Yesterday brought to mind a plethora of things at the cigar shop.
If you didn't know my wife died 4 years ago. Instantly from a seizure from orgasms and I couldn't save her.
I mention the above because there is an older white guy that is a retired teacher that had his wife die a few months back. And he was trying to resusitate her like I was until the emts showed up and it didn't work. His name is Rich.
Rich and I conversate and laugh. We have joined in a bond because of losing our wives. His after many years together and mine after over 2 years. So when I saw that down look on his face the first time and the confusion I understood fully. That time when you are at a loss. Dealing with a part of you dying that you weren't expecting or ready to happen. The chaos that ensues while you don't have a moment to think through the fog that surrounds you and you breathe in is outlandish. People say and do things that make you want to murder them immediately.
So yesterday Rich came in to the shop and he broke down at the counter. It was something about a picture that he found in a drawer of his wife. it was short but it was a break down. And I totally understand and have been there plenty of times. Times where I have been driving and something reminded me of Chocolate Doll. And as Rich mentioned, certain things happen like his wife was sending a message. I have had that with Lil Red and the whole conversation about finding someone to be happy with after Chocolate Doll was gone instead of me staying to myself. There will be moments where you cry, get angry and or don't understand why.
Two very different individuals. But it is like God set in place me to be at the shop at this point in time to give support and guidance in a time where Rich needs it. And I am one that can understand it more closely than anyone else. So the Evil One is glad to help and be supportive to someone that needs it in a specific way. Helping him as much as I can from knowing the type of pain that he is going through is something else.
In this thing called life. Things like this is what makes life acceptable at times. The ability to be helpful and supportive in a way that is specific quality.
And I understand the death of his wife very well. Even I have my moments of memory, reflection and things that spark it all, even this day. I miss a woman that made me very happy and wanted me to be happy, both when she was alive and when she died. And I know she is having a ball laughing at me now with the things that I am going through. *I feel like sticking my hands in the back of your jeans again* Even the similarities are eerie at times. But all of this is some Chocolate Doll fault anyway.
But regardless I will keep Rich in prayer and continue providing what support I can. Whether it is some laughter, one of my shared crazy experiences or simply picking at him.
What is needed will happen.
This was a moment into the caring and concerned part of me. We will return back to our regularly schedule Havoc after this.
