Journey: Hell's Angels

Darkness falls upon the twilight of this life
Given up upon that search for a wife
Tired in the constant brutal fights

Seeing red with passionate anger
Ignoring the pains and danger
All to make it work you see
To simply fulfill my dream

I had thought I had everything
But I didn't have myself
The thing that made everything

Here on my astral plane
I look at what
I have wanted
I have had
The virtual grab bag

See I never opened up fully
Knew that no one could handle or understand me
Showed them the complete me
The one they could handle things
Yet it was too late for them to open their eyes and see

Captain of this ship
Shaking my head at this
Illiad and Odyssey trip

See I have faced:
The evil twins
The Minotaurs horns
The two episodes with the dark beasts from the sea

Bringing me adventures and plenty of things to think
Catalyst at time to drive you to drink

It brought the necessary changes in me
Solidified strength in me
Idle tolerance ceased
Acceptance of less than required ceased
Bloody, brutal, vindictive actions proceed
Now there is simple
This true journey

My peace

from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 7/6/06

Elusive Apprhension of the RAW

Thats right we search dilligently, sometimes crazily
For that RAW

Real
Ass
Woman

Sought after like the lochness monster
Berift of fairytale pondering
Searching for the one and only
Sifting through the pseudo and phoney

Yeah I found my match
That chick with class
Damn I guess I will pass
Because she is just another one that showed her ass

Different looks
Different backgrounds
Different lives
Going to the same results
What the fuck

The words LOVE
Used strategically
Something to weild against me

The journy continues
Still in need of that RAW on my personal menu
A loving, married venue
Pulsing throughout my every sinew

Still serching for that RAW
That elusive midnight star
Transcending my life by far
Mirroring my life as the top star

I know it is hit and miss
Reaching for this one time gift
Sift after sift
Rifling through the bullshit
Finding the pure evidence
That this chick, that chick was never Heaven sent.

My journey remains most RAW
Search and Rescue the only worthwile part
For is it our lives we must save
Stave the negative waves

My RAW is worth wait
But damn just hurry up for Christ's sake


from the chocolatezeus collection 6/19/06 (c)

Proud of My Baby!!!

Hell yeah my baby gurl done did it and did it well.
My god daughter Daijah is who I am talking about.
She reppin me in kindergarten well in E.C.
A honor roll
an oratory genius
Called to speak as kindergarten rep
is head of the dance team
reads on a 2nd grade level
is in every extra curricular activity there is
hell yeah thats my baby.
Taught her well. Not only to defend herself well but to read and eat and play hard too.

Proud of my baby girl. Even if her family is ghetto as hell. LOL

My heart and Joy
DAIJAH

Fathers Day...Mine

Caught Amongst Father's Day

Here upon a day filled with so much and so little
Gazing upon those around me far and near
Those close to me personally and those passing by

Wrought within myself at
Loss
Despair
Disbelief
Shock

For I am not yet that father
Nor do I consider myself to have one myself
Betrayal ripping that from my very chest
For all he is nothing more than a hypocritical lie to me
Fiction, Fantasy...Christian disbelief

My father
Crying over things he did, not me
Looking to teach me when he was no more than the lies that I see
Married to my mother and cheating vehemetly
But yet still trying to teach me
Lead others to the Lord
No sir, not the father to be

Me, a Father
Taken away from me repeatedly
Babies loss from the love that I wished to give
Stripped from the future I sought to give
The last one the hardest
Knowing that if he had lived that she would have killed him
Those words took away my heart
The idea that she would kill my fatherhood from a start
All because of the issues that we had fighting each other from being apart

But God had HIS plan
And I don't sit here and claim to understand
Because I can't say that I do, Most of the time I really don't want to

All I know is I miss my baby
No child of my own
No yells of "Daddy" coming home

So with tears I close my eyes
Stifle the internal and external cries
Knowing the hurt, pain and love that is felt inside
Giving up to this emotional ride
Never once did I thought life would bring me this ride

As my babygirl wishes me Happy Fathers day
It is a joy I relish
For it is true heart of the one lil girl I have cherished
Not blood of my own, yet still my lil girl grown
The lil life that I influenced and loved all of my own

With the swirling thoughts and feelings
I take in this day
Reflected upon my life's stage
Blessing each and every father that has been a father this day

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Anchored In My Life

This is dedicated to the one person that came out the blue and became God's blessing to me. All I can say is THANK YOU!

