Here in this Emotional Time Fold

Today at 10 am marks 10 years to the moment I got married. Combined with still being deeply shocked about being gifted leather I am here in emotional as well as spiritual state.

In here lies the Caveman aspects of the otherside of Darkness.

So, here is a slight intro into the side that most do not see.

Memories of Marriage, Life and Living

I love, loved and miss my wife. So being the Evil Caveman that I am it throws people off. That the same guy that is mean and evil can be the emotional and loving person to someone outstanding. I am the anti catharsis to the norms of life.

Today like every day I celebrate my wife and all that has come because of her. It is the reason why I was open to being involved with any female again. And why I can have a successful dynamic with my two and my girlfriend now. My marriage laid a foundation for me to be more adaptable, balanced and able to do things. Well that and I promised her some things as well. lol

So, on this day on the beach at Couples Swept Away in Negril, Jamaica two Titans stood towering together to join in an alliance that would destroy time itself. Eternity and Finality were joined in the holiest of matrimonies. Just us two. No one else as the ladies on the beach that didn't know us cried at how beautiful she looked and how our ceremony glowed.

Tears well, my heart burns, my eyes are cloudy with visions as the memories flood me.

The Beginning of my Leather journey

I had no clue about being gifted my leather this past weekend. My submisive knew and pebbles along with those that saw something in me to bring this about.

For clarification purposes I will tell you this. I don't know anything about leather. I have observed those in leather and been interested but hadn't made my moves yet. So when Sir asked me "why aren't you leather yet?"  I responded with because I am not sure what that is or means. He responded with you are already living it.  It all made me think and wonder more.

So as I stood up there in my kilt and my hello bitches shirt along with a fear the reaper hat. (yes, that was the ensemble for this momentous occassion) And there is video of this as well. lol I stood there shocked and stunned. My mind analyzing as well just being overwhelmingly honored for those that decided this.

So I am still processing but I am happy and proud of all of this.

Shock, Honor, and more Life Unscripted

Whew...

It has been a ride these last few weeks. Everything seems to be going on lately. Parental unit stuff. Life stuff and so much more. 

The Bahamas was relaxing as well as interesting. Laughed a lot. Watched folk drink and dance until we cracked up laughing even now. We definitely had a memorable time. The Bahamian people were friendly and accommodating.

We flew back on silver airlines from freeport on a tiny little Saab aircraft. I hadn't been on one of those before so it was interesting. Hell, the little freeport airport was interesting lol. But leaving fort lauderdale we ended up having engine issues and had to switch planes. And I was glad, especially after smelling the jp4 all of a sudden in the cabin. So got back later than expected. Almost got hit by a car as I was being pushed in a wheelchair between terminals.  So, the craziness was definitely there. 

Spanksgiving was another great success. More newbies and people attended along with the core people. We had great fellowship, education and some dynamic plays along with demos. Knowledge was dropped all day and night. 

The first ever flogging circle was life. It was an unforgettable experience. It was some serious work though dammit. Beating ass in a circle military style is phenomenal. 

The thing that got me this weekend was being gifted leather. As babycakes said this was the first time that i was speechless. I stood up there in awe. Honored and lost in the moment. To think that people got together and decided this was completely stunning. 

So now after all this there still is so much shock and reflection. 

Another chapter in Life Unscripted adventures. 

Poetry of Me: Instilled Venom

Instilled Venom

A Caveman deep in this world

Full of destroyed cerebellums

Congenital thought failures

I am the anti-everything

The constant in a nuclear storm

Smoke billowing from my heart

Aftermath of being myself

Within this blender of human entrapment

As I remain the yin yang of love and apathy

They still want my conformity

That need to think and act like them

I am an alien to their caustic banality

The devil to their versions of

Love

Living

Symbiotic relation of the opposite sides of the spectrum

I hold them together

With chaos, rage

And venom

Stalwart positioning

In this unforgettable

Eternity

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/6/18  ©

Poetry of Reality: The Art of Compartmentalization

The Art of Compartmentalization

The quiet solitude

Confinement within a crowd

Through Hubble lenses

I see the rose colored glass

Clearly now

When your word and actions

Remind me of the meaning of distance

Akin to a bridge too far

As you ask me

How can it be so easy?

