Running the Gauntlet

Well the past week can be only be described as...anything can happen.

Dealing with the male parental unit and whatever the hell is going on down there in bama and in wilmington with him and his daughter. The mind must be slipping more so just cocked back and preparing as best as can be done.

Individuals have lost their parent and others have had scares with their parent. I understand and offer support from a planet far, far away since I understand the possible things being dealt with.

My god daughter at least wasn't ratchet looking going to her final damn prom. She looked beautiful. I just had to get past all that make up. smh  And damn she is really starting to look like her womb donor in the face now. Next month is going to be one for the Life Unscripted Greatest hits for sure.

Airborne, still has her ass running around all crazy and busy on 2 hours of sleep between gigs. And she don't even have to do any of that. Hell, she got over a year in damn time off. lol

qt, dealing with life changes. And I feel her on that. Things happen but they happen to move on to the next steps in your life.

Still laughing at the chicks that acted like bitches are some interesting sexies.

Damn little one got me hooked on them damn wild carolina bbq wings from Wing it now. smh The damn things are good as hell.

*random* these damn ginger dried fruit snacks are the BOMB! I will have to get more from the rdu farmers market. Especially since they don't have my damn diet ginger beer there anymore now.

I cannot wait to go listen to Black Violin tonight! I finally get a chance to see them perform. Love their music. Classical violin work turned into modern day hip hop and all music.

Like the old kodak commercial use to say, "I see your true colors shining through." And this phrase really has been the marching order for many folks, especially lately. I am just observing and taking it all in. I think the axe will drop in the not so distant future based on things.

There is a lot to get done this year with all the anniversaries and the things going on. Things are off track but as always I just nuke and find a way through. I still need to get my tattoo. The book is being worked on.

Looking at the new things and ready to see where they lead to or not. Only time will tell what is going to happen anyway. But it hasn't been all that bad so far.

The rain is coming down. The horniness is serious. My attitude is laughably in check. And my not give a fuck movement has increased in size, scope and intensity.


Well, I think that is enough random weekend recap for you right now. So enjoy your day and your week. Hell you are almost half way to the weekend anyway.

*chunking the deuce*

Poetry: Famished and Waiting

Famished and Waiting

The enchantment

Of each anticipated communication with you

Incantations of finally being with you

Spells cast

In the intrigue of you

Of us

Our theme music encases us

From the moment we first lay eyes upon

Unknown destinations

Adventures we have not yet begun

Unexpected paths crossed

At a time where there was nothing at all

Timing and fate let the chips fall

Now there is this connection

That we both watched be born

Connect

Connection

Real open interest even

Refreshing

Man and woman

No posturing

Mixed signals with some down beat

Or hinged on personal fraility

Each moment that passes

I await the final countdown

Where reality and you

Bring forth unforgettable memories

So I wait

Savoring the taste

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

Poetry: Tattered Remnants

Tattered Remnants

There is nothing like that feeling

When the gauge rest on empty

When you smile in

Apathetic christening

Breathe in indifference

Keyed to the tune of

F minor

No closing credits play

Recycled and cycled

Withering rememberance

As transformations

Leave unrecognizable residue

Was that mine?

What is that?

Unrecognized by design

Love

Match

Set

Get the fuck out of here

Displaced

Anti time consuming

Spatial relation

Defaces what did exist

Ever existed

Tattered remnants

The only things to still

Relish in

Fade to black

Then

Fade to a darker black again

A dead star within a black hole

Is where the story stays

Stagnant

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

Poetic Expression: The Joy of Compartmetalization

The Joy of Compartmentalization

Relishing in

Disconnected feelings and emotions

To  adhere to distance protocols

Zeroed out relating

On call relevance

Substandard meanings

Flames died

Heart encased in carbonite

Laughing internally and guffawing outside

Insert here

Until the time is elapsed

Definition of meaning

If there is any meaning at all

All good

We will return to a semblance of it all

Fortuitous moments

Until the clock expires again

Momentary candy rain

Enjoying each morsel as they fall

Until it is time

Time to forget

Dismiss it all

Place you back in your box

Until it is time to

Put you in the relevance column

Play until the light begins beeping

Return to sender

Before the time expires

Back in the box

Out of sight and out of mind

Until relevance

Rears itself upon the next time limit

As I close the draw

Till the next time

When I will know you at all

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/17/18  ©

A Moment in Poetry: Lost in Sweet Anticipation

Lost in Sweet Anticipation

Lost in conversation

Hours upon hours shared

Pleasant realization

Tossed together with

Eye candy appeal

Reckless communication

This direct

Unrestricted interaction

Raises the dead

Destroying the apathetic syndications

This flow of energy

Soothing and stimulating

As I want

Desire and need

More and more

Entwined copulation

Meeting of emotions, mentality and physicality’s

As sure as the heart beats

Impatiently waiting

Licking lips

Doing mental carnal gymnastics

As I await

That first kiss

Touches that are bombastic

Culminating our cultivations

Dead until resurrected in

Sweet anticipation

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/16/18  ©

A Quick Review of a Week in Netherland

I got back last week to the same old aspects of everything that needs to be fixed, handled and a miracle made out of.  But increasingly that has become the case.

