Today I got a call from a slave that I am friends with. We have never met. just spoke to each other on video chat, the phone and messages and text. I could feel that something was wrong. That energy of pain and despair resonated.
I was stunned and shocked when she told me a monkey bitch female had molested, burned with cigarettes and starved her grandson and more until he died. It hurt deeply. A child I never knew or will ever know. A grandmother who I have only communicated with all this time and never seen. The tears were there below the surface as i tried to hold them into place. I couldn't let go in the care with the parental unit and the sister on the way up here to new york. But the outrage is here and it is deep.
This also made me consider some D/s issue that I have to address this year. About connection, desire, need, submission and service. I have let things slide a lot because of previous emotional attachment. It is not appropriate to the House or the submissives and slaves. If there is no desire for submission, or even being connected or anything then what is there? After questions, thoughts and discussion it is time to come to terms and address things this year. A hard part.
Being a Dominant. Even an Evil Caveman such as myself there are people and moments where things strike beneath the armor and defenses. It is why I have loved those that I have had under me as well as those I have currently. It is the difference between you being a Picasso on my wall to being someone and something I barely remember. I will support, love, protect you ferociously with all I have and more. But when there is no activity or interest coming back to me I give the head nod and file it into the archives..
How can you say you are comfortable submitting and being a slave but all these stipulations and actions that you have make sure there is no connection and nothing works? It is a question that I asked and haven't gotten a real response to yet.
Regardless it feels good that there are those that are comfortable and want to confide, be supported, helped and everything by me. It is not an ego thing It is a matter of duty for me. And it is something that has gone on since the beginning of my planetfall. Even with those I don't know it is the case. So it truly baffled me when there were those that can't do those things with me regardless of what they have said about what they feel towards me. And it was a serious quandary for a long time. And then I just stepped back and realized they just can't, won't and don't want any of that with me. So make my decisions based off of that and move forward.
As my prayers go out to my friend, her daughter and the rest of her grandchildren. I am seriously in thought and coming to terms with some things that I have not addressed in the last year concerning dating, relation, relationship and D/s.
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