When You No Longer Give a Fuck

You have loved
You have cared

Given and been supportive
Listened and consoled
Genuinely cared

Accept them as who and what they are
Gone through the good, the bad and the ugly

yet

they are distant, distracted and uninterested apparently in maintaining things
There interactions are minus one...you.

So what do you do?

Just don't give a fuck.
Demote them to the proper place in the universe
Bid them adieu

Learn from valuable lessons before they learn to take advantage of you

A study on poly relationships i participated in

I like to participate in research when it is something that is a part of me. So I participated in this one as well.

I had to say it definitely made me tilt my head and look a bit.

If it is applies to you then join in.


The Western Love Lab is looking for polyamorous individuals to participate in a study on relationship processes in polyamory. To be eligible for the study, you must:
• Identify or philosophically agree with polyamory
• Be at least 18 years of age
Participation involves completion of an online, anonymous questionnaire.
If interested, please follow the link to the survey: http://www.uwopolystudy.ca/
If you are not eligible to participate, please share this survey with anyone else you know who meets the call.

My Silence vs the Impact

The words, "you rubbed off on me," are heard. More than once or twice and more than irregularly. And they have been good things received through my osmosis.

There is my Silence.
It denotes many things and is interpreted as many more.

In dating my silence can be seen as an affront. Or some form of force choke basically.

In D/s it is seen as I am not pleased, things were done wrong or a multitude of other interpretations.


In truth.  My silence is my own. It's uses are multifaceted. But I still understand and realize my impact.

When I am silent because the other person has decided to be distant and maintain their defensive posture.

When I silently observe things to get a better picture.

Or when silence is required for me to think, analyze and formulate a response.


Silence is a tool I use and deploy for many reasons. But it is also something that reminds me of differences in people. How the constant and upgraded armor of those that you are supposed to be close to happens. Or the difference in a moment where everything is taken out of context or just a smaller portion.


Impact:

I leave a mark. A very distinguished and unique mark upon those that I come in contact with. Especially those I have had a relation, relationship or dynamic with.

That mark is mental. One of the most difficult and invasive things for them to handle. It comes from my way of thinking, talking and doing.  The things I show through my existence.

Like little one has mentioned how she can't tell if I am happy, sad, angry or what with my tone and expression majority of the time. Even the cali thing mentioned about me having dry humor and not being able to read me.

Some of the marks I have left:
Balancing feeling and rational thinking
Focus
Passion
Living life fully
Adventure
Love and caring


These things don't come or are accepted easily, if at all.  These are the hard parts to deal with internally when it comes to interacting and being with me. I make you think and feel.  Through all that I am and what they think of me the simple fact remains.

I leave a crater
My mark

An Impact upon you

When Only the Hysterical Laughter is Left

I will help. Guide. Support.

Even when I have to do battle with you to do it.

But when you are not or don't do your part then there are consequences.

I have taken on mental charity cases that I shouldn't have. And I learned the folly of my ways. If they are really fucking fucked up then there is no hope for their ass. Leave them in the garbage ass city that they are from.

As I look at the pieces on the board all I can do is laugh and prepare for the Finishing Move that is to come.


Well true believers we will pick this up on ABM so we can keep it in it's proper place like everyone remains.

Back to this regularly scheduled program after this...

I Will Never Leave

This really said what needed to be said when the comment has been made about leaving them and being there. So here is some Rick Kelly to explain it.

"I'll Never Leave"

Shut up
I don't ever wanna hear you say that again
Baby, i'm not goin; nowhere
Look at me, you understand me?

What gave you the silly idea...that i'm about to leave,
Girl, who you be listenin' to...they must be crazy.
Look back and see our past and all the shit that we've been through,
I'll be damned if i'm gonna let this bull crap take me away from you.
Cause i've vowed to give my all and girl i'm a man of my word,
And on that word i'll stand tall..bein' without you sounds obserd.

So dry your weeping eyes..cause i'll be here by your side,
No need to doubt this guy..i'm in this for the long ride.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days

You never have to question..the love I have for you,
Girl, I will put my life..on bended knees for you.
Ask all my friends they'll tell you..you're all I talk about,
Even when I go to sleep you're the only one I dream about.
See i'm your picture, girl and baby you are my frame,
That's why I know our love will stay the same.

So dry your weeping eyes..weeping eyes girl i'm by your side,
Just trust me i'm that guy..i'm in it for the long ride.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days

Since the day that doctor took me out of the womb and spanked me,
Girl, I was born to be with you and the rest is history.
Generations and now i'm all grown up and you carry my seed,
Now we have flesh and blood with you I am in love.

