From the discussions and episodes things have been redefined, influx and reset to default over the last year. There has been a number of things that have facilitated these things.
If you don't know I keep the information security decent. If you don't know that by now then you never have met me. lol I am not the person that goes all willy nilly and giving everyone access to me and my inner Hellfire club.
This doesn't mean that I do not interact and do the human thing with people. I go to coffee's and talk. (yeah me) I speak to the guys and customers at the cigar shop on all levels. So, my interactions may not be deep and full life disclosure but I do interact completely.
Conversations have come up concerning why don't Ru Ru and I get together. She is the one who knows all of me and I can be completely myself with. Because I can be myself, disclose all and she has been my savior on so many occasions we are super close. But we have not been interested in dating each other. Have we spoke on it? Yes, we did back in the day. We hang out and have had some good adventures and she is a sexual dynamo. But that is my fellow Road Warrior. The woman I would go all out for. And I am glad for her happiness and I am the terminator when she has been hurt. And that goes both ways for us. Her happiness for my marriage and few positive dating issues are a blessing just as I am so happy that she has her happiness going on.
Enter Mr Fix It. I have been told that I am that person. I can say that I was that person. I use to fix everything and shield everyone from things. But I had to bring that to a halt. Will I try to fix and protect my woman and Ru Ru? Hell Yes! And I know that it is against the I am Mighty Woman Code. But it remains that way regardless. Why would I not want them to be comforted, where and how they want to be. I am supposed to facilitate that to me. But there is a wall there that either I have to choose to breach or leave there for the female.
My knowledge has evolved, been gained and lost from living.
This dating thing has been confusing to me. Because I always felt that being straight forward was the best policy. Only to learn that it is not. And yes, I understand I am not with the tree huggers in the grey areas of existence. I have always gone after what I wanted. Now I realize this is something I cannot go after. I have to merely return to base instead of a carpet bombing run. But I learned and applied the knowledge, so that there is nothing left but a cloaked Defiance. The Prime Directive is now fully observed.
Knowledge has returned me to a slightly modified, previous version of me. Armed to the teeth and the ultimate destroyer released.
From episodes of I can't be open to you. To moments of how much I hate you. And the jealous attitude with the mix of mental disorders. The gauntlet has been ran.
Knowledge of me comes in levels. And honestly there is only one at the top of the mountain currently. Maybe the one will choose to take their rightful place. Maybe it will be too much for them to deal with. I can no longer make or will things to happen that are not within my universe of control. I can only make the choice available, with the understanding that I got you. Otherwise...who knows
Knowledge is knowing when to let them make whatever move. Plus keeping you and your information secure.
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