When the Music Skips a Beat

I am back from a long and short weekend. I know you are scratching your head to that. The long was the travel part and waiting around and the short was the amount of time actually spent away.

The plan was to get down there and the Road Warriors ride out to Dallas. But transportation issues and 12 hours later that was a thought and concept in the rearview mirror. But it was meant to be obviously from all the things that transpired from that point on.

I was very appreciative of the folks that went out their way the weekend. Definitely was appreciated and had some great convo, laughter and everything.

There was major discussion with Ru's friend who I dubbed pebbles and fluffy. *she hated fluffy so that is why I used that more...hey, I am a sadist*  We discussed bdsm. Quite a bit of me trying to get her to understand the difference between Dominant and topping. Which since she is fully submissive from her up bringing is a challenge for her as she found out with the young boy that was there. He wanted her to dom him, collar him and he was going to be her dom and punish her with dick. He was obviously a victim of the 50 shades do it yourself bdsm kit. And she isn't sure about what she wants which is fine but starting out with someone that ultimately has no clue and is making things up as they go along with out seeking or gaining any knowledge is dangerous.

Add to that tigger's son got shot while he was in a corner store getting a bag of chips because two monkeys were arguing over a crack ho giving them head. So she has been hysterical about him almost dying.

Relations, Relationships and D/s

I love lil red and little one in their own unique ways because they are uniquely different. That weirdness is what attracts me to females for more than half a second. I talk about their achievements and how they are doing. As the old folks said, "their ears should be burning" sometimes. They are praised, appreciated and thanked.

Things are not easy. There are struggles and disagreements. Mistakes and miscommunication.  But for me it is important to sit down and work things out if it is important. To not let things just go into whatever. And I was listening to En Vogue "Don't let go." Apparently background music right on time.

This snippet spoke a whole lot:

There'll be some love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin' love

Love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin'...

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend

Don't you want to be more than friends

Hold me tight and don't let go

Don't let go

You have the right to lose control

Don't let go

It is that aspect of choosing to be and work together instead of just being disposable. It is dealing with the hurt and mistakes and learning so you go forward together stronger. Because I choose to care and give in to the connection that is felt I will do what I can to support, facilitate and make things happen. It makes me the bad guy plenty of times with red and little one but I will be that if it makes them stronger and everything. Establishing a zone for them to be themselves in is what I seek to enhance.

I choose you, to be with you and to stay with you because I see all the things that are wonderfully beautiful and unique. The things that make you stand out. Even when you question it all.

But my D/s has aspects of love in it unlike others. And that is only if the submissive can handle love and emotions or understand them. Even though I can be devoid of feeling and emotion as they can tell you I want those things in my relationships and dynamics.

So when it is said I don't know why you keep being with me because you are not getting exactly what you want and they are bothered and bewildered. The answer is because you are a work in progress and i see all that you are through your defenses, posturing and distance. I see and remain because of that and who you are.

I just don't let go of what I want, need and is important to me. You shouldn't either!

The week has started so party all the time or make the best of it. Either way do something different.

Poetic Expression: Fatherhood: A Dream Denied

Wishing the men a happy fathers day. Because it is not an easy road or task but it is worth it and forever lasting.

This is an expression of when you don't have that part in your life poetically.

