The Last Stand for a Sin Eater

In my yin and yang existence I have given, shown and been some hardcore love, affection and passion. I will protect, stand side by side and go to war without a second thought. I am the father of the devil and act accordingly.

But I can't and won't fight against those that I love and care about. I cannot make them see, understand or accept things that are against.

This has come in the form of just being there for a chick. Available to talk and listen. To let me into their life and to stay there. That intimate connection that I like and enjoy.  But in this day and age there has been an advance decree on making sure to keep distance no matter what for the proper escape clause and minimal investment clauses. Because their past delegates their future and fear of vulnerability leaves them barren.

The destructive and caustic weight of society has created females that hate themselves for not being some unrealistic representation of what the nazis have decided is what should be. So when I am attracted to them and show them that I get negative and or dismissive comments from them. what is the point? A man is supposed to fight you and re program you to be with you? Yeah, that is asinine. Even after you have been with them the whole personal defamation of character is retained.

So as a man I remain behind the eight ball because females have chosen to be in this unattainable situation. Make the environment safe as possible and with as much support as possible. Only for any implied, overt or thoughts of fraction that occurs being a major assault against them. I say nay to thee!


Just stuff that came out with everything going on and interactions with  folk lately.

Slipping into Darkness

After smoking a bowl of whisky tobacco and still drinking I figured I better get some stuff done and out.

As the universe turns is definitely in full swing.  Things are picking up and I am glad. It is time to leave everything in the dust and as the song says 'walk on by.'

Two weekends from now it is off to tennesee and to my god daughters graduation. Which seems to become more of a clusterfuck each day. I am getting bits and pieces slowly. Now I find out she was pregnant a month ago and got an abortion. Add to that the issues with her parents and this school thing and yeah this is one for the books lol

There were some that were concerned about me since it is mothers day. But I am fine. Just some thoughts and feelings about Chocolate Doll. I have no kids and considering how females, society and children are these days that is a true blessing indeed.

More and more paperwork. More attorney things to do. And the gubberment is turning some new screws.

The silver lining is still growing and I can't wait to see it get added to things and make things better.

I look at my calendar and the time and see how much has passed.  I guess I thought something would change and I have given a chance all this time. Just time to nail that compartment shut as I figured would happen and say oh well fuck it at least got the bits in the past.

Incoming! Danger Close!!

What can I say? Dropping bombs from b wing fighters and sterilizing universes with the sun crusher and Deathstar fleet kind of week.  But the light in the middle of darkness is diminishing so things are definitely looking up.

Got to keep my other part of me in prayers. Everything going on with my Ru has me contemplating going back to putting that work in so I can help her. But I know she will be alright but I need to flip some stuff and help her out.

With things going on in the bdsm lifestyle lately I am glad for all the things that I learned from red and little one along with the treehugging monkey bitch and the rest of the illegitimates.  I have learned the things to not do, not let happen ever again along with being even more compartmentalized and super picky.  It had given me the skill set to be even more critical and precise when it comes to females interested in me in relations and dynamics or even play.  Not letting everything that has already happened occur again.

Seems like red's mother is doing better. Good for them. Rae is making it after burying her father.

in the adventures of the last parental unit things are just getting even more difficult and bothersome. But when you have someone deteriorating then you just have to do what you do and keep it pushing. Going to have to do a few more end around attacks and bounce out.

Incoming...

Things are jumping off it seems. About to see just how far back to the old me this is going to take me. The revisions and changes have sent back to the build a bitch program days and more. Making everything fall into a D.O.A. system.

And I am thankful for seeing and enjoying the ass and titties that are out now and been out. Hell it really hasn't been that cold over the so called winter. Which means the summer is going to be ridiculously hot as hell. So my anger and attitude will be atmospheric when I am in the heat.