For the rest of my life [2x]

We've been blessed with a love that's rare and i'm not goin' nowhere.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days

The Art of Being Prepared (edited)

In this day and age of craziness there is nothing more important than trying to be prepared for things. From getting shot and robbed. To being without food, water, services. And all kinds of other things.

So between being trained by a spec ops drill sgt in boy scouts to living through everything to reach today I have built up my survival skills.

I believe in firearms. I am an advocate for concealed carry as well as ownership. Because a firearm is a tool. And it is better to have a tool in case you may have to use it than not have it and everything is fucked up.

You need to have a 3 day survival supply.

• blanket
• water
• portable food
• knife and way to start a fire
• flashlights
• batteries
• preferably a radio

These things are just some basics. 

But my thing is if we discuss being prepared for survival, both against armed individuals and natural disasters or accidents then take it seriously. I don't have the conversation as a punchline or joking matter. 

And if I have a personal conversation with you about going to the gun range, having first aid kits, having a survival kit then I actual have some care or concern for you. Take it seriously. 

Whether on the road, in another country or even here in the port city. I stay aware and as ready as I possibly can be. And I am still working on my readiness.


*addendum*

I forgot to add some more important things.

Emergency contact!

If you care about or love someone please set up some way to reach them in an emergency. Meaning if you are unable to then someone should be able to reach those that need to be reached within a timely manner. Not waiting around for someone to say something on social media months down the line.

This was something that definitely helped when my wife died. Having discussed everything ahead of time helped with being able to get things done when you are not in the right state of mind. Trying make sure everything is handled is hard enough without the emotional dealings and suddenness of something happening

I have my plan in place for the girls and others to be contacted if something happens to me. Plus the plan for if something happens to me while I am with her.

Don't leave things to chance and chaos as much as you can. 

The House of Havoc...Household Revision Time

After a lot of discussion and some thinking it is time to strengthen, revise and put more intensity to making sure that there is a clear and concise.

From experience I have learned that you have to eliminate as much room for interpretation as possible. With communication disconnects and the way that things are heard and responded to need clarity. Having dealt with those that want to struggle against, defy and be fraudulent in their submission to me the learning has been detrimental.

The work on rules, protocols, standards and expectations are being worked on

Thankful for learning so I can make sure history does not repeat itself and what I need in my D/s is honored and adhered to.

Submission is..

Two basis of this are alignment of wills and submissive will. That means that all involved in tpe  are aligned in purpose, mission and goal. On the other part a submissive will submit to their Dominant's will even though they disagree. 

What I need is an alignment of wills. I do not expect it to be immediate. But I expect if we are long term then that would be required. It is why I focus on goals like career, achievenment, things that are wanted and desired to help them live and grow.

Which brings me to another aspect that has been thick in the submissive community it seems. Submission is about submitting. Meaning you choose to submit to me. It is NOT me taking your submission, tricking you or lulling you into submission. It is your Choice!

There is no need for this power struggle to go on. In fact this power struggle should not occur when you are supposed to be submitting to me.

My submissive had to get to an alignement of wills because it conflicted with her vanilla life. That use to giving out the orders and always being the one saying and doing things is the natural order of life outside of D/s.  I remove her from that and allow her to be removed from that.

Everyone has their own way and thing. And if it works for you another way then fine and dandy. For me I just need submission in my terms in order to be my submissive or slave. Not attitude, backlash and struggle against being submissive to a Dominant. 

When both sides of the D/s are moving forward then it is a powerful thing. 

Us Against the...Oops I Mean Me Against the World

In the concept of relating (relationships,) there are remnants of the concept of being partners, a team or whatever other phrases that are good for you. In that concept you stick and hold together. Taking care of each other and creating safety amid the storm of life.

The relationships and marriage that I had were based on the principle of "us versus them," mentality. And that worked well in the past. But society has changed and adopted a very different outlook and approach on all things that have the basis of interaction with others in it. That current basis is comfort and selfishness.

Are you able to be a true partner with someone? Or is that a catch phrase you use when it is convenient, comfortable and suits your needs?

Things are always easy when everything is going well and there are no problems. But the true measure of a person in a relationship is when things happen, there are disagreements and things that are not cotton candy style. At that point they show you if you are in a relation or whatever you may want to define it.

Bottom line I am the Neanderthal still thinking that my girl, girls, partner or whatever and I are a team and should be rolling like one with our individuality's intact.  Damn that is so misogynistic, sexist and chauvinistic of me!

That is Correct. I Am Not What You Want or Think I Should Be!

After a case of beer and half a bottle of tequila earlier. Along with now my 4th motherfucker this evening. I am sufficiently chill to deal with episodes. 

Point blank on the table of fucks to give as people say. I do not even register. 