To turn the switch from on to off

My retort

Just ask yourself

Turn that introspection on self

To see why you are where you are

For it is for you

That each door and window are closed

The boundaries that you need ensue

The disconnect that is your que

And all the other things that you

Have chosen to want

The circles

Inner circle

Inner sanctum

The walls

You asked and shall receive

The compartment

That makes you comfortable

The place that you want

Compartmentalization

Mind

Body

And soul

Is it what you thought?

From the chocolatezeus collection  10/23/18  ©

Guns, Knives, Crime, Moonshine and an Anniversary

Last weekend and week were celebratory moments as well as the usual moments of reflection.  I haven't celebrated an anniversary outside of Chocolate Doll in a long time. But it has been 3 years since the bet with red about little one. And here we are.

From disdain to a 3 year later thing. Made for things to be very interesting indeed. Hell, between her and red is why things are more refined, strict and forbidden.

So, our trip to Sevierville aka Sevierville was definitely lively and full of adventure. (as all trips with me go lol)

The wilderness hotel or resort was definitely out to get you from the beginning to the end lol. Kids running up and down the hallways with the signs on the walls everywhere for them not to and their womb and sperm donors to control them.  The difference between their two buildings are night and day. lol A hard bed and not smoker friendly at all. But hey, we stayed on the go most of the time while we were there anyway.

Got our eat on. A local rib spot which wasn't bad. The bark was a little over cooked.  Was going to do paula deens but that was a 30 to 40 minute wait so no thank you. Hit Timberline and had a great bison burger with excellent baked beans. ( I got the baked beans recipe and the bison was cooked correct for medium.) The upscale dinner was not good at all at the bistro 109 though.

So, I blame my old biker buddy from the cigar shop for turning me on to Smokey mountain knife and gun works. if there had been more time I would have spent at least another hour in there. So many goodies. and things to enjoy. They had everything. I got me a new toy though.

Definitely getting more and if you need to get me something then there is one good place to shop. lol

Lastly hit the forbidden caverns. A beautiful subterranean trip to look at rock formations and where they use to make moonshine in the prohibition days. They even left a steal and the barrels there as warnings after the tax people busted them.

I took a bunch of pics at the Alcatraz East Crime museum. It was quite an adventure reading and looking at things from gangsters, assasins and serial killers.

I look forward to going back and having more of an adventure. hell I didn't even make it to the air museum lol

Poetry: Love No Limit

I see and hear your tormented words
each expressing
drowning in your experiences

your dried up
damaged
cringing heart
has left you

so crippled
callously self deficated
your love
antiquted irrelevance now

As I wade through
each assault of failed and unthinking
facades of past love
fraudulent attempts made

I remain
My love undaunted and unchanging

I give that love that is to infinity and beyond
Master P no limit tank style
unrequited and resounding in living sound

you remain
marveled and astonished
because I don't cowtow to your pretense
Because my love potency is not what you think it should be

like prickly thorns
your thoughts, actions and emotions
deceiving every part of your thinking and feeling
thinking that love is
all of your twisted, damaged unresolved issues

But I loved you anyway
saw everything in you that you won't
stood upon the ramparts
to show you love wasn't cold
not as col as you have chose

To infinity and beyond
my heart burns the ethos
even when disconnected from
those that can't hold their own with me

This heart burning brighter than ever
providing those outside with the coldest storm

I smile in remembernce
for the past meaning of me and you




from the chocoltezeus collection  10/13/18  (c)

Three Decades later...after the hate and disdain

Ok well it hasn't actually been 3 decades. But it seems like it at times lol

It is the anniversary of having little one.

Years later after only talking to her from a bet with red and hating her ass led to having a lasting dynamic somehow. lol

Looking back I see where I had to learn, adapt and implement new everything. Well between her and red. And also plenty of memorable adventures all over the place.

Hard to believe. But here we are.

Things in march will definitely get interesting indeed.


Tally hoo!!

Petitions and Petitioning

After a few years of experience and learning I realized that one of the things that slaves and submissives will have to do is petition the House of Havoc. A way to narrow down, evaluate as well as them showing interest and presenting themselves accordingly.


What is a petition when it comes to bdsm?

Well, in vanilla terms it can be seen a resume just like one would present to a perspective employer. In this case it includes career, skills, bdsm related things as well as D/s and M/s applications.


After reading this well thought out. Well referenced and in depth petition I realized how deeply moving and concerning it can be for the s type that is doing it for presentation.

