Poetry: In the Distance

In the Distance
 

Closeness

Connectivity

A sliding scale of

De-evolutionary

Experience

Words expressed

Claiming

Desire

Need

Want

To come together

Be something other

Than one against each other

I snicker and laugh

At the charade

The obvious division

In what they say

Versus what they mean

They are comfortable where they are at

But they do not want it to seem

That they don’t want to be close

It is like a helicopter

Hovering 15 feet off the ground

High enough to jump

But high enough to

Get killed

In this kill zone

Is where relations lay

Where the minefields

Reside

It is my choice

To attempt to navigate

Get blown up

Or say no thank you

Distance

The necessary piece of

Relationships and dating

From the chocolatezeus collection   4/2/17 ©

Mr Wolf's Amsterdam Adventure...Life Unscripted

Man, I was lost when it was time to go down to the restaurant to eat and drink mimosas, only to realize I was back at the house. lol  And looking out my window now is depressing in comparison to the view from the hotel room overlooking the water, ships and city.



I haven't been back to Amsterdam since I was a young kid. And the experience was one to remember for a number of reasons. And I suggest you take a trip there if you haven't for the culture, sights and everything. Had some great food, went to some great museums and had some good quality time with lil red.

The Movenpick hotel was great. A great view and pleasant staff. And an enjoyable breakfast. And I do mean a great view from the 20th floor. Definitely made me mad I missed it 2 years previously.  The staff was courteous and helpful which always makes me happy. So yes, I suggest staying there if you are going!

Each day was an adventure in sight seeing, eating and quality time together. And I love quality time! We hit a number of museums. From my favorite torture museum to the van gogh, sex museum and the rijks dutch museum.  There was so much to enjoy and see and I took it all in. Hell, I never even thought to try the Belgium waffles there. lol  But I did have great calzone and burgers and stuff.

I was graced to see lil red in her completely submissive state. To see her free and how she wanted and needed to be was incredible. She was with her dom and they played as I worked on the computer and talked to people. But I saw how she was and it truly was dynamic.  I was glad that she got her fix. The submission that she needed.

Seeing her submissive and our talk afterward made me think and solidify things with my D/s and poly. I have my feelings and things but reality is that lil red and little one have to be happy and growing in their journey regardless. I fully support that even when they may disagree with it.  I saw the things and reason that had to be shared. The place where lil red was at peace and floating. And she floated for the rest of the trip on her high which I was very happy for her. She was in subspace and out of her head and thoughts where she floated free.  Exhilarating.

A trip that started out on a dark cloud note ended with a lot of learning for me along with great sight seeing and time spent in museums with lil red.

Hell, I ended up getting a tattoo that says Mr Wolf on top and harley underneath. My first tatt that related to someone that I was with. But it marked the memory of being in Amsterdam together as well as the connection of me as Mr Wolf and when lil red becomes harley.  We both were shocked at my choice in the shop but it was important to me and purposeful.

The airport on the way out was something else though. They had a runway closed and we waited on the tarmac before take off. And security was long and tedious since they had one entrance. And having to take out all electronics and wires was not a happy time for me either.

I embarked on a journey. To get my military brat, lust and adventure needs fed.  And that was mostly handled. And very memorable.

Along with learning and digesting even more about my D/s journey.  Decisions and analysis about having submissives and taking care of it all.  Putting everything in it's place to make things appropriate.

I am very thankful for the experience, understanding, enjoyment and adventure.

Just Me Against the World

The Black Man…Public Enemy Number One

With a life expectancy

Less than it should be

Imprisonment of

Mind

Body

And soul

For each day

Each breath he takes

They want

Need to lock him in

A hole

In a suit and tie

Or jeans and a t-shirt

Their thoughts and feelings

Revealed in their eyes

Not relegated only to

Whites or blacks

But some black females

Have gotten in on the act

With life expectancies

Less than a quarter

Roadblocks at every

Portal

So

Grip your purses

Hold tight to your disdain

Claim that you understand

No matter what

It remains

The hunted

Disenfranchised

Prisoner of war

Journey of a black man

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/28/17  ©

It is cute to think that the world is this more equal and better place but I am a black man in the modern day and I can tell you that things have not changed that much.