Still loving those bomb ass wild Carolina bbq wings at Wing It though. Damn, I am addicted.

I watched and listened as attitude flared up. Watched jealousy apparent erupt from the ashes.

Found diagnosis mixed with unexpected messages out of the blue made me very circumspect.

Cigars burned while I dealt with issues both new and old. As I took time to associate values and levels to what has to be done next. From compartmentalizations to being spaced.

It made me wish I had someone to be myself, talk to and let the guard down with. Then I remember that the enemies are everyone. Especially within camp.

I am ready to watch Avengers Infinity War a few times shortly. And then it will be on to some serious Deadpool 2. Which I wish was already here so I can see this Cable adventure.

The book is being worked on. The writing lately has been filled with incite and moving feelings. The ink is spilling in a vicious and main line manner. Well more than before.

It is time to get my tattoo done. And I need to prepare to have a patch made as well.

Out with the old and in with the new. A new journey begins, while the old won't be renewed.

Hell, I might not even be bothered with the event with the demon and do what I do. It definitely will be more fun and interesting as well.

Time for some writing and dogfighting. So Tallyhoe!!!

I am Mission Impossible

Discussion with the girls led to me explaining how I am.  And realizing why it is difficult for little one and the past ones to be able to deal with me.

I am the first to come to the rescue, sacrifice and kill everything if need be for those that I actually love and care about. Even if it is against they wishes at times. It is part of why little one says I am stubborn and why won't I let her help.  But I will not say a thing about what is going on with me. No need to divulge thoughts or feelings because for 7 years now it has just been Me.

Helping me really doesn't seem to realistic. I have observed the times where I have extended the hand and saying I need some help in the form of comforting support and I got attitude and distance. I used the thought process of being able to do that with someone I was dating and I was wrong. I could no longer do that. I assimilated the message and returned to exactly how I am post and pre CD. I thought I was just weak at first when I reached out last year but then I realized that wasn't the case. I was merely coming to the realization and functioning of the current environment.  The story was written on their blackboard from the beginning. I saw elevation in what they only saw and unattainable.

It was that moment last year where I realized that there was only Me, Myself and I. That if the compartmentalized wanted to appear then they can and disappear back into their distant existences. The plug in play existence began.

Trust, comfort, reliability are things that remain internal outside of my Life Unscripted partner.  So many things have happened in this 380 day existence. The things I wanted that moment of respite from someone that actually gave a damn. Or just have a conversation where I didn't have to fix, manage and create at the same time. But that is not what I am here for or what I am built for. I had my repository and it is gone. The only vault left is my own.

Open to someone worthy but not even bothering thinking about it because it is a fallacy based on current events. As I have from little one and even red velvet back in the day that this type of internalization is not a good thing. They wouldn't, couldn't understand. They have nothing to do with me.  Like the Missouri state motto though, if someone is worthy they can SHOW ME.

Until then the Army of One remains. And the product of Apocalypse will continue upon this path of disconnected remains. Nothing to give. Nothing to share. Merely my things that you have no need to be involved in anyway.


You an only give individuals a chance. They choose what they will do with it. Let them choose so you can place them promptly and properly in their very own secured vestibule.


Life is about choices. Choose wisely.

Freedom in Vulnerability

Most send and keep their representative in the forefront when they attempt to get to know or claim to date people. This is where they feel comfortable at. Nothing invested means there is less likely of hurt and feelings. The disposable faux relations that are the rage of this day and age.

But in talks with folks lately in what I have called the *Full Disclosure* discussions there has been a diverse response to say the least.

There are those that are glad to be standoffish and not invest anything. They don't want to be hurt. They don't feel that anyone can live up to standards like husbands, boyfriends, fathers etc. So there is this automatic insurmountable wall that will always be there unless a miracle changes their mind. Any type of intimacy, closeness or involvement of emotions and feelings creates a shut down, sabotage and attack/defense mode. It is their ptsd of the past, present and future that creates their position. So these are the ones that may want to be pursued to the ends of middle earth and still may not get past the ramparts of their cold dead heart.

The next set of individuals that spoke on this were those that were one foot in and one foot out. They have their defenses up and there is going to be a long journey to get past them. But their actually want  an intimate connection but they are wary because of many different reasons. They begin with their representative and then allows their true self to show up at some point. There will be plenty of starts and stops but patience can possibly when them to be themselves fully with you at some point.

Lastly, there are those of us that have no need for representatives. We know what we choose and want and make it known and make it happen.  It is blunt force trauma for those that are not in this situation. Believe me I have had deep experience with this since I am blunt force trauma and was told I should not be forthcoming at all about how I feel or what I want until others have reached their comfort zone. But for me it is informational. That is all. As Lipz and I were talking about it, we just find it as refreshing knowledge instead of playing the hinting, guessing and assumption game that so many want.  As we discussed though when we present ourselves, where and how we are it brings about a desire for many to put their defenses up higher and run for the border. lol I have definitely been privy to that first hand a couple of times.


