the monkey bitch episodes. But then again as they say. You learned and grew from those experiences too.
I am at a serious crossroad. And I am not sure if there will be any further forward movement. It might be time to drop a pillbox and continue the fight on to Bastogne. With individuals and life I feel like Patton fighting his way across germany against every imaginable obstacle.
The Bright spot of the weekend
The bright spot was talking to my god daughter finally. She always makes me smile and feel good. Love her like my own daughter. Reminds me of when I was so gung ho about having children. Before the miscarriages and lies of females.
She is thankfully no longer in east chicago with her womb donor. She is in Ky with her father and his wife. A better place I would think and hope that e.c. most definitely. At least she has a better chance of living and growing than she did up there.
Her cute, smart little self does well for a child growing up in this day and age. Still on the honor roll. I am always proud of her. Hard to believe in 4 more years she will be graduating high school. I have to get some time with her before that happens.
Beats of the moment
Right now I feel like going somewhere and shooting off a lot of rounds to just let go of some stress. Decide whether or not to let go of what I want and transcend that desire to something else. Like more traveling. There wouldn't be nowhere as many issues that way.
Will there be another return to the Apocalypse Fortress of Solitude?
That is the question. No telling what the answer is.
No comments:
Post a Comment