Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Poetry: A Tear Fell Today

This was inspired by life, situation, circumstance and the latest Ray Donovan episode. I hope you enjoy.


A Tear Fell Today



Upon a desolate heart
A corroded soul
This swallowed black hole

Reunification with the inability to
Save and protect
Solve the infinite possibilities

Lost in this disconnect
Breadcrumbs decayed and gone
From over a decade ago

The thoughts of your essence
Faded, while beating strong
As I embrace the cold from that moment
You tuned cold

I know and remember my promise
As the tears burn like lava renewed
I try to keep that promise
Whole

I just don’t know if I can
If it is possible
Probable
Anymore

Reality
Differences
Have taken on a
Stranglehold

As you watch over me
My infinity gauntlet
Reminded of the Thanos of old
I see that I am losing hold

As I thank you
For in life as well as peace
You make me better
Yes, forever that fabulous theme

My over watch
Barometer of living
Scale for life worth living

I thank you for
Those that have been sent to me
The experiences that you have guided
In your superwoman ways

For a love and life
That stands the test of time
Laid down the guidelines to
What is, was and should be
A love and life
Forever known to me

With burning
Clouded eyes
All I can say now is

I just don’t know




From the chocolatezeus collection  10/3/17  ©

Monday, October 02, 2017

Poetic Moment: Empty

Empty



Fatigue permeates me
The slow motion of the end
Moves slowly
Across the soul’s screen

As I reach into my haversack
For last ditch effort

Contemplation
Captures me in every way

The lava
Swells and wells up
Inside of me

Spilling uncaged
Spillage leaving marks
That should never be seen

Armor breached
Mortal wounds finally seen
The reservoir boiling

Contempt held
Completely and personally

As I drink in
The black hole

Empty




From the chocolatezeus collection  10/2/17  ©

Poetic Celebration: My Dream Team


Inspired by listening to 

https://www.mixcloud.com/vashon-hodge/deejaylexx-the-milk-man-lunch-buffet-heat-100-ep-11/


the ink had to spill this:






My Dream Team



Unintentionally created
Shades and effects of everything
With them I am
Winning

Intelligence
Beautiful and sexy
Unique and unforgettable
They make up

My Team

My Life Unscripted
Other half of me
Porn star destroying queen
Bring life support and life
To me abundantly

The super smart
Chocolate Dream
Mind and body trap you happily
Like nothing that you have ever
Thought, felt or seen

The teach and leading
Curvaceous killing
Creatively unparalleled
Passionate and loving
One of a kind

My lil teddy bear
The test of time
Steadfast in beauty and conviction
Uncontested energy
Persevering

The mvp
My CPT lifeline
Slow winding
Sexually enticing
Revolutionary and songstress

Combined
Each piece
Key to the solution
Make me feel like

Never mind

Knowing
That this only inspires
Creates

Winning



From the chocolatezeus collection  10/2/17  ©

Saturday, September 30, 2017

These Moods, Moments and Memories

One of my favorite albums is Monifah's "Moods...Moments." It was one of the very few Rnb albums I could listen to back then. It held and holds a lot of meaning. And Monifah is one sexy motherfucker! Her songs provided context, connections and feelings as music that truly moves you always does.

red and I have had conversations about music and what it represents, how it makes you feel and the memories it represents. That is mostly because she is a music know it all *lol*.  But I seem to marry, date and associate with these types apparently. lol  I will warn you. Never do musical trivia with red or little one. You will lose.

So an awful lot has gone on lately. Especially this year.

Parental unit hospitalization. Health issues. The things going on with Ru, little one, red and everyone else.Add to that the transportation issues and other things. You can say there really has been a busy and continuous amount of stress.

red and I were discussing my current situation and the concept of support. It is believed that I don't, won't want or ask for support. I have asked for support. red and little one have given me support. And Ru has been the support plenty of times.  But I have made some changes about support, needs and everything concerning myself. So things are a bit different. red called it sad and I understand why she said that.  But the scale had to be used and balanced accordingly with this as well as other things.

Here is the twisted part to the paragraph above. On the other hand I will do whatever I can to support and be there for those I actually care about. Even when they just want to be alone to deal with whatever. Yeah, a double or triple standard, but hey I am a Caveman. Not going to lie and claim that it doesn't bother me that I cannot be there or support those I care about. I want to always be there but I realized that I can't and i shouldn't from being with red and little one. And I needed to learn that. It helped me with understanding and acceptance. The puzzle and the scale were made proper.

Being connected is a seriously important thing to me. Whether the person I am interested or whoever understands it or not. I have and will attempt to explain but it is a concept that seems to be only be grasped by those that it is important to. And it is not an issue. It is fine. It doesn't change the way I feel, the position i have given to the person that I am interested in or care about.

I didn't think about it until today when i realized the comment about a picture of Chocolate Doll and the discussion about support and comforts  But hell it has been 10 years since we first met and had great sex on our first date at her house in philly for five days.  Hard to believe that it has been that long.

