Since a lot has gone on. This will be lengthy. So sue me!!!
A little over 24 hours since I have returned to the beach. Finally left the country. Although it wasn't to the best spot imaginable. It was exactly what I needed. Once being a military dependent travelling the world leads you to have that need to travel and see other places like you are use to.
HQ said it best though. It seems like Toronto was just like another US city basically. The people were fine. Nothing negative or positive really to say about them. The train ride was simple. And the cab ride though high speed wasn't as lively as riding in Jamaica that is for sure. lol There were plenty of food choices it seemed from wendy's to Jack Astor's.
Tried Jack Astor's near the convention center. The food was alright. The service was lack luster and the girl did not pay attention to what we ordered and wanted to not be on our plates. We hit Denny's the first night (yeah I said Denny's since it was close to the hotel. lmao). And I left my impression on the way out of there. Another houston ceremony rendition minus all the ladies help. lmao
I had forgotten how I always looked forward to attending APA conferences when I started at UNCC. Thinking about meeting colleagues and having integral discussions. Being there reminded me of that time a long time ago. The beginning of that transition from idealist to pragmatist. And I felt younger just being there. Looking and taking it all in. The catalog of different presentations was huge. Unfortunately there needs to be a better way to organize this. Or as HQ said it needs to be smaller so that you can get to the presentations that you want to partake in. Still I felt the intrigue of knowledge and excitement flow.
This trip gave me the necessary time and disassociation I needed to balance things out again in life. The break in the middle of Hell to enjoy quality time, think and feel differently, plus simply put some of the armor to the side and relax. The evil side of me still needs some of the non evil stuff to function properly. And I relieved just how badly this case was. I have to do better to maintain this balance though. It can't get as far gone as I have let it go this year. For the sake and safety of others it has to be better managed.
The Sadist in Me!
Well, this time I let way more out than I had previously. And true I have built up and went slow in the process. But as I told HQ the next time was going to be more of my Dark Side and more of me. And it was that and more.
It was a euphoric, intoxicating rush. I felt happy, excited and ecstatic while I was inflicting pain. Of course I had the scene planned out way ahead of time. But due to things it wasn't carried out that way. So improvisation had to happen. And it flowed like the Beast inside of me. I was uncaged but in control completely. I relished every moment but kept my senses so I could, see, feel and hear if there was something wrong. I watched her body, felt to see how warm the skin was getting. Calculated and paid attention to where my strikes fell and were heading.
I reached further into myself than I had before. And the trip was a discovery of new and old. The new attachment to the feeling while reinforcing just how much of me there is to know.
My mind fed on her pain, the flow of the tears, the twists and twitches of her body. Even the jumps of anticipation to being struck.
So, I opened the door and fed my sadist a meal. It's after effects still thankfully lingering. And I can't wait for the next time I will get to feed. Until then I will also take into account the things that can and will be done better.
Oh, I did get more sleep than I get here. And I relaxed while I was there which is almost non existing here. So I have been able to still be relaxed and productive today because of that.
Through all that walking and airport adventure on the way back. The trip was great because of the things that mattered.
And don't worry the Representative will be back to you shortly.
*evil Darth Vader laughter*
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