It is seriously looking to be heading back to a much more adventurous Life Unscripted entries. Hell, I am going to have to get a bigger toy bag and get some more toys for some of these adventures. Still need to put the new toy ideas to work. little one commented about my constant repair of the tennis balls of destruction. Hell I enjoy using them. I cannot wait to see where Sir Bear took the idea to this year. It is time for another paddle and I am going to have to have a toy luggage built.

And yes, I am going to add to the arsenal this year. If I can get a B.A.R. then I am going to be in heaven.

After going to the Tank museum last weekend I am still feeling that high a bit. All the things in there and all 500 pics that I took showed my new museum to enjoy. Spent 4 hours there in bliss, excitement and enjoyment. Yes, kid mode was turned on and on fire. The episode with the police outside after wards didn't make me happy. I mean how dangerous can we be in a parking lot eating lunch by ourselves? But they needed to make sure. The pulled up in standard black people formation with the older cop siting behind us in his cruiser. I figured when I saw them pass by on the road that they would come bac and unfortunately I was correct.

Nothing going down this weekend with a week of drones and robots can't really be mad. lol  But next week once more unto the fray as they say.

Oh and hell yeah Deadpool 2 is next week also so yeah I will be laughing my ass off as well as delving into debauchery, shooting, eating, drinking and redacting.

Oh and today at the cigar shop I am going to get my eye candy perv on with the cigar rep jaxxx super gorgeous sexy ass

Till the next time take it easy and make it all happen....

Poetry: My Wonder Woman

My Wonder Woman

No bracelets seen

No bustier

Not yet

Not yet

But damn I already been envisioning

Thick and delicious

A smile that is nutritious

I am just waiting for you to

Feed me carnally

Mind, body and soul

Music filled epitaphs

Cartoon reminiscent moments

We remember

We share

We sing, laugh and dance

Each shared moment

Further door opening to a future

More intimate and decadent

I finally see you

Tantalizingly busty

Your wonder woman regalia

Finally

I can appreciate

Actually want to enjoy

Wonder woman

Well only your version

Of course

From the chocolatezeus collection  5/3/18  ©

A Week in Review...Yeah Overdue lol

So it has been over a week since and I am running late. But things have been going on.

Last week seemed to be a rough time for people that I have known. red's mother was in the hospital I found out and Rae's father died last week. So it definitely brought a lot of things in to mind. I sent my prayers and condolences and all.

I was completely enjoying the Black Violin concert last week. I am telling you if you get a chance to see them perform SEE THEM! You will enjoy and love it as well. The blend of the music and the battling of instruments were exceptional and brought me back to the old days of bands, orchestra and opera.  I look forward to seeing them again soon.

Of course business had to be handled as usual. So I continue holding all the planets in both hands with the multiverse on my shoulders. At least I have practice. lol.  But little one got her stuff handled and I have kept moving.

All the shit that has been going on over the last year has taken it's toll. Dealing with people has turned, twisted and transmuted into some distant rubics cube of whatever. But like my tagline says "Army of One, come get it like the Red Cross." I have always been alone in relations, dating, and a bunch of other stuff so this is nothing new.  So even in this evolution there is a baseline.  So I continue to take this long walk alone. Doing my duty as is my lot in life.

I went to atlanta since I was supposed to go to the demons birthday party. I was not in the mood to deal with some fucked up holler than thou new york attitude. It would be nice to see some of the other people but it was worth not being bothered with her fucked up attitude. So I had a great weekend instead filled with eating, cigars and drinks. Even met an old school couple from east chicago in as well. Got in some serious conversation about east chicago and education and the lack of it in schools and teaching these days. Watched thick ass chicks with ass and tits as well.

Tempered intrigue has laid it's head upon for this new opportunity. After the cauldron of things I have dealt with and experienced I have streamlined and created a more reliable positioning. And I look forward to seeing what it brings.

In this time I have also come to look sideways at others and their attempt to influence, change and make me. From the silent distance, to the shift of blame to the obvious distress.  Arms, hands and more outstretched for the in need. As I accept what they have shown. I merely blink.

