Another year is about to be marked saturday. I am not happy about it because my plans were all dashed. The comfort, pleasure and peace I looked forward to is out of reach. So basically I probably won't do a single thing this weekend. I did get the invite to Twin's bday party at Bill's. But I am horny and need of my fix and it is not there at all either. Well, it is what it is. And reinforces that rule of mine on expectations. *shrug* Lesson learned.
I need a deep tissue massage so badly right now to deal with the stress and dealing with everything that happened. I just need something to give. Get some reprise. But I will have to wait on that as well.
Oh and my King Sadist in me is really losing it. Past chomping at the bit in the need to finally let all the infliction of delicious pain out. I have been thinking and plotting how to use this energy on HQ. But that is on hold until whenever. I want to watch the reactions from flogging, tying them up in rope and me forcing each and every delicious orgasm and mental response. I especially ready to use the crucifixion tie and futimomo. I have been ready for those to be implemented to my demented pleasure since watching them demonstrate them at the rope classes here. It is going to be so titillating to have her prone and stuck in those positions so I can have my way with every inch of her body.
As a man I like to feel and see the reinforcement of relations with me. It makes me appreciate the person a whole lot more. Especially considering that I share with them all of me. Yes, I like the sexy pic sent to me to brighten my day. Calls, texts and thoughts of me keep me happy. I only ask for a few things to feed my attentive needs. Those little things make me smile and thankful for them being a part of me.
I have thought and discussed the joining of D/s relationship and having a relationship mixed together. it is not an easy thing. And honestly I am having a hard time feeling and figuring out the ways that will make things the best way possible. It doesn't change my goal and what I want though. It just says that it is not easy at all. But I want exactly what I want.
There have been some good things that have happened. Good discussion and realizations. At least I don't have to deal with absolutely everything being horrible.
I think I need some chocolate chip cookies to deal with this.
Enjoy. As I continue my mind's 20000 mph thinking
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