A Fellow Caveman Went Home Today

With everything going on lately. From the popular consent violators attacking someone new in the lifestyle to the dealing with all the things that life presents. I wasn't prepared for today.


Charlie died today. And it hit me hard. I made me think about life, living and the frailty of existence.

Who was Charlie?

He was an ex biker that road with many of the biker gangs including the Hell's Angels. He lived the rebel and alternative life before it became a fad or acceptable. A large, white man that was on dialysis and used a walker after all the years and adventures. He held the long toss on hillsborough street in raleigh for tossing a guy from the top of the stairs of the bar and through the door out into the street with out hitting the stairs. He was history, knowledge, entertainment and manly before the tree hugging, sensitive me too hate mongers showed up.

Guns
Drugs
Knives
Adventures


There were stories about it all and so much more.


So when I walked into the cigar shop today and my boy all of sudden called me to come over using a lower town of voice I was wondering what was going on. Telling me that Charlie died at home this morning shook me. I had to gain my composure and  mindset. WTF!  I just saw him and was talking to him in the shop yesterday. He was supposed to go home and cook the boudin to eat finally.

Charlie's wife had come in the shop to tell everyone a few minutes before josh and I arrived. And I am kind of glad because I don't think I would have held it together at that point.

My fellow man that spoke and understood gruntanese.
My man that didnt like humans either.
The man with such a similar disposition as I it was funny.


Yesterday was the last day I had to see and speak with him. And today he is gone.

I was extra shocked that he spoke to his wife about me. Because she told me how much charlie enjoyed being around me at the shop he told her. I was and am still speechless. His wife said that she was going to cook the boudin tonight in honor of him. Then she tells me that charlie wanted me to have something. And now I am mute. I don't have anything to say.

As I sit here still in shock. I am glad he isn't suffering and didn't suffer when he died it seems. But damn I am going to miss him.


This drink is for you Charlie!!

Blitzkrieg upon the Black Man

The Black Man.  A highly targeted and endangered species. The attackers? white supremicists of course along with feminists, government, black people and females.

In the news the black man is the mass shooter, street corner robbing, thugnificent.

Family and relationships equal us seen as pimp, playa, deadbeats that cheat and destroy the so called female.

In other words no matter what the Black Man inspires fear, loathing and the need to imprison.


So, the existence of the Black Man is just like Punisher: War Zone. We just have to keep fighting until we are completely dead and against absolutely everyone.


The latest things is this toxic masculinity bullshit. Just another assault by the femanazis to try and destroy the black man some more. It is like there needs to be this pseudo male that they can keep underneath their boot to try and feel like somebody complex.  This seems to come from the whole ultra damaged female needing to project, attack and make responsible anyone they come across for their past. So here come the petty, whining, I don't want to make an effort but wait until I am in the mood and ready type of females.

It use to be simply defending against the attack of racists and government. Now it has become those things along with females and our own race. This increase created a bigger rift between black men and black women. And gave those that fear more ammunition to use.


As a black man we have squash the rhetoric and keep moving forward. Remove those that are not allies and are in this concocted fear from our lives. Educate those that can be educated and stick to our principles, goals and achievements.

As black men we must continue to

Fight
Fight
Fight

against all enemies. Foreign, domestic, familial as well as relationship wise.

A Poly Podcast and the Caveman

When I was asked at the brats reunion I had a brief conversation with one of the sexy twins. (they definitely would make for a nice twin fantasy fulfillment.)  We talked a little about poly and a podcast they had done previously because I am poly as well as mono.  She was interested and spoke to her twin and they wanted me to come on and give my perspective.

It was very interesting. They were interested in learning so they had open minds about it. They ended up learning some things and dispelling some notions that vanillas have.

Check it out. It has sparked some new conversations among people. Which is the point of it all along with education.


Enjoy



https://open.spotify.com/episode/7oMopklZU7ZZAtB7OFLXxu

The Return to the Learning Curve

So the hands of time have mixed with the sands and here we are.  Trials and tribulations. Errors and
achievements.

I have had to learn since beginning this journey. Much of it the hard way I have to say. But that was mostly because of new to this lifestyle and not maintaining objectivity because of attachment.

r was marred because of being in love with her and didn't properly manage, require and let there be unecessary actions and inactions.