Countdown this month to the travesty in Tennessee. I am not looking forward to this trip to watch my god daughter graduate. Not because I don't love her but because this drama that is about to happen. But I got the Blackhawk on standby and will have my passport with me.

I looked at everything today and I no longer really feel. I am just in an existing mode until it is time to turn that off until the proper time when it is appropriate.

The male parental unit is getting worse and frankly I am tired of picking up after him and telling him not to do things or what to do while he is making a mess of things.

Still weird with these anniversaries and things this year. But I am dealing with it and roll with it.

I think I rambled on for enough for this moment. I need to get back to packing and getting this writing done. time for another chapter in life unscripted.

Running the Gauntlet

Well the past week can be only be described as...anything can happen.

Dealing with the male parental unit and whatever the hell is going on down there in bama and in wilmington with him and his daughter. The mind must be slipping more so just cocked back and preparing as best as can be done.

Individuals have lost their parent and others have had scares with their parent. I understand and offer support from a planet far, far away since I understand the possible things being dealt with.

My god daughter at least wasn't ratchet looking going to her final damn prom. She looked beautiful. I just had to get past all that make up. smh  And damn she is really starting to look like her womb donor in the face now. Next month is going to be one for the Life Unscripted Greatest hits for sure.

Airborne, still has her ass running around all crazy and busy on 2 hours of sleep between gigs. And she don't even have to do any of that. Hell, she got over a year in damn time off. lol

qt, dealing with life changes. And I feel her on that. Things happen but they happen to move on to the next steps in your life.

Still laughing at the chicks that acted like bitches are some interesting sexies.

Damn little one got me hooked on them damn wild carolina bbq wings from Wing it now. smh The damn things are good as hell.

*random* these damn ginger dried fruit snacks are the BOMB! I will have to get more from the rdu farmers market. Especially since they don't have my damn diet ginger beer there anymore now.

I cannot wait to go listen to Black Violin tonight! I finally get a chance to see them perform. Love their music. Classical violin work turned into modern day hip hop and all music.

Like the old kodak commercial use to say, "I see your true colors shining through." And this phrase really has been the marching order for many folks, especially lately. I am just observing and taking it all in. I think the axe will drop in the not so distant future based on things.

There is a lot to get done this year with all the anniversaries and the things going on. Things are off track but as always I just nuke and find a way through. I still need to get my tattoo. The book is being worked on.

Looking at the new things and ready to see where they lead to or not. Only time will tell what is going to happen anyway. But it hasn't been all that bad so far.

The rain is coming down. The horniness is serious. My attitude is laughably in check. And my not give a fuck movement has increased in size, scope and intensity.


Well, I think that is enough random weekend recap for you right now. So enjoy your day and your week. Hell you are almost half way to the weekend anyway.

*chunking the deuce*

Poetry: Famished and Waiting

Famished and Waiting

The enchantment

Of each anticipated communication with you

Incantations of finally being with you

Spells cast

In the intrigue of you

Of us

Our theme music encases us

From the moment we first lay eyes upon

Unknown destinations

Adventures we have not yet begun

Unexpected paths crossed

At a time where there was nothing at all

Timing and fate let the chips fall

Now there is this connection

That we both watched be born

Connect

Connection

Real open interest even

Refreshing

Man and woman

No posturing

Mixed signals with some down beat

Or hinged on personal fraility

Each moment that passes

I await the final countdown

Where reality and you

Bring forth unforgettable memories

So I wait

Savoring the taste

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

Poetry: Tattered Remnants

Tattered Remnants

There is nothing like that feeling

When the gauge rest on empty

When you smile in

Apathetic christening

Breathe in indifference

Keyed to the tune of

F minor

No closing credits play

Recycled and cycled

Withering rememberance

As transformations

Leave unrecognizable residue

Was that mine?

What is that?