Even with education there is the need for society and others to keep their boot on the back of my neck as much as possible. 

Add to that the struggle, conflict and same type of responses from some black females only drives home the plight of being a black man even more. 

I am educated.

World traveled.

Diverse.

Skilled.

Articulate.

These traits make them cringe and cower in fear because I am not the hood black guy with the pants off his ass slinging drugs.  I am the man giving others instructions, while maintaining multi million dollar projects.  

When we as black men move beyond what they see us as being in our place it creates a need to destroy, wage war on us and cage us to make themselves feel better.  To maintain their class and economic system. 

But the problem is that you can't stop us from growing, evolving and achieving no matter how many roadblocks you set up. Some of us won't be the complacent, endentured servants that you seek to keep 

I am a black man. 

The one thing you hunt and fear so deeply that it makes you secure everything and anything of yours because you won't always keep us underneath..

Knowledge Is Power

This has been a very educational week. Filled with learning new things as well as reinforcing analysis that already were in place.

Amsterdam has been nice. I have had a chance to step back and look at things. To be out of the country and pay homage to my past.

Relations and dynamics became fully defined this week. Without a shadow of a doubt. When evidence is presented then there leaves no room for doubts.

I am in a prepared place now. One that was forecasted and I made ready.

This week's word for both of the girls is SHARED.

Learning has been the key and here I am.

Till then...enjoy.

Moment in Poetry: Avatar of Hell

Avatar of Hell

My blood pumps to the beat

Of a slim shady and Royce 5 9

Lyrical beast

But my heart and soul

Are not in the Fastlane

But in the dead end

Vicinity

As I spit

Venomous lava

From my very

Existence

Anger and hate

Lay in the corner

Whimpering

Unable to understand

Accept

Fathom even

I am something

Another thing

The epitaph of Death

Hela’s granddaddy

Wondering if

There are any

Feelings even left

I turn to

The right

The left

Welcoming

The emptiness

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/15/17  ©

Boba Fett at the Movenpick

Well, made it to Amsterdam yesterday.

I haven't been back to Europe since when I was in college and flew back to Germany to spend time with the parental units and their daughter.

The room has a great view of the city and where the cruise ship docks next door. Looking out the window definitely makes things better. It is a nice hotel. I would recommend it.

Flight was fine since the plane wasn't full. There was plenty of space to stretch out. And they gave you meals which seems foreign in these days of flights.

Besides the sights I saw on the way to the hotel. Plenty of architecture and everything to enjoy. Plus they are doing their elections today so this should be interesting.

Much is on my mind. The apparent modifications and need for more has been fully established. So, I have done quite a bit of writing already. Documenting and analyzing things to their fullest conclusion.

I see why the isolation has increased and dropped. Why I have remained steadfast on my rampart. From Ru to everyone it has been time to just observe now.

Definitely interesting.

Life Unscripted leaves things unbelievable.

The Power of Love

I have watched and observed the fear and hatred when it comes to love. Both by listening to others as well as what has been said and the actions of those I am involved with.  It is always something negative constantly or how it is the worst thing there is.

Those I am involved with have their disdain, disbelief and anti- love aspects based on their experiences, fears and lack of anything that close to someone because of trust, safety and other issues.

These aspects and more are why there is so much against love, dating, relationships, marriage and more. Because in this disposable, I don't want to be too close so i don't lose being by myself mentality of living, love is seen as a death sentence and weakness.

Here is the kicker.

I am evil and apathy. I am love.

These two things are what are my basis. What drives me and my existence The simple black or white situation. Being told that I don't do things in the gray area proves this.

