Life's Poetry: Love's Anomaly in a Modern Day Catastrophe

Love’s Anomaly in a Modern Day Catastrophe

The damaged and fucked up

Seem to be the norm

Catalytic 

Acid rain living

Caught in and re creating

Their own regurgitated

Purging

I miss the days

When females became women

When they got out of their own way

Were made up of more than scarred, mutilated remains

Told how horrible history

They have maintained

Calculated disdain created

In a cesspool of

I can’t

I won’t

Never again

Only here to project

Their inadequacy of self

Give the gift of

Hating themselves and whoever loves them

So there is no surprise

When I step up and say

What I want with you

That I love you

That I need you

And you slink away

Run away

Start screaming

As your fear and hatred

Keep you imprisoned

No worries

I will leave you happily

At the Rikers of your own making

As I hold onto

Memories, experience and knowledge of

What a woman

Relationship

Love and living 

Is live and well if you can handle it

These modern times

Make me glad and ecstatic

That I had a chance to live that

Mary J Blige “Real love”

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/9/19  ©

Sexy Twins, a Podcast and Poly

So when I went to the BRATS reunion in San Antonio I met these two sexy little twins. I talked to one more than the other since she was out in the smoking section more. We glanced on poly and bdsm. She said that her and her twin had a podcast and they wanted me to come on and discuss poly on there. I said sure and a couple weeks or month ago checked out their podcast. They were interesting, intelligent had some open mindedness as well as cute and sexy.

So, the Caveman recorded the pod cast tonight with them. It was entertaining and fun. I got a chance to teach and express myself, my journey and everything. Good questions were asked and I gave answers that showed the diversity of it all and that was what they needed. They didn't know how deep the rabbit hole actually could go or went. I gave them a bigger taste.

This should be a nice educational snippet for people to hear and get their minds thinking some more. So we will see when they finish editing the podcast how it goes. But I think it went well and reminded me of the old days of suit and tie presentations and meetings.


Other than that...

little one had a great day at work. Thank God! She felt loved on by me and everyone treated her nice. And I didn't have to go down there because someone stole her flowers or she didn't get her flowers today. So, that was a great bonus.

it has been a rough day as well. So things are what they are. The night is here and the drink is going so I will be alright for a few hours.

Poetry; Be Careful What you Ask For

Be Careful What you Ask For

Your words

Holding court

Etched into history

You want

Directness

With no ambiguity

You want

Equality

Without recognizing

Differences

You show no interest

As you remain

Mentally wet for me

Give me

Love and a relationship

As you hide from it

Screaming pettiness

Because you got exactly

What you asked for

Be honest

Ask yourself

And deal with it all

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/5/19  ©

50 Hasn't Got Anything on Her

Hope you are doing well and enjoying summer or heat fest that has been going on. lol

The weekend Me and little one spent the weekend celebrating her birthday in Raleigh. A weekend full of things that she would and wanted to do.

This year will make for years that she has been my submissive. The longest reigning and first submissive officially that I have owned.  Hard to believe it has been that long as well as how it all began.

We went to a burger spot near downtown Raleigh friday night and then hit the movie theater to see Hobbs and Shaw.  After a long week it was what she needed. To just get away from work and just enjoy herself. Burgers were good. My down south had bbq pork on it and the meat was not infused with hormones and steroids based on the taste. The movie was interesting and fun. Still have to deal with suspending my thinking process while watching a movie though.

Saturday was sip and paint minus the sipping. And hell there were only us along with grandparents and their grandparents in the studio anyway. But we all laughed and talked as we painted our coy fish paintings. I think my coy turned into a fricking shark with a laser running around Atlantis in my painting though. lol

Took her to a Japanese Hibachi steak place called Kabuki. I think I have been there before. The service was attentive but we did have to wait on our chef for a long time. I also don't like going to these without a large party to fill up your seating area. But at least it wasn't that bad with those that we were seated with. There was the drunk father across from us though. She enjoyed herself and everyone sang happy birthday to her. Plus she got the big portions which will last her days anyway. We both did have a lot of food afterwards.

She got to watch maleficcent and we chilled.

So, she had a chance to do things that she wanted to and have fun. Even though I know she held back with her submissive mindset because I kept saying that it wasn't about me and it was about her.

She was shocked by her gifts and decorations in the room. Even though the damn candles went out before she finally got there.

Well...

The things Dominant does for their property and when they have to brow beat them into focusing on self. Sign of a submissive basically.

It is the beginning of the week. Seize it and crush it in your hands as you move forward.

Poetic Moment: Return of the Soulmate Part Deux

Return of the Soulmate Part Deux

I had to take a step back

Is this a trap set from high above?

