Nonchalant Shit

I have sat back to witness and experience this precious attitude among women especially. This I don't give a fuck persona that is ready to be thrown out there for the masses and to protect themselves.

I have that same attitude. And it is shown without measure or quarter given. But that is for the masses, the people that have no meaning. For me that attitude is reserved for the non personal individuals.

Yet, I have learned that I am the only that sees it that way. For I have come into contact directly with the attitude, talk, and more. For it is the most sinister and can be devastating action that can be done against someone that cares. That is why it is put to use. To inflict as much pain as possible.

Crazy thing is I have learned to look past that. Love past that. I dont' be stupid and think that they don't feel some kind of way about me and the reasoning behind their choice to do that. And I am not dumb enough to think that everything is alright. But someone has to be the bigger person and just deal with it.

So when I listen to the what I did, who I did, what is thought of me and what I think. I listen to what is really behind those words and reactions. The pain, the hurt, the experiences. That is my focus not the attack against me. I know that is used to provoke me and to get their anger and feelings out there for satisfaction and vindication.

See, regardless I am fallable man. I am the man that loves and cares even when he is called all kinds of shit and talked about and whatever. I have no choice but to be stronger than that and not let it all destroy me. For regardless through the nonchalant shit and everything else the love remains in my heart.

So call me what you want.
Tell me how much you hate me and dislike me
Give me all the negative nasty comments you can
It still won't change I love you
Me...this man
The one you can't stand

From the Big Evil Collection (c) 5/17/06

Say Hello To The Bad Guy....ME!!

Attitudes
Disgust
Retribution
Sarcastic mess

All tailor made for me
All the things that may or not be seen

My reputation
Legendary associations
All me yet not the real me

See knowing me is a blessing
One that I guard with everything
For I let you in at a price
The price of life

On the outside whatever is seen
I am the whore
The pimp
The asshole bastard that you want me to be

Truthfully I am just me
And that can only be seen if you truly know me
Then again there is still a gap there.
For those close even have a question or two about me in there

So when I am talked about
Brought up
Or things concerning me


I am that bad guy
That nigga
That issue that you seek

Who dat?
The Bad Guy...Me

I'll bee that man in your own mind you see
As for me I stick with who I am
Not playing a song and dance


from the Big Evil collection (c) 5/17/06

Going, Going, Gone

Disgusted
Tired of the disrespect
Caught in the wake of all that was

I look towards my comfort
My pride and joy
Reminded that is no longer the case
Memories no longer are erased

A simple smile to make things feel better
On the surface it is seen
While beneath it is merely a costless gesture

For strength is what I must expose
A moment of weakness will leave me at the mercy
Vulnerability that I cannot allow
For the sharks have circled
Smelling my blood
Seeking for a single wound to expose and use

My wounds already grevious
Yet i cannot wince or grimace
Stand there with internal bleeding
Knowing that all is never what is seen

Adjusting my wedding ring
Revelling in it's strength
The cool protection that it brings to me
Promises, desires and future all there for me

No matter what I do it all for me and mine
Give up all of myself for that simple love
Love of you
Love of my seed
Love of what we have done and seen

Gladly I lay my life down here for you
Without a second thought
A second care
Only continued love and existence is my dare

To the last beat of my heart
I am there
With my last breath
I give you my last ounce of loving care

For I know
You are no longer there
I am gone from being anywhere

Simply Me

I looked at my life recently and became entangled in it's own web.

Chocolatezeus the man that I am.

Loving stupidly. Opening up heart and soul to have someone in my life to give my life to. It is what has been taught to me. To be that supportive man and lovingly.

Saw as the sum of my mistakes. Yeah I am not perfect. *LOL* But who is? I leap, jump and sometimes blindly into things because of whatever reason. Much less now than I did previously and very rarely.

Caught in heartless endings. Slapped in the face with things that I did or did not do. Leaving me not to be bother to argue the point. I watch as the heat, passion of love turns to cold, hard quicksand. Yet I am always in the wrong. No, I agreed to that mess when I was spineless. Never will happen again.

Recently seeing where it all began. How even in the 6th grade I touch lives and began. How I was the "just a friend man." The girls ear, is what I was. Hell basically it is what I remain also. I am that man that is easy to talk to and discuss just about everything.

The same blessing of friendships and relationships having meaning and importance to me led to a curse. The women that talk to me and we interact I allowed to get in the way. Even when I made my woman my queen it was never seen. Though she sat up on her pedestal tall, she elected to not see it and think I was at fault. Women do love me and seek me for advice and comfort. But know that MY WOMAN comes first no matter what.