I mean it is hard enough for females and women to come to terms with themselves at all. Let alone present benefits, flaws and all in a decision to be accepted or not. That elevates them well above the part time, want to be s types and vanillas.

My hat is definitely off to those that know, act and continue on their path as an s type and submit a petition.


*much respect*

Truth and Understanding through Displacement

It has been a minute since I posted with everything going on. Back to back to overflowing back. But let us dive into it shall we.

Was supposed to go to a 3 day swing party the past weekend. A reunion for the nc group I was active in back in the day. There was not going to be anyone there I was interested in or wanted to fuck but I felt I should go and spread my evil. lol Just wanted to go watch, drink, eat and be entertained. For whatever reason it was cancelled for oh well.

Between the swinging thing and everything that has been going on with people that I am close to and know. Just like with swinging things and my association with people have changed drastically. There were those that I was close to and could trust and now they are no longer there. Relations, relationships, love and caring have died or been removed from the equation.

I am always the one that is there or others or attempting to be there. Even when they think, feel or I am not there in the exact way that they want to tell me to be. I have  been told that I don't ask for help or support like I should and that is probably the case. The few times I do ask I try not to ask for much. But I have learned to stick to just me, myself and I.

Giving of myself has been revoked a whole lot in the last year. Pretty much it is dwindled down to one person long term, one person medium term and one new person. The pool use to be bigger but due to people's choices that was fixed. I have a big heart and will walk through hell within hell with those I let into my circles. But when you violate and choose to not be there then I will be on the opposite end of the curve.

There is a lot more of this stuff to say but enough of that...

In BDSM the look at growth has really been expounded. From the way that I vet, consider and choose potential submissives and slaves to the rules, protocols and unconditional things that are required to be in a dynamic or in that fact even a relation with me.  I learned thoroughly and heavily from my dealings with red and little one super especially. And it has made for a better iron clad, working life. Learned not to make the same mistakes or accept things like I did previously.

New toys on deck. And boy they make me happy. It has gotten to the point the old toy bag is very inadequate now. And especially when the latest piece is finished in time for next month. And I am looking forward to this flogging circle experience coming up. This will definitely be unique.


The parental unit and his daughter continue to be more pieces of work.

The battles and war continue. As there is no end in sight just yet. But tis what I have to do to get to the other side.

Next up is the anniversary. Then trip out of country for some relaxation. It is way overdue.

Time to unpack and get things together before the parental unit showed up

My Yin and Yang of Dominance and Relations

So there have been a number of discussions lately. From just about everywhere and different people. And I am not the norm so of course my way and existence tends to almost always throw everyone else off or into their feministic morality clause mode.

Much of the discussions were about what has been learned, adopted, changed and remained the same. And there have been a whole lot of changes since the beginning as well as compartmentalization.


Me Being a Dominant


Well, let's define this a little bit. I am a hetero, hierarchial, male lead household, with female submissives, those that are dated and other classes as those lower on the pyramid of hierarchy. Everything is consensual. So if they don't want to be a submissive, serve, date or anything then *exit stage left*

Me in a relation or Dating:

Pretty much the same as dating with a lot more structure and focus of role. There is a more vanillaesque interpretation to this part.

D/s, M/s and Bdsm:

My first dynamic started from dating. Because it seemed like the best of all things and what I wanted. it ended up being a road travelled that was full of things I had no clue about or was fully prepared for. i dove in fully and ended up learning how to be on the swim and scuba team at the same time. The hard way. It didn't work out the way it was supposed to. But ok then.

Out of the next dynamics I got one lasting one and one that showed me the error of not being more precise and sticking to specifics.

The future one is moving along well since I have learned so much from these years already.

Relations and Dating:

I have become more and more compartmentalized and rigid in my choices. I realized that even though I can see capabilities, potential and etc does not mean that they can see it or are capable of it. I now take their pasts, damage and experiences a lot more into consideration when interested, speaking to or considering.

What have I learned in Bdsm Dynamics?

I require very specific submissive and slaves. They have to be willing and able to serve, submit and maintain this throughout the dynamic.

There will never be consideration for someone that has another dominant at this time in my life. They need to be able to focus and serve properly.

Any disconnect when it comes to vision and goals will warrant a no thank you.

Communication is non negotiable. Even when they are in their feelings and upset.

Either you are all in or all out.

What have I learned in dating and relations?

To be a whole lot more strict on the candidates. Who, how and what they are along with what they are bringing to the table.

