It is hard to believe that he has died. A true musical genius. I may not liked every single thing he made but a whole lot of them. Hell, I grew up listening to many of his songs.
This is the song that holds most meaning from him to me. A song that was on the Chocolate Doll and Chocolatezeus theme album.
Dedicated to you Chocolate Doll. At least you will have someone to sing to you now there.
Rest in Peace
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Poetic Moment: San Andrea Fault
San Andrea Fault
Never saw the warning
Bullshit
I ignored them from
the start
That blaring Ultraman
beeping alarm
Cracked foundations
Permeated with rotten
corpses
Holes punctured in
Noah’s ark
Desolation the only
constant
Fraudulent fantasies
Centered on
Dating and
relationship
Ideologies
Swallowed whole
By 26 on Richter
scale of the heart
Chasms opened wide
A black hole
swallowing hole
Heart, soul and
positive vibe
Mistakes
Monkey Bitches
My fault
Like Dr Dre’s
Aftermath
Devastation
Unforgettable applications
Death Row is it’s
name
Such wonderful art
Ending in
My laughter
Unshocked flat line
And a fuck you
And your mind
Take your time
I will enjoy your
Rigormortis of heart,
soul and mind
Until
That permanent flat
line
My smile gleams
All bright
From the
chocolatezeus collection 4/21/16 ©
Can You?
Can You?
Make me want you
Remember who you
are
What you can do
Create that unparalleled
lust for you
Where your body
and skills
Are wanted
constantly
Create an astral
link
Where mentally I
stay with you
Thinking, caring
and concerned
For you
Getting to know me
and you
Where we grow
closer
Wanting to be
permanent
Together as two
But I see
Staring blankly
Inability
Lack of
Importance to
You
So
Thank you
From the chocolatezeus collection 4/20/16
©
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Dating: The Clusterfuck Adventure
So Ru and I are talking about dating and what is and has gone with us. Truly, a part of our Live's Unscripted. lol
Ru has wanted me to show her how to compartmentalize and turn off feelings. I have promptly said no to that repeatedly even though I understand the reasoning. The compartmentalization doesn't always work. There are times when I allow a specific feeling for someone come up. But it is rare thankfully. She needs to continue to feel and live.While my feelings are not there it makes it difficult for others.
Even our scenarios now are beyond the norm of our Life Unscripted. We are at our crossroads with our timeline and looking at things wondering. WTF But the battle, war and clusterfuck continues. We have talked about it and wanted the best for each other. But we are looking at the reality of our situations. *hysterical laughter*
I always hated dating before I got married. And after having a great and successful marriage I detest dating even more. It is such a quagmire when it is not necessary. The hiding and fear in attempting to have something of a meaningful relationship is at huge proportions.
My dating adventures have been fucking disasterous. Ru and I have sat back laughing at all of them. Because after realizing how badly things are when it comes to dating all we can do is laugh at the shit and just be ourselves and enjoy what we can out of life and FUCK the rest.
More laughter for the Road Warriors. Always on deck
Dating...yeah I guess it is still something people claim to do
*laughing hysterically*
Ru has wanted me to show her how to compartmentalize and turn off feelings. I have promptly said no to that repeatedly even though I understand the reasoning. The compartmentalization doesn't always work. There are times when I allow a specific feeling for someone come up. But it is rare thankfully. She needs to continue to feel and live.While my feelings are not there it makes it difficult for others.
Even our scenarios now are beyond the norm of our Life Unscripted. We are at our crossroads with our timeline and looking at things wondering. WTF But the battle, war and clusterfuck continues. We have talked about it and wanted the best for each other. But we are looking at the reality of our situations. *hysterical laughter*
I always hated dating before I got married. And after having a great and successful marriage I detest dating even more. It is such a quagmire when it is not necessary. The hiding and fear in attempting to have something of a meaningful relationship is at huge proportions.
My dating adventures have been fucking disasterous. Ru and I have sat back laughing at all of them. Because after realizing how badly things are when it comes to dating all we can do is laugh at the shit and just be ourselves and enjoy what we can out of life and FUCK the rest.
More laughter for the Road Warriors. Always on deck
Dating...yeah I guess it is still something people claim to do
*laughing hysterically*
Kiss from the Other Side
Kiss from the Other
Side
You rest in peace
Within my heart and
mind
My soul still yearns
The tears now dried
Thankful
Amidst the longing
Just missing you
For who you were
And what you brought
You showed
What womanhood was
about
Blueprint to
What a woman is and
should want
I smiled at the
memories
The things that are
forever imprinted
You became your
symbol
Eternity
Countered experiences
Broken disbelief
You ended
The impossibilities
Your replacement
Will never be
And I will never ever
Seek
But you left the
Benchmark
The ultimate level
Acceptance of less
Means that there is
nothing
Merely the enjoyment
Of whatever is taken
As I see your smile
Hear your laughter
You still surround me
Reaching to the sky
Cupping your face
For just one more
kiss
With
The Best of the Best
From the
chocolatezeus collection 4/20/16 ©
Health Update
So they did blood lab work and injected me with my anthrax this morning.