Fatherhood: A Dream Denied

It seemed like a millennia ago

I was gung ho

Unable to hide the desire for

A child

Children of mine

To love and cherish

Raise and define

Into the most beautiful of masterpieces

That I could devise

Planning and preparations made

Even a schedule of when and how

Was formulated

But the unforeseen factors came

Claimed the dream and the reality

Even in the perfect situation

I felt parentally defamed

As denied

Was the only result

The constant that remained

Raising others children

As my own

Though incredible

But not the same

Adopt they said

You will always be the loving father

To children that you love and claim

I couldn’t because it wasn’t

The same

For me

It is those

Moments and feelings

From holding them when they are first born

To supporting them in their activities

Knowing that they are a part of me

That I helped mold them from the beginning

When the final chapter came

And there was the need for

The ultimate decision to be made

I made it

And decided unselfishly

I walked away

Leaving behind the dream

Knowing that it wasn’t my destiny

Whether it was fallacy

Or inevitability

Fatherhood was

Denied to me

From the chocolatezeus collection   6/18/17  ©

Poetic Expression: Unity

Unity

A man

A woman

Polar opposites

Together in public disbelief

Neither one of us

Ever meant to be

Yet

Here we are

Defying the odds

Fighting statistical

Inevitability

Unity

It where

You love me

I love you

No matter how weird you can be

As you accept and understand

I can only be me

Two unmovable objects

Met and created this

Unity

When you hurt

When your job, family and friends

Take you through everything

I  remain here

Stalwart and supporting

While you remain steadfast

Through my dark, evil apathy for others

Understanding the passion and being that is me

This is not a simple journey

We argue and disagree

But the power is in our ability

The ability to be there together

Joined in unity

So leave your hurt and pain with me

Curl up and release what you need

For our bond

Our connection

Is that haven from

All those things that seek to make you unhappy

Just you and me

Separate poles of the universe

Of we

As I ingest your smile

Taste your lips

Thanking God and life for you

Knowing all I want is

Our

Unity

From the chocolatezeus collection  6/18/17  ©

The Fatigue of Atlas

It has been rough and trying times. The year. This month. The last couple of weeks.

I am built and designed to withstand an awful lot but it is tiring and it is hard. There are times when I just want to say Fuck It All and scorch everything and everybody.

This time also reminds me how much I miss Chocolate Doll. It was good to have someone that always had your back. Comforted you (yes even Evil needs comfort.)  Able to communicate and want to be around you even when things are rough and it may be just a matter of silently being together or calling to talk. So many things that are dead and gone these days.

So, I took a break to regroup and breathe. To deal with things in the only ways left possible to me and solidify being to and by myself.

This walk as a black man, Dominant and being myself is the ultimate example of "Me Against the World."  But I will continue, hold my own, adapt and overcome.

Time to get some writing done and finish chilling until tomorrow.

Hope you had a good weekend and time. And happy fathers day to those that are fathers.

The Road to Perdition

I have to say none of this month went as planned or desired. Thankfully I adapt and move to the "just don't give a fuck mode" easily.

I am still laughing at jimmy c's partner josh that is big time at aflac showing me the pics of the aftermath of him slapping his girl or a girl he fucks ass. It was all nice and red since she was white. lol  So kink recognized kinky people I guess. It tickled me.

Things really have stepped into the deeper pits of hell.

Checking the attitude and mood shit going on.
The addressing of things not done, no focus and proper actions.

So yes my disposition is completely transfixed into Ares. But this is what they asked for and wanted apparently.  And the powers and everything will simply grow and expand even further.

Back to drinking.

Preparing for the next fucking episode.

Poetic Moment: For I Am De Void

For I Am De Void

The nothingness

Holds court within me

Judge

Jury

Executioner

There is no anger

No feeling

Merely the existence of

Other things

Actions and necessities

The full moon praises me

As the rage and apathy

Hold testament

Tabernacle of purity

As relevance’s

Fade into obscurity

Silent laughter increases

Internalized

Compartmentalized

Universal peace keeping

Crescendo

Culmination of me

The anti-hero

As the silence and distance

Give way to

Relevance and reverence

Empty tachyon pulses

Into the neutral zone

Purposely done to

Repel and dispel

Any substance

Like Doomsday

Encased in eternity

With purpose and duty

The silence reveals

Evidence steals moments that

Might was

Leaving things to be

Self-evident

To achieve the stage

Fully transformed

From the chocolatezeus collection  6/11/17  ©

Walking the Mile

Relations, relationships and even situationships.

These things require two or more people to decide to want to be involved and maintain whatever the situation is.

I will back them. Care for them and even love them.

But I found myself bending over backwards and putting up with things that I shouldn't have all for the sake of their happiness and desires. But the scale is nowhere near balanced.  But I don't require it to be always balanced but damn I need something. Due to my capitulation in listening to some stuff and trying things I became way too soft and lenient. And I paid for it.

So I have sat back and observed since the mess last year with the faux sub and everything that has jumped off.  I gave the space, time and more. Realized what was not a submissive and what qualified to them as dating, dynamics and all. I took inventory and notated.

The journey is not over. It has not been  a fairy tale and those that were at the beginning have and will choose their fate in accordance to the ending.

Outside of the Road Warriors the reality is that you are going to get what you get from others in their little caves and cubby holes.

Messages received and assimilated as I continue walking.


Hope you had a way better week than I did. Fuck, I know you did! lol

Another Episode of Cheers...Cigar Shop Style

I needed caveman time today after a rough week. With red going through whatever she is going through and working with little one and everything that has been happening. It made for let's say a busy week.

