Guns, Knives, Crime, Moonshine and an Anniversary

Last weekend and week were celebratory moments as well as the usual moments of reflection.  I haven't celebrated an anniversary outside of Chocolate Doll in a long time. But it has been 3 years since the bet with red about little one. And here we are.

From disdain to a 3 year later thing. Made for things to be very interesting indeed. Hell, between her and red is why things are more refined, strict and forbidden.

So, our trip to Sevierville aka Sevierville was definitely lively and full of adventure. (as all trips with me go lol)

The wilderness hotel or resort was definitely out to get you from the beginning to the end lol. Kids running up and down the hallways with the signs on the walls everywhere for them not to and their womb and sperm donors to control them.  The difference between their two buildings are night and day. lol A hard bed and not smoker friendly at all. But hey, we stayed on the go most of the time while we were there anyway.

Got our eat on. A local rib spot which wasn't bad. The bark was a little over cooked.  Was going to do paula deens but that was a 30 to 40 minute wait so no thank you. Hit Timberline and had a great bison burger with excellent baked beans. ( I got the baked beans recipe and the bison was cooked correct for medium.) The upscale dinner was not good at all at the bistro 109 though.

So, I blame my old biker buddy from the cigar shop for turning me on to Smokey mountain knife and gun works. if there had been more time I would have spent at least another hour in there. So many goodies. and things to enjoy. They had everything. I got me a new toy though.

Definitely getting more and if you need to get me something then there is one good place to shop. lol

Lastly hit the forbidden caverns. A beautiful subterranean trip to look at rock formations and where they use to make moonshine in the prohibition days. They even left a steal and the barrels there as warnings after the tax people busted them.

I took a bunch of pics at the Alcatraz East Crime museum. It was quite an adventure reading and looking at things from gangsters, assasins and serial killers.

I look forward to going back and having more of an adventure. hell I didn't even make it to the air museum lol

Poetry: Love No Limit

I see and hear your tormented words
each expressing
drowning in your experiences

your dried up
damaged
cringing heart
has left you

so crippled
callously self deficated
your love
antiquted irrelevance now

As I wade through
each assault of failed and unthinking
facades of past love
fraudulent attempts made

I remain
My love undaunted and unchanging

I give that love that is to infinity and beyond
Master P no limit tank style
unrequited and resounding in living sound

you remain
marveled and astonished
because I don't cowtow to your pretense
Because my love potency is not what you think it should be

like prickly thorns
your thoughts, actions and emotions
deceiving every part of your thinking and feeling
thinking that love is
all of your twisted, damaged unresolved issues

But I loved you anyway
saw everything in you that you won't
stood upon the ramparts
to show you love wasn't cold
not as col as you have chose

To infinity and beyond
my heart burns the ethos
even when disconnected from
those that can't hold their own with me

This heart burning brighter than ever
providing those outside with the coldest storm

I smile in remembernce
for the past meaning of me and you




from the chocoltezeus collection  10/13/18  (c)

Three Decades later...after the hate and disdain

Ok well it hasn't actually been 3 decades. But it seems like it at times lol

It is the anniversary of having little one.

Years later after only talking to her from a bet with red and hating her ass led to having a lasting dynamic somehow. lol

Looking back I see where I had to learn, adapt and implement new everything. Well between her and red. And also plenty of memorable adventures all over the place.

Hard to believe. But here we are.

Things in march will definitely get interesting indeed.


Tally hoo!!

Petitions and Petitioning

After a few years of experience and learning I realized that one of the things that slaves and submissives will have to do is petition the House of Havoc. A way to narrow down, evaluate as well as them showing interest and presenting themselves accordingly.


What is a petition when it comes to bdsm?

Well, in vanilla terms it can be seen a resume just like one would present to a perspective employer. In this case it includes career, skills, bdsm related things as well as D/s and M/s applications.


After reading this well thought out. Well referenced and in depth petition I realized how deeply moving and concerning it can be for the s type that is doing it for presentation.

