Welcome to the Cave

Time has given me the usual powers of extra thinking lol.

Looking back at things from the beginning to now has been eye opening and bothersome along with other adjecdtives.

Started out a dynamic with red. Being brand new I tried different things to make things work. Educational hodgepoge of things. It didn't work and it wasn't me. I appreciate the fact that through her being the first dynamic I had a chance to learn and make mistakes but it was costly. I was too attached, safe, caring and all so she suffered and I created the wrong path for myself.  Even when I was asked about the Mr Wolf and harley tattoo it reminded me that was the small piece that was relative to me when it came to her. Thus I have not had an issue with it being there like others would or think I should have. 

Some attempts at dynamics were just ill advised and not thought through appropriately. Thus why they were excommunicated and/or removed. Part of that coming into perspective part of this journey.

Then there is the dynamic with little one that has gone on for 5 years already. Not because it is perfect, but because I am different now and have moved further than I use to be. Still a bunch of issues, mistakes and the like have happened. But this has been one of the biggest aspects of trial by error uses i have used through out all of this. learning more about things that needed to be negotiated, said, done, enforced and all.

And babycakes presented even more challenges on top of the ones that I had already experienced. So, I still had to keep learning, analyzing and evolving.

Throw sunshine in the mix and the journey jambalya has a bunch of different flavors to manage and be involved in. Aspects of personality, living, existing and the future stay in flux. With the importance of doing the best of available possibilities to best of ability.

It can be difficult to understand why I am hard on myself about things. But it is important to do the best. This lifestyle can be rough and taxing with is not about playing or fucking. (I still need a lot more playing and fuckfest constantly.)

Just shocked at the changes from then to now. Never really looked at how much truly has changed and how long ago it was when this all began. From being ultra conservative to being anarchist.