The Rundown

After a nice conversation I decided to write and expound.

My interest in BDSM began a while back through trips to dungeons and events with play before I even decided I had an interest. It definitely was different from the swinging world. But the turning point was the episode in houston that turned me on as I was doing it and in hindsight being with my wife. Those things showed me my excitement, interest and desire in this lifestyle.

Understanding me:

I am simply myself. I rarely fit nicely into anyone else's experience, outlook or generalization I believe and my actions honor being uniquely myself. I am the one who coined the phrase "monkey bitches" and use it when it applies. I am antisocial and very introverted. I am happily a nerd with an affinity for different things and experiences. I enjoy talking about things of interest and learning. And I can't get enough sex (when I actually can get it) and my sex drive seems to be getting worst. Even with my antisocial core I love and can be in love deeply and fully. I just don't allow those things to happen freely because they have ultra importance to me.

So I have always been with and sought females that stood out uniquely and were themselves openly. Submissive, intelligent, witty, open minded and sexually compatible.

Learning and Application

I have been doing the damn thing since I fully chose to be in this lifestyle. Just being around people and interacting as well as classes and meetings have helped shape and develop some things. Along with that I have had to tailor make things to apply to me and my relation.

I am the new Dom. With much to learn and much to do. lil red has more experience than me and thankfully there is something there that holds our relationship together. Trial and error can be a negative impact for someone that has experience.

Through this last year especially, I have seen how different needs, wants, communication and applications can be. Especially when you have someone that is completely different than everything else. And I admit my mistakes and miscommunications.

The Journey

I look past the surface. The walls of defense and combative episodes to evaluate what is underneath. I see you and where we can grow and go to be. Where you submit to me openly and know that I will make sure to keep you from harms way and hold you here with me.

Mentally: You hold me within your thoughts constantly. Knowing and feeling the connection that is our dynamic. Where you want to please and serve me. As I do my best to take care of you in all your pleasures, future and destiny.

Physically: Your body is my playground. To enjoy and serve me through all forms of stimulus.

The Keys

• the connection
• communication
• desire
• dedication

Conclusion

Not simply through words, but backed up with actions is where the dynamic finds it's foundation and continued existence. Where you put forth effort to make it work and make it better constantly.  Because when your effort is lacking then obviously that is not where you want to be. 

Who would have thought I would be doing this or been in a relation this long?  Yeah, insert rawkus laughter here at the truth!

The Learning Curve

Within relations, whether vanilla or D/s there are so many differences and nuiances.

I have experienced quite a bit and seen even more. And considering my interests in females that I pick, associate with and have some form of relation with it is rather super abstract in reference to the norm.

Ru and I were talking about my choices the other night because I had expressed to her my concern and bewilderment at how things are with lil red, little one and flower child. And in our usual fashion it was a smash mouth discussion with our very own dramatic, life unscripted flair.

So have I learned from my past encounters? Has the past allowed me to make better decisions and adaptations? And what has the current result been?

There are both positives and negatives to my attraction to females that are unique, weird and stand out. The things that make them unique are also the things that can be the hardest to deal with and understand.

Even in the convo with lil red early this year or the end of last year I realized even more similarities in who I was attracted to and allowed to be closer in my world. And those things went beyond my need for them to be attractive with curves that I can enjoy visually and physically. There has to be some form of intelligence, common deep rooted interest, open mindedness and actual desire to want things that I want as well. And those things are always on a sliding scale.

People think that because of the past that you have to compare every new person to what happened in the past and if something happens that seems similar then it is. I don't do that. I literally allow you to write your own story with me and I listen to your past and see who and what you are currently. I do not discount or ignore the past but I don't hold it like a guillotine over your head either.

Honesty time:

A year of dating lil red has had it's ups and downs. Things that didn't feel or seem right. Visions of disinterest and complacency. I finally had to look at the bigger picture without applying who and what I am in the equation. That I can't be Mr Fix It anymore or create miracles. There had to be interest, actions and continued effort on all parties for anything to be.

Through interactions with little one and flower child I saw other aspects that I had missed as well. Understanding more that the gap in communication and application was bigger and more explicit than I had previously thought it to be.

So I opened my eyes to see and apply:

You can't make someone understand, accept or be anything more than they are willing.
Making all the effort you can possibly only means that you are in motion. Things may not change outside of that.
Believe in the cost analysis assessment that you do with honesty. it rarely changes.
They have the opportunity for unlimited choices. They may not line up with anything of yours at all.

So...

I continue being open minded. I will say what I want and need and leave it there to be digested. Allow them to choose their destiny. When it is time then I will show and express the destination, what and how things need to be.

Just because I remain concerned and caring. And even giving love and in love with you doesn't mean that I do not lead with decisive, dictated needs. But a desire and groundwork have to be established to even proceed.

My answer:

Yes, I learned and have applied things decently. Took a bit to get over my desire and need to make things work and move forward at a progressive speed. My mission statement has been given fully and with purposeful intent. All I need is for you to be ready and wanting to take the journey. Then I will give you what you need and we will have what we need.

