Poetry: When I Gladly Risk it All

When I Gladly Risk It All

Saw in you

Everything

A future

Filled with love, passion and

Destiny that eclipses

Tripping the light fantastic

I said and showed

I love you

You are part of my soul to me

Told you I wanted to marry you

Without

A deadline or ultimatum

I gave you my position

Heart and feeling

Information given freely

Transfixed

Time revealed evidence

Whirlwinds of silence

Feeling nothing

Standing in the eye of the storm

Still content and open

Exposing your realities

I gave you my available outline

Inclusion of our conclusion

You choose

You chose

Time to just let it stand

Unflinching

Unchanged

Still the same loving and caring

Man

Regardless

I still am

Always will be

The

Love and passion

Director of

Direct and uniqueness

That I am

From the chocolatezeus collection  2/14/18  ©

Drama, Attitudes and Moments of Nothingness: week in review

So two weekends ago we buried the female parental unit. To say that went off without issues would be a huge lie. But when you are dealing with folk, you get what you get. I will just say damn I am glad that is over and people can stop asking me questions and upset because I am not crying and caring on.

The bullshit ass drama I ended up in during that same weekend even though I didn't have anything to do with it and I wasn't even in Houston then. But so called dubminants and their little so called slave things needed to have something to say concerning me all because they were outed about their service to the chick in question coming to present like they asked her to. But instead of worry about how worthless them, their service, their lack of honor and respect were they decided to involve me. Saying I told people what happened. Clearly they have no fucking clue how much I detest humans and everything. Especially with the way things were last year until now. Their best bet was to leave this Evil motherfucker out of their bullshit but they couldn't so any further issues I will show them who I am, since they have no clue.

There were plenty of attitudes flying around last week. It was like there was a conus meeting about it and they all decided to come together and present the attitude week.  But it was all good because it solidified things even further. Further compartmentalized those that needed their spot put on lock down just how they wanted it to be.

There was an in depth convo with little one that helped her and allowed me to do what I am supposed to do as well. Boxes checked and my job remains. I am glad I can help, support and guide her on her submissive journey as well as everything else.

I am most definitely overdue to leaving and getting out of here. I think I am going to hit indy or Chicago for some Giordano's and then head to htown. Time to hang out and enjoy some time again.  So even though I am avoiding and not being bothered with folk I am going to hit some spots. And I am going to do at least one Master/slave conference this year at least. Hopefully that won't have issues as much as everything else has had.

I am more than ready to check out Black Panther Thursday. But I am NOT going to see it because it is a black film. I am NOT going to see it over some African stuff. I am going to see it because I am a comic book fan and the Black Panther character is great. And this should be a very pivotal point in comic book movies and marvel cinema. So I am on the countdown to fan day.

An all new journey began last year. And the road has had more than it's share of obstacles to this point. But it has proven to be the path required and needed. Removing and sequestering people as well as evaluations and placement. Out with the old and in with the True!

Oh, and the ACC women's basketball tournament is back! Yaayyy. I can't wait to go again like I use to. I am not sure if I will do it this year or wait until next year to go again yet. But it will be back to watching skill, fun and excitement.

Well that is a hit the highlights recap of some of the stuff that went on since the funeral weekend. There are a lot more but that is not for here anyway.

Off to the evil posts....lol

Trust: The Final Infraction

it is well known and documented that I don't trust anyone really. Hell, I have learned that people choose their level of trust with me through their actions and abilities.  But when I give you my trust and the opportunity then it's meaning is highly significant.

But see trust is not only about the truth but also about the application of when and how to handle interactions, emotions, feelings and more. The things that are not so simple.

I trust you to value the insider trading parts of me that you get when we are in a relationship or dynamic.

I trust you to care for and hold sacred emotions and feelings that are expressed and not seen by others outside of my circles.

I trust you to understand when it is not the time to bring up yours and others agendas during my and our critical moments in time.

These things are not that difficult I think. Well, for me they are not.


This is one of the things that separate those that can trust versus those that cannot. Like I explained in a group. If you are going to be together or try to be with someone you have to have trust. But if someone errodes or ignores that trust then their is a cause and effect to it.


Does it hurt when you can no longer trust the person or persons that you are in a relationship or dynamic with? Yes. But it sheds light upon everything and then you have to make decision about what to do next.


