To be fair I listened to quite a bit today. I had Gorillaz "Clint Eastwood," and Jedi Mind Trick "Ucommon Valor" on repeat most of the day when I didn't have classical, heavy metal and my Eminem going.
If you don't know or remember the movie Judgement Night that is ok. I don't either but I love the soundtrack. A mix of metal artists and rap. I keep this in rotation.
Judgement Night also exemplifies what is going on lately.
When last year concluded I made plenty of judgements, adjustments and applications. As I have come to see lately a number of them have not been recognized but that is life. Maybe a deeper application of the Watcher is needed.
From the shocking convo with Ru, stating that she can see me differently because we are Road Warriors. But in dating all these rules and conformity issues apply. No!! I wasn't expecting her to be like females. I am still devastated about it. But she is the one and only that will be completely real all the time.
Being a Dominant I want lil red to be that kitten purring as I stroke her. To see the look of interest, joy, pleasure and attentiveness upon her face. Those deepened things that make a true D/s relation.
I made the mistake in focusing on making an effort and continuing to do so for too long. Instead of just chunking a deuce and letting it ride into whatever the fuck it will or won't be. But I learned that lesson last year and applied the programming patch.
Anyway. Judgement Night is relevant because the differing sides and applications to and of me. I am loving and caring. I am also cold and apathetic. The reasons why there are the fear of the aftermath of failed relations. Because I am not friends with them. There are one I think I might be able to hold a convo with. But then again I see no reason to maintain an intimacy that is dead when the relation ended. But that is a human thing. Go figure.
Hell, even the fact that I have build a bears and regular stuffed animals that have been given to me in the same room with guns, axe and swords. lol
The angry, mean, grumpy black man writes and reads poetry.
So I am contridictions at all times. lil red and others can reference that. lol
I need that lil red fix worst than I thought. My sadist and ultimate horniness almost had me want to choke sexy ass Myra yesterday when I massage her shoulders.
I think I need to go and do some fighting to deal with this stuff.
I am sure I will have more stuff for you to be bewildered, laugh and shake your head at later. I think I might need to eat some lunch now.
No comments:
Post a Comment