The morning started off with an in depth Road Warrior style chat about our lives this morning with Ru. In my heart I felt that Road Warrior symbol go up in the air and I called to check on her. I got the run down and felt her position rather personally. *yeah I have a semi soft side for the select person, so fuck you*
We live our lives to want the best for each other and in each other's lives. To be able to know that the other is smiling, having a good time and living life. It is hard when the obstacle is what you desire. And that is the point where you have to take true inventory and make an unwanted decision at that crossroad in life.
I gave her the everclear straight no chaser answer to it all. Knowing that I want her to have what I don't and probably never will. My road dawg is good then I am good. One of the only times that this is true anymore. I wanted to say something all inspiring and with a positive outlook. But I needed to be real with her first and I did. Then I gave her the positive outlook, "hey look at my shit!" lmao
I know the anger, the betrayal, the rage and the desire that she is feeling. I know it on a personal daily basis for much of my life.
I am getting better. At least I am able to eat more than soup during a day now. And my energy level has increased more. It just is not at optimal levels yet.
I ended up going to my uncle's 80th surprise birthday party. it is hard to believe that he is that old. And it was funny to pick at him about the pic of him with a buck that he supposedly shot on the back of the truck in a pic they took on his actual birthday.
So many people know him from him working and helping others and all. Hell, people at the cigar shop know him.
As I sat there and watched him and my other uncle dancing around to the music. It reminded me of uncle ralph (miss you unk) and the mark we leave in history. The aftermath of your existence.
I know that are those that claim that they will miss me when I am gone. And I know that there are definitely 2 people that will. But I just want everyone to enjoy themselves and party on. to remember that I was simply me. Mean, grumpy, teddy bear, evil, asshole, motherfucker, dictator that was ready to take over the world.
I don't worry about my mark that I leave. I may be the ghost who walks but there are traces left behind mentally, spiritually and physically.
*chunking the deuce and shooting two in the air*
enjoy
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