Unrecognized by design

Love

Match

Set

Get the fuck out of here

Displaced

Anti time consuming

Spatial relation

Defaces what did exist

Ever existed

Tattered remnants

The only things to still

Relish in

Fade to black

Then

Fade to a darker black again

A dead star within a black hole

Is where the story stays

Stagnant

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

Poetic Expression: The Joy of Compartmetalization

The Joy of Compartmentalization

Relishing in

Disconnected feelings and emotions

To  adhere to distance protocols

Zeroed out relating

On call relevance

Substandard meanings

Flames died

Heart encased in carbonite

Laughing internally and guffawing outside

Insert here

Until the time is elapsed

Definition of meaning

If there is any meaning at all

All good

We will return to a semblance of it all

Fortuitous moments

Until the clock expires again

Momentary candy rain

Enjoying each morsel as they fall

Until it is time

Time to forget

Dismiss it all

Place you back in your box

Until it is time to

Put you in the relevance column

Play until the light begins beeping

Return to sender

Before the time expires

Back in the box

Out of sight and out of mind

Until relevance

Rears itself upon the next time limit

As I close the draw

Till the next time

When I will know you at all

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

A Moment in Poetry: Lost in Sweet Anticipation

Lost in Sweet Anticipation

Lost in conversation

Hours upon hours shared

Pleasant realization

Tossed together with

Eye candy appeal

Reckless communication

This direct

Unrestricted interaction

Raises the dead

Destroying the apathetic syndications

This flow of energy

Soothing and stimulating

As I want

Desire and need

More and more

Entwined copulation

Meeting of emotions, mentality and physicality’s

As sure as the heart beats

Impatiently waiting

Licking lips

Doing mental carnal gymnastics

As I await

That first kiss

Touches that are bombastic

Culminating our cultivations

Dead until resurrected in

Sweet anticipation

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/16/18  ©

A Quick Review of a Week in Netherland

I got back last week to the same old aspects of everything that needs to be fixed, handled and a miracle made out of.  But increasingly that has become the case.

Still loving those bomb ass wild Carolina bbq wings at Wing It though. Damn, I am addicted.

I watched and listened as attitude flared up. Watched jealousy apparent erupt from the ashes.

Found diagnosis mixed with unexpected messages out of the blue made me very circumspect.

Cigars burned while I dealt with issues both new and old. As I took time to associate values and levels to what has to be done next. From compartmentalizations to being spaced.

It made me wish I had someone to be myself, talk to and let the guard down with. Then I remember that the enemies are everyone. Especially within camp.

I am ready to watch Avengers Infinity War a few times shortly. And then it will be on to some serious Deadpool 2. Which I wish was already here so I can see this Cable adventure.

The book is being worked on. The writing lately has been filled with incite and moving feelings. The ink is spilling in a vicious and main line manner. Well more than before.

It is time to get my tattoo done. And I need to prepare to have a patch made as well.

Out with the old and in with the new. A new journey begins, while the old won't be renewed.

Hell, I might not even be bothered with the event with the demon and do what I do. It definitely will be more fun and interesting as well.

Time for some writing and dogfighting. So Tallyhoe!!!

I am Mission Impossible

Discussion with the girls led to me explaining how I am.  And realizing why it is difficult for little one and the past ones to be able to deal with me.

I am the first to come to the rescue, sacrifice and kill everything if need be for those that I actually love and care about. Even if it is against they wishes at times. It is part of why little one says I am stubborn and why won't I let her help.  But I will not say a thing about what is going on with me. No need to divulge thoughts or feelings because for 7 years now it has just been Me.

Helping me really doesn't seem to realistic. I have observed the times where I have extended the hand and saying I need some help in the form of comforting support and I got attitude and distance. I used the thought process of being able to do that with someone I was dating and I was wrong. I could no longer do that. I assimilated the message and returned to exactly how I am post and pre CD. I thought I was just weak at first when I reached out last year but then I realized that wasn't the case. I was merely coming to the realization and functioning of the current environment.  The story was written on their blackboard from the beginning. I saw elevation in what they only saw and unattainable.