Make sure that it is all laid out on the table in whatever way they understand right in the beginning.

Make sure they understand completely what their role is and where things are going

Overall:

Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Make sure they understand.
Listen.
Do not be lenient abut requirements, needs and etc.
Make sure they are committed to me and the goals that have been set.


There has been a lot of talks and talking. But I figured I would condense it down to this. But discussion is always available and open.

The learning continues

New Journeys: Walking Alone and Carrying a Big Stick

It's been a while. Sorry I left without a beat to step to...

There has so much that has been going on definitely. From the run to ny because of the parental unit focused on this shit with his worthless ass brothers estate. A run to atlanta. Even got an anime convention in there lol. I said no to going back to ny this last week though. I have no time for that bullshit anymore.

There have been firsts, adventures and all with babycakes and little one. The learning and growth continues. Planning for the House of Havoc continue to be in full swing and being implemented. It takes a lot to get things planned out, scheduled and done with us. red is doing her thing.

My wife's birthday passed last month and our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of months. It has definitely made me realize I miss her and the rare type of woman that she was. It reminded me that I walk alone now.

People ask how can you be alone in a crowd or in a relation? It is really simple. The type of individual or individuals you around can still allow you to be completely alone and disconnected.  I disconnect normally but I have been overdrive in the last little over a year now. I have lessened the buffer of my tolerance, expectation and application.

I also had to laugh and be contemplative of how I am seen and everything in the community now.  babycakes and little one were talking about people interested in me. I just laugh at them and tell them they are blind. But when we had the conversation about people in the community taking notice I had to ponder that for a moment. I haven't paid attention to much of the community in response to myself. it was pointed out respect and people looking. I am like ok. But hell I had to blink when I asked to do something or brought up when I am nowhere around in a positive manner. Humbled I had to recognize it.

So many things that I want and need to do. But I have the Cabin trip, Bahamas and Spanksgiving coming up and then going to finally make it to a leather conference and Master slave events.

Some more thoughts on collaring and the collarling ceremony have to be sorted through and decided.

Moves,movement and altering of everything is slowly coming online. And next year the House will be moving at light speed into the future. Damn. I can't wait!

Fuck you, you and you and you *rant*

So yeah I am done with the parental unit and helping with shit. Fuck the dead ass, worthless brother and the other equally worthless brother.

When you are told and shown that your importance is negligible by those that you are supposed to be connected to, family, girlfriend, s type or whatever then you have to act accordingly.

human expect you to wait for and on them to do whatever. As well as only on their schedule and their way.

I am normally helpful. I normally do my duty and job but it is all good. I am just going to do what I am...Evil

I will make sure all get what they ask for and are looking for...fully

Much appreciated.

Your choice of support and a Blast from the Past

So the trip to brooklyn trip was like running a gauntlet through hell while being behind at all times. 48 hours of dealing with the parental unit, his attitude, him thinking that he know it all and trying to tell someone what to do all the time.

From dealing with the courthouse there and their chaos and not know what they are doing. To having to park at the sister hotel 4 blocks away because of them working on their parking deck.

Thankfully the apartment had aired out a bit because they had left the windows open. The place was a mess but that is probably because everyone has been coming in and whatever they already stole.

So from Sunday at 830am to returning on Tuesday at 5am it was pure hell. I drove most of the way there and back. Thankfully not all. Didn't really eat anything until like Monday night.

So all this and still have to find this boys ex wife and if he had kids or not. Total mess.


I posted that I was smelling piss and shit on one of the Facebook pages and people saw it. And A chick I fucked and semi dated also saw it. Hit me up thinking I was still in ny. But we didn't have a falling out or anything. So she was trying to get together but I was already gone. Will have to get together again. At least she knows that I am not a people person unlike others. lol I was like damn, and you and I haven't even seen each other in well over a decade.


But if I care, love or let you into anything with me then you know I am supporting and there for you.

But what I won't do is be around if you want to endanger yourself and everything. you are grown and make your own decisions so enjoy that.

If you don't want to be involved or interact then it is all good. I will sit back and not give a fuck. If you speak I will talk if I am in the mood or ignore you. But there will be nothing there at all. even if we were together, we dated or whatever else.

I am not carrying dead weight and drama contained individuals anymore.

No longer will I stand in the way for individuals to make their decisions, enjoy their distance, separation, drama and all. I will merely step across the street and watch the show they bring while yelling back at them if they try to communicate with me across the street