I mean it is hard enough for females and women to come to terms with themselves at all. Let alone present benefits, flaws and all in a decision to be accepted or not. That elevates them well above the part time, want to be s types and vanillas.

My hat is definitely off to those that know, act and continue on their path as an s type and submit a petition.


*much respect*

Truth and Understanding through Displacement

It has been a minute since I posted with everything going on. Back to back to overflowing back. But let us dive into it shall we.

Was supposed to go to a 3 day swing party the past weekend. A reunion for the nc group I was active in back in the day. There was not going to be anyone there I was interested in or wanted to fuck but I felt I should go and spread my evil. lol Just wanted to go watch, drink, eat and be entertained. For whatever reason it was cancelled for oh well.

Between the swinging thing and everything that has been going on with people that I am close to and know. Just like with swinging things and my association with people have changed drastically. There were those that I was close to and could trust and now they are no longer there. Relations, relationships, love and caring have died or been removed from the equation.

I am always the one that is there or others or attempting to be there. Even when they think, feel or I am not there in the exact way that they want to tell me to be. I have  been told that I don't ask for help or support like I should and that is probably the case. The few times I do ask I try not to ask for much. But I have learned to stick to just me, myself and I.

Giving of myself has been revoked a whole lot in the last year. Pretty much it is dwindled down to one person long term, one person medium term and one new person. The pool use to be bigger but due to people's choices that was fixed. I have a big heart and will walk through hell within hell with those I let into my circles. But when you violate and choose to not be there then I will be on the opposite end of the curve.

There is a lot more of this stuff to say but enough of that...

In BDSM the look at growth has really been expounded. From the way that I vet, consider and choose potential submissives and slaves to the rules, protocols and unconditional things that are required to be in a dynamic or in that fact even a relation with me.  I learned thoroughly and heavily from my dealings with red and little one super especially. And it has made for a better iron clad, working life. Learned not to make the same mistakes or accept things like I did previously.

New toys on deck. And boy they make me happy. It has gotten to the point the old toy bag is very inadequate now. And especially when the latest piece is finished in time for next month. And I am looking forward to this flogging circle experience coming up. This will definitely be unique.


The parental unit and his daughter continue to be more pieces of work.

The battles and war continue. As there is no end in sight just yet. But tis what I have to do to get to the other side.

Next up is the anniversary. Then trip out of country for some relaxation. It is way overdue.

Time to unpack and get things together before the parental unit showed up

My Yin and Yang of Dominance and Relations

So there have been a number of discussions lately. From just about everywhere and different people. And I am not the norm so of course my way and existence tends to almost always throw everyone else off or into their feministic morality clause mode.

Much of the discussions were about what has been learned, adopted, changed and remained the same. And there have been a whole lot of changes since the beginning as well as compartmentalization.


Me Being a Dominant


Well, let's define this a little bit. I am a hetero, hierarchial, male lead household, with female submissives, those that are dated and other classes as those lower on the pyramid of hierarchy. Everything is consensual. So if they don't want to be a submissive, serve, date or anything then *exit stage left*

Me in a relation or Dating:

Pretty much the same as dating with a lot more structure and focus of role. There is a more vanillaesque interpretation to this part.

D/s, M/s and Bdsm:

My first dynamic started from dating. Because it seemed like the best of all things and what I wanted. it ended up being a road travelled that was full of things I had no clue about or was fully prepared for. i dove in fully and ended up learning how to be on the swim and scuba team at the same time. The hard way. It didn't work out the way it was supposed to. But ok then.

Out of the next dynamics I got one lasting one and one that showed me the error of not being more precise and sticking to specifics.

The future one is moving along well since I have learned so much from these years already.

Relations and Dating:

I have become more and more compartmentalized and rigid in my choices. I realized that even though I can see capabilities, potential and etc does not mean that they can see it or are capable of it. I now take their pasts, damage and experiences a lot more into consideration when interested, speaking to or considering.