I ride quietly alone in life. Not because I have to or have no one to spend time with or hang out, but because it is easier that way. I sought only one companion. One permanent and true. One that could accept me for me and love me to death too. I found some things in my search. Things that I have to say have worked and even may have worked. Found my soulmate a couple of times. I guess it wasn't in the cards to work. Love them anyway anyhow.

A lover of children. My heart is my god daughter. Knowing that to me I have been there from the very start. My child basically. Replacement for what I would truly want but can't have. My own. Ready to play and be a big kid at heart.

I am simply yet quite complex. Yeah that can be confusing I see.
All you need is:

• Make love to me
• Love me completely
• Accept me for me
• Get to know and understand me

I don't have to be out partying all the time. You will honestly find that I enjoy quiet time, cheese and a fine wine. I am the one you will enjoy spending time with at home or even when you are out and I am all alone. Just dont' think that you can neglect me and keep things right. My attitude won't allow that to be right.

So here we stand a small entrance to this brief man.

The one they call Chocolatezeus and more.

Ask whatever question you want.

You have the floor

Deserving What?

Walk with me for a little bit. In relationship we pick and choose. Learning, makign mistakes is just something that we must do.

When you look at the pros and cons be real wtih yourself and who you are dealing with. Stop the bullshit and references. Either you love or you don't. You are willing to make ti work or you won't.

Leave the controlling, everythign has to be my way at the door you came in from into the relationship. Give into the love and desire you feel for that person instead. They are human: meaning they make mistakes and learn and have free will. Don't let your ego and other looney ass chicks and niggas take your stilo.

So with this being said. Realize what deserving means to you.

Deserving

Here we stand
No longer hand in hand
Estranged unlike anything we ever expected
Our love
Our relationship
We thought kept well protected

What we sought
What we want
Came together as one
To make our future together bright
So what night was it you changed your mind?

When were we no longer deserving of what our hearts found?
Was there more than one pivotal moment?
Our love is supposed to endure
We promised ourselves to live our lives together
Yet now there is merely attitude and whatever

Don't we deserve the best?
Can't we make it through the tests?

Or is it that we deserve something else?
Something that was never told or dealt

You for me
Me for you
That was all I wanted to see
For our love and life had all the deserving I wanted or need

Lifes tough lessons are trying indeed
But that is to merely strengthen our loving seed
It is to make us come together as one
Instead we run
Hide because of our selfish pride

With all that I am done
I deserve better than some weak ass MEDIUM
I hold my head proudly
For I am who I am
Flawed
Broke
Hurt

But I bring with me a willingness, passion to do and achieve
The need and ability to lovingly breathe
Life into whatever I seek

Words ring off lips in reference to me
What they think, thought and thought they could see
Truth or not, I won't remain in the rut they want to place me
Breaking out into a life laden with more

Deserving you say
Deserving is for those that make a true passionate choice and stay

from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 5/17/06

Pursuit, A Journey Through Life

We walk through life battered and bruised. Whether from others or situations that we have been through. Our lives have a true meaning. That is why the trials and tribulations occur. Making us wiser and stronger.

Through the things that have gone on in my life lately I have had to push forward and endure. God and myself have much more in store.

So I wrote this lil piece

Pursuit of Life

Caught in life's deadly snare
At times not even wanting to even be there
Looking upon the future with despair
Bewilder by the things that you must endure
Plans, ideas all seem futile

You seek shelter from the storm
A comfortzone
Someplace to gather your warmth
Not from the changes in temperature
But to rejuvenate your soul
To make you seem again whole

Gather
Collect yourself
Strengthen yourself for that next section or run
Life is never simple
Shows how things develop a true meaning
For without those obstacles there
Achievment really wouldn't make us care

Ripped
Battered
Beaten and weary
Hold steadfast to the course
NO matter what or who the assault may be
For it shows you that this direction is right
But you won't achieve it without a fight
One to show that you deserve whats ahead of you

So remain strong
Vigilant and brave
Give into your goals, desires and future
Pursuit of life is the only truth in any of us


from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 5/17/06

The Opening of Darkness Again

Cloaked in darkness
Movement invisible
Soft foot falls
Gripped within my purpose

The only reason I am here
Retribution
Caught in this turmoil
In need of some type of relief

I work my deadly majics
My tanjian skills alive
Time, being held deep inside

Hatred
Anger
Contempt
All focused to one simple used instrument

Hell bent relentless
Hellhound chomping at the bit
The darkness respresentative

You sought what was held within
Release of the Beast is what you sought
It came at a price
But it is what you brought

The Sands of time came to this complete stop
I guess time travel is what you sought
Now the hands are wrought

Weapons and shield have been brought
By myside I hold court
Justice about to be brought

Thank you everything has come to its culmination
Through all your emination
Public and private orchestrations
The case became closed
Your path and mine you chose

Bless you for who you are
Thank you for opening the gates wide and far
Now reality shines above us all
That the darkness had to fall

from the Big Evil collection 5/16/06 (c)

Loving to Hate

We go through life learning and growing. Twists, turns and obstacles fly in our paths. It is how we handle, recooperate and learn from the things that we go through that define us.

