Being a Black Man: The Enemy is Me

These days the attention has been focused and brought up because of social media and most everyone having a cell phone now about black men being  persecuted, shot and killed by cops, people and everything.

It is not that things have gotten worse. It is that it never stopped and is being done publicly now more. So, this outrage will burn bright for a moment and go cold once attention has been drawn somewhere else.

Being a Black Man.

Everyday. Every moment. May be my last for no other reason other than that I am a Black Man. Not because I am a criminal or even living a dangerous life. Just because I am a Black Man.

• In my suit and tie on the elevator and the lady clutches her purse when she gets on.
• At a traffic stop and the law enforcement run my plates and licenase. Then see that I am a registered gun owner with Lawshield.
• A child that want to feel like someone so has to do a gang initiation and I am the victim.
• I am the Black Man living in the house on the corner in your white neighborhood.

There are so many variations of this that it is just ridiculous.

But this is not just a black and white thing. Or just a race thing. Because black against Black Men is a daily activity as well. 

• According to their alleged criteria you are not black enough for them.
• Hanging around, having friends and associations with white people makes you an uncle tom.
• Living outside of the hood and urban cities

But wait there's more..

We have the female aspect in all of this to deal with as well. What is that you ask?

• they are not getting their way so they fabricate a charge against you of rape, etc.
• Using your children as weapons and pawns against you.
• Attacking physically and verbally then playing the helpless female card.

So I better watch them crazy females too. Otherwise they will have me locked up or dead.

And the list goes on.

So it is not only a fear of Me being the Black Man. It is a fear of...

• Intelligence
• Individualized thinking and action
• Life experience
• Interests

Fear is there because anything can happen to a Black Man. The only solution is to continue living as a Black Man for yourself and in your own way regardless. Be vigilant and prepared But continue on your journey in life is the only solution.

Poetry Moment: Caveman Deliverance

Caveman Deliverance

I exist

come in contact with me

the experience will

be unique

challenging

provoking

My being is not what you are use to

non predictive experience

unique

I am love

I am apathy

caring with unrelenting passion

even when it is not your way

or in your ability to understand yet

assassin

protector

advocate

speaking and acting in ways

that are uniquely only me

so come

let me make you

think

feel

explore

and live

walk with me

on the wild or mild side

open your heart, soul and mind

attacks against

your comfortzone

societal norms

Have you been

will you be

touched and delivered

Caveman style

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: To Baby Momma

To Baby Momma

seems like so long ago

those words came

I am pregnant

that moment filled me

pride and joy erupted

thoughts of a future unfolded

our love

a miracle created

for both of us

in dark days and nights

love fertilized

a beating heart

that united us forever

thoughts flooded

boy or girl

no matter love would be

unreserved

love flourished

further

Impatiently waiting

ready to see our love

in your arms for the first time

my cold melted heart

fully raw

linked

etched in history

then

the result

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: Mother's Day Reality

Mother’s Day Reality

it hits hard when they are gone

when those that held the title

are no longer available

from the beginning

all I knew was Big Ma

matriarch and patriarch

of the clan

held it down

held it together

for what seems like forever

never realized till she was gone

just how intregal she was

collards and dumplings

smoldering hot ass house

listening to her drop knowledge

respected

loved and beloved

then there was the other half of

Team Titan

My Chocolate Doll

Been mother without having her own child

years and years of taking care of

her womb donor, sister, neice and more

Ther perfect compliment

to my extremist

as we looked forward to

making a part of us

to live beyond us

to love to death

many talks and discussions

of how we would raise our own

making sure that they are better than

we ever would been

both of our dreams

of making a family

blazed so fiercely it burned the ether

perfecctly, imperfectly positioned

then fate intervened

like a brazen theif stole our dream

the day the doctor told us

we could do what we need to get pregnant

but it would be rough

and I high chance that

we would have to chose between

My love and our child in the end

disbelief

ripped into atoms

a pain that lasts forever

tears that still sometimes come

our only argument

get pregnant and save the baby

let the woman I loved with my being go

No!!

fuck fate

fuck destiny

they took from me

marked permanently

mother’s day will never be

what it should have been

lost in molten tears

and a hole in my soul

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Life Unscripted, Travel During this Imprisonment

The Caveman has been a few places since this all has started. I am in atl now and was just in houston again the other week. I love travel. But the joy has really come out of traveling after 9/11 and now this corona shit. So many restrictions and dampeners put on everything instead of fixing the problems.

Dfw airport must have gotten a discount on moving walkways because they stick them like 3 or 4 in a row trying to get to different parts of and different terminals. I literally got tired of them. Enough that you are walking 6 miles but damn. I was really tempted to unplug one of the many carts that I passed that were recharging and drive instead.

There is no food or beverage service on flights under 5 hours. So basically no flights in conus have service. And you can't get drinks through security so they are making sure to shaft you right there. The good thing about this has been that there isn't any overbooking, crowding or need to upgrade seats since everything has to be spread out.