Within these buffeted winds
Storms rage
Destruction cascades
But I am secure
Anchored to an unmoving shore

You
My anchor

Heartfelt and pure
Looking past the folk lore
To merely see the man that adores
An always opens up doors
With you radiating along every floor

You
My anchor

When all else fails
You always prevail
Ready to set sail with me
Not afrad of the adventure we seek

You
My anchor

The lifeline of my heartbeat
Comforting me while I sleep
Producing my ecstasy
Completely giving of me

You
My anchor

With you I drit aimlessly
Back and forth
Yielding the destruction you see
Not what it should be
NO longer am I the storm that people see

Thankfully
You anchor me


from the chocolatezeus collection 6/10/06 (c)

From the Depths of Within

Your Fear

Lost within your nagging thoughts
Against this stone wall you brought
A bitter fight never ends
True love the catalyst

Unconditional love the culprit
Compassionate fear against it
Anger, rememberence bring interferrence
Blocking our blessings
Rekindled stresses

Fear of a past
Fear of taking off that angry mask
The Ultimate fear of what is meant
Fear of a union Heaven sent

Now the dark fears have been viewed
Proven to be things that were operationally skewed
Light shed upon it all
Showing reality's tough wall

Release that tight fearful grip
Give life the time to represent
Allow fear to be contained
Opening yourself to life's domain

Fear is but an obstacle
Conquer it
Tame it
Give yourself true credence

Ust it as it was intended
Far from moving through life
Making us think
Live our lives

Tame that fearful ride
Those fearful cries

Rejoice inside

Without fear
You don't need to hide


from the chocolatezeus collection 6/6/06 (c)

Something more from the Mind

Momento's of the Heart and Soul

Despair
Dissapointment
Loneliness
Beating my soul like a bass drum

The cadence deafening
Causing internal insanity
My mind trapped underneath this mountain
Held down by sheer weight of will
Excruciating thoughts

Here
In this moment
Caught
Unreleased


Me this caged
Trapped
Carnal beast

Seeking
Searching
Physical and etheral release

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/22/06 (c)

Silent Regret

Instilled rage
Waves of ocean sized emotion
Everything welled up inside of me
Haunted and taunted
I sometimes just wish it would end

But this silent torture is what makes me a MAN
For so long I denied its existence
Fought each inch of it tooth and nail
Never gaining ground
Never overcoming it at all

Hurricane winds buffeting my soul
Bring me to my knees
Buckling every corner of my soul

A laundry list of past discressions
Things a time machine would fix and reckon
But that is not going to happen
I am here in this void
Vortex of mind and matter
Caught by the things in my life
That TRULY matter

So I yield to my soul
Speaking from and to my heart
Giving way to repentence
The need to grasp the things that I missed in my past start

It is not a whine or anger
Just the bleeding
Piercing of my heart
For it misses what was
Gives in to what should have been

Yielding to a future that will be
Still licking wounds from the regret that life did breathe
The actions mine own
Though I am grown
I couldn't avoid the faults of my own at that time

So I sip my comfort gently
Caressing the wounds that I still keep
Understanding the reasons and regret
Wishing to change past history


from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 5/22/06

Nonchalant Shit

I have sat back to witness and experience this precious attitude among women especially. This I don't give a fuck persona that is ready to be thrown out there for the masses and to protect themselves.

I have that same attitude. And it is shown without measure or quarter given. But that is for the masses, the people that have no meaning. For me that attitude is reserved for the non personal individuals.

Yet, I have learned that I am the only that sees it that way. For I have come into contact directly with the attitude, talk, and more. For it is the most sinister and can be devastating action that can be done against someone that cares. That is why it is put to use. To inflict as much pain as possible.

Crazy thing is I have learned to look past that. Love past that. I dont' be stupid and think that they don't feel some kind of way about me and the reasoning behind their choice to do that. And I am not dumb enough to think that everything is alright. But someone has to be the bigger person and just deal with it.

So when I listen to the what I did, who I did, what is thought of me and what I think. I listen to what is really behind those words and reactions. The pain, the hurt, the experiences. That is my focus not the attack against me. I know that is used to provoke me and to get their anger and feelings out there for satisfaction and vindication.

See, regardless I am fallable man. I am the man that loves and cares even when he is called all kinds of shit and talked about and whatever. I have no choice but to be stronger than that and not let it all destroy me. For regardless through the nonchalant shit and everything else the love remains in my heart.

So call me what you want.
Tell me how much you hate me and dislike me
Give me all the negative nasty comments you can
It still won't change I love you
Me...this man
The one you can't stand

From the Big Evil Collection (c) 5/17/06

Say Hello To The Bad Guy....ME!!

Attitudes
Disgust
Retribution
Sarcastic mess

All tailor made for me
All the things that may or not be seen

My reputation
Legendary associations
All me yet not the real me

See knowing me is a blessing
One that I guard with everything
For I let you in at a price
The price of life

On the outside whatever is seen
I am the whore
The pimp
The asshole bastard that you want me to be

Truthfully I am just me
And that can only be seen if you truly know me
Then again there is still a gap there.
For those close even have a question or two about me in there

So when I am talked about
Brought up
Or things concerning me


I am that bad guy
That nigga
That issue that you seek

Who dat?
The Bad Guy...Me

I'll bee that man in your own mind you see
As for me I stick with who I am
Not playing a song and dance


from the Big Evil collection (c) 5/17/06

Going, Going, Gone

Disgusted
Tired of the disrespect
Caught in the wake of all that was

I look towards my comfort
My pride and joy
Reminded that is no longer the case
Memories no longer are erased