When the endgame closed

Could no longer keep my promise

Here you come

Sultry and sexy

A standout among the cutouts

The heart beats reaching for love

To taste and feel it’s

Flavorful variations

Once again upon my soul

Is it time?

Have you been put in

The proper time and place

To once again

Grace that happy place

Soar through the ether

Fully charged against eternity

Is this soul stirring

The answers to giving up

Returning to history

Analysis

Evaluation

Over thinking

As the insomnia

Claims us

Our history and passion

Nibble at us

Will this be the return of the King?

Or

The reincarnation of

Demolition Man again?

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/26/19  ©

Poetic Moment: Are you?

Are you?

From the first time

Connected and intoxicated

A blast from the past

Come full circle

Uniqueness

Sex appeal

Creativity and passion

All the things that fanned the flames

Once again

Here and now

Elevated

Just from a reconnection

For me a connection that never left

Just removed from

My universe

So come to me

Leave behind the pain of the past

Embrace the pain of change

As you hear the rain drops

Match the beat of your heart

Let go

Be free

You know the answer

So here is the question from me

Are you ready to be with me?

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/26/19  ©

Poetic Capture: That Flicker of a Flame

That Flicker of a Flame

So many years later

A marriage

Childbirth

Death and separations

Our paths

Crossed once again

Like the staff of Hermes

Here we are again

You pause

Lost in your pain, despair

Depression even

For all the negatives that you have

Experienced since

Us back then

Still

There in your darkness

Beats the flicker of flame

Evidence to

Here and now

No need to run now

I hear your heart and soul

The soft, slow beat

As part of you still fights

As the majority of you

Sees and feels the light

It’s alright

Through all the turmoil

The pain and all

That still cooks you raw

You feel

Know and understand

What I want

What I mean

Where I stand

Aint a damn thing changed

As your light bulb

Flickers even harder

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/22/19  ©

Poetic Moment: Oh Wait!

Oh Wait!

you tell me about your independence and don’t needs

All the while screaming

Chase me

Look at me

Make me the only best thing

As you sit there idly

Unable to reciprocate an ounce of anything

But wait

There’s more

Claim you want communication

Direct and apparent

Only to run away from it all

Like a crying two year old child

Where is that strong independent woman now?

Still on that burger king recipe

Have it your own way is not working at all

But wait

There’s more

You’re in there

Coasting along without a care

No worries at all

Because no matter what just say

Let’s just see what happens

You don’t have to put in no work at all

Your relations and relationships

Are merely at your beckon call

On today, off the next hour

But wait

There’s more

Well, actually it’s time

To drop a learning depth charge

You can be damaged and fucked up

That is not a problem

But

You can’t be this all mighty warrior princess

When you are scared of

Your own heart and soul

And

I am not your past

How your daddy treated you

The exes that stole your mind and soul

Or any of the other fucked up situations that you hold

But wait

There’s more

But I don’t think you can digest it all

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/21/19  ©

Spanksgiving Aftermath: They came to eat and get their ass beat!!

It is a week later. The aftermath is steal real. Just watching everyone interact and be excited for Spanksgiving.

Life Unscripted struck a curve in there from the onset of the trip when the transmission in the truck started slipping on the other side of birmingham. But this is why I drive more than they do. I merely deduced the problem, called up my brother and kept it pushing at 55 all the way to Killeen.  (Hell, we still made a Buccee's stop on that stretch too...lol)

This was going to be a first and unique CTX BBQ. Because all of the House of Havoc was going to be there for the first time. babycakes and I were driving there. little one was flying in on friday. Folk were about to see the whole House. And they weren't prepared lol. This was little one's first CTX event with her work schedule, so this was the first time to fully be in just the CTX energy.  Even though it was her flying in late Friday and leaving before everyone got up Sunday I had my little one with me.

A unique twist came when I was asked about babycakes being in service the weekend (here is where the separation of those pretending and those living this life reveals itself.) I said yes to her coordinating volunteer service through the event. her response was shock, awe and bothered but reality was it was time for her to taste full service in this community.

The opportunity for babycakes to be of service as the volunteer coordinator showed even more how life is different from before receiving my cut. I still am not for sure why I was gifted but I understand the importance. I don't think me going to CTX events and helping really stood out but the girls say differently.  It is all fun and games until you actually serve in the community.  And I have been security for i think almost 2 years now. Wow!

There is the wonder why I go all the way to texas. it is because it is the perfect atmosphere. Not a lot of cliquish, fraudulent and egotistical people. And no one is just a quantitative component. It is described as family style event. I describe it as fully welcoming.  We have a good time in fellowship, learning, play, energy and much more.

After this last bbq I realized the most profound thing for me concerning these events is watching the journey. From sending pebbles to her first CTX event and I wasn't even coming to now she is collared and everything in the community. To watching others growing over the time they have came. To last weekend watching a young man exploring and living his journey. Seeing his growth just through the event was breath taking.