Spent time with and served by sunshine. Had a good time together. It is always good to be able to be yourself without others or someone having a bunch of issues. But it was definitely a different houston with the whole imprison yourself at home situation. But cigar smoking, chilling and great energy was the move.

This also got me a chance to spend time with my Ru on her birthday. She wanted me to cook for her like always so I ended up cooking on the grill. The steaks came out great after a fight with the charcoal lighting (it has been a long time lol.) So she ended up having me do steaks, shrimp, lobster, corn and something else on the grill. Even though everyone that was invited, including her cousin who I have had a lust crush on for years now couldn't come. The Life Unscripted members and jason were there on her birthday. So many adventures together with my Ru lol.

Trips to greensboro and here to atl to see the girls, work and get stuff done. This has taken a toll on them since they need to get outside and do their people thing.

Oh and american airlines first never put my bag on the plane leaving houston. Then couldn't find it. So when I got it back three days after I arrived back it was delivered. And there was a big hole in one of the corners where the 360 wheel use to be. lol

The weather is still schizo. Cold one minute and hot the next. And everything is still up in the air with events trying to be rescheduled.

Interesting times indeed.

Poetic Moment: Before it Gets There

Before it Gets There

when love turns sour

I love you turns to who are you

when memories are all that you have left

when connection has already faded to black

wondering why you were fighting for nothing

what is it good for?

Absolutely nothing

from the chocolatezeus collection 4/14/20 (c)

SPLF, Corona Shit and US Imprisonment

It has been a while as I bankhead bounce to Big Boi's "Kill Jill."  I have to say a profound thank you to the DJs that have been rocking it since the US imprisonment started. Mostly been jamming to a lot of San Antonio DJs like my fellow brat Dj J Millie. Much respect!

SPLF

South Plains Leatherfest wasn't the same because of the international travel ban and then the government hyping up the hysteria about corona. But as real troopers we went on and missed those that couldn't come or chose not to.

I didn't attend as many classes this time opting to do some non classroom education. And it went hard in the smoking section indeed. Leather history, talking to title holders, presenters and everything.

There was a light bulb go off moment for me as well. As I realized that I was being asked about and talking about CTX to people. How the hell did I get here? I am not a founding member. I am security. But as the girls and sunshine have said I am recognized now because of what I do there. I am the Dark Lord that remains in the darkness until it's time for Order 66 dammit!  So this is a new ride for me. So yes, I acknowledge that the girls and sunshine were correct. (there you go)

One of the most memorable parts was a classed called SHELF LIFE a conceptual, theoretical discussion by Master Skip and slave Rick. This wasn't a class but a discussion about the shelf life or term of relationships and dynamics in D/s and M/s.  I don't know what drew me to attend things but I was glad that I did.

Shelf life made me think about what I consider failures in relationships and dynamics. Because to me I chose them to be a permanent part in existing. I had to come to terms with the fact that they had a choice and that things just had a shelf life with them. It was hard with red but I realized that after she made her choice. But it truly did not come full circle until I sat in that classroom discussing this topic.  Because the term life of a relationship did not denote failure or it not being successful. I had to fully embrace and understand that finally.


corona

So this mess was created at unc chapel hill by the us government and people at that school as a chinese scientist was there observing. Combining samples of sars, ebola, h1n1 and others together from ft dietrich they came up with a new biological weapon..

This was then taken by the scientist (same one that died after announcing it was loose) to wuhan china to be worked on

And apparently they have had this thing loose since somewhere around august or so without saying anything.

Now we have the government here deciding to vote on removing constitutional rights, making sure that panic is in full effect and effectively created martial law.  So quarantined and in the house and told to stay there as the government gives themselves a 45k raise this weekend.


Now I am just going to jam to DJ Dark Knight and get my chair dancing going some more. Be safe and there will be more to come...

Poetry Moment: Destiny Unknown

Destiny Unknown

time has passed

intrigue has become more than

juicy lips

thick, sexiness

nice tits and ass

lightning connect

time revealed things

that ended up being

most evident

the laughter shared

the carnal desires greeted

as bonds grew through

classics, cartoon and kung fu history

billowing smoke lifts

vision of succulent lips

fill the air with each plume

as we etch unforgettable moments

into the flames of connectivity

leaving our mark

upon eternity

parted lips

lust that tasted so decadent

melted carnal elegance

leaving scorched ether

evident

from there to here

every bet would have been lost

no road map drawn

just a demilitarized zone

know that we have breached the

unknown

there is only

adventure

experiences

unrestricted possibilities

to submerge into

now we are

in our own zone

from the chocolatezeus collection 3/2/20 (c)

Uber Bedürfnisse and Alles

It has been a hectic one as this year flies by already. Feel like I am on the shinkensan and increasing. About to have a flashpoint paradox shortly.