The flower thing was a bet gone wrong because I tried to make it work with something that couldn't even come to terms with itself.

Those two and my encounters with others taught me to be a lot more strict and streamlined.

little one came and taught me to lock things down even more and negotiate even more thoroughly. Which led to new rules, protocols and expectations..

babycakes has been showing me that I have to beef up, reinforce and arm the protocols, expectations, requirements and consideration a whole lot more.


Told the girls that each predecessor has created this evolution. And babycakes of course said that it wasn't fair basically. I laughed at that shit. True my mistakes and experiences have created more and more effective analytics, preparations and actions.

If I don't learn then the horrors of the past are only going to repeat themselves. I say to thee, Nay! I have no need to return to bullshit again in my life with things.


So, I will just continue riding this learning curve on out like a long haired, stoned surfer.

Life's Poetry: Love's Anomaly in a Modern Day Catastrophe

Love’s Anomaly in a Modern Day Catastrophe

The damaged and fucked up

Seem to be the norm

Catalytic 

Acid rain living

Caught in and re creating

Their own regurgitated

Purging

I miss the days

When females became women

When they got out of their own way

Were made up of more than scarred, mutilated remains

Told how horrible history

They have maintained

Calculated disdain created

In a cesspool of

I can’t

I won’t

Never again

Only here to project

Their inadequacy of self

Give the gift of

Hating themselves and whoever loves them

So there is no surprise

When I step up and say

What I want with you

That I love you

That I need you

And you slink away

Run away

Start screaming

As your fear and hatred

Keep you imprisoned

No worries

I will leave you happily

At the Rikers of your own making

As I hold onto

Memories, experience and knowledge of

What a woman

Relationship

Love and living 

Is live and well if you can handle it

These modern times

Make me glad and ecstatic

That I had a chance to live that

Mary J Blige “Real love”

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/9/19  ©

Sexy Twins, a Podcast and Poly

So when I went to the BRATS reunion in San Antonio I met these two sexy little twins. I talked to one more than the other since she was out in the smoking section more. We glanced on poly and bdsm. She said that her and her twin had a podcast and they wanted me to come on and discuss poly on there. I said sure and a couple weeks or month ago checked out their podcast. They were interesting, intelligent had some open mindedness as well as cute and sexy.

So, the Caveman recorded the pod cast tonight with them. It was entertaining and fun. I got a chance to teach and express myself, my journey and everything. Good questions were asked and I gave answers that showed the diversity of it all and that was what they needed. They didn't know how deep the rabbit hole actually could go or went. I gave them a bigger taste.

This should be a nice educational snippet for people to hear and get their minds thinking some more. So we will see when they finish editing the podcast how it goes. But I think it went well and reminded me of the old days of suit and tie presentations and meetings.


Other than that...

little one had a great day at work. Thank God! She felt loved on by me and everyone treated her nice. And I didn't have to go down there because someone stole her flowers or she didn't get her flowers today. So, that was a great bonus.

it has been a rough day as well. So things are what they are. The night is here and the drink is going so I will be alright for a few hours.

Poetry; Be Careful What you Ask For

Be Careful What you Ask For

Your words

Holding court

Etched into history

You want

Directness

With no ambiguity

You want

Equality

Without recognizing

Differences

You show no interest

As you remain

Mentally wet for me

Give me

Love and a relationship

As you hide from it

Screaming pettiness

Because you got exactly

What you asked for

Be honest

Ask yourself

And deal with it all

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/5/19  ©

50 Hasn't Got Anything on Her

Hope you are doing well and enjoying summer or heat fest that has been going on. lol

The weekend Me and little one spent the weekend celebrating her birthday in Raleigh. A weekend full of things that she would and wanted to do.

This year will make for years that she has been my submissive. The longest reigning and first submissive officially that I have owned.  Hard to believe it has been that long as well as how it all began.

We went to a burger spot near downtown Raleigh friday night and then hit the movie theater to see Hobbs and Shaw.  After a long week it was what she needed. To just get away from work and just enjoy herself. Burgers were good. My down south had bbq pork on it and the meat was not infused with hormones and steroids based on the taste. The movie was interesting and fun. Still have to deal with suspending my thinking process while watching a movie though.