When we make mistakes and disagree in our lives . We struggle to deal with our emotions, our heart. Fighting what it is said by our mind against our heart.

It takes a strong person to admit. To correct the bullshit. To wade through it to that goal regardless.

What is love without the hardships?


We love hard
We fight hard
Going down into each other very existence
Persistence is not one of our strong points

Lashing, slashing attacks
Against each other
Our character
Our actions
Our very heart

Angry in love
We fight
We have fought

Lust
Distrust
Forgiveness
Yet not forgotten

As much as you love me
You hate me
As much as you hate me
You love me

The see saw of emotions and feelings
Caught securely in what we are feeling
But still my heart remains yeilding

Though you may hurt and sting
Through all your sarcastic banter that sings
My love for you remains
Call it insane
But you still have my heart this way

So love me you do
Hate me you are
In the end
You will still be my lil shining star

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/16/06 (c)

The Cancer Experience

The Cancer Profile:
The sign Cancer is symbolized by the Crab.
It's element is Water. Cancer is also ruled by the Moon.
You are emotional, intuitive, sympathetic and moody. You enjoy shopping and visiting friends. Cancer is sentimental, sensitive and needs to have a sense of security. You tend to be over protective of what is yours. Cancer is intensely romantic and has a vivid imagination. Your home and family are extremely important to you.
Possible negative aspects of the sign Cancer.
You can be cruel, grasping, weak, possessive, domineering, timid and tend toward brooding and cynicism.


Preparation For the Complex Cancer

Nothing can equate us
Complex
Simply, aggressively devious

Soft, easy going
Until provoked

One moment loving, caring passion
To only be replaced in that next second
By the cold dark curtain of that evil temperment
The Hurrican force gather in the blink of an eye
Shocking those that we are close to

Emotionally deep
Passionate and meek
Brooding
Supa Freak

Hearts set aflame
Our minds grasping it's romantic reigns
In need of those deep contemplation things
Deep within our heart is where we burn your flames

But cross us deep
And in the darkness
We will breed
Releasing our eternal chained beast

But there are those dark secrets that we keep
Our anger
Our hatred
Boiling deep
Boldy we Transform
Before you can batt an eye
What was fun and laughter a moment ago
Now a blood curdling battle cry
Transformed like a werewolf

A quickly as the transition begins it comes to an end
Satiated with our fill
Regardless of what blood that was spilled
We return our passive calm

Whether loving you to death
Protecting you with our very last breath
Moody from lifes constant attempts
We still remain heaven sent

A Complex Cancer
Unique
A totally diffent life answer

The Unforgettable Cancer

Forbidden: The Things We Want But Can't Have

Have you ever had that thing or person that you craved but you could never have? That pit of your stomach type need. Your thoughts gravatate towards it without a second thought.


Forbidden Fruit

We are what we need to each other
Neither of us would have thought
That we could be enthralled like this
Put in a position like this

Longing for more moments
More kisses
Just to be within your presence
Soaking up all of your essence

Constantly on my mind
Loving each other even as distant lovers
A love like nothing other
Into each other
Soul caressing one another


Both of us caught
Speechless
Breathless
Releasing qualities that are the opposite of what we truly are
Wonder Twin powers activate
Two hearts beating as one

Thoughts of together flow like water
Our minds and hearts melted
Joined within our souls
Given into each other
A deep connection

Though seperated
With someone else
We long to be together somewhere else
To enjoy each others presence
To drink from each others pure essence

For in you I found something extremely rare
A Gem that I have to share
But it remains kept closely guarded
Something I will never ever be able to part with
My love for you
For what we have shared and gone through

Naturally we have come to this plane of existence
To know that our past has been enriched
Regrets of wanting more
Of the loving nature we have in store
Man, woman wanting so much more

So as you there with your man
I don't deny my need for you
My want to be yours
You to be mine
Hearts filled like a daily Valentine

For I still taste my forbidden fruit
Long after it is gone
In need for another dose
Lord please give me another taste of it

from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 5/14/06

Grandma You Are Needed Here Badly

Sometimes I wonder why you had to go
Called Home
Selfishly I know
It still doesn't make it easy though