What do I mean that I am both evil and love? The fiery, force and potency I am are based on these corner stones. It is why I am precise about my wants, needs and all. It is why I love with so much ferocity that it scares those that hate and feel that love is a weakness.  While my apathy and ability to excommunicate people that I was with and loved has equal strength.

This made me think about some songs and one popped up which had lyrics that really said what needed to be said to people. Luther Vandross' "power of love."  And we know I am not a big r&b person and especially stay away from love songs.  But here are the lyrics that I speak of.


Did you know that your feelings show
You thought your love was locked up inside
But when your senses start to overload
Love is something you should never hide

You've got to believe in love
It's a feeling that's next to none
Can't stop until we are one
With the power of love


I stopped fighting, hating and being scared of love a long time ago.  It was who I was and am. It is what makes me the chauvinist man that feminists love. As well as allowed me to have a great marriage unlike what so many others have gone through and avoided out of fear. Allowing me to giver fully, all of my heart from the moment I said I loved you.  To also not being your friend, speaking or interacting with you when you are done.

There is power in love, loving and being loved. And that is why people are in fear and loathing of it.

I Saw LOGAN...and I Liked It!

As I listen to the score from the movie it brings me back to last Thursday when I saw it.

Being the comic book snob that I am. I didn't go in with any expectations other than to see Wolverine one last time. Pretty much what I do with any movie that is based off of reading materials. Reading is really, really bad for you apparently! And we all know that sony especially has fucked up comic book characters in the movies.

There was no continuity of any timeline, cannon or none of that. So once again hollywood said no to those that read books and came up with a hodgepodge of things that they thought could sell to those that don't have a clue.

Hugh Jackman played Logan well. The old man that is in his twilight and ready to go. You can see the fatigue, the conclusion and everything in his acting. This is what truly linked you to the Old Man Logan comic story line. He brought Logan from the comic book pages to the screen. Maybe he channeled things from his life to pull this off or something. But he pulled it off.

There are a number of easter eggs throughout the movie. Some funny ones. And the Deadpool intro before the movie starts definitely makes you glad that you got there on time.

They truly used this movie as a jump off for introduction to new characters and movies. Some interesting ones like the new mutants and x force.

What was frustrating though was the ambiguity about what happened to all the mutants. I understand casting a hook out there but can we get a better hook?

And Professor X like you have never seen him before in this. lol Patrick Stewart definitely went out the box on this one  He must have channeled some Walter from Blunt Talk in there.

This is a must go see. And it is not about the action completely. And the action is rather good. But it is about the acting here more than the action. The expressions, tones and interaction is deep in this one.


Go enjoy and see for yourself.

Why Yes!! I Am Blunt Force Trauma

I have been watching the sunset on the dating thing. Watching it drift wherever the fuck they are taking it to. 

This is a by product of being direct and females hating love and unable to trust themselves or anyone else that is not doing exactly what they want. As Ru pointed out to me my blunt force trauma approach has an  equal and opposite reaction mostly. (helps weed out the weak immediately mostly)

I listened to Aaron Hall's "the truth" album. One of those rare occasions I listen to r&b. And this is one of the few albums I can listen to from beginning to end. 

He told females:

We can Do Anything

Open Up

Get A Little Freaky With Me

Pick Up the Phone

Don't Be Afraid

What happened Until I Found You

Some You Keep Me Crying

Following those up with:

Let's Make Love

I am here When You Need Me

How I Miss You

Until The End of Time

These songs speak volumes on how a relationship is supposed to be something those involved actually want. With the love, attention and all that is required. But in this day of disposable  and burger king style relations all of that is dead. 

The choices these days are wait around for the tides to shift each time, Nuke it all and say fuck it. Or play their games. 

Dating is bullshit! 

And that is why... It is what it is!

The guys at the cigar shop, Ru, little one and others have asked me about if I am excited about going to Amsterdam next week. And at one point I was. Now that has been seriously tempered. I look forward to making it to Madurodam and seeing the city. This will probably be an artistic journey for me with how things are now.  But this is time away to just get out of the country and do my thing.  lol Well at least until I leave out of the country again this year. 