Amazingly I got the results back a moment ago.
My diabetes is a little better.
Blood worst.
Some other stuff that I have is still worst.
And my cholesterol and stuff are lower than normal again.
So I will see the doctor next week and have him explain everything to me as always.
I will be glad when I can get back to the gym again. Still fucking strange to say regardless.
So good news basically.
Amazingly I got the results back a moment ago.
My diabetes is a little better.
Blood worst.
Some other stuff that I have is still worst.
And my cholesterol and stuff are lower than normal again.
So I will see the doctor next week and have him explain everything to me as always.
I will be glad when I can get back to the gym again. Still fucking strange to say regardless.
So good news basically.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Letter to You, Yes You
I opened up and gave you the impossible gift of my vulnerability. Expressed, showed and told you things that only the person in m inner samctum knows.
Trust was allowed with you, a female. Another astounding feat. But, it is what was called for.
From the moment I stopped fighting and made my decision to date you I saw past everything. The weirdness, the closed off, emotionless actions as well as the holy grail things.
Your vision is clouded in this fog of inability to believe. The fear of vulnerability. A loss of control and previous experiences.
You as a whole is what has been sought. Your passion, attentive, love and submission. And in this journey the struggle has been most evident. Your walls have been to the heavens and your deadly traps have been the deadliest.
So against my better judgement. I agreed with you to let time pass. So, maybe you could grow into and with me. As much as it caused me to lock up everything. It helped you a bit, just as you had said. At least to a point of considering something.
Never have I wanted or asked you to be anyone other than yourself. Even when it seemed that you were pushing me somewhere else. Or saying that there is someone better for me every now and then.
Still, I see the possibility and benefit if you choose to see it also, accept and feel it. That is a choice that you will have to make. Mine has been made and implemented in all aspects. The outcome lies with you now.
Connected of mindfucked. There are aspects here and there. The tendrils lay between us. Just not as strongly as either of us want it apparently. It is something that both of us have to do our part to make happen.
I wanted my woman, my companion and my submissive. All in one ultimate effect. And what I wanted with you is still there somewhere present. Ready if you are ever ready.
As we sit here in your time after time progression. I understand now only time will let you move forward and nothing else will help that. I am not full of patience. I know what I want and am willing to achieve it.
Until something happens I will be here like George Gervin.
Trust was allowed with you, a female. Another astounding feat. But, it is what was called for.
From the moment I stopped fighting and made my decision to date you I saw past everything. The weirdness, the closed off, emotionless actions as well as the holy grail things.
Your vision is clouded in this fog of inability to believe. The fear of vulnerability. A loss of control and previous experiences.
You as a whole is what has been sought. Your passion, attentive, love and submission. And in this journey the struggle has been most evident. Your walls have been to the heavens and your deadly traps have been the deadliest.
So against my better judgement. I agreed with you to let time pass. So, maybe you could grow into and with me. As much as it caused me to lock up everything. It helped you a bit, just as you had said. At least to a point of considering something.
Never have I wanted or asked you to be anyone other than yourself. Even when it seemed that you were pushing me somewhere else. Or saying that there is someone better for me every now and then.
Still, I see the possibility and benefit if you choose to see it also, accept and feel it. That is a choice that you will have to make. Mine has been made and implemented in all aspects. The outcome lies with you now.
Connected of mindfucked. There are aspects here and there. The tendrils lay between us. Just not as strongly as either of us want it apparently. It is something that both of us have to do our part to make happen.
I wanted my woman, my companion and my submissive. All in one ultimate effect. And what I wanted with you is still there somewhere present. Ready if you are ever ready.
As we sit here in your time after time progression. I understand now only time will let you move forward and nothing else will help that. I am not full of patience. I know what I want and am willing to achieve it.
Until something happens I will be here like George Gervin.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Your Submission to Me
When it comes to submitting to me it is not strictly about serving me. It is about the whole journey.
What do I mean?
Concern about your growth, learning and evolution is key and necessary for me.
It means that you have to want to, be open to and make the efforts to achieve the goals available.
How does this happen?
I challenge you to understand, feel and change To see where you are now and then see where you have gone to in the future. This is not an easy process. I have them fight me because they tell me that they dont' have the necessary mental Dominant connection that they need. Or that they are stuck on their previous relationships and want to apply everything they have experienced to me. in a negative way.
There are the ones that have invested feelings and emotions as a submissive and then there is the completely disconnect from emotions and feelings.
Each of the submissives and involvement with them has to be tailor made. Designed to see if it is going to work at all. So I have had to implement a time limit for things to work out. Check the progress of the submissives and attend to their needs.
Communicate with them daily in order to affect the proper attention that is required to them. From the micro managing aspect to just dealing with them concerning our dynamic and a few outside things and then just absolutely nothing concerning D/s at all basically. So the Gage is constantly on the move and adjusting.
So...
This thing is not about pussy or just you doing what I want. It is about a dynamic that has meaning and you have chosen to serve me as well understand my lead and goals that I have placed for us to seek.
