Unable to sleep once again. Insomnia seems to be even more intimate.
My mind on mission impossible processing. Dealing with it all. Making sense of the senseless.
I realize I am the weird anomaly. It is hard to fathom and think that I operate differently. The fact is that is who I am and how I am.
I am still stunned and in shock with everything that has transpired. One step forward means being shoved a mile backwards. Those I thought understood and were ready to be who they needed to be. Unable to fulfill their duties.
New valuable leason about attachment and expectations had to be applied to those that were in my circle with me. Signaling a changing of the guard and relations apparently. Maybe the circle needs to be tighter then.
I laugh at respite and comfort that I sought and need. Their reciprocity has left me blank and blinking. All I can do is laugh maniacally.
Planet Apocalypse seems to be a required need now. No need to pick up pieces. Just leave behind what use to be lover, relation and friend to me.
As always it comes down to the Journey. The long walk. Taken alone. No refuge from storms or wars. Mermely the solitary journey into the wastelands of thinking and living with beings.
Lol this would be the point in the movie where they pan to faded memories. Scattered into the wind and blowing.
A sleepless Apocalypse
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Spoken Word: This Car Wreck
Bright
Happiness
Such positivity
Came to a complete stop
SOUL CRUSHED
As my heart smashed into
The dashboard of
What was
Now
Unrecognizable
Trying to remember how it was
Lifeless
Unfeeling
This dawn of the dead
Living
What had just been
smiles and full speed ahead
looks now like
Stonehenge
As I look
It is hard to believe
What was promising
Is now the abyss
Feeling
Signifying
Nothing
Paralyzed
Part of me wants to understand
Realizing
Finally
The true damage
100 miles to reverse
In a split second
Severe damage
Everything
Just Wrecked
From the chocolatezeus collection 6/11/15 (c)
Happiness
Such positivity
Came to a complete stop
SOUL CRUSHED
As my heart smashed into
The dashboard of
What was
Now
Unrecognizable
Trying to remember how it was
Lifeless
Unfeeling
This dawn of the dead
Living
What had just been
smiles and full speed ahead
looks now like
Stonehenge
As I look
It is hard to believe
What was promising
Is now the abyss
Feeling
Signifying
Nothing
Paralyzed
Part of me wants to understand
Realizing
Finally
The true damage
100 miles to reverse
In a split second
Severe damage
Everything
Just Wrecked
From the chocolatezeus collection 6/11/15 (c)
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
Feed Me
It has been forever since I have had my need for bdsm, sex and comfort met. And it is fucking with me. To the point that it seems that it may actually be dead. Then I realize that it's not dead. The Dead Man is.
Need that week of fucking to death that leaves you sore, throbbing, hurting and needing a lot more. Where I make enough porn to deal with not getting any until the next damn time. When I fuck your mouth, pussy and ass so I can leave my mark.
My rope play has fucking super suffered. I haven't had anyone to tie up and torture to death in years now. And it really, really fucking pisses me off. I am supposed to be working to perfect my skill. At this rate I am sure I have regressed a whole fucking lot.
Need to make more lasting memories of fucking, bdsm and orgasms. Need more crawling across the floor to get away from me.
I guess I should feel sorry for the next time I finally get fed. But I definitely don't! Since I am not getting fed I need to break everything down and tear the universe apart.
Fuck it. Let the Anger and Evil reign. Not getting any so the public must pay!!!
FIGHT CLUB!!
Need that week of fucking to death that leaves you sore, throbbing, hurting and needing a lot more. Where I make enough porn to deal with not getting any until the next damn time. When I fuck your mouth, pussy and ass so I can leave my mark.
My rope play has fucking super suffered. I haven't had anyone to tie up and torture to death in years now. And it really, really fucking pisses me off. I am supposed to be working to perfect my skill. At this rate I am sure I have regressed a whole fucking lot.
Need to make more lasting memories of fucking, bdsm and orgasms. Need more crawling across the floor to get away from me.
I guess I should feel sorry for the next time I finally get fed. But I definitely don't! Since I am not getting fed I need to break everything down and tear the universe apart.
Fuck it. Let the Anger and Evil reign. Not getting any so the public must pay!!!
FIGHT CLUB!!
