Poly and me

I was asked hiw I felt about poly and doing it.

I have been poly and I am not against it. It works well when you have females that can handle it. Most people are not ready or able to handle it though. And it requires management, attention to detail and focus.

I have done poly because I was doing the build a bitch program at first. That moved on to actual poly situation.  Integral relations of mutual intimacy and caring. It has since then transcended. And it is a viable option to the problem.

What is the probkem you ask?

Well, it is basically it is impossible to find the woman that can fulfill my needs. It was one of the reasons that I wanted and applied poly in the first place.  It helped the females be able to deal with and handle being with me without being overwhelmed.

Now the other side to that is that I want monogamy. The ideal me is with a woman that can be all that I need and want. Now I still believe there is hope since I was married to a woman that came close to all of that. And because of that right now is why I have dated lik red. Realistically I am not going to find it all in one woman nut I can get as close as possibke so I can be happy and ecstatic.

So yes there is this poly situation for me. Where I give them each what they need and desire. But I still need that one woman that can be the closest to what I need. That ine that is mine and provides the most of everything that I need.

So to poly I say cool. It is a learning experience and an adventure.

But I need to be happu regardless no matter poly or monogamous.  Just give me what I want and need.

But monogamy ks still an integral oart for me.

The Cable vs Apocalypse Syndrome

I reflect on where I have come from and where I head to. Still I remain the same. Just some things here and there have been processsed and applied.

It is amazing that I used that patience thing in the last year in dealing with a relationship. I am not use to doing that. It showed me what is part of this modern day age of so called dating thing.

My allocation of my sadistic part has increased to a point where now I am prepared and happy to be at. It is merely a matter of when I might be able to apply more of just me. It felt good to release more of me with Lil Red in Toronto but now I need to feed more fully and purposely. That sadistic need is beating the kokoro drum to me constantly.

I have learned, applied and experienced in this year things that I had no clue I would previously. And even though I am questioned about who and what I am. I remain steadfast and vigilantly me. No longer with shared outlook. But merely goals that are oriented and set ahead of me. The question only remains who will be there in the end with me or not.

Now there is a poly aspect. Giving way to experiences of whole new things. I haven't sought any of this. I merely let it happen. Thought, communicated and chose the possibilities. Now, there is only actions and what ends up happening.

I drew my line in the sand a long time ago. I am not afraid to say what I want and act upon it if there is a true reason. I want that D/s wife and relationship to happen. But, I am not chasing anyone or anything. I merely shrugged and laughed at the application. That woman that I can restrain, inflict pain, be my slut whore submissive to me. Maybe it is a pipe dream, maybe not. I know what I seek and want. That is all that is important to me.

This journey has taken on such a mark of the dichotomy of what exists in me. That combination of everything. the light and dark that maims and loves with insanity.

The relationship that I want with Lil Red is laid out like a fillibuster in the House. No blueprint or guide like our military mission statements. I have my objective in sight. And I am glad for what she has shared and can provide.

My addition brings me to use of and application of concern, control and tasks that I haven't been able to use that much previously. I look forward to the learning that ensues.

it is not about the play for me first and foremost. It is about the relationship. the D/s relationship that is a large key. And I stand by my decision, what I want and with who it should be. The roles are very clear. I speak simply and honestly for me. I don't hold the mind, heart or soul of any other so I cannot do anything but maintain the choice that is for me. The one who I know is key. let that be the relationship foundation that I seek and we need. from which to evolve and blossom into great things. And from this great dynamic that I feel and see with her I know that it will be epic. That is just the way we can be.

I will continue my journey. Whether the players change or leave. I am Kwai Chang Caine on my journey to enlightenment. The only difference is that I chose the one who will best serve me on this journey. 

It is Time. As things are caught in Time!