The classes were phenomenal as usual.

Ms D Dom and Her cream presented a great class on humiliation and degradation which was a must to attend and learn.

Sir Joshua, Sir Johan and joy presented their class on their unique position as a triad and in the community. Which was the epitome of diversity.

The sexy Goddess Indigo and Dr Bob gave a class on many different aspects of communication. Definitely had me thinking even seeing her passionate side and his calculating and direct side together.


The scenes

There were seriously hot scenes in the dungeon. I didn't get to see them all but I did enjoy when I had a chance.

little one and I did a scene that ended up with her giggling uncontrollably in the end. A first, so very unique indeed.

A punishment scene was done with nicole. Everyone thought I was beating her to death with the bat and stuff. But honestly I wasn't hitting that hard. I did end up beating the pussy up inadvertently though in the scene. But that just added to the punishment. Hell she had on jean shorts and that big ass didn't feel all that. lol


Brotherhood

We had a chance to sit down and talk privately and candidly about all that is going on. All the toxic black man rhetoric, attacks on character and actions to dealing with the fraudulent and what we have going on in the non kink part of our lives.

It has been a while since this type of energy, mental and vibe connection has happened for me. It is normally at lower levels. But this was where it needed to be at the time it needed to be.

Real talk, no chaser type of discussion.


The Aftermath

had a chance to talk to and get to know this sexy ass Dominican beauty with the perfect body.  Ja Bless!  She had the body that when I saw her checking in the hotel I had to tilt my head sideways and be like WTF!!! A very interesting switch.

Being security can be difficult but I like that people are safe and comfortable to be who and what they are.

Proud of my babycakes for stepping up and representing Me, the House and herself very well even though she was and is still severely injured.

So happy to have been able to have my little one with me at a CTX event for the first time. So she could see and feel what goes on out there. So that everyone can come to know the wonderful person that she is.

Being able to talk to leather historians and bootblacks. To read some of the historical leather books, comics and things. Furthering this leather journey of mine.


So....

It has been a long week with ridiculous heat. But it was worth it in so many ways. Even as I still try to recover I can still smile and grin. And be proud of those people that had a chance to further their journeys.

There And Back Again: A Havoc Birthday Adventure

So i have been traveling the last month due to my birthday. Somehow I keep surviving until it's time to die again and come back.

I have been a few places and still have another adventure in Life Unscripted cued up for next week. So this entry will be on the actual birthday trip. Aka going to Montgomery and New Orleans.

little one and I left the QC and headed to Montgomery so we could go to the civil rights memorial. She wanted to go and this was the opportunity to do so.  It was hot and as everyone knows I am not a fan of that state at all anyway.  But things went well and all I had to deal with was the heat which was kicking my ass as we walked the memorial.  it was interesting  to see the recorded names of black people killed. And the thoughts that these are only the recorded ones. I was shocked at some of the counties that didn't have  as many as I thought they would as well as ones that had more than i thought they would.  Some found their ancestors names there and most were there to see the history. That is including some morehouse students there as well.

Next stop New Orleans...

Get there Saturday and it was like swimming in heat all day still. We stayed at a nice house not that far from everything. it was comfortable and clean.  And nobody bothered us. It was upstairs though.

We hit the Cochon Butcher and had some great meats. The place had great ambiance. Ie Star Wars, Marvel and DC all over the place. As we were told the owner was a big kid according to the waitress. lol Me too when it comes to those things. Walked from there and went to the Bakery Bar and I got some Doberge cake that was delicious as hell. The fondant on top was too sweet for me though.

We rode the trolley and hit city center park and walked the garden to see the big giant butt plug and whip and all in the garden. Then hit Bloody Mary's for horror, spirits and voodoo. little one didn't have a good energy experience there. It didn't bother me.It spoke about the history of people and things in New Orleans. But the rooms and dolls all had creepy affect on little one. Hit Gene's po boys and had some great po boys for a hole in the wall. And at least we had a table to eat at while we were there.

Went to this black place called neyow's to eat and was not impressed at all. The food was bland and the plates had no presentation. For the price it was a waste. We had a crawfish balls apetizer, I had what was supposed to be shrimp creole and little one had pork chops. All of it was lower than mediocre. The service was slow as well. And it didn't matter to me that my sexy baby momma neicy nash had been there a few times. I want to support black businesses but I cant when they are not up to par.

Our last full day we had breakfast at the ruby slipper and it was delicious. They didnt have bananas but I ended up getting bourbon bread pudding pancakes. They were delicious and i didn't even have to put syrup on them. little one had some beignet french toast sticks. The food was great and the service so I was much more happy.