It was that moment last year where I realized that there was only Me, Myself and I. That if the compartmentalized wanted to appear then they can and disappear back into their distant existences. The plug in play existence began.

Trust, comfort, reliability are things that remain internal outside of my Life Unscripted partner.  So many things have happened in this 380 day existence. The things I wanted that moment of respite from someone that actually gave a damn. Or just have a conversation where I didn't have to fix, manage and create at the same time. But that is not what I am here for or what I am built for. I had my repository and it is gone. The only vault left is my own.

Open to someone worthy but not even bothering thinking about it because it is a fallacy based on current events. As I have from little one and even red velvet back in the day that this type of internalization is not a good thing. They wouldn't, couldn't understand. They have nothing to do with me.  Like the Missouri state motto though, if someone is worthy they can SHOW ME.

Until then the Army of One remains. And the product of Apocalypse will continue upon this path of disconnected remains. Nothing to give. Nothing to share. Merely my things that you have no need to be involved in anyway.


You an only give individuals a chance. They choose what they will do with it. Let them choose so you can place them promptly and properly in their very own secured vestibule.


Life is about choices. Choose wisely.

Freedom in Vulnerability

Most send and keep their representative in the forefront when they attempt to get to know or claim to date people. This is where they feel comfortable at. Nothing invested means there is less likely of hurt and feelings. The disposable faux relations that are the rage of this day and age.

But in talks with folks lately in what I have called the *Full Disclosure* discussions there has been a diverse response to say the least.

There are those that are glad to be standoffish and not invest anything. They don't want to be hurt. They don't feel that anyone can live up to standards like husbands, boyfriends, fathers etc. So there is this automatic insurmountable wall that will always be there unless a miracle changes their mind. Any type of intimacy, closeness or involvement of emotions and feelings creates a shut down, sabotage and attack/defense mode. It is their ptsd of the past, present and future that creates their position. So these are the ones that may want to be pursued to the ends of middle earth and still may not get past the ramparts of their cold dead heart.

The next set of individuals that spoke on this were those that were one foot in and one foot out. They have their defenses up and there is going to be a long journey to get past them. But their actually want  an intimate connection but they are wary because of many different reasons. They begin with their representative and then allows their true self to show up at some point. There will be plenty of starts and stops but patience can possibly when them to be themselves fully with you at some point.

Lastly, there are those of us that have no need for representatives. We know what we choose and want and make it known and make it happen.  It is blunt force trauma for those that are not in this situation. Believe me I have had deep experience with this since I am blunt force trauma and was told I should not be forthcoming at all about how I feel or what I want until others have reached their comfort zone. But for me it is informational. That is all. As Lipz and I were talking about it, we just find it as refreshing knowledge instead of playing the hinting, guessing and assumption game that so many want.  As we discussed though when we present ourselves, where and how we are it brings about a desire for many to put their defenses up higher and run for the border. lol I have definitely been privy to that first hand a couple of times.


As discussions have evolved from all sides. I still stick with the prevailing fact that vulnerability in achieving your goal is strength and knowledge. When I tell you exactly how I feel, what is going on and my position. It gives you information to understand and be connected to me in a more profound way. It is not some around about way or deceitful path to circumvent someone. Especially if you are honestly interested, investing, caring and loving them.

But vulnerability and the pursuit of love, happiness, connection and life are like kryptonite to most. The mere mention of it will send many into a panic attack or attempt to create the biggest defense ever seen by anyone. That fear of rejection or a return of negative things from the past are the shackles that you choose to keep. The burdens that you choose to make sure that you will not have any growth in this area.

I am no guru or expert. I am just me, myself and I. The lone entity that will always just be ME. Vulnerability is part of being able to lead. Those that have severe issues with vulnerability show it most evidently.

But like ms 82nd airborne and Black Sheep has said...

THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!