I have three beautiful submissives. Each wonderfully talented and dynamic in their individual rights.
And obviously others see them and want them as I have heard about from them. Fake dumbinants. Fraudulent and messy little boys. The little boy want to fuck and have what is mine. I understand that little needs...that is why they are denied.
Anyway.
I have heard the phrase used "it's not fair" repeatedly. It may be just a female thing or submissive thing or both. But when it comes to an hierarchy things are not fair. Things are designed to structure, strengthen, lead and support. Which are the principles I stick with.
On to the Havoc Way
I am chaos and change. The basis for ripping apart your heart, mind and soul.
When I use the word love it is because I have let you into my exclusive universe. It isn't a general statement. It is a very elitist thing. And I understand that you want my love and all to be just like yours but it isn't. Here is where acceptance and understanding come. Where I have given love is because they were worthy enough to be there and join me at that status. There is such an obvious difference between those I love and those that I do not. Why not understand and relish in your elite status?
Interpretation doesn't work with me. Unless you have taken a class with Ru Ru then you are not going to get it right. And to be honest even she misses some things at times. And I know it is a way to try to be accommodating and predict, but it takes a lot of vulnerability for that and acceptance.
I am a cold hearted, asshole, motherfucker from the pits of hell. But I am the Way. I am the balance. For all the evil side I hold. That blackness is balanced with what I have, feel and do with those that I love and care for.
In Analysis
I don't understand female's competitive thinking when there is no competition and each one is loved, cared for and handled individually.
If I give you access to my heart, then you have it to the level that you can handle. Just don't expect me to over extend myself when you are pulling up your drawbridges.
As cut and dry as I am. As black and white as I am. I stick with my relations because I am picky as Fuck! But that doesn't mean that I remove individuals for no reason and without any warning or possibility of them fixing the problem. So if you want to become a monkey bitch I can explain to you the quickest way to do it. But otherwise I don't wait around to figure out when I am going to drop your ass.
There truly is such a huge chasm of disconnect between me and females. When I say something it tends to be interpreted instead of what I said. There is so much attempt to read my tone, facial expression and more that what I am saying is missed and or ignored. As the skrawny, self absorbed, talk to much white girl amber said last night, "I am stoic." Many times it is just a flat affect as I run the multitude of thought processes in my head. This is why I say ASK ME instead of assumption, female intuition or whatever else.
Chocolate Doll's Birthday
Tomorrow is her birthday. And I think that it has been interesting that some conversations have come into being lately as this rolls up.
I love and miss my wife. I am one of the few that doesn't hate marriage or says that they wouldn't do it again. I had a great marriage even with it's ups and downs. But as with most things that just makes me an anomaly. And because of that deep connection it has inspired fear and in trepidation.
I do not compare anyone to CD, nor do I look to copy what we had. That would be impossible.
But, apparently because of my connection, love and all of her she is the measuring stick in a silent auction style relationship. It isn't. .When I have decided to love, be in love and just be with someone it has been because of them. Not the Chocolate Doll Checklist. Do I want a strong relationship like I had with CD? Umm, hell, fucking yeah!!!
She would have been 47 tomorrow. And I guess all this stuff that has been said, done and addressed lately is her A.S.S. fucking with me as usual.
Enjoy your weekend. At least I had great fish and chips at the Joyce last night as I looked at myra's titties.
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