And I am still learning. Continuing to observe, notate and adjust things. The beginning of this year has been the pioneering recipe for what the future will be.

As Ru said we will see. We will see!

Compartmentalization in a Relation Application

You are just overbearing. Just chill out and let things happen.

You don't seem interested because you seem mean and angry all the time from what you say.

You should treat everyone nice and loving.



I had to think about and set the compartmentalization parameters that were required. Tailor made applications tempered and cured in the hottest of hell's fires. With lil red, little one and the flower child it has been interesting to say the least.

I am not for sure what to say to lil red. The other two are their own applicable applications.

Observation, application and realization have been put into full effect. Solutions plotted and implemented.

When there is such an issue with being straight forward, yourself and only yourself the issues can flourish rather well. Honesty, individuality and life have gone the way of the dinosaurs it seems



As the Road Warriors this discussed this morning. Time waits for nobody. Make moves or stay on the side line.

The Forever PSA

If you say the words but your actions don't back anything up or show that you have an interest and you have invested anything into it then your words mean nothing.

If you aren't making an effort then don't expect me to give you anymore than you are showing!

2016: All Hail the Titan!!

2015 ended with a quiet smoke. No one shared the entrance into the new year with me. I stood outside and smoked a Lunatic to bring in the new year in light drizzling rain. Watching the neighbors fire works down the street.

I stood there and reflected and dealt with everything. Last year was filled with many things. Many teachings, experiences and revelations.

My anger has reached a new level. Still under control but levels that I am dealing are way above what I use to handle. The parental units have gotten a whole lot worst in their activities and the issues that they are creating.

it is weird to look and see that I have been in a relationship with lil red over a year. Definitely not how I had things planned or the way things go normally. But in dealing with her I realized just how deep the labyrinth was and that my desire was only my own.

Unintended, I ended up in a poly situation. And i am fine with it. it is not like the poly relationships I had previously. It doesn't have those feelings flowing. It is based on D/s but it is a cobbled together situation of my poly and theirs. The other two have shown me some things that have helped me deal with lil red. But the combination of it all is like the proper use and placement of the flying guillotine.

in all honesty. i just wanted the full relation and D/s with lil red. Then reality set in. And the Mandalorian in me adjusted accordingly. Leaving behind ideologies and things that I sought for what actions are made and shown to me.

of course the year had to have more coronations of monkey bitches. as the sanford monkey bitch ended up joining her new best friend the red springs monkey bitch in the land of ultimate stupidity. Thus, proving that association with monkey bitches only leads you to become one.

Once again into the breach!

The year has begun without any expectations or things to look forward to. Merely the things that are important to me and accomplishing them for myself.

matter of fact

The next chapters in Life Unscripted have already made their mark and not even a month into the new year yet.

Make the most of your year. If it is important to you then make it happen!

Happy New year

Actions Vs Words

Some say that words mean nothing when spoken. Fabrications of nothingness. Or just utter disbelief.

Some say actions are irrelevant. Done to gain a foothold while be fraudulent. Basically acts upon the stage play, signifying nothing.

Through communication I have discussed, witnessed and taken part in these displays. Often time wondering if anything will be the correct way when you are involved with someone. It is like playing hot potato with a live grenade. At some point someone is going to get killed in the end.

I speak what I mean and my actions remain me. I don't see saw, totter all over the place. Same me. Same sledge hammer in the china shop scene.

So I listened, analyzed and put into effect the "ghost" protocols that were needed.

Now everything should be covered in the PC way, fully.

Yippeee!!

Spoken Word: Ready and Waiting

Ready and Waiting

I have been in love with you from the beginning

Had no problem declaring and expressing my need

The need for you to be with me

From the moment that

My heart and soul said

You are the One for me

Even though my mind said

No, this can’t be reality

Making every effort

To show and prove

Just what you mean to me

What I want with you

I needed my fix

And you fed every bit of it

As I ate every drop

I had to think and understand

Was this a temporary fix

Or was there any relevance

Holding on for the moment

Where you show that you want me too

That this is more than a possibility

That feeling that you are in love with me too

So I left behind

Thoughts of just you and me

Happily just being

Gave way to reality

A miracle of you and me

Is merely a power ball lottery possibility

With the odds based on

Astronomical probability

Even though I know the difficulty

Still I hold on to that miracle ride

Unable to give up on you

I love your brain

Your gorgeous body my playground

Time with you priceless moments

Held in elite standing

My heart continues to beat

My mind races on looking for a finish line

Culmination of this journey

I continue this journey

And I will do until I find myself with you

Looking into the void

Waiting

Ready

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/7/16  ©

D/s Hierarchy and Me

After some discussions with individuals and I have been talking about relationship dynamics in D/s.

Here is my understanding, concept and application on D/s.

I am the Dominant and whether it is poly or one on one I am the primary relationship and the only relationship. And I use relationship in the sense of dating, emotional intimacy involvement and focus. I do not believe in nor will I be with someone that wants me to be their Dom and have another Dom also. To me that is a clash of contradictions.