What have I learned in Bdsm Dynamics?

I require very specific submissive and slaves. They have to be willing and able to serve, submit and maintain this throughout the dynamic.

There will never be consideration for someone that has another dominant at this time in my life. They need to be able to focus and serve properly.

Any disconnect when it comes to vision and goals will warrant a no thank you.

Communication is non negotiable. Even when they are in their feelings and upset.

Either you are all in or all out.

What have I learned in dating and relations?

To be a whole lot more strict on the candidates. Who, how and what they are along with what they are bringing to the table.

Make sure that it is all laid out on the table in whatever way they understand right in the beginning.

Make sure they understand completely what their role is and where things are going

Overall:

Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Make sure they understand.
Listen.
Do not be lenient abut requirements, needs and etc.
Make sure they are committed to me and the goals that have been set.


There has been a lot of talks and talking. But I figured I would condense it down to this. But discussion is always available and open.

The learning continues

New Journeys: Walking Alone and Carrying a Big Stick

It's been a while. Sorry I left without a beat to step to...

There has so much that has been going on definitely. From the run to ny because of the parental unit focused on this shit with his worthless ass brothers estate. A run to atlanta. Even got an anime convention in there lol. I said no to going back to ny this last week though. I have no time for that bullshit anymore.

There have been firsts, adventures and all with babycakes and little one. The learning and growth continues. Planning for the House of Havoc continue to be in full swing and being implemented. It takes a lot to get things planned out, scheduled and done with us. red is doing her thing.

My wife's birthday passed last month and our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of months. It has definitely made me realize I miss her and the rare type of woman that she was. It reminded me that I walk alone now.

People ask how can you be alone in a crowd or in a relation? It is really simple. The type of individual or individuals you around can still allow you to be completely alone and disconnected.  I disconnect normally but I have been overdrive in the last little over a year now. I have lessened the buffer of my tolerance, expectation and application.

I also had to laugh and be contemplative of how I am seen and everything in the community now.  babycakes and little one were talking about people interested in me. I just laugh at them and tell them they are blind. But when we had the conversation about people in the community taking notice I had to ponder that for a moment. I haven't paid attention to much of the community in response to myself. it was pointed out respect and people looking. I am like ok. But hell I had to blink when I asked to do something or brought up when I am nowhere around in a positive manner. Humbled I had to recognize it.

So many things that I want and need to do. But I have the Cabin trip, Bahamas and Spanksgiving coming up and then going to finally make it to a leather conference and Master slave events.

Some more thoughts on collaring and the collarling ceremony have to be sorted through and decided.

Moves,movement and altering of everything is slowly coming online. And next year the House will be moving at light speed into the future. Damn. I can't wait!

Fuck you, you and you and you *rant*

So yeah I am done with the parental unit and helping with shit. Fuck the dead ass, worthless brother and the other equally worthless brother.

When you are told and shown that your importance is negligible by those that you are supposed to be connected to, family, girlfriend, s type or whatever then you have to act accordingly.

human expect you to wait for and on them to do whatever. As well as only on their schedule and their way.

I am normally helpful. I normally do my duty and job but it is all good. I am just going to do what I am...Evil

I will make sure all get what they ask for and are looking for...fully

Much appreciated.

Your choice of support and a Blast from the Past

So the trip to brooklyn trip was like running a gauntlet through hell while being behind at all times. 48 hours of dealing with the parental unit, his attitude, him thinking that he know it all and trying to tell someone what to do all the time.

From dealing with the courthouse there and their chaos and not know what they are doing. To having to park at the sister hotel 4 blocks away because of them working on their parking deck.

Thankfully the apartment had aired out a bit because they had left the windows open. The place was a mess but that is probably because everyone has been coming in and whatever they already stole.

So from Sunday at 830am to returning on Tuesday at 5am it was pure hell. I drove most of the way there and back. Thankfully not all. Didn't really eat anything until like Monday night.

