The Learning Curve

Within relations, whether vanilla or D/s there are so many differences and nuiances.

I have experienced quite a bit and seen even more. And considering my interests in females that I pick, associate with and have some form of relation with it is rather super abstract in reference to the norm.

Ru and I were talking about my choices the other night because I had expressed to her my concern and bewilderment at how things are with lil red, little one and flower child. And in our usual fashion it was a smash mouth discussion with our very own dramatic, life unscripted flair.

So have I learned from my past encounters? Has the past allowed me to make better decisions and adaptations? And what has the current result been?

There are both positives and negatives to my attraction to females that are unique, weird and stand out. The things that make them unique are also the things that can be the hardest to deal with and understand.

Even in the convo with lil red early this year or the end of last year I realized even more similarities in who I was attracted to and allowed to be closer in my world. And those things went beyond my need for them to be attractive with curves that I can enjoy visually and physically. There has to be some form of intelligence, common deep rooted interest, open mindedness and actual desire to want things that I want as well. And those things are always on a sliding scale.

People think that because of the past that you have to compare every new person to what happened in the past and if something happens that seems similar then it is. I don't do that. I literally allow you to write your own story with me and I listen to your past and see who and what you are currently. I do not discount or ignore the past but I don't hold it like a guillotine over your head either.

Honesty time:

A year of dating lil red has had it's ups and downs. Things that didn't feel or seem right. Visions of disinterest and complacency. I finally had to look at the bigger picture without applying who and what I am in the equation. That I can't be Mr Fix It anymore or create miracles. There had to be interest, actions and continued effort on all parties for anything to be.

Through interactions with little one and flower child I saw other aspects that I had missed as well. Understanding more that the gap in communication and application was bigger and more explicit than I had previously thought it to be.

So I opened my eyes to see and apply:

You can't make someone understand, accept or be anything more than they are willing.
Making all the effort you can possibly only means that you are in motion. Things may not change outside of that.
Believe in the cost analysis assessment that you do with honesty. it rarely changes.
They have the opportunity for unlimited choices. They may not line up with anything of yours at all.

So...

I continue being open minded. I will say what I want and need and leave it there to be digested. Allow them to choose their destiny. When it is time then I will show and express the destination, what and how things need to be.

Just because I remain concerned and caring. And even giving love and in love with you doesn't mean that I do not lead with decisive, dictated needs. But a desire and groundwork have to be established to even proceed.

My answer:

Yes, I learned and have applied things decently. Took a bit to get over my desire and need to make things work and move forward at a progressive speed. My mission statement has been given fully and with purposeful intent. All I need is for you to be ready and wanting to take the journey. Then I will give you what you need and we will have what we need.

And I am still learning. Continuing to observe, notate and adjust things. The beginning of this year has been the pioneering recipe for what the future will be.

As Ru said we will see. We will see!