And I have heard how that is not fair and everything. yadda, yadda, yadda. That is fine and dandy. But remains the case for me.

And this comes from my personal decision as well as interactions with other Dominants that have been in the lifestyle for decades at least.

This is not to say that I won't take into consideration my sub's needs and desires. If there are things that I do not have the skills for or cannot provide then I will come up with something to satisfy her. That means finding someone appropriate to play with and enjoy those skills with. I want them to be happy and content along with taken care of and provided for.

Having two Doms clashes by opposing protocols and standards. Literally pulling subs in different directions. An unnecessary situation. Plus their service will be impaired with the division in dynamics.

So there you go if you wanted to know. And if you want to talk about it or have a question then ask.

It is Havoc time!!

Spoken Moments: White Noise

White Noise

Feel like a supernova

Force filled

100 times over

Ready to explode

And shatter reality

My mind

Like a ship full of nukes

Armed and ready to go

Visions of

Needed reality

Crushed skulls

Ripped throats

Bodies suspended on pikes

As I watch even Hela

Hold a gasp in her throat

There is no equation

For this force

When the white noise hits

The Reaper is

Ready to Go

From the chocolatezeus collection   1/4/16  ©

Words of Zeus: Excerpts and Conversion

Doing a lot of writing lately. I am getting back to getting things done with the books and just letting whatever be said to be said. So here is some:

Comparative Application

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I hear you say

We are in a relationship

We are dating

Simple words

That frankly

Have no to absolutely no meaning

When I can look and see

No real world application

Then it is as worthless as

The hot air you breathe

If there is a meaning then

You show it

Give it a level of importance

Focus and follow through

But when it is merely

Comparison shopping

Don’t think you will get the

Royal treatment

Our so called relation

So called dating

Well

You are just

Something available to do

And I thank you for services rendered

Until I find a replacement for you

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/2/16  ©

And here is another one for you to read through

Negated Affects

The more that you claim that you love

The more that you put me through

The more I forget about you

Yes baby

Lead me to the point that

You can be

A distant monkey bitch memory

You can have your own

Monkey bitch induction ceremony

Tailor made for you

You say you love me

Don’t waste your breathe claiming

It is just more global warming shit

As the bullshit spills from your mouth

That napalm wouldn’t wash out

You wanted to put me through

These hoops so you can feel like

You are something to you

You simply remain

A worthless bitch

Through and through

So I smile brightly

And say thank you

You have entertained

And now you are through

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/2/16   ©

Spoken Reality: Say Hello To The Bad Guy

Say Hello To The Bad Guy

Cue my theme music

Middle finger to you

Fuck you and you and you

Be nice

Let them see the nice side of you

They aren’t authorized to do anything

But remain a casualty of my

Apathy

I grab my knife, battle axe and gun

Filleting your soul and mind

So I can carve our your heart

To make soles for my boots

If you are looking for

The older version of me

Then you should have gotten in

When you could

Your relevance is

Less than my cigar butts

Leaving cigar burns to your temples

To mainline some understanding

To that thing you call a brain

Looking for

Love, caring and sympathy

You better slice your throat for me

That is where you will find it

Most effectively

If you aren’t riding deep with me

Then you have no

Fucking use to me

And will be cannon fodder to

Feed my carnage quota

So

Let me rip into your

Heart and soul

Show you how

Feelings and emotions

Can be Antarctic

Cold

You wanted a teddy bear

Someone that would conform to your bullshit thinking

Give you that warm blanket of sympathy

Fuck you

Fuck all of you

The Beast is Unleashed

Your heart, body and soul

Merely things for me to

Trample beneath my feet

As I laugh with glee

I am free

Just being me

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/1/16  ©

Simply Put...It's Been One

The year has changed. Looking back at everything, seeing each column full of different entries and memories. All I can do is shake my head from all of those things.

Last year I walked a path of allowed stupidity and weak mentality. Humanoid traits that I gave way to unfortunately.

Here I am still. Ripping the time line to shreds as I keep breathing. Absurdly continuing along despite the anti personnel mines and incarcerated thinking and times.

There are no resolutions. I made goals as usual. But I have things that are not goals and will be done. Plus my list of things that I am doing to celebrate being the complete and fully evil motherfucking ME!!

After the culling the party will begin in true earnest. The Road Warriors against the Universe. If I had feelings I would feel bad for all of you!! *lmfao*

With that said:

chunking the duece
middle fingers up
busting two shots

Enjoy your ride.
I am not responsible for your hurt feelings, broken body and mind
lol...actually I am and proud of it


Cue my theme music...

Welcome to 2016

With fireworks and silence in the yard the year changed.

The smoke from my Lunatic cigar billowing clouds of smoke.

I am glad 2015 is done and gone.

I leave behind myself with it. I was the good, the bad and the angry.

Emotionless I look and analyze it all. Words here cannot explain things. So I will write those things elsewhere

Like a claymore I set ready for the next triggered explosion. But when it comes to me in this new year I am the unhinged.

Turning the closed sign on and stepping into the mindfield