So all this and still have to find this boys ex wife and if he had kids or not. Total mess.


I posted that I was smelling piss and shit on one of the Facebook pages and people saw it. And A chick I fucked and semi dated also saw it. Hit me up thinking I was still in ny. But we didn't have a falling out or anything. So she was trying to get together but I was already gone. Will have to get together again. At least she knows that I am not a people person unlike others. lol I was like damn, and you and I haven't even seen each other in well over a decade.


But if I care, love or let you into anything with me then you know I am supporting and there for you.

But what I won't do is be around if you want to endanger yourself and everything. you are grown and make your own decisions so enjoy that.

If you don't want to be involved or interact then it is all good. I will sit back and not give a fuck. If you speak I will talk if I am in the mood or ignore you. But there will be nothing there at all. even if we were together, we dated or whatever else.

I am not carrying dead weight and drama contained individuals anymore.

No longer will I stand in the way for individuals to make their decisions, enjoy their distance, separation, drama and all. I will merely step across the street and watch the show they bring while yelling back at them if they try to communicate with me across the street

Not even my slave, but such an impact today

Today I got a call from a slave that I am friends with. We have never met. just spoke to each other on video chat, the phone and messages and text. I could feel that something was wrong. That energy of pain and despair resonated.

I was stunned and shocked when she told me a monkey bitch female had molested, burned with cigarettes and starved her grandson and more until he died. It hurt deeply. A child I never knew or will ever know. A grandmother who I have only communicated with all this time and never seen. The tears were there below the surface as i tried to hold them into place. I couldn't let go in the care with the parental unit and the sister on the way up here to new york. But the outrage is here and it is deep.

This also made me consider some D/s issue that I have to address this year. About connection, desire, need, submission and service. I have let things slide a lot because of previous emotional attachment. It is not appropriate to the House or the submissives and slaves. If there is no desire for submission, or even being connected or anything then what is there? After questions, thoughts and discussion it is time to come to terms and address things this year. A hard part.

Being  a Dominant. Even an Evil Caveman such as myself there are people and moments where things strike beneath the armor and defenses. It is why I have loved those that I have had under me as well as those I have currently. It is the difference between you being a Picasso on my wall to being someone and something I barely remember. I will support, love, protect you ferociously with all I have and more. But when there is no activity or interest coming back to me I give the head nod and file it into the archives..

How can you say you are comfortable submitting and being a slave but all these stipulations and actions that you have make sure there is no connection and nothing works? It is a question that I asked and haven't gotten a real response to yet.

Regardless it feels good that there are those that are comfortable and want to confide, be supported, helped and everything by me. It is not an ego thing It is a matter of duty for me. And it is something that has gone on since the beginning of my planetfall. Even with those I don't know it is the case. So it truly baffled me when there were those that can't do those things with me regardless of what they have said about what they feel towards me. And it was a serious quandary for a long time. And then I just stepped back and realized they just can't, won't and don't want any of that with me. So make my decisions based off of that and move forward.

As my prayers go out to my friend, her daughter and the rest of her grandchildren. I am seriously in thought and coming to terms with some things that I have not addressed in the last year concerning dating, relation, relationship and D/s.

Relative Poetry: Emergence

Emergence

My heart

 A dead, cold listless orb

Colder than nitrogen

More dead than three

Supernova’ d  stars

Left for dead

Decaying orbit

Within the soul

A sacrifice upon my

Own essence

No warning

Met with a nova bomb

Wait what is that warmth I feel?

What is the beating of my dead heart?

How dare you give life to death

Take away the solace of emptiness

From my heart

After fear and shock

I could say thank you

For this spark

At first I was just appalled

Another unwanted destined fall

Then the light bulb went off

Reality called

Said it was the real deal and all

Thank you is all I could say

As I answered the call

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/2/18  ©

As the Last Grains of the Sands of Time Fall

It has been a serious time over this almost 2 year period now. So many things have happened and changed. And only about 2 or 3 people know what those things are and have seen the costs and all. And I thank little one and babycakes for that. There has been a lot of negative actions as well as positive. But thankfully I have worked hard to not drown from it all and accepted a little of support.

