Reminders in McDonough

I accomplished what I needed to do.

As I sit here on the deck and think. I realize how far gone things are. The questions and what ifs no longer linger. They parade around loudly.

Aftera lot of liquor, some food and the hot tub I took time to meditate and think as usual.

Where are things going? Are they going anywhere at all?

D/s is going alright for both of them. Setbacks and issues have arisen. But that is the way it is between a man and females. There is progress. And whatever happens to them hopefullu they will be better than when things started.  That is the point of D/s after all.

I had considered moving to try to make things work better last year. Then I realized that probably wouldn't help that relation. So I stuck it out and here I am. I just look in the void at times to see if it is still there. It always is.

Now, moving is on the table but it is simply because it is time for me. Nothing has shown a need for me to consider anything else.

I have always fought and strived for the things I wanted and needed. This is one of the first times when it came to relations that it has failed. It has perplexed me. Then I had to remind myself that I was basing things on the premise of women and not females. I cannot expect them to be anything but what they are. Their will not be an increase. So I accepted and shifted everything to what it is now. When something meaningful shows up then fine. Otherwise I catch you whenever and when they are ready for an interaction.

Coming here to bbqs hasn't changed. Still the show and everything that is always presented unfortunately by the demon. But I saw the realization for myself.  I watched the entertainment and the few attractibe chicks.

I realized that Ebil needs company more than once every three blue and pink moons. Who annd what I want is unavailable to me. There are no sunstitutes or anything. So I deal with it. And I watch my temperament and attitude continue to change even further. The feelings are mostly dead. Connections are minimal. There are no answers even if I went back to actually making an effort.

In my sikence I remain. Devoid of most everything.  Excitement appears only after reaffirmed and verified confirmation of something truly happening. No hopes to get up or anticipation.

I never thought this year would be this way. I thought there would be forward progress, happiness and delight. Instead there is the silence of the void. Telling me all the things that are wrong and not happening. I hear all of it. And I tilt my head.

That comfort, companionship and lobe that I sought are looking at me laughing hysterically.

The summer is here and upon it's end the results will be solidified.

It is sad but very apparent now that the grail is not ever meant for me.

I think that is enoigh for now.  Let me continue drinking.

Hooe you enjoued and had a good weekend