As the Lava Flows

I have spent the last week deep within the heart of the erupting volcano.

The conversations and disagreements that have had to be had. The emotional out pourings and counseling that occur.

The smoke billows off of me. And this time it is not from one of my cigars.

There was the discussion about me as a Dominant and destiny. My observation and listening interactions are key to developing understandings. Especially when you have someone like Lil Red to deal with. The concept of tailor made falls short in comparison. But that is part of learning and evolving. As a Dominant I can't copy and paste others applications or relationship solutions to my situation. And never have I tried to do that. I have and do take bits and pieces and apply in a way that will allow my dynamic to be better. For my submissive to be more comfortable and open. Where she will understand, feel and bathe in my possession of her fully.

And yes I see my submissive as mine in exclusivity. That is how it should be for me. Not fully available to everyone and anything. But as i learned from the experienced and my experiences. I still will provide those things that she wants to do, experience and try if I cannot do it for her properly. So this is not an exclusivity of selfish things. And it also doesn't mean that I am not happy to make it that you are only mine and mine alone happily.

There were the counseling sessions. And for the record I am not nor have I ever been a counselor or therapist professionally. I am dating one so there is absolutely no need to be. *lol*  This is something I have done since I was in the 6th grade. For whatever reason females have felt comfortable enough to talk to me. Even though they feel that I am mean and are scared of arriving at the moment they will become the next monkey bitch inductee.

Talks about relationships past, future and present with the context of negated possibilities and defenses put up against everything. Here is where I am brutally honest and give positive advice even when it is not what they thought I would say or want to here. Because this is part of the archangel in me. I help them because I can. And because I have a duty.

Duty

Among all of my evilness and even the shrinking part of love in me. I remain dutiful unfortunately. I realized just how twisted and conflicted it is for me. When Lil Red brought forth the issues with the parental units. If my situation was different I would be a whole lot less involved in this. I would have already have washed my hands of it, but helped unfortunately in the end because it is my duty as much as I hate it. Those things that were learned through boy scouts and japanese culture remain instilled in me. I do the things that I hate because I am the only one that can. Auntie always says, "if it wasn't for you being smart enough to do and handle things as they make you out to be the bad guy. Then nothing would get done or happen without failing."  I am the bad guy. That doesn't even bother me. It is the battle within because my wants versus my duty are polar opposite things.

Lil Red and I have had some deep discussions. From things about our relationship from the craziness of the teenage dream. In this year of us dating I have evolved and done things that I would have been like "fuck you mean" previously. This patience thing. This low terminal velocity. These are things new to me. But it has allowed our relationship to grow and change a bit. Of course I am going to have a hard time dealing. I am Captain Caveman with the really large ID. Ups and downs still she remains the ONE no matter what she thinks. And I had to adjust to future thoughts, thinking and planning to a very right angle degree. Yeah CD, this is the shit you did to me!

My stress remains unchanged. But I just no longer feel it as I did earlier this year. And it is not because I got my FIX of Lil Red, or the amount of smoking and drinking. Honestly I don't know why I no longer feel it. As lil red brought up about fears of my copings. It has become a constant buzz in my background with the billions of other things. It doesn't change me fixing everything as much as possible. But I wonder what is truly happening a tiny bit. Don't want another episode of my Hulk chronicle memories of activities.

Well, this was your journey into lava, heat and the Hell of me. I hope you enjoyed your ride and were entertained. Please remember to keep all of your body parts inside the ride until you return to the exit. We are not responsible for melted minds and body parts.

Lord Havoc...*Management and Owner*