See, I focus on my girls and my fellow Road Warrior. And that focus is important to me. Those outside of that either have a place according to me or they do not. And their place is reflected in my interaction, perception and their existence of them. 

As a man and a Dominant. I do my duty. Those things that they get pissed off at because it is not their way. The non romantic things that do not get mentioned. At times I am the one they hate, love and can't stand.  But once I have seen the potential, the connection and they have shown me their abilities then I will be their shield, their assassin, their counselor, guide and sin eater. 

I am poly but it doesn't mean I am fucking or seeing everyone. I stick to the ones I have. And hell it didn't matter if I was poly or monogamous from the beginning. It basically ended up going that way because of their situations and what they wanted anyway. As long as what i needed was maintained then I would have been ok regardless. 

And the commentary of the non judgmental, open minded judgmental females and girls in a black and poly group have been the usual buffoonery.  Upset because i have my ways and standards and don't want to use their fucking, retarded feminist words like metamour and all that other shit. And that was when I promptly pointed out to them why they are females and not women worthy of anything. Do what you like and as long as it doesn't affect me and mine then I don't give a fuck! But when you want to tell me that i need to follow your view point and opinion then you need to kill yourself!

I am me, myself and I.  Those that I have told my feelings, wants and desires to and actual want to have a true, loving and meaningful relation or dynamic with me then we can ride until the wheels fall off.  That means having a relationship or dynamic through the good, bad and ugly times. Those that can't cut it run away, whine, do something to make sure they can get dismissed and join the illustrious ranks of the monkey bitches. I am happy for them. 

And yes I am and do introduce myself as Evil. That way you heard it from me. Those that have the guts to get to know me, understand, accept and be with me will see the other side of the same coin. That loving, caring person that no one else will see or get. Because I classify folks and those that are not in the inner circles or been approved get the basic, you exist plan. 

Does that mean that I am inflexible to mine? Nope. It means I have standards and I don't compromise unless you have meaning to me and are in the appropriate circle. 

Many have tried to change me. So many different ways and things have been used. All leading to failure. 

I don't see how it is so hard to do what i do with someone I choose. I accept them as who they are and try to understand them. But in the world of the "only my way is right," society this is a cardinal sin. 

So if you want to know? Then ask. 

If you think something is wrong? Then have a discussion.

You can interact, have a relationship with someone that has differing opinions, views and all than yours and everything will be just great. Well that is based on actually accepting and understanding people as who and what they are. 

Well, I think I will end this here so I can go fix me another motherfucker. Do some serious writing of thoughts and let the ink spill poetically. Plus I need to go write on the uncensored blog now anyway. 

Hope your weekend was better than mine!

Kicking It Old School: The Cone of Silence

Everything has gone down this week. Issues in abundance from folk. And it has been from females to the one I date, to my submissive to the white folks and everywhere else.

It has been one of those times I just wanted to just chill with the right person and relax for once. Take an Evil breather and rejuvenate.

But reality is I am Zeus, I am a Dominant, I am all that is ME. And in being that and reality these days I don't have the luxury of that person anymore.

So as I listen to some more Poison Clan and get ready to fix me at least two more Motherfuckers to drink tonight I reflect and manage everything that has gone on.

What is the purpose of being when it has no meaning?
When will or will the light bulb ever finally go off in that head?

I make decisions based on the information I receive, observe and find.  I don't seek or think that there is perfection so there is a work around and with for everything.

To communicate or not to communicate is the question. And I think that the Borg and Daleks had the best answers.


Hope your week and weekend was a fucking hell of a lot better than mine.

Let the drinking continue. Maybe I will finally get a buzz after a few more days!  lol

It's Been a Clusterfuck of a Week!!

It has been a fucking week that is for sure. I am going to post to the other blogs and enhance my calm before I post here.

I am sure your week has been better than this shit!

Where's the Inspiration?

One of my favorite sites after multiply closed down was gspoetry.com  They ended up closing up like last year I think. Well they are back and i am glad. I have somewhere to post the stuff that i do not put here or on the other blogs i have.

So I was asked were are the latest hot, erotic, nasty and super freaky writings? I had to think about it and realize that they haven't really happened lately. 

As horny as I stay constantly. And my need always requires more and more. But I am not really doing anything about it. But that wasn't it. 

I realized that my hottest writes have been where there is lust, attraction, desire and passion with someone. Both sexually and relation wise. 

I was like damn, damn, damn.  "I am coming Adrienne!!"

(lol had to do an homage to fred and Chocolate Doll)

Interesting. This needs to be fixed. And i need some serious sadistic release. So the next episode will be the Next Level type shit. 

oh well Tallyhoe!!!