I am still laughing at the chicks at the chiropractic office being shocked when I came in lol. That was classic. 

Logan was a good movie on Thursday. I enjoyed that.  I will have to write about this on a separate post 

The void, the changes and blatant realizations lately definitely have created plenty of things to pen, analyze and everything since the beginning of the year. It brought eye opening and closure. As always I left my mark upon them while permanently changing them to lead the to this point they are at right now. But this is what it is like living Life Unscripted!!

Well I shall bid you adieu for right now. It is time for me to go write on the non pg 13 page and let it all out. lol   

ABM IN FULL EFFECT!!

I Am the Null Hypothesis

The week has been interesting.

Logan is coming out this upcoming week and I cannot wait! I really hope I am not getting excited to be disappointing but oh well it looks like it might be actually good for once. The true Wolverine finally. Plus it is the Death of Wolverine story arch. So Thursday it is on!

In two weeks I will finally leave the country again. Next stop Amsterdam. This will be interesting trip definitely. Plus I haven't been there since I was a kid so I am seriously trying to get to Maduradam while I am there. It will be good to return to europe again. I haven't been back since I graduated high school. At least I know I will be going back after I go to London. lol

Yesterday was a good day in Raleigh. From eating at Big Ed's (they have some good country, farm to table food there. To include city ham. And of course you can order one or two pancakes since they are huge.)

Hit the history of NC museum downtown to look at everything. They had a WW1 exhibit as well.  Going through and looking at the slavery stuff bothered me a bit but it is supposed to. Hearing them talk about how they did not want to succeed from the union was interesting.  I enjoyed the weapons the most from revolutionary war through world war 2. Hell they even had my favorite the BAR gun in there. Plus a civil war historian was showing real swords and muskets and everything. So there was that and going to look at the dinosaurs, animals, vegetation and sea life indigenous to NC. I didn't know there were certain dinosaurs native to NC.

Left there to hit the farmers market. It wasn't that good because it was so late in the day at that point. But I found my damn ginger beer...cock n bull ginger beer baby!  And I got a case of it. Now it wasn't the diet one unfortunately but hell with it. I didnt have to get it from houston where I got it from the first time.

Had to get my eat on again so I stopped by Gypsy's Silver Dinner and had a real fried fish sandwich. lol  And that was after I went to Havana grill to get a cuban sandwich like I use to when I lived there only to see they are fixing salvadoran and mexican food and still got the cuban name up there. wtf

But I had to round it all off by stopping by my ole biker buddy Charlie from the cigar shop here stomping ground. Empire cigars. I had never been there but it was a nice little place. And damn apex was jumping that late already. I never knew. lol

I didn't make it back to go to Fire and Spice but damn it was worth it! Most definitely worth it!

Along with yesterday;s adventure I had a chance to hear from UK Honey. I hadn't chatted with her in years. Plus talked to the Pimpstress as well about health and stuff. I haven't seen her since when she stopped at blackbeat so we could meet and hang out talking. Both of them were good conversations and all.

Leads me to...

The focus recently has been on basically kow towing to others it seems. It has been in groups as well as individuals that have been talking about it.

This is why the title of the null hypothesis.

Because it is hard for people to understand and accept difference that is not their own and what everyone else says.  From the poly people are their narrow minds, language and words to everyone else and their stuff. It all remained cookie cutter basically. With fear and denial being their own companions.

So I have sat back, listened to and observed their situationships and how they were this and that type of relation. They loosed some bolts my way in an attempt to challenge me and get me to conform to their issues. But I require attributes of a real relationship for it or them to have any true meaning. Anything beneath that is something to do until you discard it.

My thoughts, actions, feelings and all destroying their mentalities. Making them pissed, suck and gnash their teeth because of me. But that is because of they only want things their way and nothing else so they can be comfortable and feel in charge. But that is a conversation for another time.