Through much analysis and thought processing some things have been handled, prepared for and still on the drawing board. Each hour, day and week there are a number of things to deal with. Work, Ru, girls, my people and everything have taken it's toll. And especially the medical stuff that I have been dealing with.

The anniversary of Big Ma dying passed last week and still reeling from Bruce from the cigar shop dying unexpectantly.

But this time last weekend I was still on R&R. And I enjoyed it fully. The young lady served and was of service plus we had a great time. Cigars, museums, eating and just clowning. Exactly what the Mad, Evil Doctor ordered. So I am much appreciative of her, our adventures and company.  she made Houston a great time!

Hung out with my Ru while I was in Htown as well. We had time to chill, talk, handle some business and be our usual Life Unscripted selves.

Well...

Guilty Pleasures

and

ACC Women's basketball tournament on deck

then

South Plains Leatherfest will be going down in Dallas. Ready to enjoy, learn and experience again. I hope I see that tall pretty Domme from Croatia again.

Poetry: I Am your Enemy Within

I Am Your Enemy Within

since the beginning

I have been the villian

males upset because I hang with the females they want

females thinking I am fucking eeryone beccause of

the females I am around

the jealousy seems to reign supreme

for no reason

year after year

the cyclical nature is retained

their criminal jealousy in flame

what are you afraid of?

Why do you fear my interactions?

Is it because you have no control?

Or that you have no communication of your own?

See

I am not chasing anyone

not trying to create a stable of my own

merelly doing me

females choose my counsel and company

something with you must be wrong

so I will just continue to laugh

as you make ignorant commands

grip tight on things and people you never had

all because of your self inadequacy

no worries

nothing will change

I will continue to be

Man of my own

as you label me

your antagonist in your journey

caught in a battle that is all your own

from the chocolatezeus collection 2/17/20 (c)

Poetry Moment: The Connect

The Connect

Aaron Hall reminding me

thinking of Me and you

How I want to give it to you real nasty

be my baby

light my day sunshine

Thoughts of those lips

deep passionate kisses

their warmth wrapped around me

give me that delight

from the first moments

when my eyes were open wide

touched by your eye candy delights

I just wanted to get to know you

let me show you what you been feeling and thinking

just open up for me

let us both delve nice and deep

into each others tumultous seas

from that beginning

never would have thought where it would lead

you know what I want

you know what I need

give it to me

we already entered into each other’s

mentality

looks that turned into intrigue

discussions that wet neurons

carnal desires released

all I asked you to do

was just be

be yourself

be as freaky as you want to be

release and be free

building block upon block

connect from the beginning

now intesified in strength

I am about that connect

the connecction that sparked from the beginning

the sparks now that burn like solar flares

let us burn eternity

you and me

connected

the way the connect always should be

the connection

the only important thing

from the chocolatezeus collection 2/12/20 (c)

To Just Be aka When I Am in the Mood relations

I have heard, witnessed and discussed a phrase that I females have been using for a number of years with it comes to relationships and trying to be involved with them.  That phrase is...

Let's just be and let things happen naturally. (or similar phrases with the same effect)

Honestly this seems like some passive attempt to be standoffish but still get what they want on the intermittent schedule that they want.

What is the point of this? Is this situational relationship lite or something?

I see it as this defense system employed to give a buffer so they can feel protected but like they are committed to something they don't have to really be a part of and is disposable.

People get hurt in this thing called life through relationships, dating and much more. And the maturity just doesn't reach part of the population to learn from what happened, apply realizations and still be productively involved with others.

There have been encounters in the past where the female says this and yet still claims we are in a relationship. But communication, attention and involvement are fleeting or nonexistence. And they are happy with this.

Through my experience I have come to understand this choice more and take it as it is. Just someone that wants the facsimile of a relation based on when, where and how they feel like being bothered. So three years ago when the light bulb went off I took it all in stride and applied the fix. I gave them what they wanted. Something that resembled a relation based on their interest after I asked if they were going to work on the relationship.  Giving them what they want doesn't seem to go over well. It seems to bring out the petty, vindictive, femme nazi side of them since you decide to facilitate the type of relation that they want.

It is perfectly acceptable to not want a or be in any form of relation or relationship. By all means I applaud those that understand, know and actively just do not get involved in anything relation wise. Like they use to say, just don't fake the funk!

Be honest
Be direct
With yourself and everyone else

Go ahead and just

Be

Submission: It is Not a tug of war

In this day and age of different ways, ideals and all there are some things that just remain the same..

Submission is one of those things.

Submission is the act of yielding to an authority. It is a choice to be made and done.


But, in my experiences I have been part of and witnessed things like:

• You have to make me submit to You
• if You do like this guy does then i will submit

In these examples and others it is not about submission. It is about control or lack there of. And that is fine. If you want control then be in control. Do not act like you want submission as you constantly doing anything and everything you can to be in and maintain control.

This is such an important part of things in bdsm and life. This need to have a tug of war because of fear, vanity and whatever else is just not necessary 

Either submit or do not submit!  It is just that simple.