My last moments with you
Given my last comfort it seemed
The last link to my Idea of a close family ring

Never knew how you sat at the top
Held it all together string by string
Effortlessly it seemed

I remember standing there in the rain
Alone, in the midst of the throngs
Watching what was once you, lowered into that grave
I knew it was not meant for you to stay
That finally the earthly pain was taken away
Still it wasn't easy for me when you were taken away

Maybe things wouldn't be this chatoic way
The family would act like some sense today
If only had you been able to stay

Though I know you watch as an Angel above
Guiding us as best as you can
Knowing that we need you still desperately

You were supposed to be here when I had my first baby
To make you a Great Grandma
I never made it
I apologize to you today for it
Just wanted you to be happy and proud of your grandson

The tears that fall
Are because I miss you
You made me strong
Gave me life's lessons and history in ways that could never be taught any other way.

I love you Grandma
Today and forever. Everyday

Homecoming Stance

You came in
We greeted each other
You giving me that young ass smile

Grabbing your hand I stop you from your usual routine. Kissing you fully upon your lips. Letting all your bags go I slip my hands in your dress pants. Pulling you in close. I smell you. Ready to want and give you, what your body needs. You resist at first but cave in quickly. Hands exploring the fullness of your body. This is what I missed today. Just you.

Pants unzipped you begin to protest. Cut off by the movement of my finger to your lips. I just want you to watch, anticipate and enjoy. Easing your pants down revealing those lace thongs. My teeth biting the fabric and moving them down closer to my hands, before pulling them completely off. You stand there looking at me in lust stirred shock. You know I am going to please you. Give you orgasms till I stop.

"Grab your ankles," I command you. Hesitantly you bend over and grab them. My hands cupping your ass as you feel my tongue touch your budding desire. The wet and warmth graving you as if setting your insides aflame. Hands gripping your hips. Holding you in place as my tongue begins it's journey. Swirling, twirling and diving in and out. Your moans grow in strength and tempo. I begin my patented suck, lick motion as your ass and thighs quiver in lost delight. You scream my name repeatedly as your cum begins to flow down my chin. Orgasm after orgasm your legs get weaker. You have given up on grabbing your ankles to the chair arm instead. As I bring you to another orgasm, you try to stand up. Telling me no, let me catch my breath. I know that tactic. You want to regain your control. I let you think that I have stopped for now as you stand.

Holding my stiffness in my hand, I push you forward across the couch arm. "But you said you would let me catch my breath," you say raggedly. My response, "I never said such a thing." Pushing you on your back across the couch arm I enter you. Causing you to gasp and turn your head to look at me. My fullness engorged with passionate lust for you. Begin the stroke after stroke into your plushness. Gripping hips with each concentrated thrust. Feeling that spot you can't stand so much. Letting my head caress with each push. Feeling gush after gush. Muscles squeezing and thrusting up. Taking all of me in you. Your thoughts conflicted with beign off balance, out of control and in deep pleasure all at once. You take it and enjoy every sensation. The moans and breathing all you can do to this point. You have came so much that the drips hit the floor.

The veins of my shaft swollen beyond recognition. Causing you to feel every ridge. Texture to the mixture that we are making. Gripping your shoulders. Taking all of you upon me. I feel my peak about to be reached. Can hold on no longer. I feel you screaming in and outside of me. Your body writhing and back arched your muscles keep attempting to extridite me but I won't let it. I am keeping this joy ride going. Your muscles fighting my thrust, making it harder for you to stop. The sensations drivign you insane. You don't want it to stop yet you don't want it to continue.

But I am ready. My throbbing has become the beating of a bass drum. The end is clearly near. Thrusting harder than before, you feel me open up that door inside slightly. Hitting it like the hi hat. The final gush comes from within you. As my cream fills you. Floods your insides like a washed out damn. Wet, silken heat caress me as I slow my strokes mixed with throes of pleasure. Looking down at my piston coated with our delight. My breathing comes back to me as I try to slow it down.

Letting you up as you turn around holding on to the wall for support.

Welcome home baby, I say.

A Whisper To The Mother

A thank you is in order
For what you have done
Our child a part of you
A treasured piece of your existence

I thank you for them
For you
For the womanhood that you represent and hold down

How can I not love you
The Mother of my child
The role model that you are

The cornerstone of existence
The alpha of what we represent
For without you there is nothing

This day not nearly enough
To show you your worth
Though it is a start
Know that you are a very integral part

Nothing will equal your worth
Mothers of this earth
I kneel before you
Given unto you

My thanks
My heart
My very life

Yours
For what you have given and taught

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/13/04