This time has created a new path, more focus and dedication. Through the pain, agitation and disgust I moved on farther and faster .Leaving behind links, feelings, interests and so much more.

House of Havoc will become brick and mortar. So much will be done and is already being worked on. It is exciting as well as foreboding due to more responsibility.

Sadness and loss has been here. From losing relations, relationships as well as things that have happened to the few people i talk to regularly. It reinforced the helplessness of many things in life. Knowing that I am going to lose those that I have loved as well as those that i care about is something that I have to prepare for as much as I can.

I will continue to feel and watch these last grains of sand fall. Continue to be there and with those that I am close to. Moving forward in strength wisdom and power.

Time to get things together for the next trips and adventures.

At least I still have the memories...aye

The Stalworth Journey

Through the valleys and the hills. Through the skies and the seas. Into the final frontier of space. That is where my journey has taken me.

The parental unit is getting worse. He is losing it and in turn really causing me to not even choose to help from the shadows since I am the horrible son. This crap with the horrid city of New York showed me why I can't stand the place and will no longer have interest in any female from that garbage ass place.

Wondering what is going on with auntie. She is the last form of family basically that is left for me. The others are just relatives. But that feeling is weighing heavy lately.

My dealings with the humans:

I resented the use of the term Daddy Dominant. Because it really inferred to me one who was basically codling the submissives. red, little one and even the tree hugging monkey bitch kept bringing it up. I ignored it. Until I realized it was said because of the way I was treating them and being protective of them way back then.  Now I realize that view they had of me was theirs and not mine. That it was how they related to me regardless. And even that doesn't last for long for some or most anyway. But it is part of the whole. That is why one calls me Daddy and one calls me Papi.

After watching another episode of drama unfold while at an event and afterwards the shields are up at maximum and reinforced by the imperial navy. I don't have time for it. Even when I said to individuals to just stay away from each other and go about your merry way. Hell, I know the deal with those that in their little feelings from whatever the tree hugging monkey bitch told them. Their attitude and feelings are in the huge pile of Not Giving a Fuck listing.  But people choose their path and that is why I choose not to associate.  Even with the new people that have been interested and considered I check and ask they associations with certain people in atl, ny and all. Because if they are friends with them then I can't trust them. Especially the ones that are friends with red and little one that punk ass will do shit behind someone's back.  So, I established the operating area and procedures to address all of this. And it won't change.

Helping, teaching, supporting and community:

After last years fiasco with helping folks and then the attachment, drama and issues that came from that I have been less inclined to help. And my help is very general in it's nature. So I don't have another episode of some jealous s type in their feelings and reneging on pledges of service and so forth.

I have tried a bit this year though. There hasn't been a big ass mess like last year but I am watchful about it. Making sure there is no involvement past the appropriate line and time.

It is strange to think or consider that there are those that will seek knowledge from me. I am not famous or have a long history in these lifestyles. But they have chosen to ask questions, speak and seek me for some advice.

I guess I have gotten soft and shown weakness in my Evil energy lately. Will have to fix that hole.


Otherwise:

Distances keep growing.
Intimacy grows by leaps and bounds.
Understanding has peeled away memories, experiences and feelings.
It feels great when connection, interest, understanding and desire is there.


So much is coming up. And I am looking forward to going to the leather, Master and slave as well as bdsm events. Just have to budget for things with everything that comes up. But there will be more adventures and witnessing more firsts with baby cakes and others.

Almost back to football season so will be enjoying watching fantasy football and eating again soon.

The changes on deck will be something else. Looking forward to them and the completion of people, places and things.

And the other things. you know where to find them at.


*ground control to major tom* Commencing countdown engines on!