Take heed and be vigilant.

Letter to Chocolate Doll: Really?

Letter to Chocolate Doll: Really?

First I will say that you are severely missed and I miss you severely.  You are still an A.S.S. but you will always be my A.S.S. and that is all that counts.

I know you have watched over me and all. Done your thing even in death of being a woman among women. But this is some bullshit. I did what I agreed to do if you died. I have lived and I have tried the dating thing and all that. You must be paying me back for shit with the ones that you have sent to me and all. The craziness that has occurred apparently continues to keep you amused.

Oh, and your selection of red and bgp obviously you did in order to make me suffer and learn some shit. They were obviously handpicked by you of course. Liking and caring about them you definitely knew it would be an adventure. And thus why your ass put them there. Lol

Yes, I know that It has not gone according to how you probably planned or liked. But you know me and how I am and what I require. Nothing is the same and a lot of things are dead or dying now.  I gave it the college and boy scout try but it is what it is. Modern day de-evolution has occurred.

Wish you could have been here for ma’s funeral. You were definitely missed and needed. You understand the ability to support and comfort without all the issues, attitudes and other things that should have no relevance.  So many people showed up that it reminded me of your funerals and Big Ma’s. But you would have been proud I stayed to myself the whole time and was cordial. Well cordial for a caveman.

I hear you fussing about my decision and changes I have made in this dating, situationship, relation and dynamic thing. But hey you know I have to give them what they want. Lol  They are comfortable and it is what they wanted so it is all good.

Everyone still misses your smile, energy and spirit.  We were laughing about how you were with the families, coworkers and everyone you came in contact with.  You always have and continue to leave your mark.

I know my heart is colder. A change with the times. And I know you are saying that it shouldn’t be. That I should remain how I was.  But I am a modern chauvinistic caveman. Lol I tried. But honestly there hasn’t been any need for me to be that loving and caring person anymore.  Yes, yes, yes I hear you.  And it was necessary.  I am not as lovable and likeable as you are Chocolate Doll. I am just the ABM caveman. Lol And I haven’t done the build a bitch program again…yet. Lmao  So that has to count for something.

But could you teach? Show them the way? Get them to grasp and understand? I am just saying! It would make things easier and have things work out and go smoothly for once. Especially get them to understand the ability to have a real relationship that is love, caring, independence and all without all the defensive measures, fear and loathing, rejection and disdain that they keep currently. And that it is not about comparing to you but actually them achieving something at a higher level than they are use to and comfortable with. A level of intimacy, desire, support and living with someone that feels the same way.  But they remain stuck on disillusionment and fighting achieving that deep level. This is a very disposable relation society now. So I just give them the disposable situations they want until it is time for them to leave

Can you believe later on this year will be ten years since we got married. A long time ago it seems as well as just a moment ago at times.  Over a month ago it was a proposal and Queen Bear delivery to start things off ten years ago.  I am still laughing at that moment now.

Good looking out on everything though. You are the best of the best!

Hugs and kisses. Say hello to Big Ma, Uncle Raph and Aunt Numi.

And can you help your old husband out some more with the two you sent me and the rest. I want things to work but you know how I am. I am not fighting nobody that don’t want nothing.

See you later.

Your loving husband

Chocolate Zeus

2/5/18  ©

A Week in Review...Candid Moments in Death and Peace

So yesterday we buried the female parental unit. There was so many people at the service and the viewing at the funeral home. Those from bama to up north and everywhere. Everything was good. I stayed away from the male parental unit so not to deal with the issues of his dementia and whatever else he has going on.

So this is going to be behind the curtains type of post...

I have always done my duty as son, being and alien that I am. Everyone but one will never understand it based on their lives and that being the only way that they can look at things. I wasn't into family stuff because I was hatched to be independent and not need all that attention and everything. When I got married though it was the complete opposite because that was my family and I needed my family to be cared for, loved, protected and close to. 

So I wasn't a momma's boy or up under the father. I was just being me and did my job. 

I have known my mother was going to die for months. So, I was already prepared and ready for things. The male parental and their daughter may not have been ready but I was. 

