This is based from a bdsm conference call that I am on once a week many times.
In this corner we have the self proclaimed dominant and master. He tells us that he was 4 subs and 3 slaves. They do not all live with him. Umm, actually I am not sure any of them live with him. He is all about eating healthy and exercise being the key to everything and should be done to make everything better. Fights the police. Tells us that he gets off court cases by telling the judge that he doesn't recognize their authority.
He is not trained, mentored or anything. He just knew what to do since someone gave him their girlfriend when he was a teenager. (no, I am not making this stuff up)
Stated that subs and Doms/Masters should be around each other at all times. I quote, "if I am taking a shit, then she needs to be right in there with me." Even to go further to say even vanilla relationships have to be right next to each other 24/7 to work.
Oh, and apparently feels there is no need to be bothered with the community. (perish the thought)
Woosah and vanglorious! And those are the things I could deal with.
Here is where shit hit the fan and splattered everywhere.
He said that once a sub gives consent that she basically can't take it back. That she has signed on to do whatever he requires, whenever he requires. That he asks all these questions to cover everything that needs to be known basically. (umm ok)
His belief is that no matter what a sub is going through or feels matters not as long as she serves him.
Ok, there was a plethora of other things I think. Honestly, my brain locked up when he started talking.
After this episode I see why experienced folks in the lifestyle look crazy and disassociate with newbies. This episode right here is one of utter contempt and first and foremost extremely dangerous. Which is what I attempted to get him to understand the legal ramifications of what he was saying. And to claim you have all these years of experience and you talking like this? I felt sorry for every submissive and slave there is.
My Take:
Now, I am one of these newbies. Not claiming to be an expert or to know anything. But damn at least I do learn and listen.
I was stuck on stupid when he basically said that he would and could violate a subs consent. Basically revoking her consent permanently. This is not the way that D/s relations or even bdsm play goes. Consent has to be given or it is a lawful act of assault. But to tell a sub you can't say no to you is ludicrous and preparation for disaster.
I believe in natural Dominance because it applies to me. But I don't subscribe to that makes me the best Dom and I have no need for training or being mentored. But, yes it is a part of me that has always been there and in use naturally. I am just learning to harness, increase and properly apply that Dominance now.
And there there is the "relationships only work if you are up under each other at all times," mentality. This shit doesn't work at all. People have to understand that relationships are about 2 or more individuals coming together as a whole. That doesn't change the need or the fact tha tall involved need to be individuals still. That means they still need to do things for themselves and by themselves. I know this for myself. When she needs her space all I ask is for her to tell me. I may want to be Mr Fix it (ok, always) but she needs her time to herself to deal. I take my time out as well. That doesn't mean that we have left the relationship. I like to discuss whatever happened after the time is over with.
From the moment he began talking I was bewildered. I stopped talking when I tried to explain to him legal ramifications and the need for consent. But I don't argue with nobody. In the end I was just in fear for and of the submissives.
After this I fully see why we are shunned as newbies with this time of activity and actions going on out there. I don't fall into that category and it is unfortunate. But this hit the bullseye last night.
Well, all I can say is that "it wasn't me." And I really hope no one is falling for whatever he is selling.
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