So you said solo poly...ok

If you don't know what solo poly is then here is an article from Psychology Today for a reference point.


solo poly



This has been brought up by little one and mvp. We have our disagreements about my position on it but there are always disagreements on my position.


Autonomy

This is one of the big issues for those that claim they are solo poly. They cant do what they want, how they want or with who they want. And relationships dont allow them to be able to be that way. Well a relationship involves others, which you are supposed to have vested interest and action with. But what they seem to be able to or are unable to grasp is that whether you are married, in a relation, or a relationship you can actually have autonomy. Is it the autonomy to disregard, deny and set aside who you are supposed to be with? No.

My wife and I had autonomy. And wow! We were happily married. Perish the thought. We enjoyed doing things together and not together. And wait for it....with other people also. Oh shit!


Equal and Equality

Their relationships all have to be equal. No one is more special or has more meaning than anyone else. Well that works for those that their worth is designed that way but for me I am not of that mindset. They say that each on is special in their own way. And I agree and treat females the same way. But when you use an assembly line mentality then you get assembly line quality.

The importance of making sure everyone is equal can cause emotional and mental distress, depression and more. To make them feel like they are being forced to be monogamous.


Distance

Here is where the sparks have flown. Because I have said that solo poly people need to maintain a certain distance from individuals to maintain their equality and autonomy needs in being solo poly.  This is where the attitudes and things have flared up.

so·lo

ˈsōlō/

noun

1. 1.

   a thing done by one person unaccompanied, in particular.

So based on this definition of the word solo you are doing things on your own and unaccompanied.  This would be the distance involved. Unaccompanied. By yourself. Means there is a distance between you and others. 

So why the outrage when I say that they need to maintain a distance from others to make them and keep them happy and comfortable?  It is right there in the name of what they are doing as well as the action. 

it doesn't mean that they are not going to care for or like whoever they have relations with. It means that in order for them to be with the there has to be a certain distance maintained with the equality so that they are in their right spot for themselves.

Overview

I deal with solo poly because that is their thing. it is not for me. i don't have some negative outlook on it other than it is not my plan. My experience has been what it has been. So I support their choice in this solo poly thing and compartmentalize things so they are good to go. When it is time to deploy relationship things they are deployed until the time limit expires for that time and they are recalled so that solo poly is felt, maintained and they can enjoy it.