With that said I know everyone expects everyone to cry and fall out when someone dies. That is not me. I grieve, deal with and handle things internally like all things I do must happen. Just because I am not falling on the floor crying doesn't mean I am not feeling anything. 

Many times people asked me how I was and their response was that they didn't believe me when I said i was fine. Reality is that I was and I am fine.  

The things that affected me the most were the memories of Chocolate Doll and Big Ma dying along with really wanting and needing someone that could fill the role of comforter that I needed without all the issues and drama. Just that one time where it is about me and everything being right in those moments. 

But I am thankful.

For that showed their concern and caring. The support and well wishes. The outpouring of concern. Even a guy from the cigar shop that I have not known that long came out to the country and attended the funeral .

This truly showed me who is there and who isn't. Along with showing me the necessary actions that are now required to be taken. 

I remain humbled and thankful.

Poetry: Chain of Command

Chain of Command

Come one, come all

There is enough room for all of you

To be enemies against me

So join the movement

Join the force

Just me against all of you

Enemies of this state

Taking stake against me

Intimately and afar

Life Unscripted Army of one

With a general on call

Still they think they know me

That they can change and defeat me

The beginning of their fallacies

With a ride on an apocalyptic heart beat

As the ice, ice has formed

The ramparts may be worn but strong

And mass destruction is my

Natural form

From the circles of trust

To the contracts of connection

With failed Ultraman type

Relation realizations

Rouge subordinates

Runaways

Sabotagers of

Life

Intimacy

Living it all fully

The breakdown came

Rebellion was made

Results remained the same

Hierarchy remains

Command structure retained

Chain of command still King

From the chocolatezeus collection  2/1/18  ©

Very interesting, Interesting indeed

There have been a number of eclipsing light bulb effects that have gone off lately. With everything that has been going on it allowed me to truly have a clear space to de evolve a number of things into proper context.

It was definitely an interesting weekend. Considering shit going down that I had no part of and was mentioned in. Ehh, that is humans for you.

Rolling by yourself with no one else makes for quiet times with no attitudes or turmoil. Well, none created by me. lol

I realized my decisions that made last year and the protocols I set into place where visionary and damn on point considering actions, activities and observations that have happened so far this year.  *I love it when a plan comes together*

Funeral stuff is done. I am fine. My emotions and feelings are fine. Besides memories of burying my wife and my grandmother I am good.

This also put into very clear perspective of relations, relationships, dynamics and those I have let into my circles.

After a good chuckle and some confirmation today. I am going to do what I do regardless.  Keep moving forward relentlessly. Take no prisoners. And keep the Life Unscripted Team held high to it's truest form and reality.

Be Me
Motherfucking Me


*Me, Myself and I*


off to the spot now to let the pen spit and reality split

A Moment in Time and Poetry: The Logan Effect

Watching Logan had me thinking. (yes, I am always thinking so what) about life and living it.

This movie was a hodgepodge of the Death of Wolverine story line, Old Man Logan storyline and more. In it Logan has lived his life for centuries. Only to have the admantium attached to his bones poison him and over run his healing factor. In all those years he has loved, lived, lost and embraced anger, rage and loneliness.

I have beat the statistics as a black male and man. Died a number of times. Weathered and ingested Hell on basis.

As much as I am the ABM Caveman, I am also love and loving. I am the yin and yang personified within a person. I know it annoys the girls because they are all in the gray area and I am never there. But it is how I am made up and function. I walk with a purpose that I don't know. Loving those that can be involved with me only in their own palatable ways.

My cold heart barely beats now but gives forth the heated love and passion of a star. But I will take this long walk alone. To protect, care for and be there for those I care for regardless of their feelings or actions.

I will continue to do my job.

The Logan Effect

Eons have passed

Timeless imprisonment

Rivulets of emotions and stale intent

No longer invincible

Battle scars now unhealable

Living through so much

Love, life and death

Beat the expectations repeatedly

For I should have been dead

At least two decades ago

Attempts to

Save

Love

Support

Those that I chose to be within

My life’s circles

Fought with

For

And against them

My dark heart still beats

At a pace

Faster and slower

Countdown to inevitability

Rage unleashed

Love murdered in it’s waking sleep

Inhaling the death of destiny

Fear won’t grip me

As I fight with my last breath

For those that remain in my circle of being

The tears burn me

The last vestiges of me

Living

As I prepare to leave

Whenever the sands of time stop falling

There I will embrace

The end

Blaze of glory

The final chapter

And end of the story

Just don’t mourn me

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/27/18  ©

Send in Ground Support

Over the last year and especially now and this year I realized that part of me missed having that support and comfort. That no need to say anything because I got your back type of support. The one that won't dissect and analyze everything but just be safe harbor.