So all these days, months and times have truly been...  moods, moments and memories


As I listen to this mix I smile, laugh and think about the past and present.


Big smile. Make the most and best of all that you do.

Poetic Moment: Pieces in a Puzzle

Pieces in a Puzzle



Bits and pieces
Each bringing parts of the whole
Fitting together
To create
What I need

Passion
Love
Freakiness

Each skill
Held in captivity
As I place each

Each lady
Giving what they are
Giving me
What I need

Unable to fit exactly
Needed for their individuality
Each uniquely qualified

Creating
Maintaining
The best of what I need

For the puzzle
Whole process is

Me




From the chocolatezeus collection  9/30/17  ©

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Here Are the Things You Don't Know

Cue the kokoro drum beat...

So this week has been a fubar, clusterfuck of one of the utmost proportions. But we will get to that a bit further down.

There are those that consider or think they have grasped the understanding of me. From those in the circle to those outside of the realm of personable entities.

So here are some secrets. So pay attention:

Connection

This is something that is of extreme importance to me. It is the tie that binds more than your personal, logical application. It is what makes me be able to be with, want and see you as something of importance in my life.

It is a hard concept for most to understand because their logical thinking and anti-emotional aspects scream "Danger Will Robinson!" at every instance. But here is where intimacy can reside in a very deep mental and emotional state.

When I have told someone about my connection to them they think I am crazy and they put their defenses up higher and keep on running. But this deep acceptance is what makes the difference between your situationship and me having a real relationship.


Acceptance and Understanding

I am not, nor will I ever be your former boyfriend, husband, dominant or daddy. I am just me, myself and I! I say that because apparently there is always some need to use some comparison.

I actually care, want relationships, work on relationships and believe in them. Take time to support, nurture and maintain love, affection and interest.

My life works on the black and white scale. So yes, red and babygirl can tell you I am the extremes if you need to ask them. I am like either we are rolling or you are an enemy. No need to wait around for wishy washy ass shit. But I do realize that is the way that most work and I see that. So I applied the sliding scale for all those that I interact with and maintain some type of relation with.

With my sliding scale I understand and accept. But can you understand and accept me? Or does everything have to be an issue because it is not your way or understanding? The sign of true independence and intelligence is being able to be together, care and disagree and not have an issue.


I think that is enough secrets for now. Don't want your head to explode like scanners.

Well the week has been filled with attitudes, chaos, infighting, some personal attacks, realization that cold as ice is the best way to have a relation with some females.  It is just time to make everyone even more happy.

Plus waiting on the next hurricane. Hell, we haven't even gotten into november yet. So this is going to be an interesting year.

I truly see the reasons why I have become nice and cold, plus accepted and honored the distance that those I have relation with asked for.

Times have really come into play just like World War Hulk. And to be honest I relish it fully. There may be one bright light left. But, the flames of decimation and destruction have already arrived. Ultimate Hulk cometh!

My advice to you.
Don't fear life. Live and make things happen. Mistakes will happen. But if you can't live then you can't enjoy living your life.

Until the next episode. Be well.


As I submit to the kokoro drum beats...

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Walking the Mile

To say that things have happened lately would be an understatement. To say there hasn't been changes, revelation and demarcation would be a lie.

There are times when I choose to help and there are times when "There Only Can Be One." I have attempted to help a lot, care and like.

My mind processed and predicted things appropriately I have been shown. And my choices were shown and revealed to justifiably  correct. Good to know I pay attention to what is said, done, not said and not done.

I am designed for.
Built for.

Yeah, those exact things.

I am sure that you are having a great one.

Back to working on the new program.  (damn I don't even know what to name this one yet other than 3.0)



Make the most and step outside of your little imprisoned mind, heart and soul. You will actually finally live.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Relation Poetry: As I Walk Through the MindField

As I Walk Through the MindField




Sometimes
It is the silence
Absence of substantiality
A void of connection
The distance of
Feeling and relationship
To the extreme

Other times
It is the nonstop barrage
Moment to moment
Explosions and implosions
Mental, emotional anguish
Their Maginot line thinking

So I choose

The connection
The worth
The importance
The desire

As I attempt to get closer

Will your defenses
Become silent and more deadly?
Loud and uncanny?