But cromagnon time wasn't available because the big ole white biker guy that I share gruntanese and other mean and evil attrocities with has been mia for over a week now. So there is concern there for sure. But he isn't on the police radar so either he has escaped freely or something has put him down.  Hopefully I will catch him before I head out next week.

Yes, I call the cigar shop a modern day cheers because that is what it is.  We have the odd couple aka Paul and Jimmy C.  The outcasts me and Charlie. The need to be put in a mental hospital ones that shall not be named to avoid them showing up.  The rich guys. The legal squad of Ryan and Steve. Beer professionals of Rick and Ed. The I never give a fuck because I got money Eddie. And other assorted characters. lol  It is informative, educational, extreme comedy and wtf moments all the time.

So today's highlight featured Big D aka Big Nasty or Danny the father.  And his son in law Lil Nasty or Richard.  It is great to see them two because it is always funny and fun when they come in. The first time they came in they had us trying to cover for them being at the cigar shop by saying they were still waiting in line at the harley dealership with us all in the background. Their wives showed up later on and it was hilarious. We still laugh and pick about that over a year later. But if they are in town and see Smalls (me) vehicle they are coming in. lol  They have such a great relationship. Big D truly sees him as his son. They ride harleys and smoke cars together.  And Richard and Bid D's daughter are expecting their first baby after they moved into their new house earlier this year in rdu. I am happy for them.  Man we laughed at the stories of D and being the manager of a pharmacy and Richard being a raleigh cop.

Some well needed and deserved laughs today. Add to that the unexpected gorgeous titty pic from the hedo group and conversation early on in the week. The week wasn't completely destroyed.

Otherwise...

Female parental unit in the hospital.
Ru is working herself to death.
Child at school laid hands on Tereze and got dealt with.
Looking forward to L.A. and Nashville.
Still haven't figured out my other destinations quite yet but it is coming. lol


And with that I am going to leave you to the start of enjoying your weekend

As Picard would say...

ENGAGE!!

The Roller Coaster Malpractice

It has been a fucking week. Filled with moods, attitudes, some enjoyable conversation and some fucked up convo.

So Redman definitely encapsulates that all in




The I DON'T GIVE A FUCK protocol is in effect since people have said that and shown that.


I am still in shock that I had a non kill them all dream. But it was about Cupcake and I. And I haven't seen or talked to her since she got upset with her feelings and love for me. But we were hanging out and she owned something like a burger king and I went in and she took me in the back and we ended up in a bedroom. We had great sex as always with her thick, sexy curvy ass and of course her squirting drenched the whole room. Ended up at a wedding, funeral or some gathering with her family the next frame and I was walking past them all to head back to the room to wait for her to fuck and smack her big ass some more. Got back to our marathon fuckfest sessions and that is where I no longer remember or it ended.  But yeah that was really fucking weird. The only correlation would be the tits that this girl going to hedonism showed me.  (not like I have been tits, ass and pussy pics like I should)  But hell I don't even know this chick. I commented she will have a great time and wish I could see the titty unveiling in hedo and she gifted me with a wonderful view.

little one is still dealing with everything. It would be good to help or have the answers all the time. But there is also the need to let them do it on their own and deal with it because as I have seen with her as well as red they have to do it where their brains can handle and process it in their own world fashion.

I worked out some more trips.  Haven't decided on some of the ones to round out the year yet but working on it. Seriously considering going back to Amsterdam and England.  But I have to figure out some new adventures also so D.R. is one for sure and not sure about the rest yet. Oh yeah, Italy is still doable as long as it is not in august.

Planned some stuff for my birthday but that looks like a clusterfuck so thankfully my overthinking allows for me to adapt and overcome. So we will see how this plays out and where I land.

Watched wonder woman so there will be a review of that coming seperately.

Time to hold on to the good conversation, the memories and being shown the "true colors" of reality.


Have a good one and plenty of muthafuckas to drink.

Oh wait, I think I got the muthafuckas covered daily so get your own drink!  lol

Poetic Moment: Closed Captioning

Closed Captioning

Each stripe

A reminder

That the iceberg

Must never die

Memories

Are the only tangible things

That choose to reside

As I watch the empty containers

Along with the cargo ship

Fade beneath the waves

The message flashes brightly

My Batman symbol

Lighting up the universal sky

Clearly I see

As I watch it all burn

Standing in the flames

Remembering when the phoenix was born

Laughing

Those days are gone

Entrance

Cold and chaos

From the chocolatezeus collection   6/7/17  ©

Poetry: As the Plot Thickens

I eagerly await
each and every communication
that you make

words that illict
smiles and grins
as our correspondence
brings

laughter
attention
connection
horny ramifications

The bliss of communication
the treasure chest of relating
on a scale that is
beyond relevant

each anticipatory moment passes
as I look through time's hourglass
happily waiting for

that next
further plot
of a journey down the yellow brick road

to a point where
we both want to be

the plot and joy

Thickens
in thickness and delight



from the chocolatezeus collection  6/5/17  (c)

Life Unscripted: A Practical Man

Taken from the title of a book called Boba Fett: A Practical Man.