A simple smile to make things feel better
On the surface it is seen
While beneath it is merely a costless gesture

For strength is what I must expose
A moment of weakness will leave me at the mercy
Vulnerability that I cannot allow
For the sharks have circled
Smelling my blood
Seeking for a single wound to expose and use

My wounds already grevious
Yet i cannot wince or grimace
Stand there with internal bleeding
Knowing that all is never what is seen

Adjusting my wedding ring
Revelling in it's strength
The cool protection that it brings to me
Promises, desires and future all there for me

No matter what I do it all for me and mine
Give up all of myself for that simple love
Love of you
Love of my seed
Love of what we have done and seen

Gladly I lay my life down here for you
Without a second thought
A second care
Only continued love and existence is my dare

To the last beat of my heart
I am there
With my last breath
I give you my last ounce of loving care

For I know
You are no longer there
I am gone from being anywhere

Simply Me

I looked at my life recently and became entangled in it's own web.

Chocolatezeus the man that I am.

Loving stupidly. Opening up heart and soul to have someone in my life to give my life to. It is what has been taught to me. To be that supportive man and lovingly.

Saw as the sum of my mistakes. Yeah I am not perfect. *LOL* But who is? I leap, jump and sometimes blindly into things because of whatever reason. Much less now than I did previously and very rarely.

Caught in heartless endings. Slapped in the face with things that I did or did not do. Leaving me not to be bother to argue the point. I watch as the heat, passion of love turns to cold, hard quicksand. Yet I am always in the wrong. No, I agreed to that mess when I was spineless. Never will happen again.

Recently seeing where it all began. How even in the 6th grade I touch lives and began. How I was the "just a friend man." The girls ear, is what I was. Hell basically it is what I remain also. I am that man that is easy to talk to and discuss just about everything.

The same blessing of friendships and relationships having meaning and importance to me led to a curse. The women that talk to me and we interact I allowed to get in the way. Even when I made my woman my queen it was never seen. Though she sat up on her pedestal tall, she elected to not see it and think I was at fault. Women do love me and seek me for advice and comfort. But know that MY WOMAN comes first no matter what.

I ride quietly alone in life. Not because I have to or have no one to spend time with or hang out, but because it is easier that way. I sought only one companion. One permanent and true. One that could accept me for me and love me to death too. I found some things in my search. Things that I have to say have worked and even may have worked. Found my soulmate a couple of times. I guess it wasn't in the cards to work. Love them anyway anyhow.

A lover of children. My heart is my god daughter. Knowing that to me I have been there from the very start. My child basically. Replacement for what I would truly want but can't have. My own. Ready to play and be a big kid at heart.

I am simply yet quite complex. Yeah that can be confusing I see.
All you need is:

• Make love to me
• Love me completely
• Accept me for me
• Get to know and understand me

I don't have to be out partying all the time. You will honestly find that I enjoy quiet time, cheese and a fine wine. I am the one you will enjoy spending time with at home or even when you are out and I am all alone. Just dont' think that you can neglect me and keep things right. My attitude won't allow that to be right.

So here we stand a small entrance to this brief man.

The one they call Chocolatezeus and more.

Ask whatever question you want.

You have the floor

Deserving What?

Walk with me for a little bit. In relationship we pick and choose. Learning, makign mistakes is just something that we must do.

When you look at the pros and cons be real wtih yourself and who you are dealing with. Stop the bullshit and references. Either you love or you don't. You are willing to make ti work or you won't.

Leave the controlling, everythign has to be my way at the door you came in from into the relationship. Give into the love and desire you feel for that person instead. They are human: meaning they make mistakes and learn and have free will. Don't let your ego and other looney ass chicks and niggas take your stilo.

So with this being said. Realize what deserving means to you.

Deserving

Here we stand
No longer hand in hand
Estranged unlike anything we ever expected
Our love
Our relationship
We thought kept well protected

What we sought
What we want
Came together as one
To make our future together bright
So what night was it you changed your mind?

When were we no longer deserving of what our hearts found?
Was there more than one pivotal moment?
Our love is supposed to endure
We promised ourselves to live our lives together
Yet now there is merely attitude and whatever

Don't we deserve the best?
Can't we make it through the tests?

Or is it that we deserve something else?
Something that was never told or dealt

You for me
Me for you
That was all I wanted to see
For our love and life had all the deserving I wanted or need

Lifes tough lessons are trying indeed
But that is to merely strengthen our loving seed
It is to make us come together as one
Instead we run
Hide because of our selfish pride

With all that I am done
I deserve better than some weak ass MEDIUM
I hold my head proudly
For I am who I am
Flawed
Broke
Hurt

But I bring with me a willingness, passion to do and achieve
The need and ability to lovingly breathe
Life into whatever I seek

Words ring off lips in reference to me
What they think, thought and thought they could see
Truth or not, I won't remain in the rut they want to place me
Breaking out into a life laden with more

Deserving you say
Deserving is for those that make a true passionate choice and stay

from the chocolatezeus collection (c) 5/17/06