Man and Dominant some times needs and many times wants to just kind of chill and not have to be at war with everyone while holding and balancing the universe like Atlas. Hell, no one can last forever without breaking down over the long haul. 

Looking at relations, dynamics and mother dying today has me evaluate and analyze so much of where my comfort and support was to my situation now. A harsh look at the fall from gold and the alchemistic movement of support. 

It is not about asking for support or even not wanting support. It is about being connected in a way that it just happens. That connection where the flow and energy between us actually makes this happen without effort. And this is more than a possibility since I choose empathic ones to date or have serve me. 

If people claim to like you they will attempt to give support within their own way, range and ability.  And I am thankful for what they can give. There are no negatives about that. 

But there are the times you need that right type of support. Especially when you have relations with individuals. 

I have to honestly say that the last about 10 months definitely has been the time that the support for me has been needed. 

*Don't take support for granted*

Poetic Expression: Transition

Burning tears

Kiss

Vivid memories

of

Great ones gone before their time

The ones that were

Most importantly detrimental to me

It is not the current home going

I feel

Tis the steel of time

Sting of their removal

That releases emotional content

As the silence

Slits the timeline

And the wisps of their essence

Gains purchase

I dine

Within the flames of Hell

Upon their

Meaty

Savory

Tenderness

Spent

Yet submerged in

The pain

Shown through this event

Shining light upon

Undeniable evidence

Transition

From the chocolatezeus collection  1/24/18  (c)

Poetic Expression: Resonance

Sound

Stirring a dead soul

Her voice

cutting through

the distant, dead cold

This one moment

Cutting through

Empty discord

Leaving me currently

With painted memories

Good times

Good vibes

Now left to

Live and repeat

Intimate times

I hold as the last vestiges of

We

from the chocolatezeus collection  1/24/18. (c)

So you Think you Deserve a Collar?

Collaring is a physical representation of a D/s or M/s relationship. It is equated to a wedding ring for some and basically that weird concept I understand called a friendship ring for others.  So there is no all encompassing definition that fits all.

I have discussions about my position on collaring. So I will address it here...

For me collaring is representing me and my dynamic. It is honor, prestige and respect. To me it says that you are mine and a part of me and the future. It isn't something that comes easy or quick. It is based on learning, understanding, accepting, trust, ability to follow and the committed passion to the dynamic.

The desire and ability to become collared is not for everyone. It may be something that was never wanted, something that is out of their ability to trust and or understand or just something that is not part of their available ability or skill set.

Some Dominants have a very specific and set amount of time before they will think about collaring their sub or slave. At that point they evaluate if the person is actually on track to being collared or ready.

My journey into collaring does have a time span where a sub or slave will have the chance to learn, show and grow. It is on the low end 2 years. But at that point if I feel that there is still ability there or more things to learn with the probability to be collared then that will be extended until it is shown that they are ready or that they won't be ready.

What are the things that are important to me for collaring?

• Alignment of wills
• Commitment
• Dedication
• Adaptability
• Passion

The journey is not easy. It will be filled with trials, tribulations and learning.  And that is on both sides of the slash. Not just one or the other. Because investing in each other in a dynamic requires those that actually want to be in a dynamic and have collaring involved to go through the pitfalls to strengthen and enhance their dynamic through it all.

So my question to those that are interested like I asked those I have conversed with is...

ARE YOU READY TO DO THE WORK TO BE COLLARED!

Poetic Uplift: Smiled Again

I smiled

the moment

that the connection became

self evident

where mutually exclusive

died it's personal death

I smiled

at the future

acknowledgement of

purposeful intent

excited commitment

I smiled

knowing that

the same radar wave

bounced back

I smiled

then I said thank you

thank you for the lining

in the darkness that held

prevalent

from the chocolatezeus collection 1/22/18 (c)