Then I spent over 4 hours in bliss at the World War 2 museum. It was massive and i didn't get to it all but i had a ball. So much knowledge and things to look at. They give you a electronic card that has a person from the war that you can follow through the theater they were in throughout the museum. little one hung in there for as long as she could. I appreciate her and the trip especially since she is not into things like this. I will definitely come back when it is cooler and see the rest of the museum.

Lastly day in the NO we went to Dookey Chase. A historic restaurant where presidents, influential s and more have come to eat. I was hoping to get here before the lady that was the original owner and cook passed but she passed over three weeks ago. The service here was white glove standard, The food was delicious and the history and artwork represented there was amazing. I had the famous chicken, which was phenomenal, ribs that I didn't need sauce for and some great mac n cheese for starters.  We had the buffet and it was worth it.

And we got there early like they suggested and saw why when five minutes to opening there were 4 people in line all of a sudden. We met this elderly white couple who told us that they are always the first in line to eat on a tuesday there. They told us about the experiences they have had there with Obama and many others Even spoke to Dookey Chase the 3rd as he road by on a bike. They are obviously well off and lived somewhere in the neighborhood since they walked with their suit jackets on in that heat there. With his 500 italian loafers and her designer pocketbook. There is nothing like a history run down from a local.

Had to try the beignets at Cafe Du Mond which was some interesting cause with every table looking like it was covered in cocaine from the powdered sugar. We should have took the uber drivers advice and told them to hit it light. And hell no to drinking coffee out in this hot ass heat where I am already dripping sweat everywhere I go. It was super crowded in the heat with tables 3 feet apart.

We strolled to walk off some of the food. little one found a painting to buy. I got a mask and we stopped at the cigar shop to get some cigars for babycakes and I as well as enjoy them rolling cigars in there.

And as quick as it began it was over with. Back on the road to head back here to NC.

Whew...Life Unscripted in effect as always


Still catching up so more to come.

Whew

I am so glad for this break in the hit since Tuesday and getting back.

I was so hot in New Orleans it wasn't funny as well as Montgomery and the ATL.

I still have to catch up on here so I will be back tomorrow.

Plus I have to pack up again so I can leave out Monday again. It's that bbq time! And this is the first time the whole House of Havoc will be in attendance.

Well, I hope you had a great forth and taking care of yourself.

Till tomorrow stay true to yourself and keep those that truly love and care about you clos.

Birthday: You just don't know

It has been a while since I have posted. I have draft entries that I need to finish but life remains Life Unscripted. From SELF to now there has been a lot going on.

But today is my birthday. The day that marks my landing on this planet.

It has shocked me how people view and treat me this time. Josh getting me a 25 year old Partagas cigar was so unexpected ibhad to look at him sideways. I cannot imagine the cost. The guys from the cigar shop coming to hang out with me last night. little one and the adventures in New Orleans we will have this weekend and the gifts. And the gifts babycakes has for me when she gets back from Aruba. It has been moving to say the least.

Back from San Antonio and the Brats reunion. Days later and it is off to Montgomery AL and New Orleans.

This month has been a rollercoaster of things and adventures. And still have the BBQ to round this all off. So mad amount of travel had been happening.

Hell, I am not the only one travelling either. little one and babycakes are ok their travel schedules as well. Aruba, D.C. and all is going on with them.

But as I have sat here in Greensboro and contemplated, I realize just how deep things are with longevity, ride or die living, love, importance, helping others and so much more.

It may not be a landmark birthday but it has been a landmark in my life.

The adventures continue tomorrow but no matter what this has been awesome and made me appreciate the people in my life even more.

Party on folk!

Caveman Chronicals

i have been to the white hood and been entertained. It is just special to watch the drunks interact and act a fool. And watching themtry to get this guy's wife to go fishing with them. She just didn't want to get up that early. The seagate experience is something else.

babycakes is back from key west, cuba and mexico. she had a good time on her first cruise.I am glad she got to go to a cigar factory and see how the cigars she smokes are made. A couple more weeks and she is out of country again.

We got SELF next week so there will be more experiences and learning. I just will avoid the people that i don't care for and are fraudulent. I am looking forward to some great classes.

Prepared for San Antonio mostly. Going to enjoy the drunk people as much as possible. Definitely a new experience about to go down. I only attended the pool party last year during my birthday. Still haven't decided about doing the cruise with them next year as part of the birthday month.

And then got new orleans for the birthday. This will be my first time actually being able to see the city.Food and museums will be in full effect.

Then it is the CTX BBQ. i started some whip practice to prepare to learn. This will be different with all of us there.little one's first texas event. she will get more exposure to folk out there now since SPLF.

After that i am nit sure where Life Unscripted will take things.

Once more unto the breach!