His wife died this summer. So we have a common understanding and bond there. Even though the difference in him being considerably older than me, retired and white is there. We talk, laugh and share stories, cigars and convo.
Why do we have a common understanding?
My wife died in 2011. After being married a little over 2 years. And yes that was my first and only marriage. I was devastated, angry, numb and in limbo mentally.
I dealt with things in my own way and style. Which is what I told Rich. Because people will think they are helping you when they are telling you to go the therapy, support groups and all that. They are not helping. They are really pissing you the fuck off. All they need to do is be supportive by saying that they are there if you need them and help you in applicable ways.
The ability to deal with this type of tragedy is indescribable. It is being lost in your most familiar place that you have been at and enjoyed forever. Memories of things you did, experienced, watched or even ate with them can trigger emotional responses and memories. I found myself in tears a number of times for things I didn't even realize I saw that brought back memories of my wife. And I have watched Rich break down and hold the tears in the shop while dealing with the freshness of the pain. Like today when we were talking about the holiday. It is the first Christmas without his wife. And holidays are hardcore remembrance for you. To miss the things you would do together and the things you remember vividly.
How did I deal with my loss?
I fucked the shit out of chicks.
I travelled
I ate
I drank
I stayed to myself
The first week right after my wife died. I finally got to fuck my old best friend for the first time. The pussy was good and it had been something I wanted since we were seniors in high school. (it would have been fulfilling my fantasy fully if I was able to fuck her before she cut her big, beautiful titties off.) And then there was the issue of that she wasn't sucking dick until being in a relationship. oh well I will give that a C.
Then I fucked the sanford monkey bitch the night after that for the first time. I wore her little ass out to the point she begged me to stop fucking her.
I wanted to fuck the ole greensboro swinger chick I use to fuck regularly but she didn't come until the day of the funeral. and I would have loved to fuck her and that girlfriend of hers again. Thick ass curvy bodies they had and squirting pussy.
Of course I fucked up getting pussy when I went to the second funeral in philly. I could have had some pussy I never had a chance to fuck from the thieving monkey bitch days. I just didn't understand the message she had sent while we were at 4th street deli. And the super model chick that took me to the 76er game didn't come into my hotel room because we hadn't fucked in year and I wanted to turn her ass out again.
On the way back from philly I did get the maryland girls pussy the next day and some good head.
Then I was ready to hit the road and get it in. Traveling to ohio for some more squirting pussy. Fucking the detroit chick. Then to chicago for the fake ass east chicago monkey bitch to flake once again.
And then I took the fuckfest into overdrive and if we fucked I was trying to kill you, your pussy and mouth. I left my marks and myself etched in their souls when I was done.
I think I traveled for like 8 months or so. Just going everywhere from Jamaica to everywhere in between.
The other way I dealt with things is just letting myself process at my speed. Everyone was so concerned about me because I didn't do a lot of crying around them or show emotion. I let them see me crying at the viewing of her body and both funerals. Other than that I didn't need them seeing me like that or hearing their comments in those moments.
If I felt emotion I let it happen. Whether it was driving by the bus stop where she would catch the bus in front of our complex or seeing the ben and jerrys we went to the day she died. I didn't stop it from happening. So many tears and sobbing happened while I was driving.
My anger was on overload. Egged on by people who thought they were helping by saying something to me when I have said I am fine. or the parental units telling me they are not coming to the funeral because the obituary of my wife had cleavage in it.
When it comes down to it. You have to figure out your own path and way to handle things. And it doesn't come immediately. It doesn't all happen at once. And just because other people think you should do this or that doesn't make it applicable to you. These are some of the things I had to tell Rich. Because I saw the anger and being pissed and agitated with people when he just wanted them to STFU and give him space.
Loss and Mourning has no blueprint. It is a reactionary and uncharted territory that is never the same for any two people.
EVER!!
No comments:
Post a Comment