If you are not feeling submission with me...then tell me.
If you are fighting against being submissive to me then...tell me and we can part ways.
If you want to be and be called my submissive then...open all of you, understand and make the efforts require to be.
D/s is not the easiest thing. And mistakes are made. Learning never stops. And there are bad times that go along with the good. But when you are dedicated, committed and focused.
D/s is a beautiful, wonderful and exemplary thing.
What do I mean?
Concern about your growth, learning and evolution is key and necessary for me.
It means that you have to want to, be open to and make the efforts to achieve the goals available.
How does this happen?
I challenge you to understand, feel and change To see where you are now and then see where you have gone to in the future. This is not an easy process. I have them fight me because they tell me that they dont' have the necessary mental Dominant connection that they need. Or that they are stuck on their previous relationships and want to apply everything they have experienced to me. in a negative way.
There are the ones that have invested feelings and emotions as a submissive and then there is the completely disconnect from emotions and feelings.
Each of the submissives and involvement with them has to be tailor made. Designed to see if it is going to work at all. So I have had to implement a time limit for things to work out. Check the progress of the submissives and attend to their needs.
Communicate with them daily in order to affect the proper attention that is required to them. From the micro managing aspect to just dealing with them concerning our dynamic and a few outside things and then just absolutely nothing concerning D/s at all basically. So the Gage is constantly on the move and adjusting.
So...
This thing is not about pussy or just you doing what I want. It is about a dynamic that has meaning and you have chosen to serve me as well understand my lead and goals that I have placed for us to seek.
If you are not feeling submission with me...then tell me.
If you are fighting against being submissive to me then...tell me and we can part ways.
If you want to be and be called my submissive then...open all of you, understand and make the efforts require to be.
D/s is not the easiest thing. And mistakes are made. Learning never stops. And there are bad times that go along with the good. But when you are dedicated, committed and focused.
D/s is a beautiful, wonderful and exemplary thing.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Love Poetry: Results of Love: Tanjian Style
Results of Love: Tanjian Style
I fell in love with
you
The ultra-crazy and
weirdness
Combined with
The sexy chocolate
intelligence
In a blink of an eye
From strenuous
Analysis and
evaluation
I fell
Wanted
Wanting
Even through hell’s
kitchen
That lingering
remained
A tiny bit laid
beneath the
Fortress of solitude
I don’t begrudge
Or take back
My choice of
vulnerability
For unlike others
I take action
I looked past
The mote, walls and
labyrinth
Saw the things that
I want and needed
The things that are
not
Evident
Especially to you
Apparently
Instead the beat
remains
The beat of the
kokoro drum
As I the Tanjian
Remains
Encased in carbonite
Titanium expression
Dining upon
Your heart, soul and
blood
Love and passion
The train undone
Still the eye of
agomotto sees
The sight remains
Revealed to me
I am just keeping the
Bands of cytorrak in
place
Until and if
You actually
Choose to
Feel and see
It’s a Tanjian thing
From the
chocolatezeus collection 4/17/16 ©
Happiness is
With the questions, concerns and other things from individuals that have come my way. I figured it would be best to give the Big Evil understanding version.
So with the help of Bad vs Evil playing in the background. Just going to give you the blunt force trauma now.
My happiness is situational since I am an adult and have to handle responsibilities and more. My happiness is a part of my scale as a whole. A check and balance system. So yes, when it is way out of balance things reflect it fully.
The list of things that make me and keep me happy:
So with the help of Bad vs Evil playing in the background. Just going to give you the blunt force trauma now.
My happiness is situational since I am an adult and have to handle responsibilities and more. My happiness is a part of my scale as a whole. A check and balance system. So yes, when it is way out of balance things reflect it fully.
The list of things that make me and keep me happy:
- The Road Warrior Adventure
- lol the woman I love (yes this use to be first)
- travel
- sex, attention, passion
- traveling
- eating, drinking and good times
- my god daughter
Times change. People change. Even as I remain Bugs Bunny in King Arthur's court. (old school cartoons there for the younger ones). But regardless of the changes there is a frame work that remains in place for me.
lil red, little one, flower child and others have asked me if I am happy. I am fine is my answer. Maybe happiness will come again in time. If it doesn't then I will take the joys from the distant moments when they occur and then I will have more memories.
My happiness it not yours. Nor, it is something you will truly understand. Well everyone except Ru that is.
The last time I stayed happy was being married. Regardless of the ups and downs. Happiness was on deck.
Now my happiness is cherished when it happens, since it has been few and far in between.
But don't worry. I am not miserable or anything. It is like a flatline. No activity until necessary. And I will be returning to part of my happy balance when I am back to disappearing on my travel trips shortly. And it is time for the Road Warriors to get together before another benchmark event next year.
So, if you want me to be happy then set up your time to spend with me. LMFAO uh huh, I know better but I am just saying.
I have my destination list going and I have already enjoyed the places i have already been.
I am fine. So what does it take to make you happy?
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