Spoken Word: The Call of Rope
The Call of Rope
Visions of you
Bound and tied
Prostrate to me
Each session
Rope lesson
Instruction
Building on
Depravity
Delight for me
Your hands tied
behind you
As I tie your neck to
your ankles
Have you bent into
An auntie annie
pretzel
Open for my delight
Your arms wide
Lashed to the cross
Begging my attentive
strikes
Against your skin
As the rope bites
With each strike
Slapping you
As your rope collar
Cinches you just
right
Only to tie you
Leaving you there
Pulsing
Lost in pleasure
Contentment
As I marvel at
Delve into my delight
Of how the rope
Has brought you to
life
A predicament tie
As I fuck your body
and mind
Invasions
Repeated as you hear
my delight
Connected
You and I
As the rope binds
Not only you
But this pleasure
mountain
That we will climb
From the
chocolatezeus collection 6/9/15 ©
Spoken Word: By My Side
By My Side
You know my need
I need you
Right here
By my side
Not as a friend
Or a piece of pussy
But my woman
The dynamo
I love and like
No it is not easy
There is no blueprint
you can follow
But the adventure is
Priceless
Unforgettable
And
I will treat you like
no one else
Strength
Intensity
Dedicated
Evidence
Be the one
That makes me smile
Tantalizes my body
and mind
Hold on
Adapt as we live and
grow
Let us carve a path
of
Infamy
I need you to
Compliment
Complete destiny
Be this part of me
As we supernova
This we
By my side
While we rock and
roll
Side to side
Through all things
We will ride
I just need to know
Need it to be shown
Here
With
Within me
You have a home
From the
chocolatezeus collection 6/9/15 ©
Spoken Word: Incarcerated Carnal Craving
Plain and simple: YOU NEED TO BE FUCKING ME! RIGHT NOW!!
Incarcerated Carnal Craving
Chocolate bodies
Shaped, molded
Merged with
Emulsified creamy
Remnants
Explosions
Tortured
Missing like crazy
It is driving me
crazy
Marathon fucking
Pussy eating until
there is
Eternity’s orgasmic
release
Twisted
Contorted positions
As my dick won’t stop
Entering your pussy
Tortured
Missing like crazy
It is driving me
crazy
Watching your eyes
flutter
As I electrify your
body
I won’t stop until I
get enough
And making your mind
and body
Float with ecstasy
I will never get
enough of completely
Fisting you
Dildo fucking you
Till you arch your
back
In another acrobatic
Semi back flip
Tortured
Missing like crazy
Driving me crazy
The rope ties that I
still haven’t used on you
Waiting to
incapacitate
Further make you
My pleasure tool
So you can feel the
Rope binding you
As I invade you
Bite and pinch
Abuse your body
Make your nipples
Continue their proper
salute
To me
Paddling and using my
cane on you
As I flog you
Watching your body
Respond and mark
Marred with my use of
you
Tortured
Missing like crazy
Driving me crazy
You should be doing
your job
Right now and
constantly
You
My
Pain slut
Fuck whore
Cum slut
Rope whore
My playground is
calling me
It is time to delve
deeper
Break the seal of
pain and pleasure
Beyond previously
Since you are
torturing me
I will torture you
Deep
Punishment
Deep
From the
chocolatezeus collection 6/9/15 ©
Spoken Word: Do You Know
Do You Know
The closeness I have
felt with you
The reason why I
Opened up fully
Told you mind, heart
and soul
From that first click
When the vibe
solidified
I gave you all that
is
Was this world of
mine
Pure treasure
All that is me hidden
behind
A titanium vault with
no code
You hold
The comfort
Love and passion
Peace
These things that I
need
That keep me alive
and fine
Shelter from the
storm of life
It is you
The key to no longer
being
Feeling nothing
Don’t you know
How deeply
That you are a part
of me
Wanted
Needed
Required
Attention and time
You don’t leave my
mind
Just stand with me
Let me be your guide
As you reinforce a
connection
With the simple touch of
Your
Body
Soul
Mind
The intensity
You seen and felt
Is tribute to the
meaning
The throne and
championship belt
Is yours for the
keeping
I just want
No need you to
Damn
Don’t you know
Don’t you understand
Or is it just me
And the apparent
Disconnect
I just want you to
know
Show
And for us to flow
From the
chocolatezeus collection 6/9/15 ©
Numb and Nonchalant
There are a few things that I need, like and want. When I find them I cherish them. Especially dealing with people.
Clmfort. Pleasure. Fun and happiness derive from a lot of this.
This year these things have become WMDs against me.
My trips destroyed. Every motion sent into a black hole. The one thing that woukd have allowed me to make it through all of this would have been spending my birthday with HQ. Even that is denied to me. The comfort and peace I would have had and found in those moments now merely a tortire device to send me further into my rage.
Thoughts and feelings have become nova cane numb. My outlook and demeanor unmoving.
As I sit and look. I can only see the now. Witness the pain. As what I cherish seems a pipe dream.
I see clearly how what I want, think and feel are solely my own. Making of my specialized downfall. I opened and encased myself in Pandora's box, a chines finger puzzle and the labyrinth all at the same time.