Saturday was sip and paint minus the sipping. And hell there were only us along with grandparents and their grandparents in the studio anyway. But we all laughed and talked as we painted our coy fish paintings. I think my coy turned into a fricking shark with a laser running around Atlantis in my painting though. lol

Took her to a Japanese Hibachi steak place called Kabuki. I think I have been there before. The service was attentive but we did have to wait on our chef for a long time. I also don't like going to these without a large party to fill up your seating area. But at least it wasn't that bad with those that we were seated with. There was the drunk father across from us though. She enjoyed herself and everyone sang happy birthday to her. Plus she got the big portions which will last her days anyway. We both did have a lot of food afterwards.

She got to watch maleficcent and we chilled.

So, she had a chance to do things that she wanted to and have fun. Even though I know she held back with her submissive mindset because I kept saying that it wasn't about me and it was about her.

She was shocked by her gifts and decorations in the room. Even though the damn candles went out before she finally got there.

Well...

The things Dominant does for their property and when they have to brow beat them into focusing on self. Sign of a submissive basically.

It is the beginning of the week. Seize it and crush it in your hands as you move forward.

Poetic Moment: Return of the Soulmate Part Deux

Return of the Soulmate Part Deux

I had to take a step back

Is this a trap set from high above?

When the endgame closed

Could no longer keep my promise

Here you come

Sultry and sexy

A standout among the cutouts

The heart beats reaching for love

To taste and feel it’s

Flavorful variations

Once again upon my soul

Is it time?

Have you been put in

The proper time and place

To once again

Grace that happy place

Soar through the ether

Fully charged against eternity

Is this soul stirring

The answers to giving up

Returning to history

Analysis

Evaluation

Over thinking

As the insomnia

Claims us

Our history and passion

Nibble at us

Will this be the return of the King?

Or

The reincarnation of

Demolition Man again?

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/26/19  ©

Poetic Moment: Are you?

Are you?

From the first time

Connected and intoxicated

A blast from the past

Come full circle

Uniqueness

Sex appeal

Creativity and passion

All the things that fanned the flames

Once again

Here and now

Elevated

Just from a reconnection

For me a connection that never left

Just removed from

My universe

So come to me

Leave behind the pain of the past

Embrace the pain of change

As you hear the rain drops

Match the beat of your heart

Let go

Be free

You know the answer

So here is the question from me

Are you ready to be with me?

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/26/19  ©

Poetic Capture: That Flicker of a Flame

That Flicker of a Flame

So many years later

A marriage

Childbirth

Death and separations

Our paths

Crossed once again

Like the staff of Hermes

Here we are again

You pause

Lost in your pain, despair

Depression even

For all the negatives that you have

Experienced since

Us back then

Still

There in your darkness

Beats the flicker of flame

Evidence to

Here and now

No need to run now

I hear your heart and soul

The soft, slow beat

As part of you still fights

As the majority of you

Sees and feels the light

It’s alright

Through all the turmoil

The pain and all

That still cooks you raw

You feel

Know and understand

What I want

What I mean

Where I stand

Aint a damn thing changed

As your light bulb

Flickers even harder

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/22/19  ©

Poetic Moment: Oh Wait!

Oh Wait!

you tell me about your independence and don’t needs

All the while screaming

Chase me

Look at me

Make me the only best thing

As you sit there idly

Unable to reciprocate an ounce of anything

But wait

There’s more

Claim you want communication

Direct and apparent

Only to run away from it all

Like a crying two year old child

Where is that strong independent woman now?

Still on that burger king recipe

Have it your own way is not working at all

But wait

There’s more

You’re in there

Coasting along without a care

No worries at all

Because no matter what just say

Let’s just see what happens

You don’t have to put in no work at all

Your relations and relationships

Are merely at your beckon call

On today, off the next hour

But wait

There’s more

Well, actually it’s time

To drop a learning depth charge

You can be damaged and fucked up

That is not a problem

But

You can’t be this all mighty warrior princess

When you are scared of

Your own heart and soul

And

I am not your past

How your daddy treated you

The exes that stole your mind and soul

Or any of the other fucked up situations that you hold

But wait

There’s more

But I don’t think you can digest it all

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/21/19  ©

Spanksgiving Aftermath: They came to eat and get their ass beat!!

