This morning came with a heavy heart and price. A feeling that I never have come in contact with.
Fear.
It manifested and happened and I was lost in it. I have faced death and died many times already. Never have I come to this point before.
This morning in this moment of weakness I acted upon it. Even though I knew what was said, felt and read. I still allowed my mind to go off the deep end.
There are no excuses. Merely my stunned since of self and apology.
Fear gripped me. Through the haze of disbelief. As I sought the one thing that I wanted. The prize that I have been reaching for. I fucked up. I became so deeply consumed in the rabbit hole that I blew myself up in it.
I sit here, still in shock. Still upset that my mind thought and expressed those feelings and thoughts.
I think I need a few drinks right now to handle things.
*descending to the bottom of the san andreas trench*
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