Broken and scarred. I had to merely analyze and rethink it all. The heart, mind and soul encased in carbonite. I already have the freezing thermal blindness. My sight was skewed and wrong.
As I change things to reflect what was wrong. I am reminded of the who I am and what life has me destined for.
Too bad I can't be mh own sin eater. I woukd have burst from being so full.
Oh well. It is what it is. Lesson taught.
Now I must rescind my previous visions and thoughts.
My heart given. My soul at the bottom of lebrea tar pit. Bathed in tar.
My mind broken like tbe rest of me from inside out.
But, I trained for this. Just ha e to tame mhself again.
Leading.
Being.
The cards that I was dealt. Future Past marvel that I am still o. This side of
Clmfort. Pleasure. Fun and happiness derive from a lot of this.
This year these things have become WMDs against me.
My trips destroyed. Every motion sent into a black hole. The one thing that woukd have allowed me to make it through all of this would have been spending my birthday with HQ. Even that is denied to me. The comfort and peace I would have had and found in those moments now merely a tortire device to send me further into my rage.
Thoughts and feelings have become nova cane numb. My outlook and demeanor unmoving.
As I sit and look. I can only see the now. Witness the pain. As what I cherish seems a pipe dream.
I see clearly how what I want, think and feel are solely my own. Making of my specialized downfall. I opened and encased myself in Pandora's box, a chines finger puzzle and the labyrinth all at the same time.
Broken and scarred. I had to merely analyze and rethink it all. The heart, mind and soul encased in carbonite. I already have the freezing thermal blindness. My sight was skewed and wrong.
As I change things to reflect what was wrong. I am reminded of the who I am and what life has me destined for.
Too bad I can't be mh own sin eater. I woukd have burst from being so full.
Oh well. It is what it is. Lesson taught.
Now I must rescind my previous visions and thoughts.
My heart given. My soul at the bottom of lebrea tar pit. Bathed in tar.
My mind broken like tbe rest of me from inside out.
But, I trained for this. Just ha e to tame mhself again.
Leading.
Being.
The cards that I was dealt. Future Past marvel that I am still o. This side of
Sunday, June 07, 2015
Last Moments and Meanings
I talked to Ru. I needed to. Something that would bring me some form of de escalation. She could hear the deal and said she was more concerned than normal. And I understand along with appreciate. She has been there for me time after time. And she will say I do the same but I discount that.
Right now I am sitting calmly in the blue, red and yellow flames that are burning me. This experience has really made me think and evaluate even more than my usual need 24 hours a day. And because of this I have to make changes and adjust accordingly so the way I am right now never occurs again.
I have allowed my age to deteriorate the things that have been my strengths and protected entities. Apparently I just have become slack and not as secure with each year. It is time for homeland security obviously.
The past is the past. You learn from it. When something happens again that is the same or similar then it is time for chaotic change.
And after feeling like this and everything showing me the disconnect with emotions, feelings, actions and relations. I realize it is time for upheaval.
I got the message!
Bring Out Your Dead!!!
Right now I am sitting calmly in the blue, red and yellow flames that are burning me. This experience has really made me think and evaluate even more than my usual need 24 hours a day. And because of this I have to make changes and adjust accordingly so the way I am right now never occurs again.
I have allowed my age to deteriorate the things that have been my strengths and protected entities. Apparently I just have become slack and not as secure with each year. It is time for homeland security obviously.
The past is the past. You learn from it. When something happens again that is the same or similar then it is time for chaotic change.
And after feeling like this and everything showing me the disconnect with emotions, feelings, actions and relations. I realize it is time for upheaval.
I got the message!
Bring Out Your Dead!!!
Forbidden Solace
my heart
burnt to cold
blood long drained
soulless
captured
immortalized
as it reached for
the one thing that would
keep it whole
only to feel
realize
the death kneel
both heart and soul
realization
education
the price of being open
giving self to the void
left
crated
devoid
the key to peace
held in a black hole
as I remain a prisoner
of it's gravimetric hold
seeing the past and future
as the current
tears the fabric of me
my soul
a new empty
hole
from the angry chocolatezeus collection 6/6/15 (c)
burnt to cold
blood long drained
soulless
captured
immortalized
as it reached for
the one thing that would
keep it whole
only to feel
realize
the death kneel
both heart and soul
realization
education
the price of being open
giving self to the void
left
crated
devoid
the key to peace
held in a black hole
as I remain a prisoner
of it's gravimetric hold
seeing the past and future
as the current
tears the fabric of me
my soul
a new empty
hole
from the angry chocolatezeus collection 6/6/15 (c)
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