Talked, laughed, dealt with things and laid things to rest.

There are times when you truly realized you are alone amongst the crowd and those people that you might know. You take your bearing, nod and move forward.

little one is a tad bit better but still got to deal with things going on and all the repercussions.

Ru might be working or might be traveling to party. You never know with my fellow Road Warrior.

Tigger is her usual grump ass self.

red is doing exactly what she does.

As for me. I reached a nexus between the multiverses.

Started some great conversations with ssc which have been informative, funny and interesting. A good getting to know each other period.  And it is always fun to laugh at things and talk.

Hell, I even had an in depth conversation with kat yesterday. Hell, I don't think we had anything that in depth since way back in the swinging in MD days. But I did have to get on her ass about the excuses she came up with about not being involved in the lifestyle and all. Another female that I have known with a totally fucked up past and experiences.

Checked out pop tart since she is working at Brooklyn cigars now. At least she can let them medium size titties hang out there versus the shop I go to.  Looks like she still got a bunch of shit going on in her life with her damn neighbors son and all as usual. Unless she is going to show me pussy and titties then I am not interested in hearing it.

Hmm, that made me think about when I use to get my needed titty, nipple and pussy pics from the ones I am with.

Sitting in Davis and Son tobacconist one day and I realized we had the widowed section going on between rich, the new nj guy and myself. We all had wives die. The new nj guy wife just died this year after moving down the end of last year.

I can say that I have truly seen the differences in life, people and dealing with them over these years. And it took me a while to understand fully how important my process of dealing with people had to be tweaked and fortified.  But it truly has evolved into a better bear trap it seems thankfully.

I am thankful for the eye opening. The new adventure. The laughter. The closeness, intimacy and support I was able to provide. And most importantly the application of the things that needed to be. All those things helped and made for an interesting week.

And I saw how the same monkey is linked to every single female and trying to fuck them and claim being a dom while being sneaky about it. And some of the females are alright with this because it is attention basically. But that shows his and their level of application to D/s as well as relations.  I just had to fucking laugh again. Especially when koffeecake said that he is always in her face if he sees her at an event and how creepy he is and wonders about his wife.

All I can do is be me and fully me. So if you are ready and able to handle non cotton candy type of thoughts, feelings and living then you know where to head to for a taste of reality!

Have a great day and enjoy next week.

What is a Submissive to Me?

It is a common question and one that is asked a number of times.

For me it is someone that chooses to come under service, direction and leadership of another person. She can be the ruler of half the planet, a ceo or professor with 4 noebel prizes.  When all of that is said and done she is the charge of her Dominant.

This is not something that is coerced or forced upon them. I personally question the use of the word submission when they want to be forced into doing it basically. This is supposed to be of free will and action.

It can be a hard or impossible ability for people. Because it requires trust, commitment and no longer only getting your way. An alignment of wills that basically females have been taught against doing in life from their conception.

Nor is submission something easy or immediate for most. It takes time, effort, commitment and growth.

It has taken my little one over a year to become mostly aligned because of life and the things that she was use to and how she is and all.  It took understanding and seeing the goals that were set along with the goals that were achieved. And of course there is still a lot of work to do on the journey.  But with effort, commitment and attentiveness we will keep right on moving.

Oh yeah, there have been the pitfalls. The fraudulent submissive, the topping from the bottom submissive as well as the burger king submissive (have it my way.)  They have shown that I have to be vigilant against things like them trying to manipulate you to get their way or do things some other so called doms way and everything else.

So being a submissive to me is many things. Most are not the suck, fuck and play kind (even though I love those.)  There are things like organizing files. Taking dictation and a lot of dicktation as well.  Doing research for me. Trip planning and shopping. There are so many things that happen and will be in the submissive's domain of service.  But most importantly is honor, duty, integrity to this house, our dynamic.


So there is my little answer for those that haven't asked me yet out of those that have. Or those that have and just want to verify.