Did I say Logan is coming out this week!!  lol


Dominant aka the Journey Into Mystery


Through all of your submissives trust, have it my way, combative and more issues and actions something good can come.

There is no glamour in being a Dominant if you are doing it right and daily. It is work regularly and overtime hourly at times. But you want your submissive to succeed, achieve and grow. To live a fuller, happier and more educated life.

So it makes me smile when my submissive's career has grown through the change. Or that her thought processes have developed more so they are not as rigid as the gender tries to maintain. By her the place to trust, be open and be supported allows for exponential growth and dynamic.

The journey is still just beginning so there is no telling where the next landmine or attempted ambush may be in life.



See this is not a rant. It has nice stuff in it!

The Cards Left On the Table

What should be, is not?
What could be, apparently will not be.
What is, is nothing.


Each individual has those things in their life that are important, that they attend to and they give themselves to.  That scale though is something else for them. lol

"If it is important to you then you show that no matter what!"

That is the simple fact of the matter. If there is no importance then it is something you can pick up and drop or simply discard. A simple fact of the nature of things.


With that said I wish you a good night. Some second life, movies and drinking will be continued with all the thinking that is going on.

Enjoy

I Am That Challenge...Week in Review

So it has been rocky for those that grace my circles. They had their internal defenses, walls and everything tested once again. Not by me on purpose or any of that. But because I am just me.

Hell, it even came out in discussions on conference calls as well.

There is a severe quandary out there. For the opposing gender they want a man to be:

• strong
• intelligent
• sensitive
• a manly man

And with those things come the male and Dominant that is not going to tell you what they feel or if things are bothering them.  Strength and honor!!

But the opposing gender want men to be this way until that invisible line in their head is crossed by a man. Then they are not worth it and they won't listen to them and all the other things they come up with.  They want the balance but are unable to articulate it.  They want that take charge, take no prisoners man but they cant' handle it at full power. 

These days the opposing gender has taken their view of think like and be like a man approach. Where they have this bravado of not needing to be emotional and feel anything while making sure to keep all walls, defenses and mrs freeze defense mechanisms on high alert. 

This also brought up more of men being men instead of the neutered version that the opposite gender's feminists want to employ.  Being a misogynistic, chauvinistic Caveman is who and what I am.  That man that will love you deeply from the beginning to the end even when you question my intentions or motives.  And the man that will do the complete opposite when it is warranted. 

The opposite gender was and is appalled at me being this way. They have all their issue with it and the rattling of the equality noodle sabres and all. 

But, I married, dated, date and have a submissive that are feminists. That is the type of balance there is and how it works for me.  They are the only ones strong enough to be an applicant to have a chance for anything with me.  As the opposite gender was in their shock and awe a Master had to explain to them what I said. That those that are with me are with me with the understanding of their role, place and meaning to me. Or they decide to leave or fake it as best as they can. 

Because of these things and many more traits I test the resolve of those i am involved with.  I am not what their exes, husband and friends are or think. I say and do things that are not mainstream.  I show them a deep love that I do not give to others or even acknowledge others.  Here is where the spotlight shines down upon them and they decide if they want to, can handle or be in the role that I have for them. Taxing their heart, mind and soul with how I am. It truly is not for the weak at all. They will drive themselves questioning how I am and being with me instead of enjoying their role and what they mean. 

So me as....

A Dominant

As Havoc

As Chocolatezeus

Or Big Evil

I make and will continue making you think, feel and be outside of the box that you feel so comfortable in. 

Poetic Affect: Cold Hearts With Love Divine

Cold Hearts With Love Divine

I love you

In love with you

Heart beats

Make me want you to be mine

Each caress of your face

Feel of the curves of your skin

Looking deep into your eyes

Reminding me

You are situationally

Mine

Looking at the results

Of what me in your life has done

To your soul and mind

Told you to be mine

My girl, my sub, my wife

But

I have broken

Your heart

Your soul

Your mind

The only thing I cannot do

Is break through

Your stubborn denial

From the chocolatezeus collection  2/20/17  ©