I am the flail
As each mine of yours
Explodes against me
During this conflict that we keep

Through connections
Love and feelings
Keynote adventures

You choose
Chosen
Your Defcon 3

Yet with an outstretched heart
I continue still

Leaving you
Trapped and destined
Within the effects of your own
Mindfield

Still it is our unity
That I seek

As I continue my journey
Towards you and me
As all of your
Heart, body and soul
Give me every last
High yield explosive ordinance

To stop us from being close
And deep
Relationship applicably




From the chocolatezeus collection  9/15/17  ©

Friday, September 08, 2017

Poetic Inspiration: Reinvigorated Energy Coupling

Reinvigorated Energy Coupling





Most cannot grasp or understand
The deep rooted meaning and power of
Connection
Or they fight it for all that they are worth
Making denial their best friend

But when you know it and feel it
It makes all things

Relevant
Incredible
And powerful

When I felt it again
After years of one way dead ends
I was taken aback
Caught with my mouth open

Did I just feel this deep connection?
With someone that I don’t know
Is it one of those miracle situations
Where something might grow

Through moments of
Anger, stress, disbelief and despair
We gravitated like polarized black holes

Expanding
Exploring
Growing

All of this
From and in
Two unknowns
Moving on the path of becoming
Known

I felt it again
That unexplainable
Push and pull
That makes things exceptional

Transcending
Moments of misunderstanding
Sensitive posturing
Full blown representatives

We ended up
Just being ourselves
In Dynamic fashion

in those moments
where something intricate and intimate
formed and created
something stronger than
attempts at being together and other relationships

the energy just flows
feeds me abundantly

As I look forward to
Each exchange
Telephone and messaging conversation

She feeds me
Heartily and delicacies
Makes my hunger increase
As she gives me

Passion
Intimacy
Communication
Comfort and peace

I am ecstatic
Thankful and reverent
Someone that understands and represents
What a connection is




From the chocolatezeus collection  9/8/17  ©

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Poetic Message: Where I Want to Be

Through all the things. For me connection is and always will be the key. Even when there is nothing being shown. When times are good and bad. That connection is what is there to give credence to what you are and mean to me.

So the ink spilled. Hoping you understand. you feel something...




Where I Want to Be



I cannot remember
The last time
I looked into your eyes
Even longer
The last time I saw that
Captivating smile
 Still
Even in this distance
 I see
I feel
The pain and discord
The difference between universes
 The answers
I do not know
Even the cause
Remains my unkown
 Sending you
 My love
My passion
Support and caring
 Through this cold unknown
 As I reach to
Wipe away tears
I cannot see
 Hold you tight
In a hug
That I don’t know will help
Anything
 Just saying
Baby, baby
I here for you
Your hurt is hurting me
 Let us share
Make it through this together
 To reach
The other side of this
Deep blue sea
Away from these dark clouds of
Imprisonment
 Just take my hand
Over here in the darkness
By your side
Is where I am
Remain
Continue to be
   From the chocolatezeus collection   9/5/17  ©


Monday, September 04, 2017

The Killing Joke

Time has been filled with helping others. With being there for others. With supporting others.

The funny thing it is not with those I actually need my connection to be and strengthened with.

I have no problem and I am glad to be of help to others. To help them through trying time. But what does it say that the persons that I am supposed to be connected to are not in that pool of people?

Things have come to a point where there is merely the emotionless and unfeeling aspects of things. Because what I deemed important was only important to myself. Tough loss. But I understand that ramifications and realize the actions that have had to be taken.

So closed off. Devoid. Have become the things that were asked for of me. And I have given them. Letting all things be reduced to the compartments that were asked to be created.

I laugh. Hysterically even.  For the brightness that burnt the universe has been caged. Put into the pit of nothingness. Imprisoned.

Mr Wolf. Chocolatezeus. Casket sharp as they say. As I look in reverence and remembrance.


Laughing


THE JOKE IS ON ME!!

Poetic Inflection: The Moment of When?

The Moment of When?



When there are no longer

Words
Thoughts
Feelings

When
The void
Emptiness
Blue rondu

Become your
Existence

What do you?

Do you?

Is there?
Will there?
Was there?

Anything
Echo
Any thing?



From the chocolatezeus collection  9/4/17  ©

My Needs Meaning vs

So after a discussion the light bulb went off. Finally actually realized why I disconnected everything when it comes to my needs and needing someone. Because for me when I have said that I need red or babygirl it was meant as a permanent thing in my life and so forth. But for them and other need is only about things they actually needed like air and food and whatever strictly for themselves.

Funny how it just became clear today after the conversation. But better late than never. And now there is more to place in proper protocols, compartments and applications.



Need vs. Need



Like a strobe light
The lightbulb went off

Meaning
Definition
Modern day reveal

Need
Needing

Something that I thought
Felt so deeply
That It became a part of me

I said the words
Meant every letter of it
A fiery passion behind
It’s meaning to me

Lost upon a funeral pyre
For once there was another that
Agreed and understood
The meaning in the same way

So many times
Words and meaning
Non congruent, disparaging entities

When I say
I need you
When I allow those words to be
Expressed

It holds a reverence
Core belief and connection with me
Very rarely if at all will I say it

No wonder
The once or twice I have said it
It has fallen upon
Deaf ears and hearts

Just something
Another thing
That only has this meaning
For me
And only
Me



From the chocolatezeus collection  9/4/17  ©