One of the things that has been most important to me has been CONNECTION. It has been one of those things that have kept me grounded, connects me intimately and allows true access to the deepest parts of me. This comes in levels of course with the inner sanctum being the throne room where you can Truly be connected to me.
But the fear and responsibility of that connection is what I have seen being such a major issue. Even when I have given up a lot of vulnerability so they could understand what I want and where I am going. Never have I asked anyone to be where I am because I know they are unable to be that far ahead in what I see.
The other aspect of connections use to be spending time with someone that I wanted to. Taking trips ad having great adventures. The light bulb went off with this lately and I realize that tradition is pretty much dead. Yeah, there may be a miracle somewhere in the future but I am not holding my breath. lol It just means I am not asking, mentioning or creating interest in any of that unless there is an effort from someone else.
It has been good to get back to traveling. To get away and just relax, eat, drink and be. I already have my list of places to head to. Since I didn't go to Amsterdam last year I am going to either do it the end of this year or early next year. Add to that the upcoming TX trip (I can't wait to have that much fun and entertainment again....Wooo) Back to the DMV and hitting up Miami. Jamaica is up in the air because my resort would require me having to go with a female (difficult). But the Italy and Europe trips are looking nice so far. Either way, I am taking it back to the Tried and True Old School Ways.
Not upset. Not really feeling anything at all. I will always be ABM but that is in my blood. But this point has come to where activity is flat basically. The closed off portions of me are there until the situation comes up where it will change that.
I am at a place where I have stood at my crossroads and left the road completely. Much of this is how I was before I got married combined with my experiences and learning from dating since then and especially in the last couple of years. Focus has changed and I am taking things to the next level.
Looking forward to some play and more disappearing acts. So Big Evil Chocolatezeus and Havoc will be coming to a town near you!!! *evil laughter*
Time for a cigar and some more moonshine. Have some? lmao
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