As discussions have evolved from all sides. I still stick with the prevailing fact that vulnerability in achieving your goal is strength and knowledge. When I tell you exactly how I feel, what is going on and my position. It gives you information to understand and be connected to me in a more profound way. It is not some around about way or deceitful path to circumvent someone. Especially if you are honestly interested, investing, caring and loving them.

But vulnerability and the pursuit of love, happiness, connection and life are like kryptonite to most. The mere mention of it will send many into a panic attack or attempt to create the biggest defense ever seen by anyone. That fear of rejection or a return of negative things from the past are the shackles that you choose to keep. The burdens that you choose to make sure that you will not have any growth in this area.

I am no guru or expert. I am just me, myself and I. The lone entity that will always just be ME. Vulnerability is part of being able to lead. Those that have severe issues with vulnerability show it most evidently.

But like ms 82nd airborne and Black Sheep has said...

THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!

Ky-Mani Marley & Yanique Curvy Diva - Turn Your Lights Down Low - July 2017

Ok, I am totally loving and feeling this bad!

Spice, D' Angel - No Worries

Besides enjoying the sexiness in this and Spice's thick sexy ass and this amazon D'Angel the message is clear



No Worries!

Sprinkle Me...this Life Unscripted Thing

In the middle of turmoil and upheaval there can be a bright light. Or in my case a darker one for my being.

Lack of feeling, concern or emotion has led the charge fully. The aspects that I don't care about will do what they do. Things will all end up being as they should be.

The build a bitch came into place last year. And I had to laugh as the Life Unscripted members talked about the build a bitch 2 program.

The ebb and flow has succumbed to outright death apparently. And what I once would have fought for and cared about lay dormant at the bottom of an empty shell.  I have watched the transition. Gave the effort and the vulnerable extensions. In the end the High Plains drifter remains. The only constant that can be trusted in this thing.

But like Suga T sang in E 40s "Sprinkle Me."

I get off in your head like a neurologist 

Not many can handle even that part of it. Experience and lesson learned to this 2pacalypse.


Through the stagnation and non stop everything. There has been some showers of candy rain. Definite positives in conjunction what Doomsday is ready to bring.

So I look up and say, "Thanks CD for what you have brought me. You're an ASS regardless. You know you could have done better than this. But I know you look out for me. But I also know your ass is getting me and laughing at me through the shit they bring."


So I am going to keep riding this nuke down the throats of the unable with a smile until you choose to excommunicate or join the ranks of ritual suicide.


Life Unscripted! People, adventures, experiences and things that you never would have thought real or possible.

This last year has provided a dynamic chapter in the book for sure. lol


Get ready for the weekend folks. Let it all hang out

Moods and Moments in music: Hello

I am feeling this version a lot. It strikes home some things for sure.

Moments, Moods and Time Passing

Let's break it down or let it be broke.

*Prince's "Adore" plays in the background*

Last week was the anniversary of my Chocolate Doll's death. A moment that I celebrate as well as deal with. That is right I am not devoid of feelings and emotions. I just reserve those precious things for those worthy and able to accept those things. That was Chocolate Doll. So she gets what others are scared of and cannot handle. So when there is true love, respect, passion and commitment then you get the deepest, most compassionate, caring and loving part of me. Otherwise you get what you ask for and can handle.  

But it wasn't about tears and pain. It was about reflection, realizations and eye opening understanding. For I sought someone that could be open enough, loving enough and strong enough to step out of their little armored cubby hole and live! No comparisons to my marriage. Just the opportunity to be better than what you were previously. The challenge is not for the weak. And that is why the weak fall silent, run away or sit in their corner crying.  I support and welcome those that wish to step up and embrace womanhood. I relish in a woman that can stand out, be dynamic and maintain that while growing our relationship. 

My time was spent in thought as I worked through current events and realized my failure at my promise I made to Chocolate Doll. The effort has been made. Open arms and heart given. I did my part. But who you chose Chocolate Doll just unable to be their part. The countdown in place. You better help your girl out. Anyway, I am heading back to my solitary compound.

But anyway...

New twists, turns and additions have occurred. And the journey has been spiced up a bit. About to see how things go down the rest of the year. But it already proves to be another pinnacle in this Life Unscripted journey. We are about to see what pans out with everything this year for sure. Looking forward to some things most definitely though.

Things with my god daughter are extra damn crazy. So this graduation is really going to be fucked up so yeah we are going armed like a damn Gundam while down there for this fuckery. She is not telling me all or anything that is going on but she told me enough that I know this is going to be a clusterfuck event. But that is my little girl so I will support her even though she is making a mess of this stuff. 

the trips are going to be interesting this year. Some added ones now but it is all good. Still have to work on the Disney thing more but hell if not there is next year when all the Star Wars stuff opens up.

I am just going to laugh at health and everything else because that is all that can be done. But oh well just fuck it all. 

Mood is fuck it.

Feelings are fuck it.

Yeah, things are going really like fuck it all right now. lol

Have a great week