There has been avalanche upon avalanche seemingly each moment for I don't even know how long now. I have lived since I was found doing crisis management for others as well as myself. But I wonder have I reached some limit or something.
The female parental unit is out of the hospital as of today. Which means preparation for all the variables that have the possibility of happening. So watching the tick of the clock now for the telltale signs or the results.
Pretty much since amsterdam I have stayed in the fortress of solitude. And I have strengthened it and my isolation a whole hell of a lot since then also. It is like I am watching a true horror flick starring myself and those I know many times.
Even though I am caring, protective and overbearing still. Emotionally and feeling wise I dead. Everything that has gone has allowed me return to being devoid of anything. Maybe it is the absence. Maybe it is others evolution while I have chosen to see a new darkness to travel. Some have recognized it and said something about it. Others may have recognized it and have not said anything. But I see the reality.
As I prepare for possibility of the female parental unit to die and then the male parental unit. I wonder is this a symbol of everything dying this year. Will the only thing left after this year be ashes and memories?
As I laugh ast Lil Flip's "Game Over" comes on just as I finish typing the last paragraph. lmao
Where I once turned to the one or those I loved and cared about for comfort and support. That is not an option anymore. They are not able to be that. And with everything they have going on it is a question of them being able to handle it anyway.
So I will continue the gauntlet.
Even though the beat thumps and head bobs. There is no dancing. For my inability to dance or even pretend to has hit zero.
Have a good one. Be true to yourself and live fully for yourself.
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