Numb and Nonchalant

There are a few things that I need, like and want. When I find them I cherish them. Especially dealing with people.

Clmfort. Pleasure.  Fun and happiness derive from a lot of this.

This year these things have become WMDs against me.

My trips destroyed.  Every motion sent into a black hole. The one thing that woukd have allowed me to make it through all of this would have been spending my birthday with HQ. Even that is denied to me. The comfort and peace I would have had and found in those moments now merely a tortire device to send me further into my rage.

Thoughts and feelings have become nova cane numb. My outlook and demeanor unmoving.

As I sit and look. I can only see the now. Witness the pain. As what I cherish seems a pipe dream.

I see clearly how what I want, think and feel are solely my own. Making of my specialized downfall. I opened and encased myself in Pandora's box, a chines finger puzzle and the labyrinth all at the same time.

Broken and scarred. I had to merely analyze and rethink it all. The heart, mind and soul encased in carbonite. I already have the freezing thermal blindness. My sight was skewed and wrong.

As I change things to reflect what was wrong. I am reminded of the who I am and what life has me destined for.

Too bad I can't be mh own sin eater. I woukd have burst from being so full.

Oh well. It is what it is. Lesson taught.

Now I must rescind my previous visions and thoughts.

My heart given. My soul at the bottom of lebrea tar pit. Bathed in tar.

My mind broken like tbe rest of me from inside out.

But, I trained for this.  Just ha e to tame mhself again.

Leading.
Being.

The cards that I was dealt. Future Past marvel that I am still o. This side of