It is a week later. The aftermath is steal real. Just watching everyone interact and be excited for Spanksgiving.

Life Unscripted struck a curve in there from the onset of the trip when the transmission in the truck started slipping on the other side of birmingham. But this is why I drive more than they do. I merely deduced the problem, called up my brother and kept it pushing at 55 all the way to Killeen.  (Hell, we still made a Buccee's stop on that stretch too...lol)

This was going to be a first and unique CTX BBQ. Because all of the House of Havoc was going to be there for the first time. babycakes and I were driving there. little one was flying in on friday. Folk were about to see the whole House. And they weren't prepared lol. This was little one's first CTX event with her work schedule, so this was the first time to fully be in just the CTX energy.  Even though it was her flying in late Friday and leaving before everyone got up Sunday I had my little one with me.

A unique twist came when I was asked about babycakes being in service the weekend (here is where the separation of those pretending and those living this life reveals itself.) I said yes to her coordinating volunteer service through the event. her response was shock, awe and bothered but reality was it was time for her to taste full service in this community.

The opportunity for babycakes to be of service as the volunteer coordinator showed even more how life is different from before receiving my cut. I still am not for sure why I was gifted but I understand the importance. I don't think me going to CTX events and helping really stood out but the girls say differently.  It is all fun and games until you actually serve in the community.  And I have been security for i think almost 2 years now. Wow!

There is the wonder why I go all the way to texas. it is because it is the perfect atmosphere. Not a lot of cliquish, fraudulent and egotistical people. And no one is just a quantitative component. It is described as family style event. I describe it as fully welcoming.  We have a good time in fellowship, learning, play, energy and much more.

After this last bbq I realized the most profound thing for me concerning these events is watching the journey. From sending pebbles to her first CTX event and I wasn't even coming to now she is collared and everything in the community. To watching others growing over the time they have came. To last weekend watching a young man exploring and living his journey. Seeing his growth just through the event was breath taking.

The classes were phenomenal as usual.

Ms D Dom and Her cream presented a great class on humiliation and degradation which was a must to attend and learn.

Sir Joshua, Sir Johan and joy presented their class on their unique position as a triad and in the community. Which was the epitome of diversity.

The sexy Goddess Indigo and Dr Bob gave a class on many different aspects of communication. Definitely had me thinking even seeing her passionate side and his calculating and direct side together.


The scenes

There were seriously hot scenes in the dungeon. I didn't get to see them all but I did enjoy when I had a chance.

little one and I did a scene that ended up with her giggling uncontrollably in the end. A first, so very unique indeed.

A punishment scene was done with nicole. Everyone thought I was beating her to death with the bat and stuff. But honestly I wasn't hitting that hard. I did end up beating the pussy up inadvertently though in the scene. But that just added to the punishment. Hell she had on jean shorts and that big ass didn't feel all that. lol


Brotherhood

We had a chance to sit down and talk privately and candidly about all that is going on. All the toxic black man rhetoric, attacks on character and actions to dealing with the fraudulent and what we have going on in the non kink part of our lives.

It has been a while since this type of energy, mental and vibe connection has happened for me. It is normally at lower levels. But this was where it needed to be at the time it needed to be.

Real talk, no chaser type of discussion.


The Aftermath

had a chance to talk to and get to know this sexy ass Dominican beauty with the perfect body.  Ja Bless!  She had the body that when I saw her checking in the hotel I had to tilt my head sideways and be like WTF!!! A very interesting switch.

Being security can be difficult but I like that people are safe and comfortable to be who and what they are.

Proud of my babycakes for stepping up and representing Me, the House and herself very well even though she was and is still severely injured.

So happy to have been able to have my little one with me at a CTX event for the first time. So she could see and feel what goes on out there. So that everyone can come to know the wonderful person that she is.

Being able to talk to leather historians and bootblacks. To read some of the historical leather books, comics and things. Furthering this leather journey of mine.


So....

It has been a long week with ridiculous heat. But it was worth it in so many ways. Even as I still try to recover I can still smile and grin. And be proud of those people that had a chance to further their journeys.